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A question for straight women.

which best discribes the way you feel ladies?

  • I Absolutly love alpha males

    Votes: 2 28.6%

  • I'm okay with alpha or beta males

    Votes: 1 14.3%

  • I prefer beta males

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • I habe no real preference.

    Votes: 4 57.1%
  • Total voters
    7
AlbqOwl said:
I don't think opposites necessarily attract. I think most of us find soul mates in those who share are core values, who enjoy doing most of the same things, who appreciate the same friends/family, i.e. those with whom we have a lot in common, who respect each other, who 'get each other' in a way that others do not.

That should not be extrapolated that each can't have interests the other doesn't share or can't be their own person. But they will have a lot in common. Physical and/or intellectual attraction is a huge plus, but it cannot and will not sustain a healthy relationship by itself over the long term. And such characteristics can exist whether or not a person is alpha or beta.

'Genuine confidence' is a necessary trait for the alpha male or female who will exhibit that in their assertiveness. For instance, as an extroverted alpha female, I will confidently proceed with a presentation or Q&A that I am not formally prepared for on the theory that I will be able to wing it or what comes next will come to me as I go along. And for the most part that has worked for me very well. Alpha males can usually do that too. The beta personality can do that if required to do so, but will be far less comfortable and/or confident--he/she will require opportunity to prepare whenever possible. Somebody like me, not so much. That does not mean I don't prepare for a presentation or Q&A--I do whenever prudent to do so--but I will proceed with confidence even if I do not have opportunity to prepare. The beta personality can't do that as easily or comfortably.

But either of us might be the more competent in what we do. :)

The beta personality is not less confident in his/her ability, knowledge, competence. He/she is just not as assertive in spontaneously putting it out there.

Probably the best distinction between Alpha and Beta is that the Alpha will more often be the first to act. The Beta will more often react rather than act.

And finally to your question, I don't see Alpha and Beta as necessarily shades of gray. I just see some of both exhibited in a lot of people--the Alpha male for whatever reason can have an attack of insecurity or shyness that overrides his more natural impulses and/or responses, and the Beta male can be inspired or provoked to act out in uncharacteristic ways for him.

But both the Alpha and Beta are equally 'real men' to me. I will just usually notice and appreciate the attractive Alpha male more quickly than the Beta male that I probably will have to get to know better before I will recognize him to be the 'real man' that he is.
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If I may sum up, "People are complicated". :)
 
Goshin said:
If I may sum up, "People are complicated". :)
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Yes they are. And I doubt any person alive knows everything there is to know about even himself/herself, much less another person. That's what keeps us all interesting. :)
 
Josie said:
I like guys who are 84% alpha and 16% beta.
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Josie said:
I like guys who are take charge, confident, honest, don't play games ..... with a little sweet, romantic and a dash of sensitive in there.

I do not like guys who can't make decisions, worry all of the time, too emotional, arrogant, paranoid or have no self-confidence.
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I think you just spoke for the large majority of straight women, whether some will admit it or not. :)


Most women want a man who has some reasonable capacity to handle stress, cope with crisis, take bold action when needed, and stand by you in time of trouble.

At the same time, they want a man who is nice to them, loyal to their family/children (if any), capable of showing emotion when appropriate, and not a self-absorbed douche.

All entirely understandable, reasonable and rational.

Very few women want a man who is LESS capable than they are in those regards. From what I've seen, those who do are acting from insecurity, and want a man who is undemanding and easily dominated because they fear they can't handle a stronger male. Often this is a result of previous psychological trauma.
 
Mizzy22 said:
I find a bully who is to scared to serve,so he gets a Doctor to claim the bully has bone spurs.
Is the worse kind of coward.
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Perhaps we don't need to insert Trump into every single thread.
 
Goshin said:
I think you just spoke for the large majority of straight women, whether some will admit it or not. :)


Most women want a man who has some reasonable capacity to handle stress, cope with crisis, take bold action when needed, and stand by you in time of trouble.

At the same time, they want a man who is nice to them, loyal to their family/children (if any), capable of showing emotion when appropriate, and not a self-absorbed douche.

All entirely understandable, reasonable and rational.

Very few women want a man who is LESS capable than they are in those regards. From what I've seen, those who do are acting from insecurity, and want a man who is undemanding and easily dominated because they fear they can't handle a stronger male. Often this is a result of previous psychological trauma.
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But my strongly beta hubby is absolutely not less capable than I am in those areas in which his competence exceeds mine. And there are a LOT of those areas. :)

I am better at IT stuff, at cooking, at gardening, at decorating, at writing and articulating opinions and arguments but not necessarily historical narrative, at public speaking, at figuring out the new phones, at processing left brain concepts. He is far more competent than I am in mechanics, carpentry, electrical, plumbing, assembly of stuff we have to put together, or meticulousness in things like building a grand detailed doll house or model ship, at processing right brain stuff. He has the patience to do things that drive me up the wall.

He is a strongly beta male, but you don't boss him around or push him around or insist that he do ANYTHING he does not wish to do. He is very good at leading groups--he was a scoutmaster for most of a quarter century--taught classes at church and at votech schools, and is comfortable doing presentations, serving as group moderator, chairing committees, etc. He responds when recruited or nominated/voted into something and he serves capably. He is just not as likely to volunteer as the alpha male would.

As an alpha woman, I don't love him because he is in any way my inferior or less threatening or in any way more submissive than an alpha male would be. I love him because he is a strong, capable, honest, decent, and sexy guy who knows who he is and is true to himself. He just doesn't automatically assume he is supposed to be the leader as the alpha male likely will. :)
 
AlbqOwl said:
But my strongly beta hubby is absolutely not less capable than I am in those areas in which his competence exceeds mine. And there are a LOT of those areas. :)

I am better at IT stuff, at cooking, at gardening, at decorating, at writing and articulating opinions and arguments but not necessarily historical narrative, at public speaking, at figuring out the new phones, at processing left brain concepts. He is far more competent than I am in mechanics, carpentry, electrical, plumbing, assembly of stuff we have to put together, or meticulousness in things like building a grand detailed doll house or model ship, at processing right brain stuff. He has the patience to do things that drive me up the wall.

He is a strongly beta male, but you don't boss him around or push him around or insist that he do ANYTHING he does not wish to do. He is very good at leading groups--he was a scoutmaster for most of a quarter century--taught classes at church and at votech schools, and is comfortable doing presentations, serving as group moderator, chairing committees, etc. He responds when recruited or nominated/voted into something and he serves capably. He is just not as likely to volunteer as the alpha male would.

As an alpha woman, I don't love him because he is in any way my inferior or less threatening or in any way more submissive than an alpha male would be. I love him because he is a strong, capable, honest, decent, and sexy guy who knows who he is and is true to himself. He just doesn't automatically assume he is supposed to be the leader as the alpha male likely will. :)
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I suppose it depends on how you define it and explain it, which obviously varies... but he doesn't sound like a Beta Male to me, as such. I don't think an Alpha is someone who thinks he always has to be the leader, or who always steps up to volunteer for leadership in all situations.

I'm pretty sure if you polled my 20 nearest-and-dearest that all 20 would describe me as "Alpha male- no question about it". Yet I don't always insist on being the Big Dog in all situations. If someone else is more qualified to lead in a given situation or task, I am willing to let them run it as long as they appear to be on top of things. If they fumble a little I will offer advice, but I won't try to take over unless they demonstrate they really can't handle it.

If a situation arises where I know I am very able to lead, I will typically step up. But if it is something I clearly have little experience or knowledge in, I will sit back and look for someone more adept in this scenario to take charge. Same-same if it is some non-critical situation that just doesn't interest me to any significant degree... like, say, planning wedding decorations. "Whatever you want, dear. Just give me a list of what to buy at the store." :)

He doesn't sound Beta to me, just a bit on the mild-mannered and easygoing side.
 
Josie said:
I like guys who are take charge, confident, honest, don't play games ..... with a little sweet, romantic and a dash of sensitive in there.

I do not like guys who can't make decisions, worry all of the time, too emotional, arrogant, paranoid or have no self-confidence.
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Arrogant people strike me as phony "super-alphas".

FWIW, my wife says 80/20, so kinda like you but lacking in precision.;)
 
Goshin said:
I suppose it depends on how you define it and explain it, which obviously varies... but he doesn't sound like a Beta Male to me, as such. I don't think an Alpha is someone who thinks he always has to be the leader, or who always steps up to volunteer for leadership in all situations.

I'm pretty sure if you polled my 20 nearest-and-dearest that all 20 would describe me as "Alpha male- no question about it". Yet I don't always insist on being the Big Dog in all situations. If someone else is more qualified to lead in a given situation or task, I am willing to let them run it as long as they appear to be on top of things. If they fumble a little I will offer advice, but I won't try to take over unless they demonstrate they really can't handle it.

If a situation arises where I know I am very able to lead, I will typically step up. But if it is something I clearly have little experience or knowledge in, I will sit back and look for someone more adept in this scenario to take charge. Same-same if it is some non-critical situation that just doesn't interest me to any significant degree... like, say, planning wedding decorations. "Whatever you want, dear. Just give me a list of what to buy at the store." :)

He doesn't sound Beta to me, just a bit on the mild-mannered and easygoing side.
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IMO, if it is something you know you are good at and still hope somebody else will be the leader, you probably are not an Alpha male. At least in that regard. Yes, as an alpha male you might choose to let the other guy/gal lead the project you want to be part of, but you inwardly will feel an impulse to be in charge or take charge or show what you can do. And if the leader is less competent than you believe yourself to be, you will feel frustration and will be more inclined than the average bear to confront the situation.

The beta male will not have the same impulse to step forward to lead as you will, will hope somebody else will lead, and will step up to the plate only if he is confident in his ability and nobody else does. He will be just as frustrated as you at any incompetence of the leader, however, but will be less likely to be confrontational unless the situation is of serious consequence. Hubby for instance does not volunteer for the leadership positions he gets himself into, but answers the bell when he is recruited or elevated into such positions as the others. And he is really good at it.

Either of you can be really laid back however, depending on the circumstances.
 
iliveonramen said:
The whole beta vs alpha viewpoint comes from someone watching animals (gorrillas I think?) and noticing some males were aggressive and seemed to run things while others were submissive to the alpha. He applied this to human social interactions. The fact is, even among Gorrillas the dynamic fluctuates among a group. He was essentially saying some are aggressive and domineering and mates with females and others are beta and submissive to the alpha.


Its taken on a life among some people that either believe they are an alpha make or try and take on the charateristics of what they believe to be an alpha male. In common terminology, people call them douchebags.
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But that's the posing to which I referred. An alpha male just is. He doesn't have to work at it and may not have ever even thought of it.
 
MrWonka said:
No, actually they aren't. You've got a few people who are unsure of the definitions, and a few who are talking about attributes typically associated with one, but that does not mean they exist.

Assertive and aggressive men can exist, and within a small group of men you might have one guy that's more assertive and aggressive than others, but there is no such thing as an actual alpha male or beta male. For example, last week I and a bunch of friends went on a road trip for a friends birthday. It was 6 people. 4 guys and 2 girls. 1 single girl, 3 single guys. The guy in the group that would most likely describe as assertive and aggressive was universally considered a huge douchebag by everyone else(he threw a hissy fit because he couldn't get the 1 single girl to sleep with him).
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Ah huh. Cool story. Like I said the ladies are saying otherwise. My OH says otherwise. The smart man LISTENS to the ladies...especially if he enjoys sleeping in his own bed. I have a really nice bed I enjoy very much.
 
Mixture of both is my preference. Someone loyal and gentle, but also tough as nails when necessary. Someone who laughs and cries with me, comforts me when I'm down. Iow, my honey.
 
PirateMk1 said:
Ah huh. Cool story. Like I said the ladies are saying otherwise. My OH says otherwise. The smart man LISTENS to the ladies...especially if he enjoys sleeping in his own bed. I have a really nice bed I enjoy very much.
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I never asked him I probably should have if he likes ladies. He might not.
 
nota bene said:
Gay or straight, emo guys are a real turn-off to me. I don't know how others define "real man," but part of my own definition would be a man who is so confident in his own masculinity that he is never a poseur.
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I had to look up that term. This "emo guy" thing screams "please friendzone me". You confuse me. I thought you didn't like men that think women should know their place. Would you for example consider the typical Mexican "campesino" confident in his masculinity? Imagine a guy that thinks getting arrested and saying "that was nothin'" because he's a tough guy.
 
SDET said:
I had to look up that term. This "emo guy" thing screams "please friendzone me". You confuse me. I thought you didn't like men that think women should know their place. Would you for example consider the typical Mexican "campesino" confident in his masculinity? Imagine a guy that thinks getting arrested and saying "that was nothin'" because he's a tough guy.
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You don’t understand. A real man doesn’t worry about a woman’s “place” because he is confident in his own.

I don’t understand why you think you can reduce any man or woman to his or her job title or how this could define masculinityor femininity, so I’ll leave the stereotyping and marginalization to you.

For some people, both men and women, being arrested is nothing beyond a minor annoyance. It’s what they do. Those who find it infuriating or humiliating or traumatic but say it’s nothing are poseurs.
 
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