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The Mindless Job Thread
- Thread starter P_T
- Start date
- Joined
- Mar 26, 2020
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An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit,
so he asks the biker his name.
"Fred," he replies.
"Fred what?" the officer asks.
"Just Fred," the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and
write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then asks him his last name.
Fred says, "I used to have a last name but lost it."
The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it.
"Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?"
So, Fred says, "It's a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Johnson.
I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted
to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency and
finally got my degree.
"I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to
go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree,
so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. Later I Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling
around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD."
"Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD,
with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they
took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now
I am Just Fred."
The things an LEO has to endure!
so he asks the biker his name.
"Fred," he replies.
"Fred what?" the officer asks.
"Just Fred," the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and
write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then asks him his last name.
Fred says, "I used to have a last name but lost it."
The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it.
"Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?"
So, Fred says, "It's a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Johnson.
I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted
to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency and
finally got my degree.
"I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to
go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree,
so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. Later I Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling
around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD."
"Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD,
with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they
took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now
I am Just Fred."
The things an LEO has to endure!
- Joined
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As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, “Well, shucks, someone should go and tell his wife.”
Donnie says, “OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it.”
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.
Ronnie says, “Where did you get that beer, Donnie?”
“Cooter’s wife gave it to me,” Donnie replies.
“That’s unbelievable, you said her husband is dead and she gives you beer?”
“Well, not exactly”, Donnie says. “When she answered the door, I said to her, “You must be Cooter’s widow.?
She said, “You must be mistaken. I’m not a widow.”
Then I said, “I’ll bet you a case of Budweiser you are!"
Donnie says, “OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it.”
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.
Ronnie says, “Where did you get that beer, Donnie?”
“Cooter’s wife gave it to me,” Donnie replies.
“That’s unbelievable, you said her husband is dead and she gives you beer?”
“Well, not exactly”, Donnie says. “When she answered the door, I said to her, “You must be Cooter’s widow.?
She said, “You must be mistaken. I’m not a widow.”
Then I said, “I’ll bet you a case of Budweiser you are!"
- Joined
- Mar 26, 2020
- Messages
- 1,850
- Reaction score
- 218
- Location
- mid-west
- Gender
- Male
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- Moderate
- Joined
- Mar 26, 2020
- Messages
- 1,850
- Reaction score
- 218
- Location
- mid-west
- Gender
- Male
- Political Leaning
- Moderate
A dietician is addressing a large audience in Chicago.
"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago."
"Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water."
"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all eat it."
"Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to?"
"You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea."
The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake."
________________________________________
"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago."
"Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water."
"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all eat it."
"Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to?"
"You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea."
The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake."
________________________________________
- Joined
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My wife and I went to a Polynesian restaurant last night.
The food was delicious, but I found it unsatisfying.
An hour after we ate, I wanted Samoa.
_________________________________________
The food was delicious, but I found it unsatisfying.
An hour after we ate, I wanted Samoa.
_________________________________________
- Joined
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The Wind and Weather were so brisk this morning that
the hood rats pulled their pants up while they were
waiting for the sTool bus ! .....
__________________________________________
That brings back frozen memories.
Have you ever crapped in a farmer outhouse?
The porta-pottes on golf courses are lonely places.
the hood rats pulled their pants up while they were
waiting for the sTool bus ! .....
__________________________________________
That brings back frozen memories.
Have you ever crapped in a farmer outhouse?
The porta-pottes on golf courses are lonely places.
- Joined
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- 1,850
- Reaction score
- 218
- Location
- mid-west
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- Male
- Political Leaning
- Moderate
I just wanna know what I should of have known and when I should of have known it!
______________________________________________________
U NO THAT LIL HIGHER POWER VOICE IN MY EARS WHISPERING,
"WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU JUST DONE!"
--------------------------------------------------------
I was reading a Newpaper the other day. It was fun knowing who won the spring fishing tournament.
CHANCES ARE THE SAND'S RUN DOWN NOW :
______________________________________________________
U NO THAT LIL HIGHER POWER VOICE IN MY EARS WHISPERING,
"WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU JUST DONE!"
--------------------------------------------------------
I was reading a Newpaper the other day. It was fun knowing who won the spring fishing tournament.
CHANCES ARE THE SAND'S RUN DOWN NOW :
- Joined
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There is an ad posted on the office window of an accounting firm :
"HELP wanted. Must be able to type 70 words per minute.
Computer literacy is required. Must be bilingual. EQUAL EMPLOYER."
So this Big dog's Wagging its tail outside the office.
It has noticed the ad and shuffled into the office to apply for the position.
The employer takes one look at the dog, shakes his head and says, "I can't hire a dog."
The Very Large Dog points at the words EQUAL EMPLOYER on the ad.
So the employer says, "OK, can you type this document?"
and gives the dog a letter. The dog types everything correctly and
neatly without a mistake at a rate of 70 words per minute.
Flustered, the employer says, "Can you put these figures into spreadsheet and
make a program to feed it into the mainframe, process it in the General Ledger Module and
give me the Balance Sheets and Profit and Loss Statement?" and gives the dog some documents.
The dog completes the spreadsheet, the program,
the Balance Sheet and the P/L statement promptly & correctly.
The employer shakes his head,
points at the ad and says, "But are you bilingual?"
The dog says "Meow!"
______________________
I PUSHES THE GROAN BUTTON FOR ALL!
"HELP wanted. Must be able to type 70 words per minute.
Computer literacy is required. Must be bilingual. EQUAL EMPLOYER."
So this Big dog's Wagging its tail outside the office.
It has noticed the ad and shuffled into the office to apply for the position.
The employer takes one look at the dog, shakes his head and says, "I can't hire a dog."
The Very Large Dog points at the words EQUAL EMPLOYER on the ad.
So the employer says, "OK, can you type this document?"
and gives the dog a letter. The dog types everything correctly and
neatly without a mistake at a rate of 70 words per minute.
Flustered, the employer says, "Can you put these figures into spreadsheet and
make a program to feed it into the mainframe, process it in the General Ledger Module and
give me the Balance Sheets and Profit and Loss Statement?" and gives the dog some documents.
The dog completes the spreadsheet, the program,
the Balance Sheet and the P/L statement promptly & correctly.
The employer shakes his head,
points at the ad and says, "But are you bilingual?"
The dog says "Meow!"
______________________
I PUSHES THE GROAN BUTTON FOR ALL!
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- Joined
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- Messages
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- Location
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- Gender
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There are those who really love saving Gators. Getting them great homes to grow up in. ________________________________________________________________________
I WISH I HAD WRITTEN A GREAT NOVEL ABOUT SAVING EVIL STUFF!
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