The Mindless Job Thread

[P_T]

... ..... I said I wanted a turquoise ring for my darling. Dang!

 

[P_T]

On the Day his birth he is gifted much more than others.
He had the ability to talk and focus his eyes.

The first thing he says is, "Are you, my mommy?"
"Why, yes!" his mother says. "I am!"

He thinks a bit and says, "I want to thank you for
taking such good care of me before I was born."

Then he looks around the room and says, "Are you, my doctor?"
"Yes, I am!" says the doctor. "Well, I just want to thank you sir."
"You took good care of me and my mommy during My delivery."

"You're very welcome," says the doctor.
The Baby then sees someone else and says, "Are you, my father?"
Overcome with pride, his dad says, "Yes, I am!"

"Come here for a minute. I want to show you something," Lil Baby says.
"Bend down." His father complies and a tiny baby starts
poking him in His eyes and nose. Baby then asks,
"How does that feel?! Hurts, doesn't it?"

The insurance was invalid for the Daddy.
But after a number of injections his double vision
and the nose bleeds subsided.
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Some sad tails need to be shared even when no one cares.

 

[P_T]

Last fall after the corn is picked, I see the Buck running toward the road, so I slows down and the Buck runs in the ditch.
I continue to slow down; the Buck runs up alongside of me on the shoulder of the highway. ....
I continue slowing and the Buck runs right in front of me across the highway, no one going the other direction.
You know that Buck flipped me off when he was in the Combined bean field. ...

 

[P_T]

 

[P_T]

Saturday morning, I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed my shotgun and the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to load the truck, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and
discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day. I went back into the house, & quietly undressed.

 

[P_T]

Hunts, Fishes, Works and Rides on his motorcycle / F150 an he asks himself, that's a good question ?
The woman insists on doing them 1/2 the time! ...... Geesh !

 

[P_T]

Bob came home drunk again the final night of his life, thas what she told the Judge!

 

[Checkerboard Strangler]

Sex after "69" ... you'd think passing gas makes a great time even better.

That's "70"

 

[P_T]

Three girls died and were brought to the gates of heaven. Upon entering the gate, they were halted by St. Peter and his obedient angels. St. Peter asked the girls, "Before entering you must answer this simple question."
"Which is ...?", they replied in unison. "Have you been a good girl ?", he asked the first girl. "Oh yes", she said. "I was a virgin before I got married and was still virgin even after I got married." "Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl... the golden key and lead her into Heaven."

"Have you been a good girl?", he asked the second girl. "Oh, quite good", she said. "I was a virgin before I got married but was not after I got married." "Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl... the silver key and lead her into Heaven."

"Have you been a good girl?", he asked the third girl. "Oh no, not at all", she said. "I practically have sex with every guy I met before and after I got married. Anywhere, anytime." "Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, lead this sweet thing to my room and giver her the Key."
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[P_T]

...
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[P_T]

... Now you've seen too much! ...

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[P_T]

Can you remember the Statement, "The next time I want a haircut I'll stick my head in a Pencil Sharpener?" ( B.F. )
If you do you are an Andy Griffith show subscriber and really predictable! !

"Barney, give up that 38 special round in your pocket to me !"
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[P_T]

A guy meets a beautiful girl and decides he wants to marry her right away, she said, "But we don't know anything about each other. He said, "Thats all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along."
So, she consents, and they are married and go on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. One morning they were laying by the pool when he got off his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two
and a half tuck gainer, followed by three rotations in a jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.

After a few more demonstrations, he came back and laid down on the towel. She said, "That was incredible!" He said, I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn about each other as we went along."
So, she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps, she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath. He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
"No." she said, "I'm a hooker and work both sides of the Mississippi River !"
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[P_T]

You know if I had another toolbox I's buying more tools to fill them spaces. .....
Tomorrow is Thursday morning, getting ready for TGIF!
You know if I only had more free time I could do less in it!


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Thas what I thought was a gonna happen!
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A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night.

He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." Distraught, the man is forced to leave. Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again.
The monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."

The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk."
The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk."
The man sets about his task .

After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks.
"In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I travelled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self-deception."

The monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound."
The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door."

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door, he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond.

Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, "This is the last key to the last door."
The man is apprehensive to no end. His life's wish is behind that door!

With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the ****, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound...
But, of course, I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.
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[P_T]

I went upstairs, & a nice long shower , washed my hair, blow dried my toes,
pulled on some great Sox, got into good blue jeans an shirt, pulled on my boots
an went fishing after I opened my water bill !
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[P_T]

A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence. "Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?"
"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good
and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them; you'll be positively brilliant."

"You sell them here?" the customer asks. "Only $4 apiece," says Green. The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining
that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter. "You didn't eat enough, " says Green. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads.
Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry.

"Hey, Green," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I can buy the whole fish for $2. You're ripping me off!"
“You see, you’re already smarter.”