Women - What are you feelings about "giving away the milk for free".

[Harshaw]

It's not about OWING anyone anything. You are an idiot if you think that's what I'm saying. We're in our 50's friend. We're on a dating site whose objective is to connect compatible people. I don't know how old you are but in 2019, sex is something to be enjoyed by healthy people. It's actually part of the dating ritchual these days. She doesn't feel that way, she's still in 1940 like you.

 

[lurchadams]

I'm not understanding where she was being 'puritanical' or 'uhhealthy'. It's the third date. She clearly was not ready for anything sexual with you, yet. I'm sure that's quite frustrating for you, but you've gotta respect that. I think you have a pretty bad mindset here. She doesn't owe you sex, and that's what you're acting like.

You're just wrong Gov. And I noticed you dodged the question. YOU the way YOU are now. You invite someone in you're interested in. You've known each other for months. You've invite her in to your place. I'm talking about YOU now. How likely do you think it is that you're going to have sex with this person? 0% to 100%?

I luv you Gov. You always get pissed at me, attack me and yet dodge the original question.

Would you likely sleep with this person at that point or not? It's a "yes" or "no" question. Hope you answer it

 

[TheGoverness]

Seriously, DUDE.

The hole's getting deeper...

 

[ttwtt78640]

I don't think so. The look of fear in her eyes as I was, "making my move" actually frightened ME. She should get off the dating site(s) and start talking to a therapist about her intimacy anxiety.

For all that you know (not just think that you know) she may be dating a few other guys and is simply not ready to advance any of those 'relationships' to include sexual intercourse. Some, believe it or not, think that marriage (or at least cohabitation?) should precede having a sexual relationship. She may be hesitant to put it that way since doing so may remove you (and/or others) from her dating pool.

As my initial post stated, her idea of using a dating site may be *gasp* simply to get multiple dates and she is not looking for a steady, committed relationship. You never made it clear to me (or her) whether you were exclusively dating her and if she is dating multiple men then she may well assume that you are as well.

 

[lurchadams]

Lurch. *sigh*

Lurch, Lurch, Lurch.

You're as bad as the gov. You're attracted to the guy. You've known him for months. You invite him into your place. What are the chances, I guess that you're NOT going to jump this guy's bones?

Damn, you guys all circle the wagons around this person you don't even know, just because she's a woman.

Answer the question truthfully, my angry friend!

 

[Lucian Hodoboc]

Let's not gang up on the guy. He seems to have a high sex drive and a secular mentality about sexual intercourse, neither of which are his fault, so instead of judging him, we should give him brotherly advice about how he can have his urges met in a God-honoring manner. OP, don't you want to marry, settle down, build a family, and obtain, you know... all the good stuff that come with being a family man? :cowboy:

 

[lurchadams]

Well it's obvious you two are not compatible. Maybe she was seeing if you think she owed you sex like some hooker. I guess you have proven her right.

God you guys are just horrible. You don't have a healthy outlook on intimacy and its ability to communicate your feelings. Get into this century my friend.

 

[TheGoverness]

You're just wrong Gov. And I noticed you dodged the question. YOU the way YOU are now. You invite someone in you're interested in. You've known each other for months. You've invite her in to your place. I'm talking about YOU now. How likely do you think it is that you're going to have sex with this person? 0% to 100%?

I didn't dodge anything. I wouldn't do anything with anyone else NOW, because I have a girlfriend. The only person I'm screwing is her. I could care less for hypotheticals. I'm addressing your mindset. This lady did not want to have sex with you on the third date. That's perfectly fine. Maybe she doesn't want to jump into it so quickly. It would help to be a bit more understanding on your part, than calling her a prude stuck in the 50's. That's just poor form. Seems like all you want is sex. That's not a bad thing to want, you should probably just be upfront with that. She doesn't owe you sex at all.

I luv you Gov. You always get pissed at me, attack me and yet dodge the original question.

Kisses. :kissy:

 

[Superfly]

You're as bad as the gov. You're attracted to the guy. You've known him for months. You invite him into your place. What are the chances, I guess that you're NOT going to jump this guy's bones?

Damn, you guys all circle the wagons around this person you don't even know, just because she's a woman.

Answer the question truthfully, my angry friend!

I am answering the question truthfully, my horny friend. You are coming across that she owes this to you, and she doesn't. If you want a random hookup, go find a hooker.

When she's ready, you'll know.

 

[TheGoverness]

I am answering the question truthfully, my horny friend. You are coming across that she owes this to you, and she doesn't. If you want a random hookup, go find a hooker.

When she's ready, you'll know.

Stop dodgin', dammit!

 

[Superfly]

And now I'm NOT interested in getting to know her. I like sex. I think I'm good at it. I need my partner to like sex and be good at it. She obviously does not like sex - so in a year, two years, whenever she thinks she's ready to have sex with me she's going to be terrible at it because she's either terrified of intimacy or she hates it.

She obviously doesn't like sex?? :lol: Where did you get that?? Because she didn't drop her drawers for you when you felt like it was time?

****, dude.

 

[lurchadams]

Dude, just stop. This is not a good look for you.

Answer the original question and I'll stop, Gov. I mean, this isn't a good look for YOU. You're taking this woman's side without even knowing her. You know me, though. If you think I feel a "woman owes a guy sex" or that I'm "I feel I'm entitled to it" then you don't know me at all.

I feel horrible for this woman because her ex obviously did a number on her sexually and until she enters therapy is going to be in the same situation with the next guy that she brings home. She should get off the dating site and get into therapy or she's going to be miserable.

Answer the question, please.

 

[Praxas]

God you guys are just horrible. You don't have a healthy outlook on intimacy and its ability to communicate your feelings. Get into this century my friend.

Not at all, I have a great healthy outlook of intimacy and am quite able to communicate my feelings to a woman. After my divorce, I dated several women until I met my future wife and if they chose not to be intimate sexually after a few dates than so be it and I eventually moved on after about the 7th date or so. Some women are not looking to "date" and sleep around, some women are looking for permanent relationships and realize there are some men are pigs and will only use them for sex. I would wager big money she was seeing if you just wanted her for sex and now you have proven her right.

 

[Harshaw]

God you guys are just horrible. You don't have a healthy outlook on intimacy and its ability to communicate your feelings. Get into this century my friend.

Are you putting everyone on?

 

[lurchadams]

Seriously, DUDE.

I'm being honest. Again, Harsh. This is 2019. Life can be fun if you'll let it be.

 

[Superfly]

Let's not gang up on the guy. He seems to have a high sex drive and a secular mentality about sexual intercourse, neither of which are his fault, so instead of judging him, we should give him brotherly advice about how he can have his urges met in a God-honoring manner. OP, don't you want to marry, settle down, build a family, and obtain, you know... all the good stuff that come with being a family man? :cowboy:

Sorry, bud. Nothing Lurch does (within the dating scene at least) is God-honoring. :lol:

 

[Harshaw]

Answer the original question and I'll stop, Gov. I mean, this isn't a good look for YOU. You're taking this woman's side without even knowing her. You know me, though. If you think I feel a "woman owes a guy sex" or that I'm "I feel I'm entitled to it" then you don't know me at all.

I feel horrible for this woman because her ex obviously did a number on her sexually and until she enters therapy is going to be in the same situation with the next guy that she brings home. She should get off the dating site and get into therapy or she's going to be miserable.

Answer the question, please.

:shock: Sweet Jeebus. DUDE.

 

[lurchadams]

This post came off all kinds of wrong.

Your assumptions probably put some pressure on this, and it sounds like she responded completely opposite to what you thought should have happened.

She can be on a dating site for all kinds of reasons, good or bad is up for debate assuming you ever learn them all.

I disagree with you, but thanks for sharing your opinion, friend. Have a great week!

 

[lurchadams]

For all that you know (not just think that you know) she may be dating a few other guys and is simply not ready to advance any of those 'relationships' to include sexual intercourse. Some, believe it or not, think that marriage (or at least cohabitation?) should precede having a sexual relationship. She may be hesitant to put it that way since doing so may remove you (and/or others) from her dating pool.

As my initial post stated, her idea of using a dating site may be *gasp* simply to get multiple dates and she is not looking for a steady, committed relationship. You never made it clear to me (or her) whether you were exclusively dating her and if she is dating multiple men then she may well assume that you are as well.

Well again. Thank you for sharing.

 

[TheGoverness]

Answer the original question and I'll stop, Gov. I mean, this isn't a good look for YOU. You're taking this woman's side without even knowing her. You know me, though. If you think I feel a "woman owes a guy sex" or that I'm "I feel I'm entitled to it" then you don't know me at all.

I feel horrible for this woman because her ex obviously did a number on her sexually and until she enters therapy is going to be in the same situation with the next guy that she brings home. She should get off the dating site and get into therapy or she's going to be miserable.

Answer the question, please.

You are being gross. I don't have to know the woman, to realize that your mindset here is pretty bad and backwards. Your own words make that very clear. I'd suggest stop digging the hole while you can.

 

[OlNate]

I did exactly that. I told her that I'm "not going away" and she can text me and we can chat about whatever/whenever and I told her I hope that she finds what she's looking for.

I'm sorry, Nate. As I said before, we're sexual beings. This woman needs to either **** or get off the pot or she's destined for many more disappointments, IMO.

Nah, she just needs to find someone more aligned with her needs. As do you. Life goes on, no need to speak ill of her. Blue balls sucks, but there are worse things. You should leave an open mind to that possibility.

 

[VanceMack]

I'm 58 years old. I had a date Saturday night with a 53 year-old woman I've been communicating with for several months. Saturday was our third date - I took her to see, "Bohemian Rhapsody" at a movie theater that serves you drinks and dinner during the movie. It was pretty cool. But I just went off on a tangent.

So we get back to her place. She tells me her 2 kids that live with her are staying at a hotel overnight and would I like to come in. So I assumed at that point - her telling me her kids were gone - inviting me in - the fact it was our third date - I assumed she was inviting me in to spend the night.

So we're on her couch, we're talking for a bit, then I start to kiss her. She pulls back. I ask her how long it's been since she's been with someone. She tells me a very long time. I tell her not to worry, I'll take care of everything, then I gently take her hands and try to get her started towards her bedroom. She pulls back again and says, "No, I'm NOT READY!". I ask her, gently why she thinks that is. She tells me she "doesn't know me well enough". This woman and I have been talking for months. She knows my family - where I went to school. She knows who my friends are. We're facebook friends. In my opinion this woman knows me better than most women do when they first decide they want to have sex with a guy.

So the "not knowing me well enough" excuse was bull****.

I don't understand why this chick is even on a dating site if she has such a puritanical and unhealthy outlook on sex. She needs to get off the dating site and get into therapy for her anxiety about human intimacy in my opinion or her cycle of being disappointed and disappointing men is going to continue.

So my question is to the ladies:

It's been possibly years since you've been intimate with a guy. You're sitting on a couch with a guy you're obviously interested in. He wants to sleep with you. What in the world was this girl thinking? Why the **** is she even on a dating site?

Thanks.

You should maybe reread your post and if you still think SHE is the one that has the problem, maybe you are on the wrong sites.

Some people actually believe...still...that sex is an 'ultimate' act of intimacy and not something that one does as a matter of course because AFTER ALL...you've had 3 whole dates. Maybe you should just make your intentions known upfront. "Im looking for a ****buddy. 1 or 2 dates...OK...I'll let it slide. I'd prefer at least a handjob if Im payin for dinner and a movie, but thats just me. But if you aint givin it up by the third date, there must be something wrong with you." Who knows...maybe that kind of up front advertisement will connect you with the people you are looking for.

 

[Superfly]

God you guys are just horrible. You don't have a healthy outlook on intimacy and its ability to communicate your feelings. Get into this century my friend.

OK, bud. Sit down and listen. I've told you this before, but it didn't stick.

Women are different from men. We see things differently. We do things differently.

We also have battery operated boyfriends that take care of things for us, so we don't automatically jump into bed with guys when we go out with them. We also don't shave our legs before a date, just to make sure that we don't jump into things we aren't ready for. Are women horny? Yes, of course they are. But they (at least in our age range) think twice before bed-flopping with someone they barely know.

Physical relationships are on a higher plane than just regular relationships, and if she's not ready to go there, all the pushing in the world won't get her there. All it will do is push her away.

 

[lurchadams]

I didn't dodge anything. I wouldn't do anything with anyone else NOW, because I have a girlfriend. The only person I'm screwing is her. I could care less for hypotheticals. I'm addressing your mindset. This lady did not want to have sex with you on the third date. That's perfectly fine. Maybe she doesn't want to jump into it so quickly. It would help to be a bit more understanding on your part, than calling her a prude stuck in the 50's. That's just poor form. Seems like all you want is sex. That's not a bad thing to want, you should probably just be upfront with that. She doesn't owe you sex at all.



Kisses. :kissy:

God dammit, Gov! in my scenario, you're both single. Now I know you're just ****ing with me and you know I'm right about this woman.

I'm disappointed in the women here. They're doing nothing but attacking me and being intellectually dishonest. Not a good look for you guys at all.

 

[Fledermaus]

I don't agree with you, obviously. We are sexual creatures, Lucian. Sex is like food and breathing. If you're denying yourself intimacy with someone to whom you're attracted, you're denying yourself sustenance, in my opinion.

Thank you for your perspective!

Not everyone is a "sexual creature". Many for varied reasons are not.

If she is not ready she is not ready.