Women - What are you feelings about "giving away the milk for free".

[trixare4kids]

I think she need therapy because she fears intimacy. It's my honest opinion. Sorry you're so upset, friend!

I think you're the one who needs therapy.
She said NO, and you're still whining about it.
Women don't owe you sex.
Go find a blowup doll.

 

[americanwoman]

I don't agree with you, AM. I think I'd ask 100 different woman and get the same answer from 98 of them. The other 2 would behave like my date Saturday night. I think the women here are empathising with this woman's predicament and are trying to protect her.

It's admirable, it's just not honest.

It's also not honest for a man to act like he knows exactly how 98% of women think.

 

[ecofarm]

I remember feeling all pissy like this when I was 17, and my prom date had *the audacity* to not put out. In my 50's now? I've long since figured out within the first 5 minutes if a woman wants to sleep with me; and even then if she's giving me signals, I have no need to throw a hissy fit if she changes her mind - which is her GD right to do so. I'd also have no problem parting ways if she wasn't for me, without having to resort to some sort of self-righteous scheme.


OM

You thought a woman who had not slept with you was going to because of the prom? Haha. Oh, the joy of youthful naive expectations.

 

[Harshaw]

I actually wondered about this myself.

This is troll-level 400.

I had to read the OP three times to make sure it was really what it looked like.

Sho' 'nuff . . .

 

[Mach]

Love the Lurch stories, thanks for sharing!

Dating is messed up lurch. I think U.S. prudishness, sex taboo, etc., really complicates it too. In a way, digital dating has just made it worse, almost like a dirty underground instead of healthy normalcy.

But I think relationships are designed to be messy up front, and there's nothing you can really do about it. Really analyzing it, my take on this is that you feel you were given green lights...the guys were flagging you for takeoff...and as you hit the throttle, you saw the runway was entirely blocked. You were irked, rightfully so. But there may also be no real person to "fault", it just happens in relationships.

To prove the point, I cannot reasonably come up with an easy way to say it was her fault, or your fault, that you guys didn't communicate better.

Imagine she told you up front she's likely not to be intimate until she marries again. Would you expect her to just lay that out on a third date? I don't know, it's pretty heavy.
Similarly, would you expect by a third date to tell her that at this point in your life you expect sex "early and often" in a relationship? That may turn off a woman even if she was like you...ready for sex on date one.
I don't expect either of you "should' have made such bold proclamations on a third date. We like to let people get a bit more involved, before we let more of ourselves out...like a dance. Revealing it all up front may be worse.

You did figure it out though. She isn't ready to go, you are...that's your choice what to do with it. (and hers independently). If it doesn't feel like its worth investing, OK...no need to blame her or belittle her. It's just as much your fault as it is hers IF you choose to place blame...but better I think is to not look for blame to be placed at all. It's just nature...who do you blame when the wind blows harder today than yesterday?

 

[lurchadams]

Triggered much?
I wouldn't let you near me either...

Get over yourself. I'm betting the thought of you repulses her.

Mmmmm... My G*d! Your angry words only serve to feed the fire in my heart for you. My guess is that your initial rejection is a symptom of your not thinking I'll be open to the kinky stuff you're into. Rest assured, my darling, my mind is open. If you want me to worship your feet for an hour, I will gladly do this for you.

No charge

 

[Omega Man]

You thought a woman who had not slept with you was going to because of the prom? Haha. Oh, the joy of youthful naive expectations.

Precisely. Big night. Had a handful of dates prior to that. We had a great time, and went to where we could be alone and unobserved for a few hours. How dare she not make herself available to me after that build up! I acted the role of the petulant child. Won't find me doing that in my 50's.


OM

 

[ecofarm]

I think she need therapy because she fears intimacy. It's my honest opinion. Sorry you're so upset, friend!

Stop messing with all these people. I gave you the answer. Everyone is ready for sex all the time. First thing in the morning, after breakfast, lunch, dinner... you get the idea... with strangers. We're all ready to do it. We all wanna do it.

She needs to talk about some stuff first, and she doesn't know you well enough (actually, isn't totally confident yet) to be vulnerable like that.

 

[lurchadams]

It's also not honest for a man to act like he knows exactly how 98% of women think.

The difference between you and me right now is that I am the only one being honest in this exchange.

 

[TheGoverness]

I don't agree with you, AM. I think I'd ask 100 different woman and get the same answer from 98 of them. The other 2 would behave like my date Saturday night. I think the women here are empathising with this woman's predicament and are trying to protect her.

It's admirable, it's just not honest.

Women are not a monolith. We have different perspectives and desires. Especially when it comes to sex and relationships.

 

[Omega Man]

I think you're the one who needs therapy.
She said NO, and you're still whining about it.
Women don't owe you sex.
Go find a blowup doll.

How dare she not make herself available. How dare she change her own mind. In her own home. It's like a scene from a bad 80's movie the way he's kicking and screaming about it.


OM

 

[lurchadams]

I keep going back to the fact that you're saying all of these things voluntarily, and apparently sincerely.

And I hope you do the same in all your posts, sir. Thank you for your counsel, counselor!

 

[americanwoman]

The difference between you and me right now is that I am the only one being honest in this exchange.

:lol:

Sure, you know all about women. That's why you are on this board asking for women's perspectives and not out there getting some.

 

[Winston]

Girls can and will change their mind last second. It's odd because men are pretty much good to go, whenever.

 

[lurchadams]

You are here peeing yourself in public outrage because a women didnt put out for you after three whole dates. You are embarrassing yourself. You should stop.

You wont.

I disagree with you, sir. I'm saying the very concept - that a woman who decides to have sex with a man is, "putting out" - by your meaning it is only the MAN who appreciates sex and the woman should be shamed for enjoying sex.

That's 1940's thinking my friend. Look into being enlightened, sir.

 

[trixare4kids]

How dare she not make herself available. How dare she change her own mind. In her own home. It's like a scene from a bad 80's movie the way he's kicking and screaming about it.


OM

How you doing my friend?
So glad you came over to DP...

Yours is the voice of reason as always.
Men like the O/P are their own worst enemies.

 

[Fledermaus]

I am not lashing out. I'm just pointing out the women here are doing nothing but attacking me and dodging the question. Sorry if you disagree, my friend. You have the right not to read my posts any longer - I'm just sayin'.

They answered you. You either don't like the answer or don't comprehend..

 

[Josie]

From reading everything you've said here, lurch, the woman made the right decision. It would be in her best interest to not even speak to you anymore since you think so poorly of her.

 

[TheGoverness]

From reading everything you've said here, lurch, the woman made the right decision. It would be in her best interest to not even speak to you anymore since you think so poorly of her.

She dodged a massive bullet.

 

[joko104]

Was the OPer honest up front, telling her "I demand sex no later than the 3rd date!" I suspect not. He should add that to his online profile. See how that works out for him.

 

[Josie]

The difference between you and me right now is that I am the only one being honest in this exchange.

*massive eyeroll*

You have numerous women here telling you that you're wrong. You have men telling you that you are in the wrong. Yet you still think you're the only one who is right.

That lady needs to run. Quickly.

 

[SDET]

"Excuse"? I can't be the only one reading this as you thinking that she owed you sex.

It's not about being "owed" sex; it's about being a chump. There are benefits besides sex. For example, I know guys that can always use a good spotter when offroading. If she can prevent a hobbyist from flipping their truck over then she doesn't need to lay down her tracks.

 

[ecofarm]

Precisely. Big night. Had a handful of dates prior to that. We had a great time, and went to where we could be alone and unobserved for a few hours. How dare she not make herself available to me after that build up! I acted the role of the petulant child. Won't find me doing that in my 50's.


OM

I went to proms with women I was sleeping with. Among us nerds, I was the Suave. So this one guy is complaining that his date (apparently from some private school, I'd never seen her) was cold. He was all, "there's no way, I'm just out of luck, I picked a bad one". So my buddies, being members of my Mean Girls Club (haven't seen the movie, but the title is great) tell him, "oh yeah, I bet Eco can show you different." The guy makes a bet. My friends come to me and tell me about it. Now, my date is on the boat as well but she's cool and knows it's gonna get funny fast. So I start talking to her, where she's from, blah blah like I give a damn. I'm attentive, I'm flattering and (as I may have mentioned earlier) I was Suave Nerd. So we go to get some drinks from the open but un-staffed bar. Now, this next part I'm gonna apologize for in advance and remind everyone this was 30 years ago. I bust out my Tom Cruise bartending skills (didn't really have any, never drank in highschool, but you get the idea). So we're walking back to the group on the deck and she says, in earshot of everyone, "wow, you're just like Tom Cruise". The dude calls off the bet. We all had a laugh.

 

[Omega Man]

How you doing my friend?
So glad you came over to DP...

Yours is the voice of reason as always.
Men like the O/P are their own worst enemies.

Doing great, thanks. SDUT is dead, for all intents and purposes. I moved down to Arizona this past fall.


OM

 

[trixare4kids]

From reading everything you've said here, lurch, the woman made the right decision. It would be in her best interest to not even speak to you anymore since you think so poorly of her.

Men like him are the last to know that they really are creeps.