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Women - What are you feelings about "giving away the milk for free".

Harshaw said:
"Excuse"? I can't be the only one reading this as you thinking that she owed you sex.
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He bought dinner.

Isn't that essentially a social contract?

The guy buys dinner the women puts out.

that is the way it's always been.
 
lurchadams said:
Because I saw the look on her face when I tried to take her to bed. You weren't there. You don't have a clue what you're talking about, Jos. I'm sorry, but you don't.
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So what took place after that moment? Did you tell her that's okay we can just hang out and talk. Maybe put some music on and share some life stories?
 
lurchadams said:
I'm 58 years old. I had a date Saturday night with a 53 year-old woman I've been communicating with for several months. Saturday was our third date - I took her to see, "Bohemian Rhapsody" at a movie theater that serves you drinks and dinner during the movie. It was pretty cool. But I just went off on a tangent.

So we get back to her place. She tells me her 2 kids that live with her are staying at a hotel overnight and would I like to come in. So I assumed at that point - her telling me her kids were gone - inviting me in - the fact it was our third date - I assumed she was inviting me in to spend the night.

So we're on her couch, we're talking for a bit, then I start to kiss her. She pulls back. I ask her how long it's been since she's been with someone. She tells me a very long time. I tell her not to worry, I'll take care of everything, then I gently take her hands and try to get her started towards her bedroom. She pulls back again and says, "No, I'm NOT READY!". I ask her, gently why she thinks that is. She tells me she "doesn't know me well enough". This woman and I have been talking for months. She knows my family - where I went to school. She knows who my friends are. We're facebook friends. In my opinion this woman knows me better than most women do when they first decide they want to have sex with a guy.

So the "not knowing me well enough" excuse was bull****.

I don't understand why this chick is even on a dating site if she has such a puritanical and unhealthy outlook on sex. She needs to get off the dating site and get into therapy for her anxiety about human intimacy in my opinion or her cycle of being disappointed and disappointing men is going to continue.

So my question is to the ladies:

It's been possibly years since you've been intimate with a guy. You're sitting on a couch with a guy you're obviously interested in. He wants to sleep with you. What in the world was this girl thinking? Why the **** is she even on a dating site?

Thanks.
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At our age, all the good ones are taken.
 
lurchadams said:
I didn't use those words. I said she has anxiety issues related to intimacy and it's killing her chances to be truly happy in a relationship. I still believe that. Don't twist my words.



To do what, Sky? She wanted just to sit on the couch and chat? After she rejected my overtures, why didn't she just say, "my name", look, I like you, but sex to me, is something only to be shared by two people in love". Can we just sit here and talk so that I can get to know you better?" I wouldn't have been happy with that response, but I would have understood it. And I would have stayed there and chatted with her. Instead, she lied and said the problem was that "she wasn't ready because didn't know me well enough". And that's all she said. I guess what I haven't said in this thread up until now is that I need people to be straight with me, or they lose my respect. This woman was NOT straight with me.



Nice try to attack my ego. You failed. I think I'm adequate in the bedroom. Whether that's true or not, be straight with me about why or why not you don't wish to escalate the relationship or don't see me. Your paragraph above is completely ridiculous because if she's not attracted to me why carry on a dialog for 4 months with me and go on 3 dates? Think before you type, my friend.



And again, that is unnecessary because we live in 2019 where most healthy people who share an attraction to each other have sex. I'm sorry to break this to you but that's just a fact.

You are failing, miserably my friend.
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With all due respect my friend I'm not the one who created a thread because he failed to hit a home run.

You've been told repeatedly by both the females and some males that what occurred doesn't warrant your conclusion that she needs therapy. You're also calling her a liar for saying she doesn't know you well enough. Sorry but it's not your call on what she deems "well enough". It's up there with someone saying your comment hurt them and you saying that's stupid because you weren't saying it to hurt them. Again, you don't get to decide their feelings.

You apparently wanted validation that you deserved sex and Sherri has issues. It didn't go that way so you're doing the same thing here. Saying the women aren't being honest and telling others they're angry.
 
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SkyFox76 said:
It really seems like you're unable to accept that this woman didn't find you so appealing and irresistible that she went crazy with lust and just had to have you.

And in your view since she didn't jump at the chance something is clearly wrong with her and she needs therapy.

Not everybody views sex as a casual thing. Accept it. ;)
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Mmmm.... hmmm... someone else just tried that with me, my naive' friend. Didn't work for them either. I know who I am. I like who I am. I honestly don't give a **** what YOU think of me.

The first time you ever get laid, if that ever happens you'll begin to figure out how the world works.

Until then don't opine about things you know nothing about.
 
DH Kirkwood said:
I do no share your concerns with her lack of honesty. Put someone on the spot, and a lot of people who would otherwise be forthright will reflexibly say whatever they think will hurt the other person's feelings the least. That said, I'm not even entirely certain that she was being dishonest at all, not knowing this person and such. You have an ideal for what's normal in a relationship, but that's simply not going to be universal. Just because casual sex is more common than it was back in your day (I jest, don't kill me) doesn't mean that plenty of folks don't find it normal to take things at a snail's pace.

I know your thing is, 'she should have been straight with me', but I'm still getting an 'entitled to sex' vibe. You're also projecting your expections of what is and is not a healthy relationship. Plenty of people wait several months before getting intimate. Personally, I'm very introverted, not very affectionate, and don't see myself jumping into the sack as quickly as you seem to think is appropriate. To each their own.

Bottom line is, is that you're not getting what you want out of the relationship, and she should probably be with someone who wants to take things far more slowly. That's all there is to it. You don't need to get on a web-forum and vent about how there's something wrong with your new girlfriend--just end the relationship, go back to that dating site, and be upfront as to why the previous relationship didn't work out.

Hopefully you can find someone with a higher libido, and she can find someone who wants to sit on the couch and watch movies.
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I can tell you're an introvert. Your chances for living a happy, healthy life is inhibited by your lack of social awareness.You project your own inadaquacies on to my date Saturday and frustrated with your own lack of confidence and miriad of sexual hang ups you attack me.

It's a classic case. I feel bad for you. Please PM me if I can be of any assistance in overcoming both your social and sexual inadaquacies, my troubled friend.
 
Wow. This is the creepiest thread I've seen since henrin got banned. Lurch, you've got issues. *shudder*
 
lurchadams said:
I can tell you're an introvert. Your chances for living a happy, healthy life is inhibited by your lack of social awareness.You project your own inadaquacies on to my date Saturday and frustrated with your own lack of confidence and miriad of sexual hang ups you attack me.

It's a classic case. I feel bad for you. Please PM me if I can be of any assistance in overcoming both your social and sexual inadaquacies, my troubled friend.
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It's like I'm talking to a butt-hurt fourteen-year-old, and not a man in his late fifties. I honestly think you're too frustrated with the whole situation to think about it objectively.

For instance, you have in your head what constitutes as healthy, and what does not. I think that's the biggest issue I have with your anecdote and subsequent responses. Do you think that asexual people are inherently unhealthy? I know at least one couple who waited a few years before having sex, and now they're happily married with kids. Is that unhealthy?
 
SkyFox76 said:
So what took place after that moment? Did you tell her that's okay we can just hang out and talk. Maybe put some music on and share some life stories?
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We've been doing that for 4 months, idiot. Please try to keep up or don't participate.
 
apdst said:
At our age, all the good ones are taken.
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Not true at all. I've dated some really cool women over the last few months. I'm dating a woman now, who towers over me at 6' tall. She's a holistic healer who escaped from a religious cult when she was a kid and has blown my mind with what she knows and with her perspectives on my life and others. She's pretty amazing, pal.

There aren't a ton of women like her, but there are some.

You're wrong.
 
lurchadams said:
I'm 58 years old. I had a date Saturday night with a 53 year-old woman I've been communicating with for several months. Saturday was our third date - I took her to see, "Bohemian Rhapsody" at a movie theater that serves you drinks and dinner during the movie. It was pretty cool. But I just went off on a tangent.

So we get back to her place. She tells me her 2 kids that live with her are staying at a hotel overnight and would I like to come in. So I assumed at that point - her telling me her kids were gone - inviting me in - the fact it was our third date - I assumed she was inviting me in to spend the night.

So we're on her couch, we're talking for a bit, then I start to kiss her. She pulls back. I ask her how long it's been since she's been with someone. She tells me a very long time. I tell her not to worry, I'll take care of everything, then I gently take her hands and try to get her started towards her bedroom. She pulls back again and says, "No, I'm NOT READY!". I ask her, gently why she thinks that is. She tells me she "doesn't know me well enough". This woman and I have been talking for months. She knows my family - where I went to school. She knows who my friends are. We're facebook friends. In my opinion this woman knows me better than most women do when they first decide they want to have sex with a guy.

So the "not knowing me well enough" excuse was bull****.

I don't understand why this chick is even on a dating site if she has such a puritanical and unhealthy outlook on sex. She needs to get off the dating site and get into therapy for her anxiety about human intimacy in my opinion or her cycle of being disappointed and disappointing men is going to continue.

So my question is to the ladies:

It's been possibly years since you've been intimate with a guy. You're sitting on a couch with a guy you're obviously interested in. He wants to sleep with you. What in the world was this girl thinking? Why the **** is she even on a dating site?

Thanks.
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In my opinion, if you had responded with "yes, I completely understand. How about dinner next weekend?" That would have said more about you than anything she could have asked.
 
Seriously, this is like a really bad 80's movie with that creepy douchey villain-type character taking center stage.


OM
 
Lucian Hodoboc said:
In my opinion, dating / courting should only happen in the pursuit of marriage, and sex before marriage should be avoided. If you want to engage in sexual activities, propose to her and get married. :)
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What portal did you just step through from 1930?
 
SkyFox76 said:
With all due respect my friend I'm not the one who created a thread because he failed to hit a home run.

You've been told repeatedly by both the females and some males that what occurred doesn't warrant your conclusion that she needs therapy. You're also calling her a liar for saying she doesn't know you well enough. Sorry but it's not your call on what she deems "well enough". It's up there with someone saying your comment hurt them and you saying that's stupid because you weren't saying it to hurt them. Again, you don't get to decide their feelings.

You apparently wanted validation that you deserved sex and Sherri has issues. It didn't go that way so you're doing the same thing here. Saying the women aren't being honest and telling others they're angry.
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Thanks again for your perspective. To say I disagree with you is an understatement my naive, frustrated friend.
 
lurchadams said:
Not true at all. I've dated some really cool women over the last few months. I'm dating a woman now, who towers over me at 6' tall. She's a holistic healer who escaped from a religious cult when she was a kid and has blown my mind with what she knows and with her perspectives on my life and others. She's pretty amazing, pal.

There aren't a ton of women like her, but there are some.

You're wrong.
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How many of them do you want to spend the rest of your life with?

Being cool and being a keeper are different...lol.
 
At any rate, Lurch. Thanks for making us aware of your experience. The problem might also be that you live in Seattle. I read that the place is a VERY rough environment for men.
 
haymarket said:
My apologies for having replied in the first place.
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I'm sorry you replied too, then ran like a scared little kid when things got real. Says so much about you. None of it good.
 
DH Kirkwood said:
It's like I'm talking to a butt-hurt fourteen-year-old, and not a man in his late fifties. I honestly think you're too frustrated with the whole situation to think about it objectively.

For instance, you have in your head what constitutes as healthy, and what does not. I think that's the biggest issue I have with your anecdote and subsequent responses. Do you think that asexual people are inherently unhealthy? I know at least one couple who waited a few years before having sex, and now they're happily married with kids. Is that unhealthy?
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Good for that couple. The situation you're describing is atypical and you know it. You're the one who's been caught looking ignorant and is therefore "butt-hurt".

It's so obvious, along with your hellacious case of lack of self-awareness.

We can keep at this all day, my frustrated, puritanical friend. Either you can stop replying to me or I'll just stop when I get bored, which I assure you is not too much longer.
 
lurchadams said:
I'm 58 years old. I had a date Saturday night with a 53 year-old woman I've been communicating with for several months. Saturday was our third date - I took her to see, "Bohemian Rhapsody" at a movie theater that serves you drinks and dinner during the movie. It was pretty cool. But I just went off on a tangent.

So we get back to her place. She tells me her 2 kids that live with her are staying at a hotel overnight and would I like to come in. So I assumed at that point - her telling me her kids were gone - inviting me in - the fact it was our third date - I assumed she was inviting me in to spend the night.

So we're on her couch, we're talking for a bit, then I start to kiss her. She pulls back. I ask her how long it's been since she's been with someone. She tells me a very long time. I tell her not to worry, I'll take care of everything, then I gently take her hands and try to get her started towards her bedroom. She pulls back again and says, "No, I'm NOT READY!". I ask her, gently why she thinks that is. She tells me she "doesn't know me well enough". This woman and I have been talking for months. She knows my family - where I went to school. She knows who my friends are. We're facebook friends. In my opinion this woman knows me better than most women do when they first decide they want to have sex with a guy.

So the "not knowing me well enough" excuse was bull****.

I don't understand why this chick is even on a dating site if she has such a puritanical and unhealthy outlook on sex. She needs to get off the dating site and get into therapy for her anxiety about human intimacy in my opinion or her cycle of being disappointed and disappointing men is going to continue.

So my question is to the ladies:

It's been possibly years since you've been intimate with a guy. You're sitting on a couch with a guy you're obviously interested in. He wants to sleep with you. What in the world was this girl thinking? Why the **** is she even on a dating site?

Thanks.
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It just happens...a woman "THINKS" she's ready and then suddenly....eeek! :eek:
And it's not just the 53 year olds either. I think I told you the story about the adorable little gal who worked at the drug store, with the ugly pink smock and even the pink smock couldn't hide the fact that she was as cute as the dickens.
And I said that on our first date she clammed up and barely talked, had me convinced she was not having a good date.

Lemme tell you something, if you remember, the next time we went out MONTHS later, it was SHE who dragged ME into the bedroom and jumped MY bones. And like Am Woman says, I damn near needed a first aid kit afterward.
From that point on I removed the word "slut" from my vocabulary as a negative connotation, because I LOVED being pushed onto the bed by a horny woman.

But it happens, women think they ready and suddenly...they're not.
Use humor, use whatever will disarm her defenses, or just gently say good night and chalk it up to Finagle's Constant Flying Fickle Factor.
 
americanwoman said:
If I'm 53 years old, single, kid out of the way, and haven't had a man in years - my advice would be to bring a first aid kit for when I'm done with you.
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You're making me have impure thoughts. :lol:
I guess I'm going to have to channel them "properly".
My wife will be so pleased ;)
 
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