Woman on Woman Body Shaming

[Dragonfly]

Mom smacks down body shamer at pool - CNN.com

An older woman rambled up to her and made what Sinclair initially thought was friendly conversation.She asked her how old her son was, how much he weighed, whether he slept well at night.

​

Then the woman dropped a load on her.
"She then proceeded to tell me that the men at the pool would feel more comfortable if I was in a one-piece swim suit because a bikini isn't appropriate for a mother, especially one who's "still recovering,"

Seriously???? Does this crap really happen for real???

Men at the pool would feel more comfortable??? :doh
Blame the men?
I doubt one man at that pool said anything remotely negative.

Most were probably hoping she'd start breast feeding... :2razz:


Her response deserves :clap:

"I'm proud of my body. In just one year I've gained 50 pounds, and lost 37. I've grown a human and given birth to a beautiful miracle. My body provided food for my child. So, no, my body might not be the best sight for other men to see. My stretch marks and tummy pudge might not be sexy. But they're proof that I've done something amazing."

Although she should have recognized that it was not the men that complained....but just this one woman.

So tell me, who is truly more responsible for "body shaming"?

I've personally known that complaints regarding inappropriate female clothing in the work-place have always come from other women.
(Guys typically don't complain if ladies show more skin)

Is what the older lady did at that pool something that's not uncommon?

 

[Josie]

There are lots of older women in this world who aren't afraid to talk about women they feel aren't dressed properly. I don't think there are many who actually would say it to the woman's face like this one did. You should've heard women chirping about Megyn Kelly wearing this:

 

[americanwoman]

It also goes the other way with younger women shaming older women too.

'Playboy' Model Sentenced Over Body-Shaming Woman At Gym : The Two-Way : NPR

Model Dani Mathers, whose haughty posting of a photo of a naked woman at her gym sparked outrage last summer, will be punished by spending a month removing graffiti in Los Angeles. Mathers pleaded no contest to a charge of invading the 70-year-old woman's privacy.

"The issues that surround body shaming can be devastating," Los Angeles City Attorney Mike Feuer said, "not only to daughters and mothers, but also to sons and fathers, members of the LGBTQ community, to a trans kid who might be struggling with identity, to people who are disabled. The message today is clear: Body shaming is not tolerated in the city of Los Angeles."

Mathers, 30, was Playboy's 2015 Playmate of the Year. She was banned by the LA Fitness health club chain for surreptitiously taking a photo of a woman in a shower area and publishing it along with the caption, "If I can't unsee this then you can't either."

 

[Lovebug]

Older women grew up in a different time. Pregnancies were the family way, and baby bumps were covered appropriately. That, combined with this woman possibly being a well meaning busy body, is almost excusable. I don't understand the big deal, nor do I think the older woman meant to offend.
What I can't stand are women who are making fun of others who had a child, who have body imperfections or weight problems, are older and not quite as well toned. They fail to realize that the cute little figures can change quickly. Compassion for others is more attractive than snotty mouths.

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

Mom smacks down body shamer at pool - CNN.com

Seriously???? Does this crap really happen for real???

Men at the pool would feel more comfortable??? :doh
Blame the men?
I doubt one man at that pool said anything remotely negative.

Most were probably hoping she'd start breast feeding... :2razz:
Her response deserves :clap:

Although she should have recognized that it was not the men that complained....but just this one woman.

So tell me, who is truly more responsible for "body shaming"?

I've personally known that complaints regarding inappropriate female clothing in the work-place have always come from other women.
(Guys typically don't complain if ladies show more skin)

Is what the older lady did at that pool something that's not uncommon?

...Do you think it's a coincidence that this older woman grew up in an intensely objectifying culture, and then espouses objectifying things onto other women?

Being a woman doesn't free a person from the psychological affects of sexism. It magnifies them, if anything. After all, women are the targets of said sexism, and there is no better way to continue oppressing people than to get your targets to do your dirty work for you.

That isn't to say this woman should get away with body-shaming someone even remotely. If that had been said to me, I wouldn't bother justifying myself. I'd just straight up tell her to get ****ed and learn some manners and to stop trying to hide her own insecurity by bashing other women. But anyway...

If the hinted conclusion I'm supposed to reach is that the problem is that women are catty bitches, and not that larger society is sexist, well, guess what I'm gonna ask you...

Do you think you would feel that way about women if you yourself hadn't been raised to believe women are catty bitches all your life?

 

[Dragonfly]

...Do you think it's a coincidence that this older woman grew up in an intensely objectifying culture, and then espouses objectifying things onto other women?

Being a woman doesn't free a person from the psychological affects of sexism. It magnifies them, if anything. After all, women are the targets of said sexism, and there is no better way to continue oppressing people than to get your targets to do your dirty work for you.

That isn't to say this woman should get away with body-shaming someone even remotely. If that had been said to me, I wouldn't bother justifying myself. I'd just straight up tell her to get ****ed and learn some manners and to stop trying to hide her own insecurity by bashing other women. But anyway...

If the hinted conclusion I'm supposed to reach is that the problem is that women are catty bitches, and not that larger society is sexist, well, guess what I'm gonna ask you...

Do you think you would feel that way about women if you yourself hadn't been raised to believe women are catty bitches all your life?

Are you suggesting that men have systematically trained women to oppress women?

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

Are you suggesting that men have systematically trained women to oppress women?

Patriarchy as a whole does, yes.

 

[Dragonfly]

Patriarchy as a whole does, yes.

And women don't know this?

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

And women don't know this?

I think people often do things they've been raised to do somewhat automatically, so, no, some women don't, if they aren't given to thinking about that sort of thing. Others do. But even if you're generally aware of a given issue, that doesn't mean you'll necessarily be aware of every instance where it's affecting your life. Even if you are, you're not going to suddenly break yourself of that habit instantaneously -- especially not if you're of an age where you're set in your ways.

Understanding the way culture affects our day-to-day lives isn't some sort of light bulb moment that happens once and it's over. It happens over and over again, comes in fits and starts, and hopefully becomes more complete throughout your life.

 

[Dragonfly]

I think people often do things they've been raised to do somewhat automatically, so, no, some women don't, if they aren't given to thinking about that sort of thing. Others do. But even if you're generally aware of a given issue, that doesn't mean you'll necessarily be aware of every instance where it's affecting your life. Even if you are, you're not going to suddenly break yourself of that habit instantaneously -- especially not if you're of an age where you're set in your ways.

Understanding the way culture affects our day-to-day lives isn't some sort of light bulb moment that happens once and it's over. It happens over and over again, comes in fits and starts, and hopefully becomes more complete throughout your life.

So women, are women's worst enemy?

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

So women, are women's worst enemy?

No. Where the hell are you getting that from...?

 

[Dragonfly]

No. Where the hell are you getting that from...?

Women are body shaming women, because women have taught women, because they were taught by women who were taught by men....

And think about this, most boys were raised by their mothers, so mothers taught the boys what to do as well.
Most teachers in the formative years in the past, were women.

 

[bmr528]

No. Where the hell are you getting that from...?

Ever worked in a office full of women?? Their vicious!!

The older woman should have minded her own business.. I myself, would not be caught dead in a "public pool" nor would I ever take a child into one.. they are practically septic tanks..

djl

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

Women are body shaming women, because women have taught women, because they were taught by women who were taught by men....

And think about this, most boys were raised by their mothers, so mothers taught the boys what to do as well.
Most teachers in the formative years in the past, were women.

Except I said none of that. It isn't just women who exist on the planet, and patriarchy is a complex social subject, not just this silliness about what a monolithic gender-as-single-organism supposedly does.

It's really weird, though, if you're going to use "men" as a monolithic original object in this narrative, that you somehow still manage to conclude that women are the bad guys.

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

Ever worked in a office full of women?? Their vicious!!

The older woman should have minded her own business.. I myself, would not be caught dead in a "public pool" nor would I ever take a child into one.. they are practically septic tanks..

djl

Yes, I have. No problems. Nicest office I ever worked in. Maybe the problem was you.

 

[Henrin]

Women are body shaming women, because women have taught women, because they were taught by women who were taught by men....

And think about this, most boys were raised by their mothers, so mothers taught the boys what to do as well.
Most teachers in the formative years in the past, were women.

Someone just had a break through I think. Mothers are more involved with their children, so naturally women play a large role in how their daughters and boys act. Feminists put all the blame on men without realizing that society is a creation of both sexes. The fact is women were not nearly as oppressed as feminists want everyone to believe nor did women play zero role in their situation.

 

[Dragonfly]

Except I said none of that. It isn't just women who exist on the planet, and patriarchy is a complex social subject, not just this silliness about what a monolithic gender-as-single-organism supposedly does.

It's really weird, though, if you're going to use "men" as a monolithic original object in this narrative, that you somehow still manage to conclude that women are the bad guys.

I'm just trying to figure out why women, attack other women, for being women.

 

[Dragonfly]

is almost excusable.

Is it?

What makes you think she was "well meaning"?

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

I'm just trying to figure out why women, attack other women, for being women.

For the same reason men do.

There's two basic modes for how to discuss women's bodies in patriarchy: commodity, or source of shame. Either sex can take either side depending on their position relative to the woman in question and what serves their desire to control the interaction.

The older woman in your OP took the position of source of shame. So might a parent, or a religious leader, or simply a jilted ex-lover. This is not somehow unique to just women being "catty." Men do exactly the same thing, depending on their relative position and what is most useful to them.

 

[Josie]

I love watching YouTube video about beauty products. Below those videos (as we all know) you can comment on the video. You will not believe how vicious women are to female youtubers. They pick apart their physical appearance daily, tell them they're stupid, talk crap about their husbands, boyfriends, kids, mothers. People are just awful. There are entire forums dedicated to talking trash about women on youtube -- and I guarantee you that 99% of the members are female.

Here's a video a very popular beauty youtuber made about these comments:

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

I love watching YouTube video about beauty products. Below those videos (as we all know) you can comment on the video. You will not believe how vicious women are to female youtubers. They pick apart their physical appearance daily, tell them they're stupid, talk crap about their husbands, boyfriends, kids, mothers. People are just awful. There are entire forums dedicated to talking trash about women on youtube -- and I guarantee you that 99% of the members are female.

Here's a video a very popular beauty youtuber made about these comments

That's because it's... a beauty channel. Most men aren't even remotely interested, so obviously they're pretty rare in the comments. Most of these channels have somewhere in the neighborhood of 5% male viewership.

Check out any video of a model getting back on the runway in her 30's, or after having a baby, or whatever apparently makes her "less than" some perfect youth standard (I recall Lima getting it especially badly), and you will see men by the thousands being just as horrible. Ask any female political YouTuber who's not a red piller how many rape threats she's gotten, or how many times guys have threatened to dox her.

 

[Josie]

That's because it's... a beauty channel. Most men aren't even remotely interested, so obviously they're pretty rare in the comments. Most of these channels have somewhere in the neighborhood of 5% male viewership.

Check out any video of a model getting back on the runway in her 30's, or after having a baby, or whatever apparently makes her "less than" some perfect youth standard (I recall Lima getting it especially badly), and you will see men by the thousands being just as horrible. Ask any female political YouTuber who's not a red piller how many rape threats she's gotten, or how many times guys have threatened to dox her.

Oh, I know. I'm not saying men don't do it too.

 

[Josie]

So women, are women's worst enemy?

Many times they are. Women can be absolutely vicious to each other --- especially online.

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

Oh, I know. I'm not saying men don't do it too.

I guess I just don't understand, then, why women's meanness is talked about as being so above and beyond when, in reality, it isn't. To me, the conversation to be had here is more to do with the why.

 

[Josie]

I guess I just don't understand, then, why women's meanness is talked about as being so above and beyond when, in reality, it isn't. To me, the conversation to be had here is more to do with the why.

I don't know if it's "above and beyond" or not. I just know it exists.

Generally, I think people are vicious to each other because they're miserable and want everyone else to be as miserable as they are. I think the lady in the OP just lived at a different time when women stayed covered up especially after giving birth. She probably thought she was giving good advice to a young woman.