Women - What are you feelings about "giving away the milk for free".

[ecofarm]

You, know eco. I HAVE been happy with my "luck". I've met several women, with one of whom I'm having an all-around really great time with.

I am NOT an incel who doesn't know how to relate with women. I'm just going to have to ask you to take a leap of faith and believe me here. I'm a socially acceptable human being who treats all people I meet, including women, with respect. Believe it, don't believe it that part's out of my control.

I'm sorry I've upset you so and several others.

I meant good luck grasping what I'm trying to convey, someday if not soon.

Everyone likes sex. That's not the problem.

 

[RealityNow]

Maybe the "Adams Family" picture helps explain something, based on your depiction of the scenario that took place? just saying... :shock: ( "humor" !!!! )

She told you the kids were gone, (its certain someone spent money for them to stay in a hotel.... did it ever occur that she may well have paid the expense for them staying in a hotel) It's likely she was planning for "a night"... not a "3.5 minutes rush to bang session"
What happened to a few glasses of wine, conversation that generates a bit of laughter, and a few glances that ignite the passions switch in the mind and send a few flutters to the heart..... its far more important to women to have a situation that flows, rather than one where she has to respond like a on demand "service provider".

Might I Suggest.... "There is far more to what is the Individual... beyond "The eternal "Overblown" emphasis on Sexual Imagery".

If she had gone straight for the kiss, in 20 seconds hands would have been crawling up her thigh's.... and she did not even "get a few minutes of interactive laughter about life and things"...

Patience is a wonderful thing.... when it's engaged... it has delivered more satisfying results, than a drive that forges ahead based primarily on the motivation of "an erection"....

One can find hellish nightmares or heavenly graces... between the same legs... it matters much about the approach, the process in demeanor and the manners that are involved within the interacting follow up...

She likely was avoiding a hellish nightmare and sparing you one as well.... It might be an indication that you may need to address your approach, because she has an active part in the matter as well. She may well be fully competent to have want to be one who also "WILLINGLY" brought something to share within the experiences, that may even have been more than you were prepared for within the exchange.

Imagine if she took you on a date, and came in and sit down and before even engaging in happy spirited communications, that she'd slammed her face into yours and thrust her hands between your legs.... the next day, its likely... you'd find every way possible to diminish her and the integrity of her being, because she was so forwardly aggressively blindly fill with self concerned assertiveness.

you may have lost out on not only a mind blowing situation of many delights that could lead to a longevity in relating... while being frustrated because she was not an "on demand, service provider"...

Its evident she is not a joke... because she took the care enough to share conversation with her kids about having a date, and with enough respect for herself and them, to ensure they did not barge in and find a situation they nor she was prepared for them to be exposed to the visualizations of...

I think it might benefit you and her, for you to give her an apology... even if you two don't plan to meet again, I'm sure she would greatly appreciate such acknowledgments, and over time... you will too... when you comprehend the dynamics of it all.

Represent yourself as a man, and give her respect as the woman she is.... lack of sex in a moment of heat, should not bring degradation to the person you claimed you came to know through months of interacting.

Growing and Learning is how we live well.... when we don't... experiences within living is not as well as it could be.

 

[haymarket]

Ok, so what would you have me do?

I would never presume to give advice in this area to someone across the country in a situation I know very very little about.

 

[JANFU]

I think she need therapy because she fears intimacy. It's my honest opinion. Sorry you're so upset, friend!

You do not know that. You do not know if she has had horrible experiences in the past. Earlier you mentioned fear, ever consider why she was fearful?

 

[Harshaw]

I meant good luck grasping what I'm trying to convey, someday if not soon.

Everyone likes sex. That's not the problem.

It'll really twist his noodle if he finds out she slept with a guy after a single date.

Sometimes "not ready!" simply means "not with YOU." God knows every guy's been through that before.

 

[SDET]

No. Just no. Sheri's not like that. She's NOT selfish. She's very nice person. Like most of us, she's got some issues she needs to address.

You, most of all should understand that some people have issues regarding interactions with the opposite sex. I wish you the best with yours.

At the very least, you should insist that she pay half or her portion of the cost when you take her out.

 

[ecofarm]

Sometimes "not ready!" simply means "not with YOU." God knows every guy's been through that before.

Well, if you count lesbians.

 

[Integrityrespec]

Sounds like you were kinda over reaching. Just because you date 3 times doesn't mean she is ready or even wanting sex at that point. Maybe she is more conservative than you or maybe she is just not that in to you. If I was in your shoes and looking for a woman to have sex with, I'd have knocked that topic around a bit before now and if I wanted sex and she didn't appear to be that interested I'd have moved on. Most relationships move fairly quickly to some level of intimacy, doesn't sound like yours did and you misread it. If she was just using you for a movie and a meal well that's for you to figure out and get a woman more in line with your interest. A woman doesn't owe you sex because you took her out. If you expect it you better set the standard for your relationship pretty early. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not opposed to a little slap and tickle but you weren't reading the signs very well.

 

[lurchadams]

I meant good luck grasping what I'm trying to convey, someday if not soon.

Everyone likes sex. That's not the problem.

Then what is the problem, Eco. Give it one more try, please. Tell me again what you're trying to convey. Please.

 

[Mach]

Okay, well. Then with the next guy she sees perhaps they will both be, "on the same page" with regard to when the right time is to become intimate. I truly hope that for her, I'm just not optimistic she's going to find that man.

She surely floated the issue, whatever it is, in the past and you responded poorly.

This is the same remark I made in your other relationship thread, the one with the younger girl you dated, she broke it off, but stayed friends, and ended up spending the night after a fun-filled get together. I felt you actually did that TWICE, you got a second chance in that other thread, and you repeated the same action. Notice I didn't say same mistake...I'm not judging your actions as good or bad, right or wrong.

I feel you haven't yet understood what I or ecofarm in this case, communicated, and as a matter of OCD I want to see it click with you. I'm not saying we're right, or that it's good advice, or that you need to do what we're saying.
I just feel a puzzle/OCD desire to see you at least understand what we're typing on some level

 

[lurchadams]

I would never presume to give advice in this area to someone across the country in a situation I know very very little about.

LOL, ok. You've been pretty liberal with your opinions about my situation up 'till this point, why stop now?

 

[lurchadams]

You do not know that. You do not know if she has had horrible experiences in the past. Earlier you mentioned fear, ever consider why she was fearful?

I don't know, Jan! I have theories, but in my opinion this woman fears intimacy. We never know anything for sure, and if expressing our theories about anything was poor form, we would not be on this forum having this chat.

 

[Omega Man]

Notice how he created this thread asking women their opinions and then when we did he said, "Nuh uh! You're wrong!" So he wasn't really asking our opinions unless we agreed with him. Much like he doesn't respect this lady because she doesn't agree with him.

Kind of telling, isn't it? It's his dates fault, and she's got "emotional issues" because she didn't feel like having sex right then and there while being physically led by the hand towards her bedroom by somebody who doesn't even live there. And it's your fault for not agreeing with him after he strongly suggested you do so within his OP.


OM

 

[lurchadams]

At the very least, you should insist that she pay half or her portion of the cost when you take her out.

I laughed out loud at that one, thanks SDET

Everything regarding the sexual dynamic with women with you is transactional.

You will never know the joy of an idependent-minded woman helping you with perspectives on life. I pity you, my friend.

 

[SkyFox76]

God dammit, Gov! in my scenario, you're both single. Now I know you're just ****ing with me and you know I'm right about this woman.

I'm disappointed in the women here. They're doing nothing but attacking me and being intellectually dishonest. Not a good look for you guys at all.

I'm only a few pages in on this but wow, so far you don't seem to be able to accept that just because this woman turned you down it doesn't put her in some prudish 40's state of mind.

It's quite possible that she had enough interest to entertain the thought of intimacy but was going by the moment. She cleared the house on the chance it led to you two being together.

You seem to think your a top catch in the bedroom but apparently she didn't find the foreplay to be worthy of taking it further. It doesn't mean she's not ready to be intimate with anybody. It means she's not ready (or interested) in being intimate with you personally.

Maybe the kissing just wasn't up to her standards?

Simple solution is make it clear your looking for someone to put out early on, preferably by the 3rd date. Others need not apply.

 

[Mach]

At the very least, you should insist that she pay half or her portion of the cost when you take her out.

You're missing out on all the priceless things you can get from relationships that are not so transactional or money focused! You can work through this with counseling I feel..it may not even take that long.

 

[ecofarm]

Then what is the problem, Eco. Give it one more try, please. Tell me again what you're trying to convey. Please.

She balked as a result of an unresolved issue.

 

[Angel]

I'm 58 years old. I had a date Saturday night with a 53 year-old woman I've been communicating with for several months. Saturday was our third date - I took her to see, "Bohemian Rhapsody" at a movie theater that serves you drinks and dinner during the movie. It was pretty cool. But I just went off on a tangent.

So we get back to her place. She tells me her 2 kids that live with her are staying at a hotel overnight and would I like to come in. So I assumed at that point - her telling me her kids were gone - inviting me in - the fact it was our third date - I assumed she was inviting me in to spend the night.

So we're on her couch, we're talking for a bit, then I start to kiss her. She pulls back. I ask her how long it's been since she's been with someone. She tells me a very long time. I tell her not to worry, I'll take care of everything, then I gently take her hands and try to get her started towards her bedroom. She pulls back again and says, "No, I'm NOT READY!". I ask her, gently why she thinks that is. She tells me she "doesn't know me well enough". This woman and I have been talking for months. She knows my family - where I went to school. She knows who my friends are. We're facebook friends. In my opinion this woman knows me better than most women do when they first decide they want to have sex with a guy.

So the "not knowing me well enough" excuse was bull****.

I don't understand why this chick is even on a dating site if she has such a puritanical and unhealthy outlook on sex. She needs to get off the dating site and get into therapy for her anxiety about human intimacy in my opinion or her cycle of being disappointed and disappointing men is going to continue.

So my question is to the ladies:

It's been possibly years since you've been intimate with a guy. You're sitting on a couch with a guy you're obviously interested in. He wants to sleep with you. What in the world was this girl thinking? Why the **** is she even on a dating site?

Thanks.

Maybe she's demisexual.
https://www.debatepolitics.com/sex-...vocabulary-you-demisexual.html#post1069623190

 

[lurchadams]

I'm only a few pages in on this but wow, so far you don't seem to be able to accept that just because this woman turned you down it doesn't put her in some prudish 40's state of mind.

I didn't use those words. I said she has anxiety issues related to intimacy and it's killing her chances to be truly happy in a relationship. I still believe that. Don't twist my words.

It's quite possible that she had enough interest to entertain the thought of intimacy but was going by the moment. She cleared the house on the chance it led to you two being together.

To do what, Sky? She wanted just to sit on the couch and chat? After she rejected my overtures, why didn't she just say, "my name", look, I like you, but sex to me, is something only to be shared by two people in love". Can we just sit here and talk so that I can get to know you better?" I wouldn't have been happy with that response, but I would have understood it. And I would have stayed there and chatted with her. Instead, she lied and said the problem was that "she wasn't ready because didn't know me well enough". And that's all she said. I guess what I haven't said in this thread up until now is that I need people to be straight with me, or they lose my respect. This woman was NOT straight with me.

You seem to think your a top catch in the bedroom but apparently she didn't find the foreplay to be worthy of taking it further. It doesn't mean she's not ready to be intimate with anybody. It means she's not ready (or interested) in being intimate with you personally.
Maybe the kissing just wasn't up to her standards?

Nice try to attack my ego. You failed. I think I'm adequate in the bedroom. Whether that's true or not, be straight with me about why or why not you don't wish to escalate the relationship or don't see me. Your paragraph above is completely ridiculous because if she's not attracted to me why carry on a dialog for 4 months with me and go on 3 dates? Think before you type, my friend.

Simple solution is make it clear your looking for someone to put out early on, preferably by the 3rd date. Others need not apply.

And again, that is unnecessary because we live in 2019 where most healthy people who share an attraction to each other have sex. I'm sorry to break this to you but that's just a fact.

You are failing, miserably my friend.

 

[haymarket]

LOL, ok. You've been pretty liberal with your opinions about my situation up 'till this point, why stop now?

I am sorry if I offended you.

 

[SkyFox76]

ANSWER

THE

QUESTION

In the situation I described. Your both single. You've known the guy for months. You're alone. You haven't had sex for months, possibly years.

WOULD

YOU

JUMP

HIS

BONES?

It really seems like you're unable to accept that this woman didn't find you so appealing and irresistible that she went crazy with lust and just had to have you.

And in your view since she didn't jump at the chance something is clearly wrong with her and she needs therapy.

Not everybody views sex as a casual thing. Accept it.

 

[SkyFox76]

I am not lashing out. I'm just pointing out the women here are doing nothing but attacking me and dodging the question. Sorry if you disagree, my friend. You have the right not to read my posts any longer - I'm just sayin'.

The woman have answered your question. You just aren't liking the answer so your making it "their" issue much like you've done with this date.

 

[DH Kirkwood]

I didn't use those words. I said she has anxiety issues related to intimacy and it's killing her chances to be truly happy in a relationship. I still believe that. Don't twist my words.



To do what, Sky? She wanted just to sit on the couch and chat? After she rejected my overtures, why didn't she just say, "my name", look, I like you, but sex to me, is something only to be shared by two people in love". Can we just sit here and talk so that I can get to know you better?" I wouldn't have been happy with that response, but I would have understood it. And I would have stayed there and chatted with her. Instead, she lied and said the problem was that "she wasn't ready because didn't know me well enough". And that's all she said. I guess what I haven't said in this thread up until now is that I need people to be straight with me, or they lose my respect. This woman was NOT straight with me.



Nice try to attack my ego. You failed. I think I'm adequate in the bedroom. Whether that's true or not, be straight with me about why or why not you don't wish to escalate the relationship or don't see me. Your paragraph above is completely ridiculous because if she's not attracted to me why carry on a dialog for 4 months with me and go on 3 dates? Think before you type, my friend.



And again, that is unnecessary because we live in 2019 where most healthy people who share an attraction to each other have sex. I'm sorry to break this to you but that's just a fact.

You are failing, miserably my friend.

I do no share your concerns with her lack of honesty. Put someone on the spot, and a lot of people who would otherwise be forthright will reflexibly say whatever they think will hurt the other person's feelings the least. That said, I'm not even entirely certain that she was being dishonest at all, not knowing this person and such. You have an ideal for what's normal in a relationship, but that's simply not going to be universal. Just because casual sex is more common than it was back in your day (I jest, don't kill me) doesn't mean that plenty of folks don't find it normal to take things at a snail's pace.

I know your thing is, 'she should have been straight with me', but I'm still getting an 'entitled to sex' vibe. You're also projecting your expections of what is and is not a healthy relationship. Plenty of people wait several months before getting intimate. Personally, I'm very introverted, not very affectionate, and don't see myself jumping into the sack as quickly as you seem to think is appropriate. To each their own.

Bottom line is, is that you're not getting what you want out of the relationship, and she should probably be with someone who wants to take things far more slowly. That's all there is to it. You don't need to get on a web-forum and vent about how there's something wrong with your new girlfriend--just end the relationship, go back to that dating site, and be upfront as to why the previous relationship didn't work out.

Hopefully you can find someone with a higher libido, and she can find someone who wants to sit on the couch and watch movies.

 

[TheGoverness]

ain't no shame in going home and rubbing one out. greater men have done the same.

Slap the lizard!

 

[noonereal]

In my opinion, dating / courting should only happen in the pursuit of marriage, and sex before marriage should be avoided. If you want to engage in sexual activities, propose to her and get married.

LOL, I got a good chuckle out of this post, thanks