Children - Are They Worth It?

[SmokeAndMirrors]

I belong (like many I'm sure) to another forum, it's boating forum and most members are family orientated, that said, out of the 34 responses so far, not one said NO to the question of "Are children worth it?"

What a different set of responses, all men members so far and 100% said the kids are the best thing that ever happened to them. While the intellects here have a 20% disapproval rate, interesting, very interesting.

I think there's probably something pretty obvious going on there. On a boating forum, you're probably looking at a selection pool that is mostly upper-middle class and higher. People in that socioeconomic bracket are more likely to wait to have kids, or not have them at all if they don't wish for it. They are more likely to have adequate support and income if/when they do have kids. They are also less likely to divorce.

All those things in mind, yeah, parental regret will be lower, and even quite rare. The people who weren't into the idea of parenthood just chose not to have kids, and the people who were got to wait until they were ready and had a partner who would stick by them.

In the lower income brackets, those outcomes aren't as certain. There's more people who had unplanned pregnancies, had kids they never wanted in the first place, and struggled with finding the money to raise them.

But the "intellectual" set may also have something to do with it, yes. I voted "no," but I don't have kids. I decided it wasn't worth it based on everything I saw, everything I know about myself, and everything I know about what gives my life meaning, so I was able to avoid it from the outset rather than winding up in a situation of regretting something I couldn't take back.

And statistically, it is true that intellectually-focused people are less likely to want children.

 

[Jredbaron96]

There are few things as rewarding and precious as raising a child.

It's also not for everyone. And far worse than not having kids is having them when you either don't really want them or can't support them.

 

[lefty louie]

I think there's probably something pretty obvious going on there. On a boating forum, you're probably looking at a selection pool that is mostly upper-middle class and higher. People in that socioeconomic bracket are more likely to wait to have kids, or not have them at all if they don't wish for it. They are more likely to have adequate support and income if/when they do have kids. They are also less likely to divorce.

All those things in mind, yeah, parental regret will be lower, and even quite rare. The people who weren't into the idea of parenthood just chose not to have kids, and the people who were got to wait until they were ready and had a partner who would stick by them.

In the lower income brackets, those outcomes aren't as certain. There's more people who had unplanned pregnancies, had kids they never wanted in the first place, and struggled with finding the money to raise them.

But the "intellectual" set may also have something to do with it, yes. I voted "no," but I don't have kids. I decided it wasn't worth it based on everything I saw, everything I know about myself, and everything I know about what gives my life meaning, so I was able to avoid it from the outset rather than winding up in a situation of regretting something I couldn't take back.

And statistically, it is true that intellectually-focused people are less likely to want children.

I don't mean this in a bad way, but you not having kids doesn't really make you a good person to answer, in other words your not informed enough. We always hear how having kids will change your life, it is so amazing etc....I was with you on this until we had ours, no way in the world if I could ever reverse time would I ever give her back.

 

[Hawkeye10]

I belong (like many I'm sure) to another forum, it's boating forum and most members are family orientated, that said, out of the 34 responses so far, not one said NO to the question of "Are children worth it?"

What a different set of responses, all men members so far and 100% said the kids are the best thing that ever happened to them. While the intellects here have a 20% disapproval rate, interesting, very interesting.

In some circles that is the expected response and those who dont give it get questioned, or worse.

America is not a very tolerant place.

 

[haymarket]

What are your thoughts?

Children - Are They Worth It?

The time. The money. The Effort. The caring. The mess. The poopy diapers.

Kids and grandkids are what makes life worth living for - especially as you get older and a lot of the pressure is off and you can really appreciate them.

 

[Lursa]

You are in one category of parent that probably most are in... the general on. I am in a much smaller category of parent that has a kid with major issues. I guarantee you that you would not find joy in much of what I have had to endure...

My parents are/were wonderful (dad is gone now). And similar to him (LL)...after raising us 2 girls, my folks started taking in foster kids. My mother was a recently retired OB/GYN nurse and so they took in special needs kids. And eventually adopted 2, my twin sisters. They are adults now.

It was incredibly meaningful to them. THey got them as newborns for God's sake, in their 40s. I asked them why they were starting over when they could now be free. They had plenty of money by then. My parents are/were truly "good" Christians.

My dad was in Rotary and they also sponsored many families from other countries who's kids needed to come here for operations. And they stayed in their home. They had a Muslim family stay...and altho they had their pre-conceived notions, were open to them as a family and got to know them. I admired my folks a great deal for being willing to step out of their comfort zones to do the right thing, as they saw their Christian duty.

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

I don't mean this in a bad way, but you not having kids doesn't really make you a good person to answer, in other words your not informed enough. We always hear how having kids will change your life, it is so amazing etc....I was with you on this until we had ours, no way in the world if I could ever reverse time would I ever give her back.

Sure it does. I can decide all kinds of things aren't worth it based on what I see. We all do. How does me making that decision BEFORE I make a mistake make me the ignorant one? Isn't it the other way around? That's like saying that people who decide not to gamble on X horse race because they see other people losing are actually idiots because they can only know if it's a bad idea after they've blown their paycheck. What? :lol:

Obviously you weren't with me, since you eventually wound up doing it. Not something I could ever do -- I'd dump my partner before I'd budge on that. So no, you and I are not alike, and just because you "changed your mind" (which wasn't a change of mind at all, but rather you apparently not feeling as strongly about it as I do) doesn't mean I would if I somehow wound up forced into parenthood.

As you can see from the results (as far as I'm aware, I'm the only childfree person to vote so far), you are wrong. There are plenty of parents who don't think their kids were worth it.

 

[Hawkeye10]

Kids and grandkids are what makes life worth living for - especially as you get older and a lot of the pressure is off and you can really appreciate them.

Good Point....when it works the work is front loaded...the bargain gets better as we age.

 

[vegas giants]

I think there's probably something pretty obvious going on there. On a boating forum, you're probably looking at a selection pool that is mostly upper-middle class and higher. People in that socioeconomic bracket are more likely to wait to have kids, or not have them at all if they don't wish for it. They are more likely to have adequate support and income if/when they do have kids. They are also less likely to divorce.

All those things in mind, yeah, parental regret will be lower, and even quite rare. The people who weren't into the idea of parenthood just chose not to have kids, and the people who were got to wait until they were ready and had a partner who would stick by them.

In the lower income brackets, those outcomes aren't as certain. There's more people who had unplanned pregnancies, had kids they never wanted in the first place, and struggled with finding the money to raise them.

But the "intellectual" set may also have something to do with it, yes. I voted "no," but I don't have kids. I decided it wasn't worth it based on everything I saw, everything I know about myself, and everything I know about what gives my life meaning, so I was able to avoid it from the outset rather than winding up in a situation of regretting something I couldn't take back.

And statistically, it is true that intellectually-focused people are less likely to want children.

If you look at 90 percent of the most successful and intelligent people in any field you will find they at least have been married once and had kids. They didn't do that because they are stupid

 

[Lursa]

I think that the question is appropriate. For me it was subjective. I love my kids and have had an amazing time with them. Even the terrible times, that were often caused by my ex, were worth it for the most part. I was just thinking abstractly... If I didn't have kids my life wouldn't be any better or worse... it would be different. I could do what I want when I want it. But I have kids... that is cool too. My youngest has an emotional disorder that has made a relationship near impossible. That is just how it goes. Would I be better without her ever have been in my life? No. Dealing with her and what she has caused has helped define who I have become. There are just lots of ways to view it, being a parent or not. Neither is better and kids are not an automatic joy.

The biggest advantage I think single people have over parents? And one that parents envy?

We can take naps any time we want :mrgreen:

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

If you look at 90 percent of the most successful and intelligent people in any field you will find they at least have been married once and had kids. They didn't do that because they are stupid

Actually the percentage is much lower than that, especially for women (the men often just dump the kids with their wives and hardly interact with them, whereas women are more likely to just not have them in the first place if they have no desire to raise them). Still a majority, but much lower than 90%.

Also, of those who do have kids, most of them only have 1 or 2, compared to other demographics that usually have 2 or more.

 

[Lursa]

In some circles that is the expected response and those who dont give it get questioned, or worse.

America is not a very tolerant place.

The question would only pertain to tolerance if it was about opinions on 'other people's kids.'

In which case I'd be even more negative

 

[vegas giants]

Actually the percentage is much lower than that, especially for women (the men often just dump the kids with their wives and hardly interact with them, whereas women are more likely to just not have them in the first place if they have no desire to raise them). Still a majority, but much lower than 90%.

Also, of those who do have kids, most of them only have 1 or 2, compared to other demographics that usually have 2 or more.

Actually I believe it to be higher than 90%. Take a look at nobel prize winners, elite athletes, billionaire entrepreneurs, award winning artists. I could go on.

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

Actually I believe it to be higher than 90%. Take a look at nobel prize winners, elite athletes, billionaire entrepreneurs, award winning artists. I could go.

Lol, why, 'cause it makes you feel better? You're wrong.

Parents always get so offended when I mention the demographics that most often skip out on having kids. Look dude, it's not about your ego.

We all choose what's important to us, and try to spend as much of our limited time on Earth doing that as possible. For people of a certain degree of intellectual or career drive, they sometimes care more about that than they do about dealing with children, and therefore, the higher up the educational ladder you go, the fewer children they have. Because they just aren't as interested in it. Nearly a quarter of our most accomplished have no children at all. For women, anyway. As I said, the men tend to just dump them on the wife and never interact with them, but I'd argue that emotionally neglecting your children is not something we should be celebrating or encouraging.

People only have so much time, and for some, their passion is just more fulfilling than kids. Just how it is, and it's not about you.

 

[Hawkeye10]

The question would only pertain to tolerance if it was about opinions on 'other people's kids.'

In which case I'd be even more negative

No, in some places if you are not pro-family and that means pro-kids enough to say that having kids is awesome....that is enough to try to sell the idea to others....then you are not their kind of people.

 

[Bodi]

The biggest advantage I think single people have over parents? And one that parents envy?

We can take naps any time we want :mrgreen:

Exactly... and now that my eldest is older I go body surfing every morning and every evening right now.

Come home... take a nap. Drink some wine. Go Body Surf again perhaps...

 

[Lursa]

No, in some places if you are not pro-family and that means pro-kids enough to say that having kids is awesome....that is enough to try to sell the idea to others....then you are not their kind of people.

Where is that? I live in 2 very different worlds: professionally in the liberal world and recreationally in the conservative.

Have never run into that. But if you've experienced it, then you have.

 

[Hawkeye10]

Where is that? I live in 2 very different worlds: professionally in the liberal world and recreationally in the conservative.

Have never run into that. But if you've experienced it, then you have.

Enlisted military used to be that way....

 

[lefty louie]

Sure it does. I can decide all kinds of things aren't worth it based on what I see. We all do. How does me making that decision BEFORE I make a mistake make me the ignorant one? Isn't it the other way around? That's like saying that people who decide not to gamble on X horse race because they see other people losing are actually idiots because they can only know if it's a bad idea after they've blown their paycheck. What? :lol:

Obviously you weren't with me, since you eventually wound up doing it. Not something I could ever do -- I'd dump my partner before I'd budge on that. So no, you and I are not alike, and just because you "changed your mind" (which wasn't a change of mind at all, but rather you apparently not feeling as strongly about it as I do) doesn't mean I would if I somehow wound up forced into parenthood.

As you can see from the results (as far as I'm aware, I'm the only childfree person to vote so far), you are wrong. There are plenty of parents who don't think their kids were worth it.

You missed the part where I said don't take this in a bad way. First off ignorance in itself is not a bad thing. What I'm saying to you is you don't have all the facts going into your choice. It doesn't mean your choice is wrong in the least, just that if you somehow had those additional facts you may think differently. It's also why I said the foster route is a great route, if parenting is not for you, you get to give the kid back.

 

[lefty louie]

What are your thoughts?

Children - Are They Worth It?

The time. The money. The Effort. The caring. The mess. The poopy diapers.

Ask your parents, let us know what they say.

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

You missed the part where I said don't take this in a bad way. First off ignorance in itself is not a bad thing. What I'm saying to you is you don't have all the facts going into your choice. It doesn't mean your choice is wrong in the least, just that if you somehow had those additional facts you may think differently. It's also why I said the foster route is a great route, if parenting is not for you, you get to give the kid back.

There's no way it can be said without being inherently condescending and wrong.

You don't have "all the facts" about turning down a bad bet either. After all, it hasn't happened yet. That doesn't mean that it's not smarter to turn down a bet if you already know it's bad. Sometimes you don't need all the facts, and indeed, getting them would do nothing but waste your time.

Why would I do that when I never have any desire to have a kid around for any length of time, short or long? That seems like a waste of my time.

 

[fredmertzz]

Since I was a young child I thought being a Dad would be the greatest thing in the world. The experience, now 9 years into it, has not changed my view. I have so much fun every day, because of my kids. On days that I travel from dawn till past bedtime, I'm genuinely disappointed that I didn't get to see my kids - and the next morning, I wake them early just to hang out with them.

God, even talking about them now makes me miss them. I'm a very lucky guy. They are hilarious. I love who I get to be when I'm with them. It's a natural fit.

That being said, if OP is asking to know if kids are worth it for them: that could be an entirely different answer. I know parents who HATE being parents. They love their kids, but hate the responsibility, the restrictions that they put on their lives, etc.

 

[Lursa]

Enlisted military used to be that way....

Ah ok. Not as familiar but I have a lot of ex-mil friends, esp. women vets. It would be weird in a community where you may have to leave your kids behind.

 

[lefty louie]

Oh, hell yeah. Nothing better in life!

When my kids were little we had an artist do these lyrics and some art on a nice poster and still hang it in the house. Says it better than I can...

"Thank God For Kids" by the Oak Ridge Boys

If it weren't for kids have you ever thought
There wouldn't be no Santa Claus
Or look what the stork just brought
Thank God for kids.

We'd all live in a quiet house
Without Big Bird or a Mickey Mouse
And Kool Aid on the couch
Thank God for kids.

Thank God for kids, there's magic for a while
A special kind of sunshine in a smile.
Do you ever stop to think or wonder why
The nearest thing to heaven is a child?

Daddy, how does this thing fly?
And a hundred other wheres and whys
I really don't know but I try
Thank God for kids.

When I look down in those trusting eyes
That look to me I realize
There's love that I can't buy
Thank God for kids.

Thank God for kids, there's magic for a while
A special kind of sunshine in a smile.
Do you ever stop to think or wonder why
The nearest thing to heaven is a child?

When you get down on your knees tonight
And thank the Lord for His guiding light
Pray they turn out right.
Thank God for kids.
Mmm, Thank God for kids.

 

[nota bene]

Yup. I always wonder if the people who ask that question are just oblivious to the fact that this country is filled with nursing homes, and overwhelmingly, they're full of people who have kids, since most of those people are of an age where you either couldn't get birth control at all, or couldn't get it without your husband signing off.

So... seems to me that there's no guarantee anyone's gonna take care of you whether you reproduce or not. To me, it seems like a much smarter idea to plan for that eventuality than to just assume someone else will take care of it for you and wind up in some kind of dump when it turns out you're wrong.

I agree with you that planning for your own independence and taking care of yourself is essential. But two points:

(1) Very often, taking care of your aged parent does mean assisted-living because you want the best of care. Someone I know well fell in her driveway, and because she lived alone, she wasn't found until the next morning. Never mind that she was super-active in the community and living a wonderful independent life. She'd just gone out to check her cattle, and she slipped on something. Could've happened to me or you just the same, but this was the only (very wealthy and prominent) daughter's excuse to toss mom in a place so that she wouldn't be inconvenienced. I guess it never occurred to her to find a more creative solution. Anyway, there is your stereotype, but it's not usually the case that an elder is dumped.

More often it's because the loved one will be safer. When someone is experiencing dementia and wandering in the middle of the night and you can't pick them up off the floor or cannot watch them literally 24/7, help is necessary.

(2)Not all assisted-living facilities and nursing homes are dumps.