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Am I normal? I am a plain Jane but I only want to date the really hot guys

Wan said:
Hello. I have a question for the fine people here on this board: I am a plain Jane (I'd say I am a 5 out of 10. 6 on a best day), but I only hanker after the really hot guys (imagine the 9's and 10's). Do you think this is normal? Do you think I am shallow?

I just want to make it clear that I don't actually have unrealistically high expectations. As in, I do not carry around a list in my head that goes like, "Ok, my guy must be 6 foot 3, blond-haired and blue-eyed, with washboard abs, an impeccable jawline, and a 7-figure income". No. That is not what I am about at all. However, I absolutely do not feel attraction for average-looking guys. They just don't "do it" for me. Maybe some of them have an amazing personality. Maybe they are funny, maybe they are playful, maybe they have a magnetic presence...etc etc. But I have never been attracted to any of them long enough to get over that initial hump to discover any of those things about them. Do you think this is shallowness on my part? I really hope that it's not. I just think that everybody has her "type", and it just so happens that my type are the latter-day Adonis.

To compound the matter is that I am myself a very average-looking woman. I am not trying to be humble, this is a genuine self-appraisal. I am really not much to look at. I'd say I am not ugly either because there had been a few guys who showed interest in me, however they were all pretty average-looking themselves. So needless to say, nothing ever became of it. I am 39 years old and I have never had a boyfriend before. I really think a huge part of this is due to the fact I only have eyes for the super-hot, but these guys, being the hot guys that they are, don't give women like me a second glance.

I am not sure what I am trying to get at here. I guess I am looking for advice. But I am not quite sure what kind of advice I am looking for. Should I "change" myself, and force myself to be attracted to average-looking dudes, or should I be asking people here where I can find the supreme hotties and how to make them fall for well, someone like me?

Any input is greatly appreciated.
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Yes it's normal but yes it's also shallow. Shallow is normal.

You will likely be a spinster. The most attractive men have the most attractive women down to the very bottom to choose from. I'm pretty sure they would pair off with the most attractive women.

You never know you might get lucky. But I would suggest you start lowering your standards unless you're perfectly happy being alone. Guys have a lot to offer even if they're not the hottest thing on the planet.
 
Wan said:
No.

Do these things matter?

To answer: I work on a part-time basis. I will be going back to school in September.


Call me prejudiced, but I have always thought people who needed to find love online are losers in some way.
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Will finding Love on the internet it's no different than finding it in the coffee shop or in a parking lot. I view it as setting yourself up on a blind date. It's essentially roulette wheel. I'd say your chances are much better on tinder then they are some very handsome man sweeping you off your feet.
 
Lovebug said:
Whatever you look like, whatever your real life personality, whatever your expectations, one day you meet someone who leaves you spitless, speechless and with a few missed heart beats, all expectations go out the window.
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I agree with this it is what happens to me. The person I married was younger than me but more than 5 years younger than me and that's a deal-breaker or so I thought it was. He came from a broken family and that was one of the red flags but it didn't matter. He was a member of a religion that I'm not really fond of it wasn't a deal-breaker but it was a hard point against an average person.

To me he looks amazing.
 
Of course, you are "normal."

Everyone is attracted to smoking hot men or women.

Everyone likes eye candy.

Of course, the problem is: Some (many?) smoking hot cuties do NOT turn out to be very nice human beings.


Best of luck to you!
 
Wan said:
But I only want to date the young, hot ones.
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And as long as you keep your standards impossibly high, you'll never have to act on feelings of any kind.
You will wake up around 50 or 53 and realize what you threw away.
At this rate, you will definitely die a virgin.

Fear is incredibly potent.
 
The OPer has stated what she wants, but has yet to tell her selling points. Why would someone want her? What does she do to try to find and win someone else? Pondering why a hot 20-something male doesn't just show up and knock on her door with flowers and a box of candy?

This thread reminds me of all the people who claim they can't find a job, while explaining every job they are qualified for is too below their dignity to work - a twist on the story of Job.
 
What makes another person physically beautiful isn't about the other person. It is about what's in your head. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Besides, everyone looks the same in the dark. :)

It also seems clear the OPer is not looking for a long term permanent relationship since no one stays young. So the real question is about finding one after another young hot males as she aged. If she's just looking to get laid, go hang out at crowded blue collar bars around closing time. Some hot guy might otherwise have struck out.
 
TheParser said:
Of course, you are "normal."

Everyone is attracted to smoking hot men or women.

Everyone likes eye candy.

Of course, the problem is: Some (many?) smoking hot cuties do NOT turn out to be very nice human beings.


Best of luck to you!
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I young fella I know was a true "chick magnet." Handsome. Dynamic but polite. Sweet smile. The beautiful women were his. He said it always went the same. She knew she was beautiful. Men constantly hitting on the woman. Her increasingly demanding and increasing a bitch.

He decided instead he wanted a "plain Jane." That is how he married. His reason? "Unlike those other women who increasingly were just a pain, she worships me!"

That's the other aspect. Even if the OPer finds a hot young guy, her perfect man, the outcome of that is almost certainly a broken heart because 10,000,000 other women want him too. Could she endlessly win the competition?

Did the OPer mention does she care if the man comes with an ex-wife and children?
 
It is interesting the female OP started this thread after starting a thread asking about hitting on married men. Hmmm...:confused:
 
Wan said:
Call me prejudiced, but I have always thought people who needed to find love online are losers in some way.
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I used to feel the same way. I wouldn't have ever gone that route in the past. A coworker of mine, probably some form of autistic, and not exactly a looker, ended up marrying a morbidly obese woman that he met online, and I can't help but think that he's just settling.

That said, I'm beginning to see more and more merit in the use of dating sites. I'm very picky. To even be remotely interested in someone, I must be physically attracted to them, and not only that, but I would prefer it if they shared my quirky interests, and it's absolutely necessary that they be close enough in political stances and in the absence of religion that we don't end up murdering one another over ideological differences.

Breaking bread with Trump supporters and Christians is usually not a problem. Living with them would drive us both insane.

There's nothing wrong with having high standards. However, given your high standards, and how long you've gone without entering a long-term relationship, I don't think it's in your best interests to dismiss online dating sites as a way of quickly meeting people and eliminating those with traits that you simply can't suffer. It might wound your pride a bit, but it might also be exactly what you need in order to actually find what you're looking for.
 
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And this same person was asking if the forum could find a place so that we could all add our age to our profile. Cuz you know nobody would lie about that!
 
Pippi Longstock said:
And this same person was asking if the forum could find a place so that we could all add our age to our profile. Cuz you know nobody would lie about that!
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I am 39, and have been for a long time.
 
Pippi Longstock said:
Ooh la la...

And your hotness level? I'll need 3 witnesses to that. The more the merrier.
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I have a body like a God. Unfortunately, that God is Buddha
 
Wan said:
....I am not sure what I am trying to get at here. I guess I am looking for advice. But I am not quite sure what kind of advice I am looking for. Should I "change" myself, and force myself to be attracted to average-looking dudes, or should I be asking people here where I can find the supreme hotties and how to make them fall for well, someone like me?

Any input is greatly appreciated.
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Be true to yourself. Everything worth anything follows from that.
 
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