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Joys of living single

Elvira said:
I here ya...ya can only spread yourself so thin before it takes it's tole....can't help but think of that old adage..."walk a mile in my shoes"...no one knows what it's like until they live it...
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Yeah it's so easy to judge when you haven't been through it. What a lonely miserable 10 years I had. I felt so sorry for my poor old mother. She loved me so much. And I couldn't visit as often as she would have liked. Constant guilt. No relatives around to make it easier. Siblings came once a year.
 
Mashmont said:
I'm determined to never go into a nursing home. I will fight it to the death I don't want anyone to have to take care of me. I want to be like Jack LaLanne. Caught pneumonia at 96. Instead of going to the doctor, he worked out for two hours. Died the next day. Love it.
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once you are found to be plagued by dementia the decisions about how and where you will live are no longer your own
 
justabubba said:
once you are found to be plagued by dementia the decisions about how and where you will live are no longer your own
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Yeah, tragically true. If you have no memory, you also have no ability to think ahead and plan. You are stuck in the present moment. There is no sense of time moving forward. I'm guessing, but maybe it's true. You have no ability to reason, to communicate. So other people take control over your life. Horrible.
 
Elvira said:
Oh, if only...my husband is retired so I'm on call 24/7...I wear many hats...but he's good to me and would do anything I ask...I just get tired of askin'...sometimes doin' things without having to be asked is nice...don't know how many times I've told him that emptying the dishwasher or runnin' the vacuum is foreplay...:2razz:
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My wife would go crazy if I retired.

Last weekend, I worked. She said it felt like a vacation. For the past month I’ve been eating lunch and some dinners on the company, instead of bringing in food from home, one of the benefits of traveling off site. She calls that a vacation too, because she only has to cook half as much food.

This weekend, I’m burnt out. All I could do is sleep and fiddle around on the Internet. Well, I did go pick up some water yesterday morning and walked the dogs in the afternoon. I’ll do my laundry today. But for the most part, I’ll just eat and sleep again.
 
Good4Nothin said:
Yeah it's so easy to judge when you haven't been through it. What a lonely miserable 10 years I had. I felt so sorry for my poor old mother. She loved me so much. And I couldn't visit as often as she would have liked. Constant guilt. No relatives around to make it easier. Siblings came once a year.
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When you do the best you humanly can, there should be no guilt...I'm sure your mother would agree...
 
justabubba said:
once you are found to be plagued by dementia the decisions about how and where you will live are no longer your own
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Dementia doesn't run in my family, but I don't deny there could be something beyond my control. But if whatever IS in my control, I will fight tooth and nail to stay out of the damned nursing home. I won't be like my mom who just accepted her fate without fighting.
 
Mashmont said:
Dementia doesn't run in my family, but I don't deny there could be something beyond my control. But if whatever IS in my control, I will fight tooth and nail to stay out of the damned nursing home. I won't be like my mom who just accepted her fate without fighting.
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were you not in a position to look after your Mom?
 
justabubba said:
were you not in a position to look after your Mom?
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Not really. I'm sixth down the food chain. lots of brothers and sisters lived near her and took care of the details. I just visited every couple of months. Depressing place. I wouldn't want to go to a nursing home OR be a burden.
 
Mashmont said:
Dementia doesn't run in my family, but I don't deny there could be something beyond my control. But if whatever IS in my control, I will fight tooth and nail to stay out of the damned nursing home. I won't be like my mom who just accepted her fate without fighting.
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If there was a god and an immortal soul, there would be no such thing as dementia. Dementia, more than anything, proves who we are is 100% dependent on the brain.
 
Mashmont said:
Not really. I'm sixth down the food chain. lots of brothers and sisters lived near her and took care of the details. I just visited every couple of months. Depressing place. I wouldn't want to go to a nursing home OR be a burden.
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then have you made arrangements to take yourself out if one of those options becomes your reality?

and have you prepared a response to your Creator's statement "i did not call you" ...?

it would seem you have placed yourself in a spiritual pickle
 
Elvira said:
When you do the best you humanly can, there should be no guilt...I'm sure your mother would agree...
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I did more than anyone. The most important thing to her was to see me. Not to have me be her slave. She probably would have liked to see me every day, but that was too much. I did what I felt I could. I knew that whatever I did, my relatives would criticize me and say it wasn't enough. Meanwhile, they had the excuse of being far away.
 
Mashmont said:
Dementia doesn't run in my family, but I don't deny there could be something beyond my control. But if whatever IS in my control, I will fight tooth and nail to stay out of the damned nursing home. I won't be like my mom who just accepted her fate without fighting.
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If I weren't such a coward, I would kill myself before they came to get me. But I think I could do the Jack Lalanne method.
 
Mashmont said:
Not really. I'm sixth down the food chain. lots of brothers and sisters lived near her and took care of the details. I just visited every couple of months. Depressing place. I wouldn't want to go to a nursing home OR be a burden.
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It's taking care of all those details that can drive people crazy. As if our own lives didn't have enough details to take care of.

There are things that can be done from a distance, which you should have taken over. One of my relatives did the financial stuff.
 
calamity said:
If there was a god and an immortal soul, there would be no such thing as dementia. Dementia, more than anything, proves who we are is 100% dependent on the brain.
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That is such nonsense. I hear it all the time from atheist/materialists. We need a functioning brain to interact with this physical world. It does NOT follow that the brain is who we are.
 
Good4Nothin said:
That is such nonsense. I hear it all the time from atheist/materialists. We need a functioning brain to interact with this physical world. It does NOT follow that the brain is who we are.
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Uh, yes it does. The brain is exactly who we are. What do you propose, some sort of hovering spirit which follows us around like a cartoon caption is who we are?
 
calamity said:
Uh, yes it does. The brain is exactly who we are. What do you propose, some sort of hovering spirit which follows us around like a cartoon caption is who we are?
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There is no scientific reason to think the brain is who we are.

Who we are is something science has not figured out, has not even come close, and probably never will. But I think the quantum consciousness research (Penrose and Hameroff, for example) suggests that consciousness comes from a deeper level of reality.

You can insist all you want that the brain IS the mind, but you can't provide any logical reasons for your belief. It's kind of in style now to think that way, because it makes you feel smarter than the religious people. But either side is equally irrational -- religious ideas from an ancient time when people believed anything they were told, vs the atheism/materialism of people who will believe anything that contradicts religion.
 
Good4Nothin said:
There is no scientific reason to think the brain is who we are.

Who we are is something science has not figured out, has not even come close, and probably never will. But I think the quantum consciousness research (Penrose and Hameroff, for example) suggests that consciousness comes from a deeper level of reality.

You can insist all you want that the brain IS the mind, but you can't provide any logical reasons for your belief. It's kind of in style now to think that way, because it makes you feel smarter than the religious people. But either side is equally irrational -- religious ideas from an ancient time when people believed anything they were told, vs the atheism/materialism of people who will believe anything that contradicts religion.
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We have tons of evidence that someone suffering from severe head injuries is often not the same person they were before the injury. If there was an outside conscience, then brain injuries would not affect personality. But, they do. It's fact.
 
calamity said:
We have tons of evidence that someone suffering from severe head injuries is often not the same person they were before the injury. If there was an outside conscience, then brain injuries would not affect personality. But, they do. It's fact.
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The personality has a lot to do with how we feel. And how we feel has a lot to do with brain chemicals. We are intimately connected with our brains, at least while on this level of existence. Anything that happens to the brain/body affects our mood and state of mind.

No one would deny that, for example, drinking alcohol affects the personality. That does not in any way demonstrate that the brain IS the mind. It just demonstrates that the brain affects the mind.

Atheists/materialists have trouble grasping these obvious facts.
 
Good4Nothin said:
The personality has a lot to do with how we feel. And how we feel has a lot to do with brain chemicals. We are intimately connected with our brains, at least while on this level of existence. Anything that happens to the brain/body affects our mood and state of mind.

No one would deny that, for example, drinking alcohol affects the personality. That does not in any way demonstrate that the brain IS the mind. It just demonstrates that the brain affects the mind.

Atheists/materialists have trouble grasping these obvious facts.
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There is no evidence that the mind is anything other than a function of the brain. So, what you spew is woo.
 
calamity said:
There is no evidence that the mind is anything other than a function of the brain. So, what you spew is woo.
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There is. And there is NO evidence that the mind IS the brain. So what you spew is brainwashed nonsense.
 
Good4Nothin said:
There is. And there is NO evidence that the mind IS the brain. So, what you spew is woo.
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Incorrect.

As I said, the evidence supporting that the physical brain is behind mind is the impact head trauma, dementia, and drugs have on behavior and personality. If mind was separate, there would be no effect on it from damaging the brain. But, we all know this is the case--damage the brain, pump it full of drugs, give it a prion disease, Boom! You alter the mind.
 
calamity said:
Incorrect.

As I said, the evidence supporting that the physical brain is behind mind is the impact head trauma, dementia, and drugs have on behavior and personality. If mind was separate, there would be no effect on it from damaging the brain. But, we all know this is the case--damage the brain, pump it full of drugs, give it a prion disease, Boom! You alter the mind.
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No one has said the mind is separate from the brain. Everything that happens to the brain affects the mind. I said all this before. If you try, maybe you can understand.

Anything that happens to the body affects the mind. If you experience pain anywhere that will affect your mind. The brain is part of the body. Anything that happens to the brain affects the mind.

As I already said, everyone knows that drinking alcohol has an effect on the mind. This is all well known and goes without saying. It does not in any way provide evidence that the brain IS the mind.

If you think about this for more than 5 seconds you might understand.
 
Good4Nothin said:
No one has said the mind is separate from the brain. Everything that happens to the brain affects the mind. I said all this before. If you try, maybe you can understand.

Anything that happens to the body affects the mind. If you experience pain anywhere that will affect your mind. The brain is part of the body. Anything that happens to the brain affects the mind.

As I already said, everyone knows that drinking alcohol has an effect on the mind. This is all well known and goes without saying. It does not in any way provide evidence that the brain IS the mind.

If you think about this for more than 5 seconds you might understand.
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You’ve made my argument for me: state of mind is a direct result of brain function.

No one said brain is mind. They wouldn’t have two words for them if they were the same.
 
calamity said:
I can’t say that I’ve experienced enough of it to make a call, but if I ever found myself single again, I’d probably make a concerted effort to stay that way. Living with others has its challenges.

Singles Awareness Day: The benefits of being single - CNN



I can see that. Being in a monogamous relationship does tend to resemble living on a small private island we call the nuclear family.
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Each to their own. I can live alone, but prefer a partner in life. I married again just before I turned 60 after a 5 year relationship and am very happy.
 
calamity said:
My wife says her shift begins on Friday nights, ends Sunday evening. :)

Mine begins on Monday and ends Friday night. We get along well, with these split shifts, amazingly so, actually.
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Given the OP, when do you plan to tell her you are leaving her?
 
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