• This is a political forum that is non-biased/non-partisan and treats every person's position on topics equally. This debate forum is not aligned to any political party. In today's politics, many ideas are split between and even within all the political parties. Often we find ourselves agreeing on one platform but some topics break our mold. We are here to discuss them in a civil political debate. If this is your first visit to our political forums, be sure to check out the RULES. Registering for debate politics is necessary before posting. Register today to participate - it's free!

Non-marital sex

Logician Man said:
My post does address the OP. GFN is talking about being single, 'test driving' potential new candidates, and weeding out bad apples. I am of the opinion that anyone who refers to young women as 'oinklets' and 'creepy piglets', is a candidate to drop like a hot potato because it clearly displays a lack of concern for young children, and certainly is a clear indicator said potential candidate is an individual or very low character, questionable morals and values, and very unChritianlike.
Click to expand...

Fine. We will all take your advice and make sure to weed those out. If they exist anywhere.
 
Good4Nothin said:
Fine. We will all take your advice and make sure to weed those out. If they exist anywhere.
Click to expand...

There is no 'if'. One of the posters in this thread is on record as calling a young teenage girl as an 'oinklet' and a 'creepy piglet.'
 
Logician Man said:
There is no 'if'. One of the posters in this thread is on record as calling a young teenage girl as an 'oinklet' and a 'creepy piglet.'
Click to expand...

But how do you know she wasn't?
 
Good4Nothin said:
What do you mean? How does he treat women he's married to? She cheated on him and he kicked her out. That seems fair to me.
Click to expand...

But is this what really happened? Do you know this for sure? The idea that he demands sex before taking your relationship with him to a higher level is a big red flag.
 
Good4Nothin said:
Fine. We will all take your advice and make sure to weed those out. If they exist anywhere.
Click to expand...

Logician does this kind of trolling in every thread he's in. Disregard his nonsense like everybody else does.
 
Logician Man said:
There is no 'if'. One of the posters in this thread is on record as calling a young teenage girl as an 'oinklet' and a 'creepy piglet.'
Click to expand...

From someone, who claims to be a good Catholic.
 
Mashmont said:
But is this what really happened? Do you know this for sure? The idea that he demands sex before taking your relationship with him to a higher level is a big red flag.
Click to expand...

Well I wasn't there, I only know what he told me. But he didn't seem to be lying. He told the story various times, and never contradicted himself. Liars usually contradict themselves and say things that don't add up.

From the beginning, he seemed to be in love with me. He had noticed me months before asking me out. He was extremely flattering. I was skeptical because it was so extreme.

We had been very affectionate and had said "I love you" to each other. It probably seemed to him that would quickly and naturally lead to sex. Maybe for most women it would. I really have no idea.

It was always late at night when he asked me to stay over, and I was tired and wanted to go home. As weeks, and months, went by, he kept asking. I felt sorry for him because I could see how disappointed he was getting to be.

Maybe I was unfair to him. Or maybe he just wanted to get what he wanted. I have no idea.
 
Oh also -- he sometimes thought I was the most wonderful woman he ever knew, but several times he said we weren't compatible. He often talked about past relationships. He is still friends with some of them, still loves some of them.

I hardly said anything about my one relationship, even though he is dead. I think it's insensitive to talk lovingly about past relationships. Every time he talked about his wife (they are separated, not divorced) he said how beautiful she is (not really, I saw her picture!) I hate hearing things like that, well who wouldn't.

So there were some turn-offs and warning signs. He was so extremely loving and nice, but that can be partly an act.
 
Good4Nothin said:
Oh also -- he sometimes thought I was the most wonderful woman he ever knew, but several times he said we weren't compatible. He often talked about past relationships. He is still friends with some of them, still loves some of them.

I hardly said anything about my one relationship, even though he is dead. I think it's insensitive to talk lovingly about past relationships. Every time he talked about his wife (they are separated, not divorced) he said how beautiful she is (not really, I saw her picture!) I hate hearing things like that, well who wouldn't.

So there were some turn-offs and warning signs. He was so extremely loving and nice, but that can be partly an act.
Click to expand...

I just have seen this kind of thing a number of times before. This is a losing situation for you. I hate to be a downer, but I just think you will be another in a long line of his relationships, especially since he is making sex a requirement for his commitment. That's ridiculous.

My wife and I were friends for two years. She was romantically interested and i wasn't. But when I came around, I wanted to marry her as soon as possible. I am Catholic, and she wasn't at the time, so we had to wait four months to get married in order for her to take classes. And we didn't believe in sex before marriage. But i was committed, and that was it. The sex could wait. And I always felt if something happened and we could never have sex, I would still want to be with her always.

You should have a man who feels that way about you.
 
Maybe I am wrong but I feel we are being played.
 
Mashmont said:
I just have seen this kind of thing a number of times before. This is a losing situation for you. I hate to be a downer, but I just think you will be another in a long line of his relationships, especially since he is making sex a requirement for his commitment. That's ridiculous.

My wife and I were friends for two years. She was romantically interested and i wasn't. But when I came around, I wanted to marry her as soon as possible. I am Catholic, and she wasn't at the time, so we had to wait four months to get married in order for her to take classes. And we didn't believe in sex before marriage. But i was committed, and that was it. The sex could wait. And I always felt if something happened and we could never have sex, I would still want to be with her always.

You should have a man who feels that way about you.
Click to expand...

That's interesting. Maybe my friend thought that since we're old, he couldn't afford to wait years. And he had been very sick for a long time, and had gone without sex for years.

But still, I do see your point. He didn't know me long enough to know if he really loved me, all aspects of me. And I didn't know if I loved him enough to be married.

Some women friends I talked to about this said if sex was going to happen, it would happen near the beginning. Maybe that's just how my "progressive" friends think. Maybe "conservatives" think differently about love and sex.

I didn't want political ideologies to influence my decision. I guess what decided me was fear of STDs, and not wanting to talk to him about it.

I definitely loved him, and still do, but I couldn't tell if it was romantic love or just friendship love. The more he pressured me to have sex, the more turned off I felt.
 
Good4Nothin said:
That's interesting. Maybe my friend thought that since we're old, he couldn't afford to wait years. And he had been very sick for a long time, and had gone without sex for years.

But still, I do see your point. He didn't know me long enough to know if he really loved me, all aspects of me. And I didn't know if I loved him enough to be married.

Some women friends I talked to about this said if sex was going to happen, it would happen near the beginning. Maybe that's just how my "progressive" friends think. Maybe "conservatives" think differently about love and sex.

I didn't want political ideologies to influence my decision. I guess what decided me was fear of STDs, and not wanting to talk to him about it.

I definitely loved him, and still do, but I couldn't tell if it was romantic love or just friendship love. The more he pressured me to have sex, the more turned off I felt.
Click to expand...

I feel for you. It's a tough situation. I would hate to have to enter the dating game again at my age. I'm sure it's a jungle out there. Most everybody has baggage now.
 
Good4Nothin said:
I have been wondering what is "normal" for people who are single later in life, because of death or divorce, or whatever. What is the average length of time people see each other before getting intimate?

I realize there isn't one definite number, and it depends on the person, etc., etc. I am just looking for very general vague indications.

I only had 2 romantic relationships in my life, the most recent one lasted over 30 years, and he died a couple of years ago. So now I am not at all sure what is normal when you're single.

I have been told that after 4 months of seeing each other it would be very strange to not have sex. I think people naturally want to test drive a car before buying it. But I want to know if the car is safe before test driving it.
Click to expand...

I am not sure older people have sex quickly after dating, since older people tend to be more conservative and also have less sex in general. So its probably more important that rather than following a number you do what feels right for the both of you.

You say that you want to make sure that care is safe before test driving it. If you are worried about STDs, then you can have a serious conversation about STDs before having sex, or you can ask that both of you take an STD test, but please make that suggestion very carefully. Keep in mind that STD rates are much much lower for older people than younger people.

If you mean that you want to make sure this is a good relationship before you will have sex, then a general rule you can follow is that you will have sex when you decide to commit to this relationship. You can have it before though, because sex with someone you later turn down isn't a disaster. I don't know if its a good idea to have sex just to lock down the guy when you don't actually want to. You should at least like the guy and at least kind of want to try it out.

I will warn you that the longer you delay sex, the more men you will turn off, and many of these men will actually make great husbands. And if you are waiting a year, then unless there is a really good reason, most of the best men will leave. If you just aren't into sex with them, then you might want to look into personal issues that is causing your lack of interest, medical issues, or maybe he isn't the one.

And of course, you can't be too sure you will be sexually and personally compatible with someone until you are living with them and having sex. Pre-sex dating is meant to eliminate people who are obviously not compatible, and living and having sex with a boyfriend eliminates harder to detect incompatibilities.
 
Last edited:
distraff said:
I am not sure older people have sex quickly after dating, since older people tend to be more conservative and also have less sex in general. So its probably more important that rather than following a number you do what feels right for the both of you.

You say that you want to make sure that care is safe before test driving it. If you are worried about STDs, then you can have a serious conversation about STDs before having sex, or you can ask that both of you take an STD test, but please make that suggestion very carefully. Keep in mind that STD rates are much much lower for older people than younger people.

If you mean that you want to make sure this is a good relationship before you will have sex, then a general rule you can follow is that you will have sex when you decide to commit to this relationship. You can have it before though, because sex with someone you later turn down isn't a disaster. I don't know if its a good idea to have sex just to lock down the guy when you don't actually want to. You should at least like the guy and at least kind of want to try it out.

I will warn you that the longer you delay sex, the more men you will turn off, and many of these men will actually make great husbands. And if you are waiting a year, then unless there is a really good reason, most of the best men will leave. If you just aren't into sex with them, then you might want to look into personal issues that is causing your lack of interest, medical issues, or maybe he isn't the one.

And of course, you can't be too sure you will be sexually and personally compatible with someone until you are living with them and having sex. Pre-sex dating is meant to eliminate people who are obviously not compatible, and living and having sex with a boyfriend eliminates harder to detect incompatibilities.
Click to expand...

This is horrible advice. So much of it is untrue. Like "the longer you delay sex, the more men you will turn off, and many of these men will actually make great husbands." It's the men who can wait for marriage before sex who make the great husbands. The only reasonable thing you said was the last sentence, although the notion of sexual compatibility is a red herring. The fact is, loving couples do what it takes to make it work, including sex.
 
Last edited:
Mashmont said:
This is horrible advice. So much of it is untrue. Like "the longer you delay sex, the more men you will turn off, and many of these men will actually make great husbands." It's the men who can wait for marriage before sex who make the great husbands. The only reasonable thing you said was the last sentence, although the notion of sexual compatibility is a red herring. The fact is, loving couples do what it takes to make it work, including sex.
Click to expand...

I dont see any evidence that the men who wait to have sex till marriage are any less useless ****s than the ones who dont.

What matters is to what degree the men have bought into the feminist brain molding.

Far too many have, and they of course tend to suck as husbands and fathers,
 
distraff said:
I am not sure older people have sex quickly after dating, since older people tend to be more conservative and also have less sex in general. So its probably more important that rather than following a number you do what feels right for the both of you.

You say that you want to make sure that care is safe before test driving it. If you are worried about STDs, then you can have a serious conversation about STDs before having sex, or you can ask that both of you take an STD test, but please make that suggestion very carefully. Keep in mind that STD rates are much much lower for older people than younger people.

If you mean that you want to make sure this is a good relationship before you will have sex, then a general rule you can follow is that you will have sex when you decide to commit to this relationship. You can have it before though, because sex with someone you later turn down isn't a disaster. I don't know if its a good idea to have sex just to lock down the guy when you don't actually want to. You should at least like the guy and at least kind of want to try it out.

I will warn you that the longer you delay sex, the more men you will turn off, and many of these men will actually make great husbands. And if you are waiting a year, then unless there is a really good reason, most of the best men will leave. If you just aren't into sex with them, then you might want to look into personal issues that is causing your lack of interest, medical issues, or maybe he isn't the one.

And of course, you can't be too sure you will be sexually and personally compatible with someone until you are living with them and having sex. Pre-sex dating is meant to eliminate people who are obviously not compatible, and living and having sex with a boyfriend eliminates harder to detect incompatibilities.
Click to expand...

It's just sex. Imagine if someone said I cant eat with someone for a year. It's too intimate.

Sex is supposed to be fun
 
Mashmont said:
This is horrible advice. So much of it is untrue. Like "the longer you delay sex, the more men you will turn off, and many of these men will actually make great husbands." It's the men who can wait for marriage before sex who make the great husbands. The only reasonable thing you said was the last sentence, although the notion of sexual compatibility is a red herring. The fact is, loving couples do what it takes to make it work, including sex.
Click to expand...

Your experience was that your wife waited 2 years until you got serious about the relationship. That is not typical, especially not of men. I would not expect a man to prove he loves me by waiting 2 years while I decide.

In addition, I don't think religion has anything to do with sex. There isn't even an Old Testament commandment saying non-marital sex is wrong. And polygamy was just fine for the ancient Hebrews. Only adultery was forbidden -- having sex with another man's wife.

Jesus went a little further and said divorce is a sin, because re-marriage would be adultery.

Anyway -- my problem with non-marital sex is not religious. I had non-marital sex for 30 years with my boyfriend. I had known him for a very long time before I realized he was interested in me. As soon as I realized that, I jumped right into bed. I was crazy about him.

He died less than 2 years ago. I have not felt that crazy about anyone else. Maybe that's why I didn't feel excited about this guy? I really think I love him though. Maybe it's because I felt pressured almost from the very beginning, and I'm so stubborn I won't do anything I feel pressured into?

Also, maybe it's because I am used to being single and I really like it. I don't even have a dog, because then I would have to get home at a certain time, and it's too much responsibility.

Anyway, I really don't know. I don't think I am exactly typical. Or maybe I am. There haven't been any comments here from older single women. I only talked about it to one girlfriend, and she said if sex is going to happen it would happen right at the beginning. But she is a liberal/progressive/hippie (oh I know so many of those!)
 
Good4Nothin said:
Your experience was that your wife waited 2 years until you got serious about the relationship. That is not typical, especially not of men. I would not expect a man to prove he loves me by waiting 2 years while I decide.

In addition, I don't think religion has anything to do with sex. There isn't even an Old Testament commandment saying non-marital sex is wrong. And polygamy was just fine for the ancient Hebrews. Only adultery was forbidden -- having sex with another man's wife.

Jesus went a little further and said divorce is a sin, because re-marriage would be adultery.

Anyway -- my problem with non-marital sex is not religious. I had non-marital sex for 30 years with my boyfriend. I had known him for a very long time before I realized he was interested in me. As soon as I realized that, I jumped right into bed. I was crazy about him.

He died less than 2 years ago. I have not felt that crazy about anyone else. Maybe that's why I didn't feel excited about this guy? I really think I love him though. Maybe it's because I felt pressured almost from the very beginning, and I'm so stubborn I won't do anything I feel pressured into?

Also, maybe it's because I am used to being single and I really like it. I don't even have a dog, because then I would have to get home at a certain time, and it's too much responsibility.

Anyway, I really don't know. I don't think I am exactly typical. Or maybe I am. There haven't been any comments here from older single women. I only talked about it to one girlfriend, and she said if sex is going to happen it would happen right at the beginning. But she is a liberal/progressive/hippie (oh I know so many of those!)
Click to expand...

You do you. Whatever works for you. But to me....its just sex. Now buying a house together....that's commitment!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom