"Gaydar" --- your thoughts

Josie said:

Do you immediately assume someone is gay based on your "gaydar"? What characteristics lead you to that conclusion? Is the word "gaydar" offensive or appropriate or somewhere in between?

And, my main question --- if a man is seemingly happily married to a woman, would you still continue to insist that that man is gay based on your "gaydar"?

P.S. No, this question has nothing to do with me or my personal life. Just an observation from social media.

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Well as a gay man myself let me offer insight. I have had many straight married men who have come on to me, and I never would have guessed he swung that way. Most of my gay friends are like me, straight acting. All of my friends weather long or short term are straight acting. Of course there are still queens, but they are the exception not the rule. I hope that offers a little insight.

Helix said:

i have found that my assessments of the sexual orientation of others are often incorrect. not that i much care, but it is sort of interesting. others have assumed that i was gay incorrectly, as well. basically, my gaydar isn't very good.

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Why bother with gaydar. Scruff and Grindr eliminate the guessing game.

yankintx said:

Why bother with gaydar. Scruff and Grindr eliminate the guessing game.

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i had to look up one of those. now google will probably start throwing ads at me, lol.

Helix said:

i had to look up one of those. now google will probably start throwing ads at me, lol.

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Apologize lol

Grindr is well known in US. In Europe and Middle East Scruff is the go to ap to find new friends.

Josie said:

Do you immediately assume someone is gay based on your "gaydar"? What characteristics lead you to that conclusion? Is the word "gaydar" offensive or appropriate or somewhere in between?

And, my main question --- if a man is seemingly happily married to a woman, would you still continue to insist that that man is gay based on your "gaydar"?

P.S. No, this question has nothing to do with me or my personal life. Just an observation from social media.

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I imagine all "gaydar" is, is observation. If you see a guy check out a guy he's probably gay. No it isn't offensive.

CLAX1911 said:

I imagine all "gaydar" is, is observation. If you see a guy check out a guy he's probably gay. No it isn't offensive.

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I understand the obvious signs -- a guy coming onto another guy, a guy outright saying he's sexually attracted to men, etc. I'm talking when it's not so obvious. I'm talking about those people who assume someone's sexuality based on stereotypes. Guys who like their homes to be clean, they like to cook, garden, go to the theatre.... but they're also seemingly happily married to a woman.

Josie said:

I understand the obvious signs -- a guy coming onto another guy, a guy outright saying he's sexually attracted to men, etc. I'm talking when it's not so obvious. I'm talking about those people who assume someone's sexuality based on stereotypes.

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I didn't say coming onto a guy or someone saying they are gay.

Noticing a guy checking out other guys isn't that overt the gay guy might even be subconsciously doing it. It's subtle.

It's not some psychic power it's just observation and it isn't picking up on stereotypes.

Guys who like their homes to be clean, they like to cook, garden, go to the theatre.... but they're also seemingly happily married to a woman.

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This is why you can't use stereotypes they're wrong sometimes. You have to be observant.

Josie said:

Do you immediately assume someone is gay based on your "gaydar"? What characteristics lead you to that conclusion? Is the word "gaydar" offensive or appropriate or somewhere in between?

And, my main question --- if a man is seemingly happily married to a woman, would you still continue to insist that that man is gay based on your "gaydar"?

P.S. No, this question has nothing to do with me or my personal life. Just an observation from social media.

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I have a pretty accurate gaydar. There have been times when I pegged a person as non-straight (not necessarily gay) who self identified as straight. In many cases and by methods that I care not to admit, I ended up being right. In other cases, I let it go. Whether or not a person is resisting or denying his sexual orientation is none of my business unless that person is putting someone else's health or safety at risk.

MamboDervish said:

Honestly, there's no way for me to even know if my "gaydar" is any good - because discussing someone else's sexuality so rarely arrises in conversation, I couldn't tell if any guess was right or wrong.

I do know one "happily married man" that everyone else seems to think is gay - but again, there's no way for me to ever know that. The couple has been happily married for decades, and frankly, what their own sexual exploitations might involve is anyone's guess, and will never be my business.

I've heard other people use the term gaydar - including many people who I know are gay by their own declaration - and they don't seem to be offended by the concept.

In short, perhaps the only people for whom gaydar even matters are the gay people who are looking for people to sexually relate to.
Gaydar would seem to serve no functional purpose whatsoever for straight people - so I couldn't imagine any reason to give it much thought.

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I think that's an important component of it. There is less of a stigma against non-straight people, especially non-straight men, now than there once was, but generations of gay men never came out of the closet and couldn't anonymously meet hook ups on the internet. Those people had to rely on cues that were rarely explicit in order to locate romantic or sexual partners.

Diesel said:

I think that's an important component of it. There is less of a stigma against non-straight people, especially non-straight men, now than there once was, but generations of gay men never came out of the closet and couldn't anonymously meet hook ups on the internet. Those people had to rely on cues that were rarely explicit in order to locate romantic or sexual partners.

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Indeed. Gaydar serves its highest function - perhaps its only function - in gay people. If straight people think they need to know who's gay, they should be asking themselves "why?"

Josie said:

I understand the obvious signs -- a guy coming onto another guy, a guy outright saying he's sexually attracted to men, etc. I'm talking when it's not so obvious. I'm talking about those people who assume someone's sexuality based on stereotypes. Guys who like their homes to be clean, they like to cook, garden, go to the theatre.... but they're also seemingly happily married to a woman.

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The things that you listed relate to a lifestyle, which is not a part of sexual orientation. Straight men can dance ballet and gay men can ride Harleys, so my gaydar is not well informed by people's hobbies. I am neither gay nor straight, but I am a very sexual person, so my orientation is hardly a secret. I have known many men who self identify as straight who demonstrate curiosity about my orientation and my experiences in ways that indicate that their interest is more than academic. They often ask questions when no one else is with us and seem shyer discussing those things than they usually otherwise seem. There are also some other relatively reliable indicators like the way a person moves and holds his/her body and his/her manner of speaking and vocabulary, but those are far from foolproof.

There are certainly stereotypes that don't do anyone any good -- and I would never rely on a gaydar in an online interaction -- but I do believe in an ability to make relatively safe assumptions about some people's orientations. For me, it just doesn't matter unless I am attracted to someone.

Josie said:

Do you immediately assume someone is gay based on your "gaydar"? What characteristics lead you to that conclusion? Is the word "gaydar" offensive or appropriate or somewhere in between?

And, my main question --- if a man is seemingly happily married to a woman, would you still continue to insist that that man is gay based on your "gaydar"?

P.S. No, this question has nothing to do with me or my personal life. Just an observation from social media.

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Oh, you're asking for a friend. I have gaydar and I don't care what others think. Usually I think a man gay if they are overly immaculate about their appearance and seem to have effeminate manners. Some men are flat our gaydar ringers, they want to set it off, those guys I get a real kick out of.

With that said, I don't care who does what sexually as long as it consensual. If you're gay, fine, a lesbian, fine, trans, fine. Be nice, that's all I care about.

I spend very little time thinking about other peoples' sexual preferences.

Who the hell says gaydar? Tf?