In need of parenting advice

[VanceMack]

Lots of ground covered here...I guess my biggest issue is, I'm a corporeal punishment kinda guy. For serious things, spankings, soap in mouth, etc. And it seems to me, I must be in a minority...cuz these other kids are animals. What am I to do, when my kids see that, and join in? WTF is wrong with the parents? What happened?

I would recommend you log in to the "Scream Free Parenting" site and download their audiobook. It will help you deal with you, your partner, and your kids. You cant control the environment and you cant force your child to develop for YOUR sake. The Scream Free motivations help them develop the motivation for their sake and helps people learn how to thrive in spite of the outside influences.

I think there are different ways to look at the VERY TOUGH situation you describe (nothing but respect for you and how you guys are dealing with it). I always taught my kids to develop an appreciation for their environment for selfish reasons...thats the talent pool they will be competing against for college scholarships.

 

[Lord Tammerlain]

I use a clip chart, you move up or down based on deeds and behavior, the punishments being, 30 minutes time out, no devices for the weekend, or no TV after homework. Spanking is for when they are B. A. D. Yelling at me or mom, hitting, or just flat out not doing homework, throwing stuff. These are few and far between.

Mine is 8.

When I am home, he basically does not leave my side (expect when at the park). We do not watch TV, so plays with a tablet (no social media) just some games and youtube during the week and minecraft on the weekend. The times he was punished (only 3 times so far) were no playing on the tablet for 1 day, then 2 days then for 3 days. There is a Youtube channel I did not want him to watch (a little too adult in themes and often used swear words) he showed me it, and I said I do not want you to watch that channel anymore, and he has not. ( he does not know how to clear the history on the tablet, and the Youtube account on his tablet is linked to my phone so I can check. So far he knows better than to yell at me, or hit people, or throw things. He does his homework with some arguing, and his mind wanders when doing it.

So far I am lucky in that his biggest fear in doing something bad is making me upset or disappointed

 

[soylentgreen]

I have a question to ask.

For those who say the classes they send their kids to are over crowded or mixed with special need kids or lack of books and lack of control.

Are you talking about public schools or are you sending your kids to private schools?

My guess would be the public schools.

And your comments here confirm my opinion of america being nothing more than an elitist ****hole. No wonder someone like trump can become president. The majority of americans are so poorly educated that they can be conned easily.

And your answer to the problem is blame the parents and then advise them to give their kids more pills.

Once again, so glad i am not an american.

 

[KevinKohler]

I have a question to ask.

For those who say the classes they send their kids to are over crowded or mixed with special need kids or lack of books and lack of control.

Are you talking about public schools or are you sending your kids to private schools?

My guess would be the public schools.

And your comments here confirm my opinion of america being nothing more than an elitist ****hole. No wonder someone like trump can become president. The majority of americans are so poorly educated that they can be conned easily.

And your answer to the problem is blame the parents and then advise them to give their kids more pills.

Once again, so glad i am not an american.

It is not the public school systems job to teach kids how to behave, and no one in this thread has advocated anything even remotely like giving kids more pills.

 

[soylentgreen]

It is not the public school systems job to teach kids how to behave, and no one in this thread has advocated anything even remotely like giving kids more pills.

Over crowded class rooms. Teachers with poor or no skills for their job. No books. Children aware that they are being neglected. It is not about teaching kids how to behave. It is about giving them an environment that teaches them to behave.

And please read through this thread again. Pills are the answer to americans problems with behaviour.
Don't waste taxpayers money creating a better education system, simply tell your kids they have ADHD and drug them..

 

[KevinKohler]

Over crowded class rooms. Teachers with poor or no skills for their job. No books. Children aware that they are being neglected. It is not about teaching kids how to behave. It is about giving them an environment that teaches them to behave.

And please read through this thread again. Pills are the answer to americans problems with behaviour.
Don't waste taxpayers money creating a better education system, simply tell your kids they have ADHD and drug them..

Over crowded classrooms, agreed. Poorly skilled teachers? Some, maybe, like in any profession. Not the issue in my particular case. No books (holy ****?!?). Agreed. Children aware they are being neglected? Not sure kids are aware of that. Giving them an environment that teaches them to behave? Absolutely...but that's not public educations job...it's the parents. 100%, always has been, always will be.

I started this thread, and have every post. Please cite where pills are lauded as the solution to our public school system ills.

 

[Brochacholomigo]

Yeah, my 9 year old is asking for the same thing, except, she wants mine craft. And...no.

Minecraft is a perfectly wholesome game, and if you don't let them spend all day on it, it's a perfectly healthy outlet for them to spend time with.

More importantly, it's another opportunity for positive reinforcement and negative punishment.

 

[Superfly]

At school now, special needs kids are mixed into the classrooms, not in separate classes. Combine this with the apparent lack of discipline with the other kids, and I can very quickly see why it can take 30 minutes to line up and shush 30+ kids.

At scouts, my normally very well behaved son became as the other kids...not listening to adults, unless I got up and put fear in him, and running around like a maniac. To the point that I don't want to have him continue. He has fun, yes. But what is he learning? How will this affect his discipline, that I have worked so hard to instill in him?

Next, my daughter. The wife and I have battled over this for some time. She wants to have our daughter start taking ADHD meds, and I don't. There is next to no long term studies, not funded by the very pharma companies that make and sell this ****, on the long term development cost of using stimulants on a child's brain. I'm sorry, I can compromise on a lot of ****....but this isn't one. I've research dietary changes...we use no food dies, so far as I can control, she gets minimal sugar, I cook meals, don't use ready made crap. But gluten is apparently something I've gotta watch out for, too. Not sure how, with out simply cutting out carbs in general, which is an expensive proposition. She only gets electronics on weekends, and right now, not even that, as she failed a major math test.

Anyone have long term exp with these drugs?

My daughter is older now (21) and when she goes off her ADHD meds, it's like night and day. There's nothing wrong with the medication, but you have to find a good doctor that will work with you on the dosage and actual scrip she is getting. It's not a "one size fits all" kind of medication. You have to find the right one, then the right dosage. May have to slide that scale up and down a little to get to the right spot.

I will say that I have a total of 3 girls. They were all brought up in the same way. Same everything. Same parenting style. All 3 are different. I spanked my first daughter, and my last two I did not. My first daughter gave me a little trouble at first (as most teenagers do) but is great now. My middle is off the rails. My baby girl is textbook perfection. Goes to college, works hard, gives me no drama. So there's no official "right way" to do anything. Just do the best you can do, understand that your children will all be different, and understand that you are not your child's only influence. Oh, and pray. Often. If you are not a praying man, become one. :lol:

 

[KevinKohler]

Minecraft is a perfectly wholesome game, and if you don't let them spend all day on it, it's a perfectly healthy outlet for them to spend time with.

More importantly, it's another opportunity for positive reinforcement and negative punishment.

I get that, and when they are old enough, mine craft is a game I'll gladly get them. I just don't want them to be video game addicts so soon.

 

[Superfly]

I have a question to ask.

For those who say the classes they send their kids to are over crowded or mixed with special need kids or lack of books and lack of control.

Are you talking about public schools or are you sending your kids to private schools?

My guess would be the public schools.

And your comments here confirm my opinion of america being nothing more than an elitist ****hole. No wonder someone like trump can become president. The majority of americans are so poorly educated that they can be conned easily.

And your answer to the problem is blame the parents and then advise them to give their kids more pills.

Once again, so glad i am not an american.

Don't be a dick, man. He's asking for help.

If all you can do is insult, find somewhere else to play.

 

[Brochacholomigo]

I get that, and when they are old enough, mine craft is a game I'll gladly get them. I just don't want them to be video game addicts so soon.

Oh right, you did say nine, didn't you?

Anyway, my parents kept me away from the video games until I was twelve. That might make for a good birthday or Christmas to get them hooked.

 

[Brochacholomigo]

I have a question to ask.

For those who say the classes they send their kids to are over crowded or mixed with special need kids or lack of books and lack of control.

Are you talking about public schools or are you sending your kids to private schools?

My guess would be the public schools.

And your comments here confirm my opinion of america being nothing more than an elitist ****hole. No wonder someone like trump can become president. The majority of americans are so poorly educated that they can be conned easily.

And your answer to the problem is blame the parents and then advise them to give their kids more pills.

Once again, so glad i am not an american.

Really? With how you show up in an advice thread to brag about yourself & **** on another country, I had you pegged for an American. You ought to visit D.C some time, you'd find a lot of kindred spirits in the Republican party.

 

[LadyMoonlight]

Wow, seems some people are supporting teachers and understanding just how incredibly hard it is to be a teacher these days. This surprises me actually, as most of the time it's all the teachers fault according to many.

I raised my kids the old-fashioned way and have never had cause to regret it. My grand daughters are being raised the same way and the four of them are great.


As for ADD medication...can't be good to drug a kid's growing brain and, somewhere down the track, these kids will pay for it. I would never fill my kid's brain with drugs to control behaviour.

I teach in a public school and there is no way we can afford enough text books for all the kids in class, it is usually one between two which I dislike as I still have separate desks and like independent learners. Kids no longer have the ability to think for themselves, work out answers without just copying their friends work, so, for one lesson during the day in my class they will think for themselves, work independently and not rely on their friends to just give them the answers. I am one of the very few teachers at school that maintains a separate desk class room and will do so until I am ordered not to. I photocopy so much work from textbooks...although we have to use Google Classroom for every class so textbook chapters can be uploaded to the classroom. Every student also must have an iPad to work with every lesson which I hate with a passion. Parents are expected to buy an iPad for their kids. I did argue with the Deputies that it was economic discrimination to insist that every student buy their own iPad, but was howled down. The school does provide some for students whose parents simply cannot or will not purchase one.

I do not believe in integration. We have a unit within the school for kids with a low IQ that has two classes. The Principal is now working towards having two autism classes (which is ridiculous in my opinion....not the autism classes as such because it is better if these kids are taught by specialist teachers and not in mainstream, but as every second kid is being diagnosed with autism these days, just like when ADD went through a popular, new thing stage and two classes simply will not be enough!) He is also trying to build an ED (Emotionally Disturbed) class...again, with increased numbers being diagnosed, one class will not be enough. A good idea as it gets them out of mainstream and allows other students to learn.

 

[Hawkeye10]

I get the idea of mixing the kids in, I truly do. If my kid was autistic, or anything else, my desire as a parent would be for them to have a normal life, and to be treated just like anyone else. And the school is working to make that desire a reality. I truly can't faughlt them. But it certainly makes for a challenge for those teachers.

I have haunted hallways tonight, the schools Halloween thing. Amazingly, both me and the wife have today off together, so we are going to go help out, and I'm gonna be there, watching these teachers, thanking god I'm not them. Truly.

Sure you can, because you watch the so-called experts ruin everyones educational potential to fulfill their dogma that special needs students should not be on a special track more suitable to their needs.

Failure is always not the optimal result, regardless of how good getting there feels.

 

[KevinKohler]

Oh right, you did say nine, didn't you?

Anyway, my parents kept me away from the video games until I was twelve. That might make for a good birthday or Christmas to get them hooked.

I told my daughter, 11, assuming good grades.

 

[soylentgreen]

Over crowded classrooms, agreed. Poorly skilled teachers? Some, maybe, like in any profession. Not the issue in my particular case. No books (holy ****?!?). Agreed. Children aware they are being neglected? Not sure kids are aware of that. Giving them an environment that teaches them to behave? Absolutely...but that's not public educations job...it's the parents. 100%, always has been, always will be.

I started this thread, and have every post. Please cite where pills are lauded as the solution to our public school system ills.

If the schools are neglected then the child will feel neglected. Children will act out under that kind of influence. Parents do have a duty here. But it is not just in teaching their children to behave. It is to insist that the public education system is the best it can be for there childs sake. Instead americans whinge about paying taxes which should be used to support the schools.

 

[soylentgreen]

Don't be a dick, man. He's asking for help.

If all you can do is insult, find somewhere else to play.

Stop your whinging it only emphasises my point. The help he needs is to recogniose that his government is cheating his children of a good education by failing to keep schools at a high standard.

 

[soylentgreen]

Really? With how you show up in an advice thread to brag about yourself & **** on another country, I had you pegged for an American. You ought to visit D.C some time, you'd find a lot of kindred spirits in the Republican party.

Again, nothing but whinging. You have a **** education system and americans are to blame for that. You put an emphasis on not wanting to pay taxes and your infrastructure is **** because of it.

 

[Superfly]

Stop your whinging it only emphasises my point. The help he needs is to recogniose that his government is cheating his children of a good education by failing to keep schools at a high standard.

Yeah - we know our schools don't meet the standards of other countries. You are preaching to the choir.

But your post is very dickish. The guy needs help. He came here asking for help. Pretty sure this sub-forum is not here for people to come in here and ask for advice, only to have others come in and make fun of them over it.

Find a new hobby, maybe. Either way, real dick move here.

 

[Mycroft]

So...this is mostly a shout out to parents of kids ages 8-14. Mainly because it's a brave new world out there now. Things you did and taught as a parent 20 years ago simply don't apply to today.

I'm going issues I could use some advice on, mostly resolving around school, education...and my daughters personality.

First, school. Our school is apparently so broke, despite exorbitantly high taxation (I live in CT, the tax you to death state), that teachers have classroom sizes of over 30 kids, in grades 1-5. And they don't have enough text books, so...they make photo copies. But...they don't have time, so they need volunteers to make the photo copies for them. To me, that's a major holy **** moment. What. The. ****.

The kids. I never noticed it before, but as I become more involved with their activities...the kids my son and daughters ages (7 and 9) are atrocious. Teachers have done videos about how much effort it takes just to keep the class quiet and on task, or to get them lined up to go somewhere. 30 minutes, in some cases, to get kids lined up and quiet. Now, I thought, that's just teachers not knowing how to control a room of kids. But then, I put my son into cub scouts. Which is held at the school cafeteria at 7pm. I can't drop him off, so a I hang there with my daughter, because the wife is at work. I work with her on her homework. And witness the chaos. There is no order. The scout masters have no control, because there is none to be had. If I were in charge, I'd be yelling constantly. I'd have to use fear of some sort, because there is no discipline. One issue, there are autistic, or otherwise special needs kids mixed in, and there is simply no controlling them. And when they get crazy, the rest join in.

I can only imagine, this must be what it's like for the teachers.

I can only think of two solutions for dealing with your school. Both can be expensive.

1. Private/charter school.
2. Relocate.

For the second one, I'd recommend a small community close to a military installation. It makes a big difference. The small community tends not to have the problems associated with large, urban areas. The military installation will pay big bucks to the school district that educates their military kids. Military kids in schools tend to respond to discipline and rules quite well...they get that from their parents.

 

[Brochacholomigo]

Again, nothing but whinging. You have a **** education system and americans are to blame for that. You put an emphasis on not wanting to pay taxes and your infrastructure is **** because of it.

That's all well and fair - in a political thread. You're still taking political pot shots in a self-help thread. Even I'm not that much of a cunt.

 

[SDET]

So...this is mostly a shout out to parents of kids ages 8-14. Mainly because it's a brave new world out there now. Things you did and taught as a parent 20 years ago simply don't apply to today.

I'm going issues I could use some advice on, mostly resolving around school, education...and my daughters personality.

First, school. Our school is apparently so broke, despite exorbitantly high taxation (I live in CT, the tax you to death state), that teachers have classroom sizes of over 30 kids, in grades 1-5. And they don't have enough text books, so...they make photo copies. But...they don't have time, so they need volunteers to make the photo copies for them. To me, that's a major holy **** moment. What. The. ****.

The kids. I never noticed it before, but as I become more involved with their activities...the kids my son and daughters ages (7 and 9) are atrocious. Teachers have done videos about how much effort it takes just to keep the class quiet and on task, or to get them lined up to go somewhere. 30 minutes, in some cases, to get kids lined up and quiet. Now, I thought, that's just teachers not knowing how to control a room of kids. But then, I put my son into cub scouts. Which is held at the school cafeteria at 7pm. I can't drop him off, so a I hang there with my daughter, because the wife is at work. I work with her on her homework. And witness the chaos. There is no order. The scout masters have no control, because there is none to be had. If I were in charge, I'd be yelling constantly. I'd have to use fear of some sort, because there is no discipline. One issue, there are autistic, or otherwise special needs kids mixed in, and there is simply no controlling them. And when they get crazy, the rest join in.

I can only imagine, this must be what it's like for the teachers.

My job had me in the Northeast for a time (MA, CT, NH and RI). My kids begged us to move away. We are in Texas now and all is so much better. If you can't move far away, I think New Hampshire would be a major improvement. Connecticut is so awful that I had my family stay in NH and I came home for the weekend. I was quite happy when my contract with ESPN was over so I could get out of Connecticut.

 

[soylentgreen]

Yeah - we know our schools don't meet the standards of other countries. You are preaching to the choir.

But your post is very dickish. The guy needs help. He came here asking for help. Pretty sure this sub-forum is not here for people to come in here and ask for advice, only to have others come in and make fun of them over it.

Find a new hobby, maybe. Either way, real dick move here.

It is not being dickish to just say it out right. It is being dickish to couch it in pc terms so as not to upset anyone.

And it is not making fun just to point out the stark reality of a corrupt and venal governance system that creates such an elitist division of have and have nots.

Nor is it just for fun to point out that the fault here is also on the parents and every other american who do not push there government to create a higher standard for education.

There is no help for him. The only advice that would be immediate ids to get rich quick and afford a private school. Other than that its a long hard fight to change what is basically become the worlds first idiocracy.

 

[soylentgreen]

That's all well and fair - in a political thread. You're still taking political pot shots in a self-help thread. Even I'm not that much of a cunt.

Don't underestimate yourself.
What would you advise. Some useless singing kumbaya remedy. The answer he seeks is political. The only other remedy he has is to get rich quick and send his kids to a private school.

 

[Wayne Jr]

So...this is mostly a shout out to parents of kids ages 8-14. Mainly because it's a brave new world out there now. Things you did and taught as a parent 20 years ago simply don't apply to today.

I'm going issues I could use some advice on, mostly resolving around school, education...and my daughters personality.

First, school. Our school is apparently so broke, despite exorbitantly high taxation (I live in CT, the tax you to death state), that teachers have classroom sizes of over 30 kids, in grades 1-5. And they don't have enough text books, so...they make photo copies. But...they don't have time, so they need volunteers to make the photo copies for them. To me, that's a major holy **** moment. What. The. ****.

The kids. I never noticed it before, but as I become more involved with their activities...the kids my son and daughters ages (7 and 9) are atrocious. Teachers have done videos about how much effort it takes just to keep the class quiet and on task, or to get them lined up to go somewhere. 30 minutes, in some cases, to get kids lined up and quiet. Now, I thought, that's just teachers not knowing how to control a room of kids. But then, I put my son into cub scouts. Which is held at the school cafeteria at 7pm. I can't drop him off, so a I hang there with my daughter, because the wife is at work. I work with her on her homework. And witness the chaos. There is no order. The scout masters have no control, because there is none to be had. If I were in charge, I'd be yelling constantly. I'd have to use fear of some sort, because there is no discipline. One issue, there are autistic, or otherwise special needs kids mixed in, and there is simply no controlling them. And when they get crazy, the rest join in.

I can only imagine, this must be what it's like for the teachers.

When King Ho-Lu of Wu challanged Sun Tsu to train his concubines into wariors, Sun Tsu apointed the two most senior concubines as leaders and gave orders. When the rest of the concubines did not folow Sun Tsu's orders, Sun Tsu decapitated the two leaders with his sword and apointed two new leaders. From then on, the concubines obayed.

You could try that.