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Women - What are you feelings about "giving away the milk for free".

lurchadams

lurchadams

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I'm 58 years old. I had a date Saturday night with a 53 year-old woman I've been communicating with for several months. Saturday was our third date - I took her to see, "Bohemian Rhapsody" at a movie theater that serves you drinks and dinner during the movie. It was pretty cool. But I just went off on a tangent.

So we get back to her place. She tells me her 2 kids that live with her are staying at a hotel overnight and would I like to come in. So I assumed at that point - her telling me her kids were gone - inviting me in - the fact it was our third date - I assumed she was inviting me in to spend the night.

So we're on her couch, we're talking for a bit, then I start to kiss her. She pulls back. I ask her how long it's been since she's been with someone. She tells me a very long time. I tell her not to worry, I'll take care of everything, then I gently take her hands and try to get her started towards her bedroom. She pulls back again and says, "No, I'm NOT READY!". I ask her, gently why she thinks that is. She tells me she "doesn't know me well enough". This woman and I have been talking for months. She knows my family - where I went to school. She knows who my friends are. We're facebook friends. In my opinion this woman knows me better than most women do when they first decide they want to have sex with a guy.

So the "not knowing me well enough" excuse was bull****.

I don't understand why this chick is even on a dating site if she has such a puritanical and unhealthy outlook on sex. She needs to get off the dating site and get into therapy for her anxiety about human intimacy in my opinion or her cycle of being disappointed and disappointing men is going to continue.

So my question is to the ladies:

It's been possibly years since you've been intimate with a guy. You're sitting on a couch with a guy you're obviously interested in. He wants to sleep with you. What in the world was this girl thinking? Why the **** is she even on a dating site?

Thanks.
 
If I'm 53 years old, single, kid out of the way, and haven't had a man in years - my advice would be to bring a first aid kit for when I'm done with you.
 
lurchadams said:
I don't understand why this chick is even on a dating site if she has such a puritanical and unhealthy outlook on sex. She needs to get off the dating site and get into therapy for her anxiety about human intimacy in my opinion or her cycle of being disappointed and disappointing men is going to continue.
Click to expand...
In my opinion, dating / courting should only happen in the pursuit of marriage, and sex before marriage should be avoided. If you want to engage in sexual activities, propose to her and get married. :)
 
lurchadams said:
I'm 58 years old. I had a date Saturday night with a 53 year-old woman I've been communicating with for several months. Saturday was our third date - I took her to see, "Bohemian Rhapsody" at a movie theater that serves you drinks and dinner during the movie. It was pretty cool. But I just went off on a tangent.

So we get back to her place. She tells me her 2 kids that live with her are staying at a hotel overnight and would I like to come in. So I assumed at that point - her telling me her kids were gone - inviting me in - the fact it was our third date - I assumed she was inviting me in to spend the night.

So we're on her couch, we're talking for a bit, then I start to kiss her. She pulls back. I ask her how long it's been since she's been with someone. She tells me a very long time. I tell her not to worry, I'll take care of everything, then I gently take her hands and try to get her started towards her bedroom. She pulls back again and says, "No, I'm NOT READY!". I ask her, gently why she thinks that is. She tells me she "doesn't know me well enough". This woman and I have been talking for months. She knows my family - where I went to school. She knows who my friends are. We're facebook friends. In my opinion this woman knows me better than most women do when they first decide they want to have sex with a guy.

So the "not knowing me well enough" excuse was bull****.

I don't understand why this chick is even on a dating site if she has such a puritanical and unhealthy outlook on sex. She needs to get off the dating site and get into therapy for her anxiety about human intimacy in my opinion or her cycle of being disappointed and disappointing men is going to continue.

So my question is to the ladies:

It's been possibly years since you've been intimate with a guy. You're sitting on a couch with a guy you're obviously interested in. He wants to sleep with you. What in the world was this girl thinking? Why the **** is she even on a dating site?

Thanks.
Click to expand...

She enjoys going out with a "date" and may simply like the idea of someone else picking up the tab for dinner and a movie.
 
lurchadams said:
I'm 58 years old. I had a date Saturday night with a 53 year-old woman I've been communicating with for several months. Saturday was our third date - I took her to see, "Bohemian Rhapsody" at a movie theater that serves you drinks and dinner during the movie. It was pretty cool. But I just went off on a tangent.

So we get back to her place. She tells me her 2 kids that live with her are staying at a hotel overnight and would I like to come in. So I assumed at that point - her telling me her kids were gone - inviting me in - the fact it was our third date - I assumed she was inviting me in to spend the night.

So we're on her couch, we're talking for a bit, then I start to kiss her. She pulls back. I ask her how long it's been since she's been with someone. She tells me a very long time. I tell her not to worry, I'll take care of everything, then I gently take her hands and try to get her started towards her bedroom. She pulls back again and says, "No, I'm NOT READY!". I ask her, gently why she thinks that is. She tells me she "doesn't know me well enough". This woman and I have been talking for months. She knows my family - where I went to school. She knows who my friends are. We're facebook friends. In my opinion this woman knows me better than most women do when they first decide they want to have sex with a guy.

So the "not knowing me well enough" excuse was bull****.

I don't understand why this chick is even on a dating site if she has such a puritanical and unhealthy outlook on sex. She needs to get off the dating site and get into therapy for her anxiety about human intimacy in my opinion or her cycle of being disappointed and disappointing men is going to continue.

So my question is to the ladies:

It's been possibly years since you've been intimate with a guy. You're sitting on a couch with a guy you're obviously interested in. He wants to sleep with you. What in the world was this girl thinking? Why the **** is she even on a dating site?

Thanks.
Click to expand...


There are a million things that could be going on, man, come on. Not knocking boots on the third date? Hardly puritanical, even under perfect circumstances, let alone if there's a reason she hasn't been with someone "in years". Maybe trying to understand her story, and getting to know her, well get you where you want to go. You seem very upset that this "chick" told you no...maybe she's just not that into you.

Best advice: if you're not happy with the pace, respectfully tell her you're looking for something else, and move on. :shrug: That's probably best for both of you.
 
lurchadams said:
I'm 58 years old. I had a date Saturday night with a 53 year-old woman I've been communicating with for several months. Saturday was our third date - I took her to see, "Bohemian Rhapsody" at a movie theater that serves you drinks and dinner during the movie. It was pretty cool. But I just went off on a tangent.

So we get back to her place. She tells me her 2 kids that live with her are staying at a hotel overnight and would I like to come in. So I assumed at that point - her telling me her kids were gone - inviting me in - the fact it was our third date - I assumed she was inviting me in to spend the night.

So we're on her couch, we're talking for a bit, then I start to kiss her. She pulls back. I ask her how long it's been since she's been with someone. She tells me a very long time. I tell her not to worry, I'll take care of everything, then I gently take her hands and try to get her started towards her bedroom. She pulls back again and says, "No, I'm NOT READY!". I ask her, gently why she thinks that is. She tells me she "doesn't know me well enough". This woman and I have been talking for months. She knows my family - where I went to school. She knows who my friends are. We're facebook friends. In my opinion this woman knows me better than most women do when they first decide they want to have sex with a guy.

So the "not knowing me well enough" excuse was bull****.

I don't understand why this chick is even on a dating site if she has such a puritanical and unhealthy outlook on sex. She needs to get off the dating site and get into therapy for her anxiety about human intimacy in my opinion or her cycle of being disappointed and disappointing men is going to continue.

So my question is to the ladies:

It's been possibly years since you've been intimate with a guy. You're sitting on a couch with a guy you're obviously interested in. He wants to sleep with you. What in the world was this girl thinking? Why the **** is she even on a dating site?

Thanks.
Click to expand...

While the not knowing you well enough might have been bull****, the "No, I'm NOT READY!" wasn't. I also think you might be off base on the puritanical and unhealthy outlook (might not either), but either way it sure seems you don't know her quite well enough yet.
 
lurchadams said:
I'm 58 years old. I had a date Saturday night with a 53 year-old woman I've been communicating with for several months. Saturday was our third date - I took her to see, "Bohemian Rhapsody" at a movie theater that serves you drinks and dinner during the movie. It was pretty cool. But I just went off on a tangent.

So we get back to her place. She tells me her 2 kids that live with her are staying at a hotel overnight and would I like to come in. So I assumed at that point - her telling me her kids were gone - inviting me in - the fact it was our third date - I assumed she was inviting me in to spend the night.

So we're on her couch, we're talking for a bit, then I start to kiss her. She pulls back. I ask her how long it's been since she's been with someone. She tells me a very long time. I tell her not to worry, I'll take care of everything, then I gently take her hands and try to get her started towards her bedroom. She pulls back again and says, "No, I'm NOT READY!". I ask her, gently why she thinks that is. She tells me she "doesn't know me well enough". This woman and I have been talking for months. She knows my family - where I went to school. She knows who my friends are. We're facebook friends. In my opinion this woman knows me better than most women do when they first decide they want to have sex with a guy.

So the "not knowing me well enough" excuse was bull****.

I don't understand why this chick is even on a dating site if she has such a puritanical and unhealthy outlook on sex. She needs to get off the dating site and get into therapy for her anxiety about human intimacy in my opinion or her cycle of being disappointed and disappointing men is going to continue.

So my question is to the ladies:

It's been possibly years since you've been intimate with a guy. You're sitting on a couch with a guy you're obviously interested in. He wants to sleep with you. What in the world was this girl thinking? Why the **** is she even on a dating site?

Thanks.
Click to expand...

"Excuse"? I can't be the only one reading this as you thinking that she owed you sex.
 
lurchadams said:
I'm 58 years old. I had a date Saturday night with a 53 year-old woman I've been communicating with for several months. Saturday was our third date - I took her to see, "Bohemian Rhapsody" at a movie theater that serves you drinks and dinner during the movie. It was pretty cool. But I just went off on a tangent.

So we get back to her place. She tells me her 2 kids that live with her are staying at a hotel overnight and would I like to come in. So I assumed at that point - her telling me her kids were gone - inviting me in - the fact it was our third date - I assumed she was inviting me in to spend the night.

So we're on her couch, we're talking for a bit, then I start to kiss her. She pulls back. I ask her how long it's been since she's been with someone. She tells me a very long time. I tell her not to worry, I'll take care of everything, then I gently take her hands and try to get her started towards her bedroom. She pulls back again and says, "No, I'm NOT READY!". I ask her, gently why she thinks that is. She tells me she "doesn't know me well enough". This woman and I have been talking for months. She knows my family - where I went to school. She knows who my friends are. We're facebook friends. In my opinion this woman knows me better than most women do when they first decide they want to have sex with a guy.

So the "not knowing me well enough" excuse was bull****.

I don't understand why this chick is even on a dating site if she has such a puritanical and unhealthy outlook on sex. She needs to get off the dating site and get into therapy for her anxiety about human intimacy in my opinion or her cycle of being disappointed and disappointing men is going to continue.

So my question is to the ladies:

It's been possibly years since you've been intimate with a guy. You're sitting on a couch with a guy you're obviously interested in. He wants to sleep with you. What in the world was this girl thinking? Why the **** is she even on a dating site?

Thanks.
Click to expand...

I'm not understanding where she was being 'puritanical' or 'uhhealthy'. It's the third date. She clearly was not ready for anything sexual with you, yet. I'm sure that's quite frustrating for you, but you've gotta respect that. I think you have a pretty bad mindset here. She doesn't owe you sex, and that's what you're acting like.
 
Last edited:
lurchadams said:
I'm 58 years old. I had a date Saturday night with a 53 year-old woman I've been communicating with for several months. Saturday was our third date - I took her to see, "Bohemian Rhapsody" at a movie theater that serves you drinks and dinner during the movie. It was pretty cool. But I just went off on a tangent.

So we get back to her place. She tells me her 2 kids that live with her are staying at a hotel overnight and would I like to come in. So I assumed at that point - her telling me her kids were gone - inviting me in - the fact it was our third date - I assumed she was inviting me in to spend the night.

So we're on her couch, we're talking for a bit, then I start to kiss her. She pulls back. I ask her how long it's been since she's been with someone. She tells me a very long time. I tell her not to worry, I'll take care of everything, then I gently take her hands and try to get her started towards her bedroom. She pulls back again and says, "No, I'm NOT READY!". I ask her, gently why she thinks that is. She tells me she "doesn't know me well enough". This woman and I have been talking for months. She knows my family - where I went to school. She knows who my friends are. We're facebook friends. In my opinion this woman knows me better than most women do when they first decide they want to have sex with a guy.

So the "not knowing me well enough" excuse was bull****.

I don't understand why this chick is even on a dating site if she has such a puritanical and unhealthy outlook on sex. She needs to get off the dating site and get into therapy for her anxiety about human intimacy in my opinion or her cycle of being disappointed and disappointing men is going to continue.

So my question is to the ladies:

It's been possibly years since you've been intimate with a guy. You're sitting on a couch with a guy you're obviously interested in. He wants to sleep with you. What in the world was this girl thinking? Why the **** is she even on a dating site?

Thanks.
Click to expand...

giphy.gif



Lurch. *sigh*

Lurch, Lurch, Lurch.
 
So the OPer's claims any woman who won't have sex with him shouldn't date at all? It doesn't sound like she's the problem. :roll:
 
lurchadams said:
I'm 58 years old. I had a date Saturday night with a 53 year-old woman I've been communicating with for several months. Saturday was our third date - I took her to see, "Bohemian Rhapsody" at a movie theater that serves you drinks and dinner during the movie. It was pretty cool. But I just went off on a tangent.

So we get back to her place. She tells me her 2 kids that live with her are staying at a hotel overnight and would I like to come in. So I assumed at that point - her telling me her kids were gone - inviting me in - the fact it was our third date - I assumed she was inviting me in to spend the night.

So we're on her couch, we're talking for a bit, then I start to kiss her. She pulls back. I ask her how long it's been since she's been with someone. She tells me a very long time. I tell her not to worry, I'll take care of everything, then I gently take her hands and try to get her started towards her bedroom. She pulls back again and says, "No, I'm NOT READY!". I ask her, gently why she thinks that is. She tells me she "doesn't know me well enough". This woman and I have been talking for months. She knows my family - where I went to school. She knows who my friends are. We're facebook friends. In my opinion this woman knows me better than most women do when they first decide they want to have sex with a guy.

So the "not knowing me well enough" excuse was bull****.

I don't understand why this chick is even on a dating site if she has such a puritanical and unhealthy outlook on sex. She needs to get off the dating site and get into therapy for her anxiety about human intimacy in my opinion or her cycle of being disappointed and disappointing men is going to continue.

So my question is to the ladies:

It's been possibly years since you've been intimate with a guy. You're sitting on a couch with a guy you're obviously interested in. He wants to sleep with you. What in the world was this girl thinking? Why the **** is she even on a dating site?

Thanks.
Click to expand...

Have you gotten far enough to at least confirm she is female? Stranger things have happened...

Secondly, there is no fixed time for when it's time. It's time when it's time. She certainly understands that at some point you expect to have sex with her, but a carefully worded non accusatory question at some point certainly is not out of bounds. Communication is the basis of a good relationship.
 
Lucian Hodoboc said:
In my opinion, dating / courting should only happen in the pursuit of marriage, and sex before marriage should be avoided. If you want to engage in sexual activities, propose to her and get married. :)
Click to expand...

I don't agree with you, obviously. We are sexual creatures, Lucian. Sex is like food and breathing. If you're denying yourself intimacy with someone to whom you're attracted, you're denying yourself sustenance, in my opinion.

Thank you for your perspective!
 
lurchadams said:
I'm 58 years old. I had a date Saturday night with a 53 year-old woman I've been communicating with for several months. Saturday was our third date - I took her to see, "Bohemian Rhapsody" at a movie theater that serves you drinks and dinner during the movie. It was pretty cool. But I just went off on a tangent.

So we get back to her place. She tells me her 2 kids that live with her are staying at a hotel overnight and would I like to come in. So I assumed at that point - her telling me her kids were gone - inviting me in - the fact it was our third date - I assumed she was inviting me in to spend the night.

So we're on her couch, we're talking for a bit, then I start to kiss her. She pulls back. I ask her how long it's been since she's been with someone. She tells me a very long time. I tell her not to worry, I'll take care of everything, then I gently take her hands and try to get her started towards her bedroom. She pulls back again and says, "No, I'm NOT READY!". I ask her, gently why she thinks that is. She tells me she "doesn't know me well enough". This woman and I have been talking for months. She knows my family - where I went to school. She knows who my friends are. We're facebook friends. In my opinion this woman knows me better than most women do when they first decide they want to have sex with a guy.

So the "not knowing me well enough" excuse was bull****.

I don't understand why this chick is even on a dating site if she has such a puritanical and unhealthy outlook on sex. She needs to get off the dating site and get into therapy for her anxiety about human intimacy in my opinion or her cycle of being disappointed and disappointing men is going to continue.

So my question is to the ladies:

It's been possibly years since you've been intimate with a guy. You're sitting on a couch with a guy you're obviously interested in. He wants to sleep with you. What in the world was this girl thinking? Why the **** is she even on a dating site?

Thanks.
Click to expand...

Maybe she wanted to, but was afraid? Maybe she wanted to, but decided she wasn't ready.

She changed her mind, obviously. That doesn't mean she's puritanical, or has unhealthy ideas about sex.

And what dating site did you meet her on? Not all dating sites are guaranteed hook-up sites.

Remember that gigantic book I gave you a few months back about women? This was covered in chapter 1,275. Obviously you didn't read it. *sigh*
 
ttwtt78640 said:
She enjoys going out with a "date" and may simply like the idea of someone else picking up the tab for dinner and a movie.
Click to expand...

I don't think so. The look of fear in her eyes as I was, "making my move" actually frightened ME. She should get off the dating site(s) and start talking to a therapist about her intimacy anxiety.
 
OlNate said:
There are a million things that could be going on, man, come on. Not knocking boots on the third date? Hardly puritanical, even under perfect circumstances, let alone if there's a reason she hasn't been with someone "in years". Maybe trying to understand her story, and getting to know her, well get you where you want to go. You seem very upset that this "chick" told you no...maybe she's just not that into you.

Best advice: if you're not happy with the pace, respectfully tell her you're looking for something else, and move on. :shrug: That's probably best for both of you.
Click to expand...

I did exactly that. I told her that I'm "not going away" and she can text me and we can chat about whatever/whenever and I told her I hope that she finds what she's looking for.

I'm sorry, Nate. As I said before, we're sexual beings. This woman needs to either **** or get off the pot or she's destined for many more disappointments, IMO.
 
Lucian Hodoboc said:
In my opinion, dating / courting should only happen in the pursuit of marriage, and sex before marriage should be avoided. If you want to engage in sexual activities, propose to her and get married. :)
Click to expand...

**** that. Sexual intimacy is extremely important in a relationship, and I definitely wouldn't want to get married to someone before I've shared that kind of intimacy with them. I honestly don't see how anyone can even do that. Sexual compatibility is a pretty important part of a relationship, and it would suck to find out how much you don't click after getting married.
 
Winchester said:
While the not knowing you well enough might have been bull****, the "No, I'm NOT READY!" wasn't. I also think you might be off base on the puritanical and unhealthy outlook (might not either), but either way it sure seems you don't know her quite well enough yet.
Click to expand...

And now I'm NOT interested in getting to know her. I like sex. I think I'm good at it. I need my partner to like sex and be good at it. She obviously does not like sex - so in a year, two years, whenever she thinks she's ready to have sex with me she's going to be terrible at it because she's either terrified of intimacy or she hates it.
 
lurchadams said:
I don't agree with you, obviously. We are sexual creatures, Lucian. Sex is like food and breathing. If you're denying yourself intimacy with someone to whom you're attracted, you're denying yourself sustenance, in my opinion.

Thank you for your perspective!
Click to expand...

Well it's obvious you two are not compatible. Maybe she was seeing if you think she owed you sex like some hooker. I guess you have proven her right.
 
lurchadams said:
And now I'm NOT interested in getting to know her. I like sex. I think I'm good at it. I need my partner to like sex and be good at it. She obviously does not like sex - so in a year, two years, whenever she thinks she's ready to have sex with me she's going to be terrible at it because she's either terrified of intimacy or she hates it.
Click to expand...

Dude, just stop. This is not a good look for you.
 
Harshaw said:
"Excuse"? I can't be the only one reading this as you thinking that she owed you sex.
Click to expand...

It's not about OWING anyone anything. You are an idiot if you think that's what I'm saying. We're in our 50's friend. We're on a dating site whose objective is to connect compatible people. I don't know how old you are but in 2019, sex is something to be enjoyed by healthy people. It's actually part of the dating ritchual these days. She doesn't feel that way, she's still in 1940 like you.
 
lurchadams said:
i don't agree with you, obviously. We are sexual creatures, lucian. Sex is like food and breathing. If you're denying yourself intimacy with someone to whom you're attracted, you're denying yourself sustenance, in my opinion.

Thank you for your perspective!
Click to expand...

lurchadams said:
i don't think so. The look of fear in her eyes as i was, "making my move" actually frightened me. She should get off the dating site(s) and start talking to a therapist about her intimacy anxiety.
Click to expand...

lurchadams said:
i did exactly that. I told her that i'm "not going away" and she can text me and we can chat about whatever/whenever and i told her i hope that she finds what she's looking for.

I'm sorry, nate. As i said before, we're sexual beings. This woman needs to either **** or get off the pot or she's destined for many more disappointments, imo.
Click to expand...

lurchadams said:
and now i'm not interested in getting to know her. I like sex. I think i'm good at it. I need my partner to like sex and be good at it. She obviously does not like sex - so in a year, two years, whenever she thinks she's ready to have sex with me she's going to be terrible at it because she's either terrified of intimacy or she hates it.
Click to expand...

Seriously, DUDE.
 
lurchadams said:
I'm 58 years old. I had a date Saturday night with a 53 year-old woman I've been communicating with for several months. Saturday was our third date - I took her to see, "Bohemian Rhapsody" at a movie theater that serves you drinks and dinner during the movie. It was pretty cool. But I just went off on a tangent.

So we get back to her place. She tells me her 2 kids that live with her are staying at a hotel overnight and would I like to come in. So I assumed at that point - her telling me her kids were gone - inviting me in - the fact it was our third date - I assumed she was inviting me in to spend the night.

So we're on her couch, we're talking for a bit, then I start to kiss her. She pulls back. I ask her how long it's been since she's been with someone. She tells me a very long time. I tell her not to worry, I'll take care of everything, then I gently take her hands and try to get her started towards her bedroom. She pulls back again and says, "No, I'm NOT READY!". I ask her, gently why she thinks that is. She tells me she "doesn't know me well enough". This woman and I have been talking for months. She knows my family - where I went to school. She knows who my friends are. We're facebook friends. In my opinion this woman knows me better than most women do when they first decide they want to have sex with a guy.

So the "not knowing me well enough" excuse was bull****.

I don't understand why this chick is even on a dating site if she has such a puritanical and unhealthy outlook on sex. She needs to get off the dating site and get into therapy for her anxiety about human intimacy in my opinion or her cycle of being disappointed and disappointing men is going to continue.

So my question is to the ladies:

It's been possibly years since you've been intimate with a guy. You're sitting on a couch with a guy you're obviously interested in. He wants to sleep with you. What in the world was this girl thinking? Why the **** is she even on a dating site?

Thanks.
Click to expand...

This post came off all kinds of wrong.

Your assumptions probably put some pressure on this, and it sounds like she responded completely opposite to what you thought should have happened.

She can be on a dating site for all kinds of reasons, good or bad is up for debate assuming you ever learn them all.
 
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