Would you STOP being friends with someone if they revealed

[Lovebug]

It would disappoint me if it would take a friend 5 years to trust me. Of course the answers may depend on the definition of "friend".

 

[TheGoverness]

It would disappoint me if it would take a friend 5 years to trust me. Of course the answers may depend on the definition of "friend".

I mentioned this earlier in the thread, but in that situation, it may not be simply because they didn't trust you. A lot of us go through a phase of denial, where we haven't come to terms with who we are. And some people, it's nothing. But for others it can take years to come to accept it. It took me a few years to fully accept myself.

 

[Lovebug]

Wouldn’t make a hill of beans difference to me unless the gay person expressed a sexual interest in me. I would then distance myself. It wouldn’t be because they were gay. It would be because I would not be interested in reciprocating the feelings.

Wouldn't that imply that this friend doesn't know you very well? Don't get me wrong, but I don't think that any of my girlfriends would think that I had any sexual interest in them, before or after they reveal their orientation. They know me as the one man woman, and I don't see how that would change.
If one of my girlfriends had a crush on me, I would think she respect my own orientation enough to tell me, but also know it won't be reciprocated. So no, it wouldn't make me uncomfortable.

 

[Lovebug]

I mentioned this earlier in the thread, but in that situation, it may not be simply because they didn't trust you. A lot of us go through a phase of denial, where we haven't come to terms with who we are. And some people, it's nothing. But for others it can take years to come to accept it. It took me a few years to fully accept myself.

But isn't that at the core of good friendship? Trusting someone enough to discuss your innermost thoughts? While you were coming to terms with your orientation, did you ever wish someone would listen to the questions that were running through your mind, helping you coming to terms with it?

 

[maquiscat]

But isn't that at the core of good friendship? Trusting someone enough to discuss your innermost thoughts? While you were coming to terms with your orientation, did you ever wish someone would listen to the questions that were running through your mind, helping you coming to terms with it?

It isn't necessarily that easy. I had issues thatit took years before I could approach my wife with. Not to mention one issue, than it took her noticing and bringing to my attention before I would acknowledge it myself. And then when you finally do acknowledge things like this (assuming it's not been pointed out to you by others) and you realize that you have been like this for years or all your life, then you worry that you'lll be rejected for not coming out earlier. Remember that fears are irrational, and while intellectually you might know that they won't reject you, the fear can still be too strong. Then it takes even longer to overcome that fear to even start hinting around the issue. I still have problems talking to my wife about my problems. Some days are easier, but other days I still fear she will leave me over them, even though it has been years since we started working on them together.

 

[TheGoverness]

But isn't that at the core of good friendship? Trusting someone enough to discuss your innermost thoughts? While you were coming to terms with your orientation, did you ever wish someone would listen to the questions that were running through your mind, helping you coming to terms with it?

Of course I did. But I didn't tell anyone because I was deathly scared of how they would react. Eventually, I did have someone to talk to about it (and that person is now my girlfriend), but it took me a while to get the guts to tell anyone else about it.

But in terms of my friends, I really had nothing to worry about. All my friends had no problem when I came out. My family did (besides my baby sister), but that's a different story.

 

[Quag]

Well, of course I wouldn't stop being friends with someone if they revealed that.

You say that now but what if your GF told you she was actually gay?

 

[TheGoverness]

You say that now but what if your GF told you she was actually gay?

"You're gay?! Why didn't you tell me this beforehand?!"

 

[PTF]

I'll make this short...
You're correct.

 

[RAMOSS]

I mentioned this earlier in the thread, but in that situation, it may not be simply because they didn't trust you. A lot of us go through a phase of denial, where we haven't come to terms with who we are. And some people, it's nothing. But for others it can take years to come to accept it. It took me a few years to fully accept myself.

I will have to say that you accepted it at a pretty young age, considering your mother's belief , and where you live. I know people who didn't come to grips with it until they were in the mid 20's, even though they 'knew' they were gay fairly young. In fact, one person I am thinking of got sent to a 'pray the gay away' camp when they were 15. That was, from all she said, a very traumatic experience.

 

[RAMOSS]

Of course I did. But I didn't tell anyone because I was deathly scared of how they would react. Eventually, I did have someone to talk to about it (and that person is now my girlfriend), but it took me a while to get the guts to tell anyone else about it.

But in terms of my friends, I really had nothing to worry about. All my friends had no problem when I came out. My family did (besides my baby sister), but that's a different story.

I knew my niece was bi before she knew it herself.

 

[JasperL]

Nope. I think that that is the reason for not allowing marriage any subsidies or privileges any more nor be a public mandate.

Not sure what "that" is above. At any rate you're not making a coherent argument so I'l pass guessing.

And no. It is not a "special 'gay tax'", but your saying it is means that you either have not thought about the topic seriously or you are trying your hand at polemics, which you do not do very well.

If you're expecting gays, but not straights, for forego the legally available benefits of marriage, then yes, you are for them suffering a "gay tax" compared to straight couples. And if you think I haven't thought about the topic seriously, what specifically do you object to in my comment. You don't write very well, so I'm having a hard time understanding your comment.

And you are not very good at understanding "progress", which you seem to define on a purely hedonistic/emotional personal basis instead of understanding the implications of laws. I have seen this rather skin deep thinking in a number of your opinions on societal matters.

LOL calling my thinking skin deep in a post that's nearly completely an ad hominem attack on me....:roll:

 

[RamFel]

Slightly different take on the "would you be friends with a transgender" thread.

Suppose one of your friends, somebody you'd been pretty good friends with for at least 5 years or more, "came out" to you.

Maybe they came out as gay, and you had no idea they were gay.
Maybe they came out as transgender, and you had had no idea because their transition happened before you knew them at all.

Whatever it is, it's something that takes you completely by surprise.
Up until they told you, you were just assuming something else was the case.

Again, this is a person you've know for years, and been good friends with for quite some time.

Also, this is purely a gender/sexual identity/sexual attraction question.
This is not having a friend tell you they've raped multiple women/children/animals kinda thing.
Eee

Five minutes before they say: " ___________." , you've been good friends with them for years.

"You may not know this about me, but I'm gay." Would you end the friendship?
"You may not know this about me, but 15 years ago I transitioned from ______ to __________. My birth name was ______." Would you end the friendship?

Even though I think it's wrong, I would treat that person with respect.

 

[FastPace]

Slightly different take on the "would you be friends with a transgender" thread.

Suppose one of your friends, somebody you'd been pretty good friends with for at least 5 years or more, "came out" to you.

Maybe they came out as gay, and you had no idea they were gay.
Maybe they came out as transgender, and you had had no idea because their transition happened before you knew them at all.

Whatever it is, it's something that takes you completely by surprise.
Up until they told you, you were just assuming something else was the case.

Again, this is a person you've know for years, and been good friends with for quite some time.

Also, this is purely a gender/sexual identity/sexual attraction question.
This is not having a friend tell you they've raped multiple women/children/animals kinda thing.


Five minutes before they say: " ___________." , you've been good friends with them for years.

"You may not know this about me, but I'm gay." Would you end the friendship?
"You may not know this about me, but 15 years ago I transitioned from ______ to __________. My birth name was ______." Would you end the friendship?

The majority of inner-city Black-American males would cease friendship or greatly restrict it to the private rather than public interactions.

The majority of inner-city blacks do not type or post on these boards. Liberals, pro-Democrats, on the "streets" or "blue collar" world are different from liberals and Democrats of academia and the cuddle kind.

Asking these questions to Republicans and Democrats and Libertarians on this board is to hear the echo chambers of one's own religion, without risking martyrdom, knocked out teeth and pouring blood on the violent American streets of liberals to convert them.

In general the LGBTQ are tolerated in the inner-city so long as they don't bring "their thing" to those that object or don't try to convert others. In general. Lesbianism is highly accepted in the inner-city but male homosexuality is not.

Of course, high brow, learned liberals will deny this just as they denied the realities in America that led to the election of Donald Trump.

What I'm basically saying is asking these questions--to your like-minded "I tolerate all LGBTQ people"--on boards like this will never give one a true reflection of the broader United States on this.

 

[CLAX1911]

Slightly different take on the "would you be friends with a transgender" thread.

Suppose one of your friends, somebody you'd been pretty good friends with for at least 5 years or more, "came out" to you.

Maybe they came out as gay, and you had no idea they were gay.
Maybe they came out as transgender, and you had had no idea because their transition happened before you knew them at all.

Whatever it is, it's something that takes you completely by surprise.
Up until they told you, you were just assuming something else was the case.

Again, this is a person you've know for years, and been good friends with for quite some time.

Also, this is purely a gender/sexual identity/sexual attraction question.
This is not having a friend tell you they've raped multiple women/children/animals kinda thing.


Five minutes before they say: " ___________." , you've been good friends with them for years.

"You may not know this about me, but I'm gay." Would you end the friendship?
"You may not know this about me, but 15 years ago I transitioned from ______ to __________. My birth name was ______." Would you end the friendship?

Not at all. A wise person once told me that that sort of thing didn't change the person they are. And if I was good friends, no way that would hinder that.

 

[Lursa]

I wouldnt be mad, it's totally their call.

OTOH, I'd probably be like, 'well that explains alot.'

And depending on the level of friendship, maybe a little sad they didnt know me well enough to trust me but I realize that for each individual, it has to be when they are ready.

 

[pagan_liberty]

Slightly different take on the "would you be friends with a transgender" thread.

Suppose one of your friends, somebody you'd been pretty good friends with for at least 5 years or more, "came out" to you.

Maybe they came out as gay, and you had no idea they were gay.
Maybe they came out as transgender, and you had had no idea because their transition happened before you knew them at all.

Whatever it is, it's something that takes you completely by surprise.
Up until they told you, you were just assuming something else was the case.

Again, this is a person you've know for years, and been good friends with for quite some time.

Also, this is purely a gender/sexual identity/sexual attraction question.
This is not having a friend tell you they've raped multiple women/children/animals kinda thing.


Five minutes before they say: " ___________." , you've been good friends with them for years.

"You may not know this about me, but I'm gay." Would you end the friendship?
"You may not know this about me, but 15 years ago I transitioned from ______ to __________. My birth name was ______." Would you end the friendship?

No, i would not end a friendship over him/her coming out. I will still be there as a friend for them.
something as petty as that should never end a friendship

 

[Nap]

When I was in college I had a good friend come out as homosexual. I don't recall anyone out of our group of friends that treated him any differently. I will say many of us weren't shocked about it, the most common reaction was typically "tell us something we didn't already know". This was in Mississippi around 2002, I doubt you will find many below the age of 35 that even give it a second thought.

 

[cpwill]

Slightly different take on the "would you be friends with a transgender" thread.

Suppose one of your friends, somebody you'd been pretty good friends with for at least 5 years or more, "came out" to you.

Maybe they came out as gay, and you had no idea they were gay.
Maybe they came out as transgender, and you had had no idea because their transition happened before you knew them at all.

Whatever it is, it's something that takes you completely by surprise.
Up until they told you, you were just assuming something else was the case.

Again, this is a person you've know for years, and been good friends with for quite some time.

Also, this is purely a gender/sexual identity/sexual attraction question.
This is not having a friend tell you they've raped multiple women/children/animals kinda thing.


Five minutes before they say: " ___________." , you've been good friends with them for years.

"You may not know this about me, but I'm gay." Would you end the friendship?
"You may not know this about me, but 15 years ago I transitioned from ______ to __________. My birth name was ______." Would you end the friendship?

No, with one possible exception. If the person was simply gay, or had simply gotten plastic surgery+name-change to present as a different gender.... :shrug: well, alright. It may change the degree to which I want you being an influence on my children, but you are still the person who was my friend.

But if they were claiming the title of Christian and insisted on living in unrepetant/refusal-to-recognize sin (which is not the same as simply being gay or feeling like you are a different gender), then I would be obligated to sacrifice my active friendship with them in order to honor my faith.


So, given sort-of-natural-tendencies, in the vast majority of cases, no, but I felt obligated to point out the exception.

 

[Dragonfly]

But if they were claiming the title of Christian and insisted on living in unrepetant/refusal-to-recognize sin

What?

For example?

 

[AGENT J]

No, with one possible exception. If the person was simply gay, or had simply gotten plastic surgery+name-change to present as a different gender.... :shrug: well, alright. It may change the degree to which I want you being an influence on my children, but you are still the person who was my friend.

But if they were claiming the title of Christian and insisted on living in unrepetant/refusal-to-recognize sin (which is not the same as simply being gay or feeling like you are a different gender), then I would be obligated to sacrifice my active friendship with them in order to honor my faith.


So, given sort-of-natural-tendencies, in the vast majority of cases, no, but I felt obligated to point out the exception.

Yes this needs more explanation as to what you mean please?

 

[Medusa]

Slightly different take on the "would you be friends with a transgender" thread.

Suppose one of your friends, somebody you'd been pretty good friends with for at least 5 years or more, "came out" to you.

Maybe they came out as gay, and you had no idea they were gay.
Maybe they came out as transgender, and you had had no idea because their transition happened before you knew them at all.

Whatever it is, it's something that takes you completely by surprise.
Up until they told you, you were just assuming something else was the case.

Again, this is a person you've know for years, and been good friends with for quite some time.

Also, this is purely a gender/sexual identity/sexual attraction question.
This is not having a friend tell you they've raped multiple women/children/animals kinda thing.


Five minutes before they say: " ___________." , you've been good friends with them for years.

"You may not know this about me, but I'm gay." Would you end the friendship?
"You may not know this about me, but 15 years ago I transitioned from ______ to __________. My birth name was ______." Would you end the friendship?

If he she were really my friend he would know I feel sympathy for such people I think.

 

[Chagos]

~..................... Would you end the friendship?

No!

On the rare occasions that I've extended it, it's been permanent.

It would take some real betrayal (also signifying my lack of judgment) to change that and the things outlined do not reach that grade.

 

[cpwill]

What?

For example?

Well, to make it intensely personal, my little-sister-by-choice (we were basically raised together as children, though we weren't related), who is also a lifelong friend of mine decided (and yes, it was an observable decision) she was a lesbian in college, and has since gotten married to another woman.

I love her deeply. But she will not be part of my children growing up, because she also claims to be a Christian (if she claimed the title of Secularism, this would not be an issue). I can lend my credibility as a Christian and a parent to the notion that we can and should have relationships with those whose lifestyles we don't agree with (we, too, are sinners); I cannot lend that witness to an abuse of the faith. I would be saying with my actions that this was acceptable for Christians, and that I must not do.

Sent from my XT1526 using Tapatalk

 

[Dragonfly]

Well, to make it intensely personal, my little-sister-by-choice (we were basically raised together as children, though we weren't related), who is also a lifelong friend of mine decided (and yes, it was an observable decision) she was a lesbian in college, and has since gotten married to another woman.

I love her deeply. But she will not be part of my children growing up, because she also claims to be a Christian (if she claimed the title of Secularism, this would not be an issue). I can lend my credibility as a Christian and a parent to the notion that we can and should have relationships with those whose lifestyles we don't agree with (we, too, are sinners); I cannot lend that witness to an abuse of the faith. I would be saying with my actions that this was acceptable for Christians, and that I must not do.

Thanks for the explanation.

I'm sorry to say that I think you're making a ginormous mistake.
Religion can really screw people up in bad ways. This is sad.