Teen who was relentlessly bullied kills herself in front of her family

[Apocalypse]

Though I see this as tragic, both in the sense that the girl choose to kill herself and because the scumbag bullies who verbally assaulted her did it without recourse, I find that her choosing to do this in front of her family to be very attention seeking and selfish. It's one thing for a family to hear about a loved one killing themselves or to find a loved one after having done so, but to do it IN FRONT of her family will leave scars that will never heal. I understand her sadness and anger, but what she did was cruel.

I don't think it's cruel at all, I mean, the situation clearly is, but I don't think the willingness to inflict such great pain on her family was what motivated her to act that way.
I don't think anyone can judge a person reaching this level of distress.

 

[CaptainCourtesy]

I don't think it's cruel at all, I mean, the situation clearly is, but I don't think the willingness to inflict such great pain on her family was what motivated her to act that way.
I don't think anyone can judge a person reaching this level of distress.

Again, I agree with you and my comment was not meant to imply intent. The action was cruel, but the intention was not.

 

[nota bene]

Maybe not murder charges. What about assault?
Or something that sticks with a permanent record that would have to be disclosed on job applications, or something?

A cyber scarlet letter.

From FindLaw:

Laws have sprung up in some states, but often leave enforcement in the hands of school officials. As such, cyberbullying may often be treated as a civil, rather than a criminal matter.

However, prosecutors have used existing laws on the books to prosecute individuals suspected of cyberbullying. Criminal harassment statutes can often provide a basis for bringing charges in severe cases, and more serious criminal charges have been brought in cases where the offense has resulted in suicide or other tragic consequences.

Recently created cyber harassment statutes may also provide an avenue for charging online bullies in some states. Nearly half of U.S. states include "cyberbullying" in their broader bullying laws (PDF), while most states also include either "cyberbullying" or "electronic harassment" as well. The nationwide trend is toward greater accountability for bullying in general, both in school and off campus, including criminal statutes. Cyberbullying - FindLaw

Specific State Laws Against Bullying - FindLaw

https://www.stopbullying.gov/laws/index.html

 

[Apocalypse]

No. She was an adult, not that matters one bit though.
Unstable is unstable.

Anyone can become 'unstable'.
Just because you're feeling so good with your mental state right now doesn't mean that by going through certain situations you wouldn't become unstable as well.
Judging people who reached that level of distress as if they are weak or pathetic and need to be laughed at is not a smart move.

 

[Ikari]

Though I see this as tragic, both in the sense that the girl choose to kill herself and because the scumbag bullies who verbally assaulted her did it without recourse, I find that her choosing to do this in front of her family to be very attention seeking and selfish. It's one thing for a family to hear about a loved one killing themselves or to find a loved one after having done so, but to do it IN FRONT of her family will leave scars that will never heal. I understand her sadness and anger, but what she did was cruel.

It does seem really messed up, but we weren't there. How the situation had escalated to that point, for us it's just supposition. Perhaps it was planned to be done in front of the family, perhaps not. Also, someone in the state of mind of being able to kill themselves tend not to be rational, so there's a lot of depression and emotions that went into the act as well. In general, I think that suicide under most circumstances is, in and of itself, a very selfish act as it disregards everyone in your life that does love and care for you. But I'm not sure it's the best "attention seeking" ploy out there since you cannot really garner attention that you can revel in if dead. But maybe that was the case too.

Regardless, it's beyond sad and yes the family is going to suffer even more now having had to witness the act itself. I feel bad for them, I hope they can make it through this awful period in time.

 

[Apocalypse]

For the same reason kids have bullied weaker kids since the dawn of kids. All of the above.

It became my opinion after years of observation that kids are just evil.

 

[Dragonfly]

See the mass of contradictions?

I do.

I also understand the rationale behind thinking suicide is a selfish endeavor when you yourself are in a rational frame of mind.

However, when all rationality is thrown out the window due to a mental illness and staggering depression, the concept of "selfish" loses all meaning doesn't it?

It's "selfish" to open a door so you can go through it, but not hold it open for the geriatric person coming behind you that also happens to be using a cane and is visibly struggling to walk.

Is it selfish if the door you're opening is to a hospital and the reason you're there is because you child has been in a tragic accident and you don't even know if you'll make it in time to see them alive one more time?

 

[nota bene]

I do.

I also understand the rationale behind thinking suicide is a selfish endeavor when you yourself are in a rational frame of mind.

However, when all rationality is thrown out the window due to a mental illness and staggering depression, the concept of "selfish" loses all meaning doesn't it?

It's "selfish" to open a door so you can go through it, but not hold it open for the geriatric person coming behind you that also happens to be using a cane and is visibly struggling to walk.

Is it selfish if the door you're opening is to a hospital and the reason you're there is because you child has been in a tragic accident and you don't even know if you'll make it in time to see them alive one more time?

Only because I've experienced what you describe in your last paragraph I can say that ER doors are wide and slide open. I raced in with no impediment. (Of course, maybe I just ran right over people in the way; it's still all a blur.)

 

[d0gbreath]

Though I see this as tragic, both in the sense that the girl choose to kill herself and because the scumbag bullies who verbally assaulted her did it without recourse, I find that her choosing to do this in front of her family to be very attention seeking and selfish. It's one thing for a family to hear about a loved one killing themselves or to find a loved one after having done so, but to do it IN FRONT of her family will leave scars that will never heal. I understand her sadness and anger, but what she did was cruel.

I had a friend in High school who's Father blew his brains out in front of everyone on Christmas Day. My friend was 9 years old at the time. His Father was suffering from terminal cancer. Oh, and being a dick head.

 

[joG]

Because as parents we did not grow up the same way. We grew up without the internet. It's now a whole new world. we don't see it through the same eyes.

We're not programmed the same way.

Yes. The old "sticks and stones..." probably won't do the trick. But I should think that parents would know that and get counseling on how to handle it.

 

[d0gbreath]

As sad as the individual event might be, my reaction to that type of thing is that it is yet another warning bell of a sick system of socialization. Obviously, internet mobbing is a frequent occurrence and often does harm in varying degrees. This is an exceptionally bad result, but not infrequent enough to ignore. So why are parents not socializing their kids to deal with this type of malevolent behavior?

Because they are too busy staring at their own phones.

 

[joG]

Hard to do. Parents are often resistant to restricting teen's access to technology because the very same technology is often the way that the parents communicate with the teen. The parents could monitor the usage, but teens are quite adept at getting around this. It is also difficult to help a teen figure out how to manage cyberbullying from persons unknown who, once blocked, just come back again with a new username. Part of the issue is that the teens who are most affected by this kind of behavior are often teens that have some emotional issues beyond the bullying, issues that are being exploited. Ways to help the teen to become stronger, internally are important. Positive activities, counseling, and parental emotional support are all key. We live in a time, where in general, the family is often in an isolated state. 30 years ago, everyone would be in the living room watching TV or interacting with each other in some way. Nowadays, everyone is in the own room or place on their technology.

Good points. This is known to the parents, though. I would have thought they would get counseling.

 

[joG]

Because they are too busy staring at their own phones.

So you think it's like so much in our society and only the normal irresponsibility.

 

[Fallenangel]

My advice may be meaningless to YOU and may seem a certain way to YOU. Of course, your perception is meaningless to ME. Now that we have that out of the way, let's move on.

So, your advice may seem meaningless to others and its perception by others is meaningless to you...yeap seems indeed like it was a cheap chest-beating attempt on the pages of DP, but hey we've already put that out of the way, let's move on.

Nope. Not at all. It's more of a sign of either a mental health issue, a difficulty with self-perception, or challenges in social situations. It's not a weakness but a difference. Also, this really takes what I said out of context. The issue was identifying someone who commits suicide as weak. That's ignorant. The act of suicide is a way for someone to eliminate emotional pain that one finds unbearable and untenable.

Seems to me like the the things you've listed here might be the cause of problems with social interactions ans self-esteem issues, not only signs, but what is the difference between "difference" and "weakness"?

Also, I'm not a mind reader, I can only read what you've written in your posts. Hence, I've asked whether it is possible to characterise issues like low self-esteem for instance as "social weaknesses", which can in turn cause or lead to suicide.

Perhaps implications such as those might not be assumed if you didn't come across in the way that you did. Now, you took my post out of context. Do you want to try a different approach to people in this thread so that you might not get the kinds of responses you are?

Actually, I did not take anything out of context, re-read what I've written. I will probably not follow your "advice" to change my "approach to people" to get the kind of responses that you might want me to get, because as we've just established already people can perceive posts in various ways.
Btw I thought that we've also just established that how others perceive ones posts of advice is meaningless?!?

Fallen.

 

[Fallenangel]

Wasn't implying anything. Just asking you to clarify where you stand. That's all.

Cool, glad we clarified this.

Fallen.

 

[j-mac]

I think it is clear that "cyber bullying" among not just young people, but among everyone is a real problem, but as with face to face bullying, it depends on the person on the receiving end of the bullying as to how they react...

There are two ways to approach this...

1. We could address the factors that put this person at risk of internalizing the negative data to the point of doing something tragic, and take actions to make sure that he/she doesn't get to that point while building their self esteem so that in the future they can distance themselves from that kind of input...I believe that is called "coping skills" among the 'head shrinkers'....

2. We can address the bully's themselves, and the empty nature of their pathetic existence that they get some kind of sick kick out of preying on weaker individuals.....I think they have some mental issues as well.

The internet makes it so much worse for these bad traits to come to the surface because of the obvious nature of anonymity, and people inherently posing to being things they are not. It is pervasive, and prevalent even in places like here in DP....Displayed in whole forums where it is set up for the sole purpose of attacking one another....It is abhorrent, and best left to those whose insecurities dictate that they need such a distinct, and separate area without the constraint of 'normal rules' so that they can properly attack people....They are cowards IMHO. Just as those in real life that bully others are deep down in adequate cowards, and generally pathetic people.

Now as to what has ultimately led to this phenomena of younger people so much more vulnerable to this type of attack in real life, or on the net, is I think a generation of parents ill equipped to raise the younger generation due to the mindset that they wanted to do it differently than their parents did, and as a result coddled, bolstered with false sense of self, lack of empathy, and not enough of the good old fashioned "suck it up buttercup" attitude....Everyone so worried about everyone's feelings, except when they look to destroy that person anonymously on the net....

Anyway, it's a deep subject, and one that discussing it doesn't seem to have the impact on it like other subjects because people talk, and talk is cheep....It's actions that reign supreme...

 

[Kobie]

It became my opinion after years of observation that kids are just evil.

Kids generally lack empathy. They're not "evil" unless they're raised to be.

 

[Henrin]

Btw... here's a preemptive strike. Most of you know what I do for a living. I'll go further than that. My graduate school final thesis was on suicidality. Anyone who says something like "killing yourself is a sign of weakness" or the like, be prepared to be laughed at and humiliated for being completely ignorant on the topic.

Nothing like an online bully that takes pride in being one threatening to flame people for saying something insensitive about online bully victims.

Lets not forget that you're also a mod announcing you plan to break forum rules.

Oh and btw, what you plan to flame people for is an opinion that you can in no way prove is not factual.

 

[Cryptic]

Why do you think kids today feel some "need" to cyber-bully?

Entertainment? Power? What is it? Any clue?

It is not just kids. Adults do it too. I once met a restaurant owner who was featured on a national "Re-do my failing restaurant" type show. After eating there, I went to the website for the show out of curiosity. The comments section was loaded with senselessly mean comments about the family's teeth, mannerisms, perceived intelligence, business skills etc.

I doubt any of these comments were posted by teenagers. Rather, they were posted by adults.

 

[Dragonfly]

It is not just kids. Adults do it to. I once met a restaurant owner who was featured on a national "Re-do my restaurant type show". After eating there, I went to the website for the show. The comments section was loaded with senselessly mean comments about the family's teeth, mannerisms, perceived intelligence, business skills etc.

I doubt any of these comments were posted by teenagers. Rather, they were posted by adults.

Hopefully, adults are better prepared to deal with online idiocy than kids are.

 

[Renae]

Btw... here's a preemptive strike. Most of you know what I do for a living. I'll go further than that. My graduate school final thesis was on suicidality. Anyone who says something like "killing yourself is a sign of weakness" or the like, be prepared to be laughed at and humiliated for being completely ignorant on the topic.

It's a sign, especially in a case like this, of ignored and untreated underlying mental illnesses, and that is on the family for not acting sooner. A sad tragedy all around.

 

[Cryptic]

Hopefully, adults are better prepared to deal with online idiocy than kids are.

They were. They just dis-connected the social media. My guess is that they are living better lives with out it. One Catholic school in Wyoming actually forbids electronic devices so as to encourage old fashioned face to face communication.

 

[Excon]

Anyone can become 'unstable'.
Just because you're feeling so good with your mental state right now doesn't mean that by going through certain situations you wouldn't become unstable as well.
Judging people who reached that level of distress as if they are weak or pathetic and need to be laughed at is not a smart move.

Sans those who receive brain damage which changes the way their brain functions as a whole, the people who show their instability were already unstable to begin with.
And nowhere did I say they should be laughed at.

 

[Fishking]

Cyber bullying. A modern day issue. Awful. Disgusting. Tragic.

Can we, or should we hold people accountable when something of this nature happens?
Can assault charges be levied if it's just words on the internet?

Flip side of that is people don't have to be "on" the internet. You can turn off Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

I'm torn between anger at the kids who mercilessly tortured this girl, and just outright sadness that she felt her only way out was suicide.
Her family must be absolutely devastated having watched her pull the trigger.

I don't think kids are really capable of processing all the things they are exposed to via the internet these days. Hell, I don't think most adults can handle it. It may even be borderline child abuse to leave it go unchecked.

1. You can't stop people from being mean, nor can you make a law that wouldn't infringe on free speech.

2. She should have been forcibly unplugged from the internet, especially social media, and enrolled into extra curricular activities to get her out and about doing something productive.

If you leave a child to wallow in their room over mean stuff said to them at school and then being exposed to more of it on social media, it's a toxic mix.

Why Steve Jobs Didn’t Let His Kids Use iPads (And Why You Shouldn’t Either)

 

[CaptainCourtesy]

I do.

I also understand the rationale behind thinking suicide is a selfish endeavor when you yourself are in a rational frame of mind.

However, when all rationality is thrown out the window due to a mental illness and staggering depression, the concept of "selfish" loses all meaning doesn't it?

It's "selfish" to open a door so you can go through it, but not hold it open for the geriatric person coming behind you that also happens to be using a cane and is visibly struggling to walk.

Is it selfish if the door you're opening is to a hospital and the reason you're there is because you child has been in a tragic accident and you don't even know if you'll make it in time to see them alive one more time?

I agree that context is key and how one perceives something may be different than the intent or other issues that might be affecting one's behavior.