And men will stay with emotionally and verbally abusive women because they do not feel that they deserve to be respected
. We are all losers in the gender war.
So then does raising boys to be respected work or not? (rhetorical of course but it was your statement and I'm not sure why you just wrote something opposite)
My point was to not set daughters up from birth to be vulnerable.
Children should be raised to believe that should both be
loved and respected and treat others with that same measure.
No debate.
Our society is built on this concept - as many societies have been for centuries. We cleave to things like 'the golden rule' for a reason.
But like all 'guidelines' - trying to encourage the behavior and belief is one thing, what people actually come to feel due to life experiences is another.
And hence the start of women as doormats, women who stay in abusive situations struggling to be loved...because she's learned it's 'her fault' she's not worthy of love.
Spousal abuse isn't a matter of love or respect. Abuse in a relationship can go in all directions (verbal, physical, emotional). This is a matter of tolerance (tolerate the behavior and it will continue) and it is also a matter of maturity (immature twits beat their wives or berate their husbands). This is why abuse is a cycle.
However: The modern concept of 'only wanting to be in a perfect marriage' and 'never having arguments or disagreements' is modern passive bull**** and doesn't exist. People are flawed and human.
Often things that aren't systemic, chronic abuse are classified as such when they shouldn't be. This has led to an abundance of
people who are unable to work through differences (because they claim that having problems for a while is 'abuse' and a matter of 'disrespect' or 'not loving me enough' when it's nothing more than having a normal, human issue)
In an effort to address physical spousal abuse the verbal and emotional abuse (that more often comes from women) is ignored or diminished.
We've also created a society where physical violence by women against men is treated like it doesn't exist - often putting the man between a rock and a hard place. If he says anything one way or another, if he's hit first and strikes back to protect himself, he'll be seen as the abuser even when he's not.
Thus: many women stay with men who show abusive behaviors because they're
rooted in reality. Reality: men are infallible and imperfect, just like women. Reality: Just because someone resorts to physical violence to express anger on occasion (like they'r encouraged to do from infancy in our pro-angst society) doesn't mean they're so corrupt they can't A) See that they're wrong, B) Stop, C) Seek professional help and change.
People's criticism of the book
50 Shades of Grey is where this can be seen: If someone has emotional issues and needs psychological help - if he decides to channel his issues physically (even in a strictly controlled environment with limits in place) then the idea of caring and wanting to help him get better equates the woman with being a pathetic, self-disrespecting, imbecilic moron.
But women getting physical with their spouse? Most people don't care - or even encourage it.
There's nothing wrong with seeing that someone is going through a difficult time and struggling to cope - and then committing yourself to helping them because you think they're worth it, they actually mean enough as a human being to care about.
If someone helps the homeless or tries to save slaves and they are injured or die in the process people think they're heroic. But put that type of person into a marriage, make her a female, and have her helping her husband that she loves and then she's seen as a pathetic, self-disrespecting, imbecilic moron who can't think for herself or who is so blind she doesn't see the situation she's in.
See: in an effort to empower women we've created a society in which every little tiny thing is considered abuse and very few people are willing to admit or accept that there's a difference. Good intentions: but we haven't quite sorted it all out. It's just gone from one extreme *to another*
Now: it's commonly accepted that if you
think you're in an abusive relationship (one fight, one argument, one restrained almost smack) you should respect yourself - leave him, take the kids - and then what?
Live in the ****ing slums as a single mother on government assistance.
What in the hell type of self-respect or
sense does that make? Our society is still so off-kilter. We should be supporting people who want to work out their issues, not shoving those women into Secton 8 housing where their kids are more likely to end up being shot in the head by a driveby.
Sorry - but when I was in that type of 'choose one or the other' situation a long long time ago the last place I wanted to be was in Apartment 2B on Jefferson Street for another MOMENT. The neighborhood was more dangerous.