Jesus Christ that's awful. I've had to deal with a fair share of fresh dead bodies, fragmented bodies from mass casualty events (plane crash, a few tornadoes, etc), bodies in advance decomposition...but have never had to gut an animal to look for evidence. I have entered suicide and murder scenes where pets had started eating their deceased owners. I'd be hard pressed to open up hogs...mark that under jobs to give subordinates. When I got promoted to Lieutenant I stopped attending children's autopsies. Made our child crimes guys go to all of them. I couldn't shake that **** no matter how hard I tried.
When I retired I was more than ready. The job definitely contributed to the breakup of both my marriages, although it wasn't a primary reason. People who don't do the job have a difficult time understanding what it does to a person. Fighting bad guys gets in your blood and can very easily start to erode things at home. When I was a patrolman I loved going to work, but I could leave it on the street when my shift was over. Detective work consumed me. I stopped socializing with anybody but other cops and the occasional paramedic or nurse.
Took me a couple of years to begin having faith in my fellow man. But for a long time, I suspected damn near everyone I met of doing something dirty. Glad to shed that kind of mentality.
One of the reasons I volunteer with the VPD is a certain shared horror at what mankind can do to mankind.
I didn't always have to see the bodies but I often had to attend the trial. You are right, no one can understand the complexities, its more than just horror, you begin questioning your own values. So many times I knew I had a huge bias, wanted the "accused" tortured then and there and had to go on camera and talk about the horror like it was a traffic crash.
Long after I left the profession I had a breakdown caused by other issues. The breakdown re-created all those anxieties, but it was a bonus in the long run as one of the things this old alcoholic does when down it help others, so I volunteered for a lot and must have fooled some cops as I got accepted at two community policing units....and from there to direct contact with a new arm of VPD's arsenal; a mental health team.
Years ago the VPD became very vocal about the level of interdictions with MHP's, now and then ending in a dead suspect as the officers had no choice (try that one on - you HAVE NO CHOICE but to kill a man who is sick, not a criminal. They made it clear they would not do that anymore and, through the best chief we've ever had got $$$$ for trail teams, full service members with training in calming and controlling without physical contact.
It's working. And I will tell you to be around that energy is amazing, but it underlines the philosophy of the department, they are there to save people from harm, not create more of it. Since it's institution they have had to shoot one person who died en route. I hate that it had to happen but the guy was advancing with a 2X4 and the member was solo in the middle of the street with 100's of onlookers. That shooting was three years ago and just got cleared of investigations etc.
Now that's one thing, but now we are the front line of the war against humanity through Fenatyl, 900 people died of it last year alone. The first responders are going down in droves, scraping bodies off the street every night was not an intended job for mankind and they are paying a horrible toll. We have stemmed the tide a few % points, we are using everything that has ever worked and then some, but getting the concept of harm reduction through to some people is like trying to stop the tide with a rake. Pot may as well have been legal here for the last 15 - 20 years but for some reason when you tell them that we can ratchet people down with it they go crazy like it will cost them so votes.
BTW, thank you for your service. It is a job I could never do; first time I encountered a wife beater I'd be behind bars myself
