Alyssa T.
Banned
- Joined
- Oct 25, 2015
- Messages
- 1,862
- Reaction score
- 872
- Location
- In the saddle.
- Gender
- Female
- Political Leaning
- Very Liberal
Nah. I've just been tossed around a lot.
You don't need to come with a warning label, because there's nothing wrong with being that way. I can't tell you how many times I've said similar things about myself. I look back on it and wonder how I could be so self-depricating. Over what? Sure, I'm human and flawed and all that, but I'm really a pretty nice and interesting person who's never really done anything terrible to anyone. Why should I come with a warning label?
You need to find new people.
Not everyone in this world detests thing different or striving or passionate. . .
I am someone who doesn't come at change gradually. When I hit this point in my life, the point where I realized I was ok, it slammed into place like hammer. Like the lights suddenly turned on all at once.
When I went to my partner-at-the-time and tried to express what I'd need from the relationship to continue it and for it to be nurturing to me, he told me no, and that I was just being "utopian." So I left.
. . .
Once I had narrowed my focus, it took no time at all to find exactly the sorts of people I wanted to be around, friends and lovers both. I haven't been able to wipe the smile off my face ever since. Utopian my ass.
However, I warn you: In order to meet people who will love you for what you are and share your needs, you will have to walk into it knowing exactly what they are, being honest about it, and being quite vulnerable. If you don't show them, they won't see.
But my experience is that people respond much better to that than you would think. In fact, I can't think of any strongly negative reactions I've ever gotten at all. Narrow down your sites, select carefully, and take a risk. And don't worry about anybody else.
Okay, sorry, I wasn't trying to ignore this wonderful post. I really had to stop procrastinating from my schoolwork and also the whole website started looking really weird. It was hard for me to deal with it. Too hard to explain.
Again, you are so right, and I have tried branching out. You know, I even thought that maybe I lose interest because the guys I was with were just that, guys. I've moved around, tried a lot of different things. In every other aspect of my life I am doing very well, extremely successful, and feel great. Relationships are my only drag. The biggest part of that drag is the touching, and the desire to be touched.
In the OP I mentioned something that Aunt Spiker made a joke out of, and it was pretty funny. I mentioned touch when sleeping next to somebody. Surely didn't clarify that at all, either, because I was too scattered when trying to start this off. Here is my issue with that. If I am sleeping next to someone, and one of us moves and comes into physical contact with the other, I wake up and move away. If anyone wraps their arm over me when I am sleeping, I have to move it off. If they do it again, I'm gone, sleeping on the floor or couch, anywhere else.
The only exception to that was a good friend of mine. She used to snuggle real close to me and wrap her right leg across my midsection, and rest her face and right hand on my shoulder while I laid on my back. It was so sensual, really, and very exciting. I say that all the time, but it was. She was so much fun to sleep with like that, but we never did anything, if you know what I mean. She would always tell me, "Alyssa, you are mine tonight," and then wrap me up like that. That was the only time I could sleep with somebody touching me, and it was only because it was her, my best friend. The only problem was I would hurt so bad after a while, but would never want to move because I loved that touching. She was my best friend, and I wanted her to be happy when she was sleeping.
That is so strange. I forgot all about that until I realized there was a time when I didn't hide from touch while sleeping. I never really thought about it, because I was so focused on thinking of relationships with guys and that kind of touch. That is like being able to touch my cats, and not feel any anxiety or even disgust (rare, but it happens) when being touched by other people.
Sorry, that was a long tangent that wasn't the main point I was hoping to make. I'm tellin' you, bad at relationships, and bad at posting!
By the way, sorry I had to snip up your post. The box wouldn't post my reply, because it said the whole thing was 286 characters too long. Crazy.