"Everything happens for a reason"

[Serenity]

The “everything happens for a reason” sentiment is a perfect example of something that people accept and repeat without even really understanding it, let alone challenging it. I understand that it's a sentiment uttered with the best of intentions, and it is important to acknowledge a person’s grief. You can do that by offering support, friendship, and love, there's no need for such a nonsensical phrase. I don't understand why it's used so often.

Everything does not happen for a reason. Sometimes bad things can and will just happen, for no reason at all. That's the reality.

 

[Beaudreaux]

The “everything happens for a reason” sentiment is a perfect example of something that people accept and repeat without even really understanding it, let alone challenging it. I understand that it's a sentiment uttered with the best of intentions, and it is important to acknowledge a person’s grief. You can do that by offering support, friendship, and love, there's no need for such a nonsensical phrase. I don't understand why it's used so often.

Everything does not happen for a reason. Sometimes bad things can and will just happen, for no reason at all. That's the reality.

People do not want to think that something, or someone, was "wasted" by a tragedy or bad outcome. I ran into a lot of this in the military as a combat medic - lives "wasted" versus a "just cause." People will choose the just cause, or imagine that there must be a reason behind a loss to help them cope mentally with whatever happened.

It's part of some people's coping mechanism. My mother-in-law absolutely denied that my father-in-law was sick, and when he was in the ICU she refused to go in his room. After he died, she refused to discuss it or take part in any of the funeral arrangements. That was her way of coping - just ignore it like it didn't happen. Each person is different. Many use the "it must have happened for a reason" thought process to explain what their minds can't explain any other way. Acceptance of tragedy is not easy for most people. Even those of us that deal with, or dealt with, tragedy on a daily basis, react completely different when it involves a person very close to us.

 

[nota bene]

There's a saying in grief counseling about how you have to go through it--not around or over or under or over it, but through it. So I'm curious, Beaudreaux--was your mother-in-law's denial ultimately helpful to her, or did it delay her working through the grief process?

 

[JC Callender]

The “everything happens for a reason” sentiment is a perfect example of something that people accept and repeat without even really understanding it, let alone challenging it. I understand that it's a sentiment uttered with the best of intentions, and it is important to acknowledge a person’s grief. You can do that by offering support, friendship, and love, there's no need for such a nonsensical phrase. I don't understand why it's used so often.

Everything does not happen for a reason. Sometimes bad things can and will just happen, for no reason at all. That's the reality.

Do you have an example to prove your point?

 

[ttwtt78640]

The “everything happens for a reason” sentiment is a perfect example of something that people accept and repeat without even really understanding it, let alone challenging it. I understand that it's a sentiment uttered with the best of intentions, and it is important to acknowledge a person’s grief. You can do that by offering support, friendship, and love, there's no need for such a nonsensical phrase. I don't understand why it's used so often.

Everything does not happen for a reason. Sometimes bad things can and will just happen, for no reason at all. That's the reality.

Stating that every effect had a cause, is not implying that every cause was either just or deserved. You seem to see some reason to assign blame for simply pointing out the obvious. Stating that Joe died of X is not, in any way, akin to saying that Joe deserved to die of X - they are entirely different concepts which you seem to wish to equate.

 

[joG]

The “everything happens for a reason” sentiment is a perfect example of something that people accept and repeat without even really understanding it, let alone challenging it. I understand that it's a sentiment uttered with the best of intentions, and it is important to acknowledge a person’s grief. You can do that by offering support, friendship, and love, there's no need for such a nonsensical phrase. I don't understand why it's used so often.

Everything does not happen for a reason. Sometimes bad things can and will just happen, for no reason at all. That's the reality.

Actually, my take on scientific cause and effect is that nothing has a reason, we know of. We do interpret things to be done for reasons, but I have seen no evidence that thinking or behavior has a method of exing cause and effect. It would be a miracle each time.

 

[Cisero]

Do you have an example to prove your point?

I'm not quite sure you want. A situation in which bad things happen for no reason ?
Ok, how about this : for what reason would your child die of leukemia at 11 years old ?

 

[X Factor]

I think it's kind of a paraphrase of this. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" Romans 8:28

That was said in the context of suffering and trials.

Obviously, that would ring pretty hollow to those who don't have any belief in God or the Bible, and even for those who do, it can sound like a platitude. It is something I tend to believe for myself though, that everything works our just the way it's supposed to.

 

[JC Callender]

I'm not quite sure you want. A situation in which bad things happen for no reason ?
Ok, how about this : for what reason would your child die of leukemia at 11 years old ?

I don't know, and with all due respect, my reply was intended for Serenity who seemed to believe in her theory with conviction, so I assumed she would have concrete examples. But I'll take a shot at your question. As a Christian, I believe that we can't mature in life without resistance, and that resistance is often very painful. Some of the best personalities I've ever known were people who went through the most hardships. Have you ever heard of "The Greatest Generation"? They lived through the Great Depression and WW2...there's a correlation between hardships and maturity/great character. In the case of a child dying that young, well imo, there's such a place as Heaven, and the child is better off there. Regarding the family who had to see the child suffer, that's one of the instances of a person earning empathy, maturity, fortitude, etc...through an extreme hardship, managing the illness of a loved one. Losing someone we love tells us that there are things in life worth missing, it doesn't automatically tell us that life is horrible. Another basic way of looking at it is we couldn't know how good things could be if there weren't bad things to contrast them. If we were born into perfection and never encountered negativity, we wouldn't be thrilled about it because we wouldn't know the difference.

 

[ttwtt78640]

I'm not quite sure you want. A situation in which bad things happen for no reason ?
Ok, how about this : for what reason would your child die of leukemia at 11 years old ?

Leukemia is often fatal is the only reason that I can think of.

If what you really meant to ask is "What reason made child/person A, verses child/person B, contract that fatal disease?" then the reason is often much harder (if not impossible) to pin down. It could be related to genetics, some environmental condition, random chance or a combination of those (and/or other) factors.

 

[CanadaJohn]

The “everything happens for a reason” sentiment is a perfect example of something that people accept and repeat without even really understanding it, let alone challenging it. I understand that it's a sentiment uttered with the best of intentions, and it is important to acknowledge a person’s grief. You can do that by offering support, friendship, and love, there's no need for such a nonsensical phrase. I don't understand why it's used so often.

Everything does not happen for a reason. Sometimes bad things can and will just happen, for no reason at all. That's the reality.

One is required to be a holder of faith in order to believe that everything that happens has a higher meaning. It allows those of faith who can't fathom why something happened a hope that the person afflicted or harmed will benefit in some way in some other place and time.

It's perfectly fine and reasonable for those of faith and one thing to be admired and respected in people of faith, from my perspective, even if I don't share their perspective.

 

[Cisero]

I don't know, and with all due respect, my reply was intended for Serenity who seemed to believe in her theory with conviction, so I assumed she would have concrete examples. But I'll take a shot at your question. As a Christian, I believe that we can't mature in life without resistance, and that resistance is often very painful. Some of the best personalities I've ever known were people who went through the most hardships. Have you ever heard of "The Greatest Generation"? They lived through the Great Depression and WW2...there's a correlation between hardships and maturity/great character. In the case of a child dying that young, well imo, there's such a place as Heaven, and the child is better off there. Regarding the family who had to see the child suffer, that's one of the instances of a person earning empathy, maturity, fortitude, etc...through an extreme hardship, managing the illness of a loved one. Losing someone we love tells us that there are things in life worth missing, it doesn't automatically tell us that life is horrible. Another basic way of looking at it is we couldn't know how good things could be if there weren't bad things to contrast them. If we were born into perfection and never encountered negativity, we wouldn't be thrilled about it because we wouldn't know the difference.

I agree that in order to know happiness, you must know sadness. But a lot of people live happy lives & do not suffer the huge sorrow of losing a loved-one. Does this mean that God takes children away from families in order to teach them a lesson about "empathy, maturity, fortitude" ? Are there no other ways ? Why do most families not need this lesson ?

 

[Cisero]

Leukemia is often fatal is the only reason that I can think of.

If what you really meant to ask is "What reason made child/person A, verses child/person B, contract that fatal disease?" then the reason is often much harder (if not impossible) to pin down. It could be related to genetics, some environmental condition, random chance or a combination of those (and/or other) factors.

I think people, when refering to a "reason", are refering to some notion of destiny/fate.

Cause : Genetics
Effect : Leukemia
Reason : Fate ? Destiny ? No reason ?

 

[JC Callender]

I agree that in order to know happiness, you must know sadness. But a lot of people live happy lives & do not suffer the huge sorrow of losing a loved-one. Does this mean that God takes children away from families in order to teach them a lesson about "empathy, maturity, fortitude" ? Are there no other ways ? Why do most families not need this lesson ?

I wouldn't say that happiness alone sums up the richness in ones character. Sentimental sadness, for instance, for many is a fond emotion. But many people who seem happy most of the time without any hardship are often somewhat shallow too, they're not taking risks, just content with a pretty shallow existence. Some folks believe in being positive all the time as well, but that doesn't mean they're genuinely happy.

 

[JC Callender]

I agree that in order to know happiness, you must know sadness. But a lot of people live happy lives & do not suffer the huge sorrow of losing a loved-one. Does this mean that God takes children away from families in order to teach them a lesson about "empathy, maturity, fortitude" ? Are there no other ways ? Why do most families not need this lesson ?

And in response to your question about why most families don't need the lesson of a child dying, maybe some do, as odd and terrible as it may sound. And it's not just the family, it's the friends and others touched by it as well. Extreme hardships like that usually cause Christians to focus more on God, which is what we should've been doing before the tragic illness/death occurred.

 

[rabbitcaebannog]

The “everything happens for a reason” sentiment is a perfect example of something that people accept and repeat without even really understanding it, let alone challenging it. I understand that it's a sentiment uttered with the best of intentions, and it is important to acknowledge a person’s grief. You can do that by offering support, friendship, and love, there's no need for such a nonsensical phrase. I don't understand why it's used so often.

Everything does not happen for a reason. Sometimes bad things can and will just happen, for no reason at all. That's the reality.

My thoughts are people may not want to believe their loved one died in vain (no cause or reason). If they are spiritual, they may believe the loved one has a higher calling (perhaps with God to watch over other loved ones for example). If they are an activist, they may believe it is up to them to deliver a message in that person's name.

 

[ttwtt78640]

I think people, when refering to a "reason", are refering to some notion of destiny/fate.

Cause : Genetics
Effect : Leukemia
Reason : Fate ? Destiny ? No reason ?

That is a can of worms that I would rather not open. To assert that a cause had a reason, first requires that we accept the cause is not simply an effect of some other cause. That eventually leads us to discussing creation/design and or a creator/designer which usually ends up with the famous "X works in mysterious ways" or some complete BS about each of us being "tested" based on our reaction to each event in "X's plan".

 

[Paralogic]

I don't understand why it's used so often.

It's the perfect justification for ignorance of the cause of an event.

 

[Captain Adverse]

The “everything happens for a reason” sentiment is a perfect example of something that people accept and repeat without even really understanding it, let alone challenging it. I understand that it's a sentiment uttered with the best of intentions, and it is important to acknowledge a person’s grief. You can do that by offering support, friendship, and love, there's no need for such a nonsensical phrase. I don't understand why it's used so often.

Everything does not happen for a reason. Sometimes bad things can and will just happen, for no reason at all. That's the reality.

Actually, everything DOES happen for a reason. Variety of existence.

We have cause and effect. I believe most of us are aware of this paraphrase from Chaos Theory "A butterfly flaps it's wings in Brazil and weeks later a hurricane hits the Caribbean."

However I think you are concerned with the individual benefit, the positive or negative end you are expressing disbelief over. That's because you assume the phrase must mean it has a beneficial effect. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Rather each incident creates an experience. We learn from experiences, both good and bad. The good may allow you some immediate benefit. The bad can teach you a lesson in some way or another.

Think of it this way. If everything were "perfect," how boring would life be? Reminds me of one of the lines from The Matrix: "The Architect created the perfect world and the human mind rejected it." It is really that simple; Utopia, a world without good and bad, is boring.

 

[Skeptic Bob]

Everything DOES happen for a reason. That reason is physics.

 

[Cally]

When the human brain evolved to the point where it began to comprehend context, but still lacked knowledge-a method of coping became necessary. Religion is a prime example of this. God is the Ultimate Reason. It can be the answer to every question, thought, and sorrow. This mental shortcut has been used for thousands of years to cope with loss. If someone's child dies due to a random accident.. a drowning, car accident, whatever.. "it happened for a reason." Well-yeah. the kid got ran over by a car. What sort of sick and sadistic deity uses this sort of mindless tragedy for "the good." But somehow people cope. And even move on with their lives, get married, and make more babies afterwards only thinking of the dead child late at night, staring at the ceiling with nothing to keep their minds occupied. Ultimately, platitudes are for people who prefer mental shortcuts and spend their time desperate for the next distraction lest their minds become too active.

 

[opendebate]

The “everything happens for a reason” sentiment is a perfect example of something that people accept and repeat without even really understanding it, let alone challenging it. I understand that it's a sentiment uttered with the best of intentions, and it is important to acknowledge a person’s grief. You can do that by offering support, friendship, and love, there's no need for such a nonsensical phrase. I don't understand why it's used so often.

Everything does not happen for a reason. Sometimes bad things can and will just happen, for no reason at all. That's the reality.

The phrase implies that there was intent. Like, little johnny got leukemia so that his mom would realize that fighting leukemia was her real purpose in life. Or you were the only survivor of that horrific plan crash for a reason. No, no you weren't. You just lucked out. We can look back and assign a "reason" but that's different, that's just making the most of a bad situation. That "reason" didn't exist beforehand. Drives me crazy. Look around, there is so much tragedy in our world and for the majority of people who experience it nothing good comes from it.

 

[Hawkeye10]

The “everything happens for a reason” sentiment is a perfect example of something that people accept and repeat without even really understanding it, let alone challenging it. I understand that it's a sentiment uttered with the best of intentions, and it is important to acknowledge a person’s grief. You can do that by offering support, friendship, and love, there's no need for such a nonsensical phrase. I don't understand why it's used so often.

Everything does not happen for a reason. Sometimes bad things can and will just happen, for no reason at all. That's the reality.

Of course. People have a strong tendency to tell themselves, and make themselves believe, what they need to believe in order to get through the day. Sometimes people go to extremes on this, they live in their own fantasy worlds in order to have peace. Actually that happens a lot with moderns. It takes years of training to relearn what knew knew as children, to see the universe as it really is rather than what we want it to me. I learned to do this through Zen, but the road need not be spiritual.

 

[RAMOSS]

The “everything happens for a reason” sentiment is a perfect example of something that people accept and repeat without even really understanding it, let alone challenging it. I understand that it's a sentiment uttered with the best of intentions, and it is important to acknowledge a person’s grief. You can do that by offering support, friendship, and love, there's no need for such a nonsensical phrase. I don't understand why it's used so often.

Everything does not happen for a reason. Sometimes bad things can and will just happen, for no reason at all. That's the reality.

I think everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is 'People act like stupid idiots'. No predestination or anything like that, but it's a reason.

 

[Serenity]

I'm sorry I have not been back to participate in this thread since my OP. It's not something I feel i'm able to discuss reasonably and without too many emotions right now (which is not really fair to anyone participating) but I thank you all for your replies and will come back to it at a little later stage.