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My husband passed away last night

Superfly said:
I lost my best friend last night.

He never got well enough to leave the hospital / rehab.

Passed last night.

Thanks to all for prayers and well-wishes.
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So sorry. My thoughts are with you and your family. I'm here if you need someone to talk to.
 
I offered to contact Super after another poster suggested a beautiful gesture that perhaps we could make a donation in memory of Super's much loved precious hubby. If anyone would like to do so, the charity that Super has chosen is

Home | Paws and Stripes

It takes shelter dogs, and unites them with soldiers suffering from PTSD and traumatic brain injury. It saves two lives at once.

Super also mentioned that her hubby would love this, because not only was he a service-connected injured soldier, he would have filled their house with dogs if I she would have let him. :lol:

Paws and Stripes was founded in Rio Rancho in 2010 by Lindsey Kay. Lindsey was motivated by her passion for dogs, love of her country and those who have sacrificed so much to protect it. A veteran family member of Lindsey’s suffering from PTSD and TBI motivated her to research multiple organizations, but was unable to pay for service dogs due to the high cost. This inspired the inception of an organization dedicated to providing service dogs at no cost to veterans in order to fill this critical unmet need for veterans.
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It's a wonderful charity. Those wishing to donate may do so in the name of Donald B., US Army, Retired.

Thank you.

Sincere condolences, love, support and thoughts are with Super and her family. Stay strong xx
 
Superfly said:
I lost my best friend last night.

He never got well enough to leave the hospital / rehab.

Passed last night.

Thanks to all for prayers and well-wishes.
Click to expand...

I'm so sorry for your loss, Super.

*HUGS* My dear lady. My thoughts are with you and your family.



*Sorry I've been in/out so sporadically, I missed this.
 
Superfly said:
I lost my best friend last night.

He never got well enough to leave the hospital / rehab.

Passed last night.

Thanks to all for prayers and well-wishes.
Click to expand...

Please be consoled. And assured.
 
My deepest condolences to you, Superfly. My heart goes out to you as I know how much you loved him. :(
 
So very very sorry. Wishing you and your family the best Superfly.


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Hey guys. Still around. Sad. Feel like there is a big empty spot in my chest, where my heart used to be, but the girls and I are managing.

I just wanted to say something to you guys – some of you, I have known for many years, and some I have only known for a very short time, but you were a big help to me during this process.
To those who have been private messaging me, I cannot thank you enough. Even simple “how you doing today?” messages help me push through.

I love you guys. I do. And for that reason, I want to share something with you. I know that some of you are not strong people of faith as I am, and I swear I’m not one of the “parking my bike on your lawn, walking up in a white shirt, talking to you about Jesus” kind of things. Anybody who knows anything about me knows that I am a strong woman of faith, and I just – I don’t know. Let me explain what has happened. Bear with me.

Several, several months ago, my son-in-law and I were up late one evening, watching TV, and something just came to me, how cool it would be to have like a “family compound.” We had talked about my selling our house, taking the equity and buying 30 or 40 acres, starting out with mobile homes and then building houses. That way, we’d always be together, close by, but far enough apart that we wouldn’t get on each other’s nerves.

I told my husband the next morning, and he got angry and said that he would appreciate it if I didn’t plan his life while he wasn’t there to be a part of it. He was right, of course, but the seed was planted. We had talked before about selling the house a couple of years ago, but it wasn’t the right time. The girls weren’t ready. This time, though, seemed different.

He said that he wasn’t thrilled about spending his “golden years” in a mobile home, but he would be agreeable to an older fixer-upper, if that would make me happy. I started looking at older homes. I googled something similar to “old houses under about $50,000,” and a website literally popped up called Old Houses Under $50K. Seriously. I went on and looked and found tons of houses that I loved. We found a great old house – a historic house that was once owned by the mayor of the town, if I remember correctly. It needed a lot of work, but it was only like $25,000. I dug a little deeper, and found out that it was under contingency contract, but the location piqued my interest. Amazingly enough, the location was where I grew up. I lived in this area until I was 14. The location had nothing to do with anything, but I thought it was cool. The website that I “dug deeper” on the house had other older fixer-uppers, and I looked through them, and found the perfect house. I showed it to my husband, and he loved it. It was a grand old Victorian house, and it was filled with antiques. I told y’all about this place.

We came here and looked at the house and loved it. It was everything we thought it would be. We had other houses to look at, and only looked at a couple of them, because we knew that this house was right. The house sat here for a year, empty. It was on the market for 5 months, and there was not a single nibble on the house. The house is a very large, almost 4,000 sf house in a commercial district. We are surrounded by doctors and lawyers, who have taken older houses and turned them into offices. Our house is very well known, and everyone who asks which house we bought, knows the house, and almost every single one said, “Oh yeah – I was going to make an offer on that house, but I never got around to it.” We got here, made an offer of much less than the selling price, and it was accepted immediately. We listed our old house, and it sold in 14 days (faster than any other house had ever sold in our neighborhood) for more than any other house had ever sold in our neighborhood. We had enough out of our equity in our old house to pay cash for this new place. I think God knew. I didn't have the money to make a $1,000 a month mortgage payment with my husband's income gone, so that part was taken care of.

So to recap thus far, the house we sold went through very quickly, without a hitch. The house we bought went through very quickly, without a hitch.

We get here, and within a few weeks, my husband got sick. He went into the hospital on May 20th, and never came out. But – the hospital he went into seemed to be taking very good care of him. Also, the hospital was 1 mile from my house. I got there in 2 minutes. So that was helpful.
I am 2 hours from my mom and my sister, and that is helpful as well.

(cont)
 
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Hubs was out of the house for 5 months. He was never really in this house, so there are no memories of him here. I don’t see him as I turn every corner. When he first passed, I would beat myself up over not having him here, but my mom reminded me that he was in need of strict medical care that I could not provide. Also, had he been here, we would have seen his hospital bed every time we walked into the house. We would have been reminded of his presence, everywhere. Had he been home and had a heart attack in his favorite recliner on the 18th, on the morning of the 19th, if I’d woken up and tripped over his slippers, I would have just died. It has been the hardest thing I have ever had to live through, without his being here at every turn. If he had been here, it would have been so much harder on the girls and me.

My youngest had plans to go to Walker-Stalker Con in Atlanta with friends of hers. The night they were going was on the 18th – the night he died. The girl stopped emailing her about going, so my daughter gave up on it. After my husband died, the girl just started emailing again. It was almost like she was stopped from emailing. Like something was stopping her, to keep my daughter home.
When my husband was put in ICU, they shaved his beard off completely. In 23 years of being together, he was only without his beard for a very short time while he worked for 911. Seeing him pass without his beard was easier than with his beard, because it was almost like it wasn’t him.
I hope I am making sense.

There are just so many little things that have happened, and I feel God’s presence in all of it. Every little thing. It was like God came to me in January and gave me a nudge. “Hey, things are going to get very bad, very soon. Let’s start getting things done now, while we still can.” God knew that the location we lived in had a hospital that had a bad track record. While I believe that we are born with a time to die, I do believe that it could have been far worse on him had he been with this other hospital in Georgia. He was happy in this place – they took care of him, and he bribed the nurses with beef jerky :lol:.

I feel like God knew bad things were about to happen, and he wanted us to have as soft a landing as possible. We are destroyed, but it could have been far worse.
My husband has “made contact,” also, which calms me. He touched my arm twice, two days after he died – hard enough to wake me from a sound sleep. He (this is nuts, I know) left hair in my soap. :lol: I told you it was nuts, but that was one huge pet peeve I had with him. He had long white hair, and he would leave hair in the soap and it would drive me insane, because I couldn’t see it. I’d have to “dig” for it. And the bar of soap was just opened about 3 days ago. This morning, I picked up my phone and Elvis was playing on it. Me? Not a fan. Him? Biggest fan on the planet. So much so, that his remains will be placed in an Elvis urn. But there’s no reason for Elvis to be playing on my phone. But he was.

For his obituary, I wrote that he was “abducted by aliens and taken to the Mother Ship,” because that would have made him smile, as he loved that kind of stuff.

I write to him daily, in a journal. Makes me feel like I am talking to him. I also call his cell phone at least once a day to hear his voice. I also text him.
I know it’s silly, but it helps me. It keeps me close to him. I have his gown that he passed in. I sleep with it at night. I have it bundled up and a ball, and I snuggle up next to it.
I am about to go to the funeral home and give them the clothes I want him cremated in. He will not be cremated in a suit and tie. He will be created in an old, stained-up, torn brown tee shirt that he loved. He will also be wearing pajama pants and old slippers. That’s how I remember him. Not in a fancy suit that he would have never worn. I wanted him to meet his Maker in comfort, and how he would have wanted to meet Him.
 
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Superfly said:
I lost my best friend last night.

He never got well enough to leave the hospital / rehab.

Passed last night.

Thanks to all for prayers and well-wishes.
Click to expand...

I am heartbroken for you, Superfly. :cry:

You made it very clear how much you loved him and you poured out so much of your heart and soul into keeping him alive.
Shocked that I did not see this post until this morning. I apologize for not being aware of this sad news sooner.

Hugs across the miles, your grief and burden is shared.
 
Superfly said:
I lost my best friend last night.

He never got well enough to leave the hospital / rehab.

Passed last night.

Thanks to all for prayers and well-wishes.
Click to expand...

I just saw this. I am so sorry for your loss. Your love for him was very clear in previous posts. I am so glad for you that you were able to share a part of your love with someone you loved so.

Please accept my wishes that your healing is quick, but you are well comforted in the days and years ahead with the fond memories of your husband. May they remain vivid in my mind and strong in your heart.
 
Superfly said:
Hubs was out of the house for 5 months. He was never really in this house, so there are no memories of him here. I don’t see him as I turn every corner. When he first passed, I would beat myself up over not having him here, but my mom reminded me that he was in need of strict medical care that I could not provide. Also, had he been here, we would have seen his hospital bed every time we walked into the house. We would have been reminded of his presence, everywhere. Had he been home and had a heart attack in his favorite recliner on the 18th, on the morning of the 19th, if I’d woken up and tripped over his slippers, I would have just died. It has been the hardest thing I have ever had to live through, without his being here at every turn. If he had been here, it would have been so much harder on the girls and me.

My youngest had plans to go to Walker-Stalker Con in Atlanta with friends of hers. The night they were going was on the 18th – the night he died. The girl stopped emailing her about going, so my daughter gave up on it. After my husband died, the girl just started emailing again. It was almost like she was stopped from emailing. Like something was stopping her, to keep my daughter home.
When my husband was put in ICU, they shaved his beard off completely. In 23 years of being together, he was only without his beard for a very short time while he worked for 911. Seeing him pass without his beard was easier than with his beard, because it was almost like it wasn’t him.
I hope I am making sense.

There are just so many little things that have happened, and I feel God’s presence in all of it. Every little thing. It was like God came to me in January and gave me a nudge. “Hey, things are going to get very bad, very soon. Let’s start getting things done now, while we still can.” God knew that the location we lived in had a hospital that had a bad track record. While I believe that we are born with a time to die, I do believe that it could have been far worse on him had he been with this other hospital in Georgia. He was happy in this place – they took care of him, and he bribed the nurses with beef jerky :lol:.

I feel like God knew bad things were about to happen, and he wanted us to have as soft a landing as possible. We are destroyed, but it could have been far worse.
My husband has “made contact,” also, which calms me. He touched my arm twice, two days after he died – hard enough to wake me from a sound sleep. He (this is nuts, I know) left hair in my soap. :lol: I told you it was nuts, but that was one huge pet peeve I had with him. He had long white hair, and he would leave hair in the soap and it would drive me insane, because I couldn’t see it. I’d have to “dig” for it. And the bar of soap was just opened about 3 days ago. This morning, I picked up my phone and Elvis was playing on it. Me? Not a fan. Him? Biggest fan on the planet. So much so, that his remains will be placed in an Elvis urn. But there’s no reason for Elvis to be playing on my phone. But he was.

For his obituary, I wrote that he was “abducted by aliens and taken to the Mother Ship,” because that would have made him smile, as he loved that kind of stuff.

I write to him daily, in a journal. Makes me feel like I am talking to him. I also call his cell phone at least once a day to hear his voice. I also text him.
I know it’s silly, but it helps me. It keeps me close to him. I have his gown that he passed in. I sleep with it at night. I have it bundled up and a ball, and I snuggle up next to it.
I am about to go to the funeral home and give them the clothes I want him cremated in. He will not be cremated in a suit and tie. He will be created in an old, stained-up, torn brown tee shirt that he loved. He will also be wearing pajama pants and old slippers. That’s how I remember him. Not in a fancy suit that he would have never worn. I wanted him to meet his Maker in comfort, and how he would have wanted to meet Him.
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I enjoyed reading that.

So, thank you very much.
 
I am so sorry for your loss.
 
Superfly, thanks for sharing your stories -- you made me both laugh and cry. I love you to bits and it pains me that you're hurting. Just know that we are here for you. Big hugs.
 
You have loved throughout your life now you have now lost this wonderful treasure. I am so sorry for your lose and so happy for your life. I really hope that I outlive my love so she will not have to suffer as you are.

There is a ton of great advise on this thread so I will not repeat it but I will thank each and every one of you for adding a piece of your true humanity for this woman.
 
I have to add this. I can’t not add this.

My husband was in the hospital from May 20 until he passed on October 18.

I found two white beard hairs today. One on a brand new table cloth that I just bought very recently, and another on our butcher block countertop, which was just installed on October 1.

He has not been in the house since May. The tablecloth and the butcher block were very recent purchases.
 
I'm not sure how to address something. I'm not sure what to do.

Today is my birthday. I do not feel like celebrating. Even though, after 23 years, he still forgot my birthday :lol:, I just don't feel like celebrating.

Even though my house is decorated to the point of being assaulted by the color orange for Halloween, I probably won't be passing out candy this year. Haven't even watched a scary movie yet. Just not in the mood.

I am thinking forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas. I don't know what to do. I always cook large for both holidays, and now I just don't want to cook at all. My grandson mentioned how I was still going to have to cook pumpkin pie, because he (the grandson) loved it. I dissolved when he said that. I cried so hard. He didn't realize how bad it would hurt me, but pumpkin pie was Hubs' favorite thing of all time. But if I don't cook, they won't have anything for Thanksgiving dinner, because they are in a tight spot and can't afford it.

I feel like I should continue our traditions on for the girls, because they would appreciate it, but I don't know if they even want it. They go back and forth about it. Me? I think I'd just stay in bed all day if it were up to me. I would not turn the oven on at all. Just doesn't seem right.
 
Superfly said:
I'm not sure how to address something. I'm not sure what to do.

Today is my birthday. I do not feel like celebrating. Even though, after 23 years, he still forgot my birthday :lol:, I just don't feel like celebrating.

Even though my house is decorated to the point of being assaulted by the color orange for Halloween, I probably won't be passing out candy this year. Haven't even watched a scary movie yet. Just not in the mood.

I am thinking forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas. I don't know what to do. I always cook large for both holidays, and now I just don't want to cook at all. My grandson mentioned how I was still going to have to cook pumpkin pie, because he (the grandson) loved it. I dissolved when he said that. I cried so hard. He didn't realize how bad it would hurt me, but pumpkin pie was Hubs' favorite thing of all time. But if I don't cook, they won't have anything for Thanksgiving dinner, because they are in a tight spot and can't afford it.

I feel like I should continue our traditions on for the girls, because they would appreciate it, but I don't know if they even want it. They go back and forth about it. Me? I think I'd just stay in bed all day if it were up to me. I would not turn the oven on at all. Just doesn't seem right.
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Your story is so heartbreaking, particularly for those of us that have been happily married for many decades. I don't have any grandchildren to lighten my heart if I were in your situation, you're very blessed to have grandchildren. The first year after the death of a loved one must be excruciatingly difficult. Look at your birthday as year #1 of a new life for you. Just as a newborn goes through that first difficult year, there are mountains to climb and obstacles to overcome. You'll do it because you simply have no other choice. The pain will subside but not for a while. For now, wrap your arms around your family and cook that big Thanksgiving dinner and pumpkin pie. Decorate that pie with a candle in your husband's memory, he'd probably get a laugh out of a pumpkin pie with a candle stuck in it.

Blessings to you and your family. Keep each other close.

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'venit una ex multis' -- from one comes many
 
Superfly said:
I lost my best friend last night.

He never got well enough to leave the hospital / rehab.

Passed last night.

Thanks to all for prayers and well-wishes.
Click to expand...

I am so very sorry, Superfly. My heart goes out to you. Big hugs.
 
Superfly said:
I lost my best friend last night.

He never got well enough to leave the hospital / rehab.

Passed last night.

Thanks to all for prayers and well-wishes.
Click to expand...

I feel for you, I lost my wife 14 years ago after 30 happy years.
 
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