So I have 2 Dates today

[Checkerboard Strangler]

Um - no, dude. I think maybe she was looking for more and you "friend-zoned" her.

An old flame and I broke up, and something like maybe two years went by and one day she stopped by my place because a mutual friend and her had gotten into a big big blowup and she wanted my thoughts on the matter. She was very upset and we talked for about two hours about it.

She was very upset and she cried, let her emotions all out and it was messy...this was a girl we were both friends with, by the way, not a guy.

I was okay with the messy, it is what it is, and I gave her a hug, but she VERY clearly wanted more than that and suddenly we're in bed going at it like we're on fire or something...and afterward she remarks about "I guess I forgot how good you were".

Wow...well thank YOU very much! I liked hearing that, what guy wouldn't? And of course my heart melted a bit, maybe we shouldn't have broken up? It sorta got me to thinking, and thinking, and thinking, you know how that goes, right?
Now all of a sudden I'm having the squishy warm feelings for her and wishing we hadn't broken up (she broke it off, not me) and I'm calling her and she's...well...sort of "unavailable to talk" beyond a "Hi how are you oh I'm fine and you/well I gotta go--bye"

Hmmmm...

And that's where things stayed, and that was, oh I guess 1986, and beyond saying "hello how are you/I'm fine" it has never gone beyond that since.
Of course I am happily married now but still, I wonder what the Hell that was all about.
Superfly, what do YOU think that was? :lamo

 

[PLizzy]

Yeah, not following you, brother. She hooks up with other guys, which doesn't bother me and we both tell each other about our dating "adventures". I consider myself a pretty good judge of someone's intentions and until this morning I've never got anything else from her other than positive vibes about we just being friends.

I love women. A lot. I guess I will just never ever completely understand them.

Women don't bang someone, dump them, then keep having sex with them because they want to be friends.

Sure, women wanna be players and just have a good screw, just as we do at times. But, they don't have sex with friends they don't secretly desire to get more serious with. I'm not saying she wants to marry you, but she clearly is attracted to you romantically beyond just the sex.

 

[Hawkeye10]

Women don't bang someone, dump them, then keep having sex with them because they want to be friends.

Sure, women wanna be players and just have a good screw, just as we do at times. But, they don't have sex with friends they don't secretly desire to get more serious with. I'm not saying she wants to marry you, but she clearly is attracted to you romantically beyond just the sex.

You are abnormally wrong here, this happens all the time, what they often worry most about is that the guy is too immature to understand that the sex is about erotic playtime only.....it is not a desire for emotional or relationship entanglements.

 

[Checkerboard Strangler]

This.

Women don't bang mere friends. That's a guy thing.

Ummm, I used to think that too, up until around age nineteen.
Sorry but while not all women bang mere friends, there are indeed groups who consider friends as just friends and then they have friends who they will cheerfully climb into bed with, as long as it doesn't get serious.

It takes a special (and by special I mean specific) kind of person to make all that work but trust me, it exists.
In my younger musician days I had a TON of those kinds of friends. I wanted for nothing, I kid you not.

I guess around age 25 or so I had gotten all of that out of my system and I wanted to be more serious about relationships and I was looking for someone that I could settle down with.
But those few years before that were a whirlwind of "friends with benefits" and I know for a fact that it's still a thing, because even as a happily married senior citizen I do get around and have friends in real life, some of whom are in the dating game right now, some of whom are content to just have a couple of "very good friends".

 

[lurchadams]

Women don't bang someone, dump them, then keep having sex with them because they want to be friends.

Sure, women wanna be players and just have a good screw, just as we do at times. But, they don't have sex with friends they don't secretly desire to get more serious with. I'm not saying she wants to marry you, but she clearly is attracted to you romantically beyond just the sex.

Well, if she wants to keep being intimate with me I'm fine with that. I'm fine with our just being friends as well. I guess when things calm down a little I'll just ask her to "pick a lane" and lets just stay in it.

 

[Checkerboard Strangler]

Not true! In my 20's I had a sport f-buddy. She actually told me she wasn't up for anything more and we were both fine with that!

Same here, more like almost a dozen of them, not because I am some super-stud but because our band went to about 50 different cities over and over during a four year period, and it just is what it is. I could drive down to Emporia, Kansas, or up to Council Bluffs, or out to Minot, or over into Elgin Illinois or Eau Claire Wisconsin, you name it. We had a little bit of a following and I guess I was having more than a little bit of fun.

And yeah, in my twenties, for sure. F-buddies...sigh, what sweet memories, LOL.
It'd be nice to know that they might still have equally fond memories of me, makes an old man smile.

 

[lurchadams]

Same here, more like almost a dozen of them, not because I am some super-stud but because our band went to about 50 different cities over and over during a four year period, and it just is what it is. I could drive down to Emporia, Kansas, or up to Council Bluffs, or out to Minot, or over into Elgin Illinois or Eau Claire Wisconsin, you name it. We had a little bit of a following and I guess I was having more than a little bit of fun.

And yeah, in my twenties, for sure. F-buddies...sigh, what sweet memories, LOL.
It'd be nice to know that they might still have equally fond memories of me, makes an old man smile.

Well, then you just contradicted yourself. You told me that women don't hook up without their wanting more out of it than just a hookup. You're not helping, Dude!

 

[Superfly]

To your bolded: Then why not just tell me that???

Oh, man. You have a lot to learn about girls. :lol:

 

[PLizzy]

Ummm, I used to think that too, up until around age nineteen.
Sorry but while not all women bang mere friends, there are indeed groups who consider friends as just friends and then they have friends who they will cheerfully climb into bed with, as long as it doesn't get serious.

It takes a special (and by special I mean specific) kind of person to make all that work but trust me, it exists.
In my younger musician days I had a TON of those kinds of friends. I wanted for nothing, I kid you not.

I guess around age 25 or so I had gotten all of that out of my system and I wanted to be more serious about relationships and I was looking for someone that I could settle down with.
But those few years before that were a whirlwind of "friends with benefits" and I know for a fact that it's still a thing, because even as a happily married senior citizen I do get around and have friends in real life, some of whom are in the dating game right now, some of whom are content to just have a couple of "very good friends".

Fair enough.

Though I get a feeling via the OP that the lady in question is looking for more than simple sex, and is more emotionally interested in him.

 

[Superfly]

Yeah, not following you, brother. She hooks up with other guys, which doesn't bother me and we both tell each other about our dating "adventures". I consider myself a pretty good judge of someone's intentions and until this morning I've never got anything else from her other than positive vibes about we just being friends.

I love women. A lot. I guess I will just never ever completely understand them.

Said every man. Ever.

 

[Checkerboard Strangler]

To your bolded: Then why not just tell me that???

That is not how women are wired, not a lot of them anyway.
My Karen probably IS wired that way a little more than most but she is definitely an outlier.

Pretty much most of the women I have been with operate the way your ex operates and it is a mystery.
All that having been said, there is definitely something very exhilarating about women who will just come out and say what they're thinking when it is in that vein. It's really quite a rush. I think that is why I became such a goner for Karen the moment we met. Her simple and honest and direct way of carrying herself was incredible. I couldn't get enough of that.

 

[lurchadams]

Said every man. Ever.

Ladies have it so easy. Men are so easy to figure out! :2razz:

 

[Superfly]

An old flame and I broke up, and something like maybe two years went by and one day she stopped by my place because a mutual friend and her had gotten into a big big blowup and she wanted my thoughts on the matter. She was very upset and we talked for about two hours about it.

She was very upset and she cried, let her emotions all out and it was messy...this was a girl we were both friends with, by the way, not a guy.

I was okay with the messy, it is what it is, and I gave her a hug, but she VERY clearly wanted more than that and suddenly we're in bed going at it like we're on fire or something...and afterward she remarks about "I guess I forgot how good you were".

Wow...well thank YOU very much! I liked hearing that, what guy wouldn't? And of course my heart melted a bit, maybe we shouldn't have broken up? It sorta got me to thinking, and thinking, and thinking, you know how that goes, right?
Now all of a sudden I'm having the squishy warm feelings for her and wishing we hadn't broken up (she broke it off, not me) and I'm calling her and she's...well...sort of "unavailable to talk" beyond a "Hi how are you oh I'm fine and you/well I gotta go--bye"

Hmmmm...

And that's where things stayed, and that was, oh I guess 1986, and beyond saying "hello how are you/I'm fine" it has never gone beyond that since.
Of course I am happily married now but still, I wonder what the Hell that was all about.
Superfly, what do YOU think that was? :lamo

She friend-zoned you. :lol:

 

[PLizzy]

Well, if she wants to keep being intimate with me I'm fine with that. I'm fine with our just being friends as well. I guess when things calm down a little I'll just ask her to "pick a lane" and lets just stay in it.

Yes, at some point you should have her select a gear and decide whether she's interested in you, or just your dick, so you have a better idea of what to expect.

I just get the feeling that she's into you man (well, technically you're into her :devil and is interested in an emotional relationship down the line.

 

[Superfly]

Well, if she wants to keep being intimate with me I'm fine with that. I'm fine with our just being friends as well. I guess when things calm down a little I'll just ask her to "pick a lane" and lets just stay in it.

And what if she "picks the lane" that includes a mini-van?

 

[lurchadams]

That is not how women are wired, not a lot of them anyway.
My Karen probably IS wired that way a little more than most but she is definitely an outlier.

Pretty much most of the women I have been with operate the way your ex operates and it is a mystery.
All that having been said, there is definitely something very exhilarating about women who will just come out and say what they're thinking when it is in that vein. It's really quite a rush. I think that is why I became such a goner for Karen the moment we met. Her simple and honest and direct way of carrying herself was incredible. I couldn't get enough of that.

This gal's about 12 years younger than me, tom-boyish in her speech and demeanor, and I'd never accuse her of not telling anyone what's exactly on her mind. That's one of the reasons I love her. She had no trouble telling me why she dumped me, how can it be so difficult for her to tell me she feels differently about me now?

 

[Superfly]

Ladies have it so easy. Men are so easy to figure out! :2razz:

That's not always a good thing, either.

 

[PLizzy]

She friend-zoned you. :lol:

Gonna take you right into, the, FRIEND ZONE!

 

[Superfly]

This gal's about 12 years younger than me, tom-boyish in her speech and demeanor, and I'd never accuse her of not telling anyone what's exactly on her mind. That's one of the reasons I love her. She had no trouble telling me why she dumped me, how can it be so difficult for her to tell me she feels differently about me now?

No matter how "tough" somebody is, everybody has a fear of rejection.

 

[lurchadams]

And what if she "picks the lane" that includes a mini-van?

She does not want kids. She's told me that several times, including last night. She had a horrible childhood and doesn't want to risk putting her own kid through what she went through.

 

[Checkerboard Strangler]

She should be honest then and tell him what she wants.

Wanna be humping buddies? Speak-up.

Yeah, I've cornered girls and laid that line on them before and it usually doesn't work well. :lamo
"What's going on, are we f-buddies, are we going to be f-buddies?"

Pffffttttt, splat, and there you are, face down in the mud.

The ONE or maybe TWO times it did work I remembered to share "how much I would love that" using the right words, which by the way usually FAIL ME when it's a situation like that because the little head is draining all the available blood and oxygen, LOL.
The brain needs blood and oxygen in order to form words and sentences.

Somehow I managed to gurgle or blather out something they liked hearing, I guess.
I remember one time the girl laughed hard and told me that I sounded like a complete moron but I was a cute moron so she simply had to give me a whirl.
I suppose that must mean I said something really good, I don't remember what it was, again that oxygen and blood deprivation thing is happening.
I probably mumbled a lot.

 

[Superfly]

Gonna take you right into, the, FRIEND ZONE!

Yeah, man. (I hear Kenny Loggins singing - he needs to update that song)

 

[PLizzy]

And what if she "picks the lane" that includes a mini-van?

Then she's gonna have to deal with the mechanical maintenance on that hunk of junk.

 

[Superfly]

She does not want kids. She's told me that several times, including last night. She had a horrible childhood and doesn't want to risk putting her own kid through what she went through.

She also dumped you. Said she didn't want to be with you anymore.

People change. Many women say they don't want kids, until they do.

 

[lurchadams]

No matter how "tough" somebody is, everybody has a fear of rejection.

I did not/have not "rejected" her! There's been no overture to reject!