Is it Possible to Have a Plutonic Relationship?

CannonballB said:

At this point, I think I'm done. You've beaten me, congrats. I'm sick of being browbeaten. I got better things to spend my energy on. Like beating off and getting dudes to come to my place. Luckily, I came home, took a couple THC pills, smoked a fattie (that's really just a vape pen with thc oil), and now I'm ****ing chill as **** and I'm about to play overwatch. LOL How about I do the unspoken part of your post: Instead of going away mad, I'll just go away

I've made it clear that I made no 'claims', erroneous or otherwise. I stated my experiences. That's all. Straight relationships are, quite literally, EVERYWHERE I look, including but not limited to: movies, tv, books, music, the bus stop, on airplanes, hiking in the mountains, listening to talk radio. It's literally everywhere. It'd be hard for me to NOT know about straight relationships. But I'm going to even say I don't know anything about them because I'm not in them! Frankly, I think I've been far more open minded than you have. And I still don't get your point here. All you're doing is coming at me for talking about my experiences. I didn't even say that all or the majority of straight people. I said some. If you want me to be more clear, some being the ones I know. Here, I'll even narrow it down more for you - "some" being the probably mentally unhealthy people that I have encountered in my life and have either had the pleasure or displeasure of talking to multiple times about their sex life. Is that narrow enough for you? And really, why the **** do you care that some gay dude on some internet forum said one time that some straight people have hangups and that's why they can't be friends? Why does that statement get under your skin so bad?

As far as women, I've never had a full-on relationship with a woman unless you count "going steady" in school as a relationship. I've had 2 sexual experiences with women. Also, If I'm gay, NO sex with women is going to be fulfilling. I'd think that'd be self-explanatory, but here we are. If you had sex with a dude, do you REALLY think it'd be fulfilling to you? I'm sure you wouldn't dig getting your ass pounded. Could be wrong. The prostate is a powerful drug. Just sayin'. And if you take a hit of poppers BEFORE he starts pounding... Well...

RE: women I've boned and hangups: both had major hangups about their bodies. One didn't like to be touched on her sides because she was so self-conscious. She was, up until recently, my best friend. We had sex when I was 18. The other chick was when I was 19. She was a friend of a friend who wanted to try to change me and I'd just had my heart broken so I was like "**** men" and decided to try it again. Couldn't keep it up for either one. I ate ***** damn good tho. I even made them (ready for it?) cum multiple times I can go into very specific detail about the first one. To your point about mental health, this specific woman I'm talking about has a ton of issues. Mostly around depression and body image.

RE: my pic - I've been doxxed. I've been here 1 1/2 months. I don't know ANYONE on this board yet that I'd be completely comfortable sending my pic to. Not yet. If you're really JUST having fun with me, then sure I'd do it, but you're still brow-beating me and trying to find little openings in my armor to go at me about. Why would I trust someone doing that?

Here, let me just do this for you and maybe you'll shut up. I WAS COMPLETELY TOTALLY AND UTTERLY WRONG! I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT STRAIGHT RELATIONSHIPS AT ALL! NOTHING! NOT A DAMN THING! AND STRAIGHT PEOPLE HAVE NO HANGUPS!! NONE!!! THEY CAN TOTALLY BE FRIENDS BECAUSE THERE ARE NO HANGUPS THERE! ZERO HANGUPS! EVERYONE OTHER THAN THE PEOPLE I KNOW ARE COMPLETELY MENTALLY HEALTHY AND CAN TOTALLY HAVE PLATONIC (plutonic!) RELATIONSHIPS! That help? I mean, I don't believe it but as long as you do, that's all that matters Also, much like ****, I can't do anything small, hence my long responses.

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Yeah, maybe I went a little overboard. I guess I'd better hit the vape myself.

Never been into ass play either on me or her except if she asks me to lick the outside of her button, not prob. I just have this thing about penetrating my or her "exit" I guess one might call that a "hang up" so by golly, you're right!

Sorry, again, Bud. Have a nice evening. Here's my selfie, by the way. Scroll up to see my face.

CannonballB said:

I said some. If you want me to be more clear, some being the ones I know. Here, I'll even narrow it down more for you - "some" being the probably mentally unhealthy people that I have encountered in my life and have either had the pleasure or displeasure of talking to multiple times about their sex life. Is that narrow enough for you?

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I probably should know better, and not get into this, but I read this long post of yours and couldn't help thinking, have you ever stopped to wonder why exactly all these people you've befriended and interacted with are so unhealthy?

Because my own experience is very different. Sure, I know a few unhealthy people, but the vast majority of my friends and coworkers, former girlfriends/lovers, and my wife, not to forget my son and my daughter, are most definitely NOT that unhealthy. Just regular, loving, hardworking, kind people.

Do you have a special magnet or propensity to befriend/socialize with f... 'd up people???

Because I'd call what you've just said, a biased sample.

Sure, sex and relationships are complicated in human beings, but that doesn't mean that the majority of us are necessarily mentally unhealthy. It's just human nature, but for the most part, we make it work, until it doesn't, and then we move on.

Regarding the OP's question, of course, I've had a number of very good and close female friends with whom I never considered any romantic or sexual involvement, so I guess these relationships would qualify as platonic.

The most notable example, was that for 8 years, from age 14 to 22, my absolutely very best friend was a female. Sure, I had many male friends, but if anybody asked me "who is your very best friend?" I'd reply with no hesitation whatsoever, "Monica." Then after college we went to graduate school in different countries and progressively spaced out our contact (I moved to Europe for grad school; she stayed in the US). But for the time when we were high school and college classmates (we met in high school and went to the same college), we were absolutely best friends.

Monica was an attractive young woman. Quite pretty. So, it's not like our relationship was "platonic" because she wasn't attractive enough (I guess I was OK, too). It just never clicked for us, that way. For most of the time period when we were close, I had steady girlfriends and she had steady boyfriends, and we both had our share of casual hook-ups and one-night stands, but always with other people. Throughout the 8 years of our close friendship, it never occurred to us to get involved with each other, that way.

Was there some sort of sublimated sexual attraction? I suppose. According to Sigmund Freud, friendship is derived from libido, and is a diversion of it. So, yes, I found her pretty. We had good chemistry. But I guess I experienced it in a different way, like being proud *of her beauty for her sake* rather than experiencing lust for her - I liked the fact that she was pretty, because I liked her a lot, therefore wanted to see her happy, and being pretty made her happy. It's similar to having a very good male friend who, say, was good at soccer, and I'd feel happy for him that he had that skill and rooted for him when he played for our varsity soccer team. So, if Monica dressed up, got a new haircut, and asked me, "how do I look?" I'd be happy for her, and would say "You look great!" but I wouldn't sexually fantasize about her. She was kind of taboo for me. Too sisterly.

I remember that one of her boyfriends was quite jealous of me. He simply couldn't believe that I had no hidden intentions regarding Monica, that I was just her friend, given that Monica and I spent a lot of time together. I had girlfriends who were initially jealous of her, too, and she had other boyfriends who were jealous of me as well, but not as much as that guy. He went berserk about it, to the point that Monica ended up breaking up with him, when he requested that she saw me less frequently and she said a firm "no" and in the argument that ensued, she dumped him. When I asked her what went wrong, she told me, "as you know, he kept bugging me about you, and our friendship is too precious for me to limit it for the sake of that loser." LOL. To my jealous girlfriends, I always said, "look, she is *just* my friend, in the sense that there is no romance and no sex, but sorry, you'll have to trust me, because I'm not giving her up, since in another sense, she is not *just* my friend, she is my *very best* friend." My girlfriends came to accept it easily and rapidly grew fond of her (she was a very nice person). Most of her boyfriends did too, except that loser.

But yes, it was a bit puzzling to people that our friendship was so intense - she sometimes slept over at my place, sometimes I did at her place, we frequently had lunch and/or dinner together, studied together, etc., and especially when it happened that we were simultaneously not seeing anybody else, a number of people kept asking "why don't you guys just date for good?" We always replied, we didn't need or want to relate to each other that way; we were perfectly content with being friends, and we needed each other as friends.

I returned from Europe with a wife and an 11-month old child, by which point, Monica had moved to the West Coast (I live in the East Coast), was also married and had two kids. Logistics became difficult and while we visited each other a few times, at one point we stopped doing it. I haven't seen her in person in years, although we do communicate by Facebook and call each other on the phone from time to time (rarely). My wife and her husband have never expressed any jealousy (and they'd have no reason to).

So, Monica and I, case in point, platonic relationships between a male and a female are possible.

This thread made me remember my friendship with Monica, and I'm thinking about it some more.

How can I tell that we didn't harbor unrecognized or unexpressed romantic feelings for each other? Because, for one, we were never flirty. I've had other female friends about whom I did fantasize, and with them, I was flirty at least at some point, and vice-versa. Not with Monica, and she wasn't flirty with me either.

What we had was a lot of trust. I could tell her anything, and vice-versa. It was quite refreshing to be able to say anything, not playing games, not putting up a facade. We didn't need to posture, or probe, or approach/withdraw, etc. We were just there for each other, offering support, understanding, criticism when needed, advice, etc.

Another way to tell the difference, is that when we were separated from each other (traveling with our respective families on vacation, etc.), we didn't experience the same sort of longing feeling that we'd have when missing a girlfriend or boyfriend. We'd go about our business, and next time we were together, the friendship just resumed at the exact point where it was left, as if there was no interruption. No running to each other and hugging intensively, etc... just very naturally resuming out talks, catching up on the latest, and so forth.

Why did we both find that the relationship was too precious to jeopardize (for example, like she said when her boyfriend requested limits)? Because the relationship was rewarding and educational.

When I first became Monica's best friend and vice-versa, we were both young teenagers, bothered by hormones, insecurities, shyness, dealing with the difficult navigation of social life in high school, etc. Eight years of friendship down the road, we both became much more proficient in understanding and communicating with the opposite sex. I learned a lot, from Monica, how women think, and she learned a lot, from me, how guys think.

I became very natural and confident in my subsequent contacts with women, the romantic/sexual type. I guess a lot of that proficiency came from the insights earned from the deep connection I had with Monica. If I ran into girlfriend trouble, my first reflex was to go see Monica, describe the situation to her, and get her viewpoint on it. Same when she ran into boyfriend trouble, she'd come to me for advice. We function as each other's therapist, in a sense, and that became more intensive in college (especially because she picked a psychology major).

Was it all roses? No, platonic relationships have downsides too: other people's puzzlement with our relationship was annoying. My male friends were always teasing me about it, "she's hot, why are you not trying to get in her pants, are you gay or something?" and it irritated me; I felt that it was disrespectful to her, and to me too. The jealousy of our partners, while manageable (except in one case) was a potentially mined field. Some people looked at us as freaks, like, "why isn't her best friend a female? why isn't his best friend a male? What's wrong with these people? Weird!"

But the risks were far outweighed by the benefits.

The lust aspect, was it absolutely zero? I guess not. With all the sleepovers and doing things together, I saw her half-naked and topless a few times (like when she had a bikini wardrobe malfunction, LOL, resulting in unintentional skinny-dipping, or catching a glimpse of her changing into pajamas, or showering), and as a perfectly normal-functioning heterosexual teenager and young adult with the right dose of hormones, I found her boobs and legs enticing. But it was a fleeting thing, like "oh wow, these are nice boobs" but then I'd rapidly say to myself "OK, archived, we're friends." And it wasn't really bothersome. We weren't embarrassed or awkward around each other when there was some skin exposure, accidental or not, because our trust in each other was absolute, and we did have good boundaries to know that we were friends and wouldn't be crossing any lines. Like I said, we had good chemistry. Especially when one of us was sad, the other one would be physically comforting, with hugs, kisses on the cheek, cuddling, and all. So, there was some physical connection. But it was a thing of tenderness more than one of sexuality. We expressed affection for each other, in a physical, but non-sexual way. And sometimes that's what one needs. Of course, being straight, I wouldn't have the same physical connection with my male friends, and I liked it that I had it with Monica.

Sometimes I hear from people explaining their platonic relationship, "she is just not my type." Not so. Monica was definitely my type. Pretty redhead, nice body, good physical chemistry with me, compatible interests and ideas... so, it wasn't that, the limiting factor that didn't make of the relationship, a sexual one. But she was my best friend, not my girlfriend. I had girlfriends. They weren't Monica. Girlfriends come and go. Friends stay. They are a pillar, and anchor, a support, and they are very precious. So, I always wanted to keep Monica as my friend, not as my lover.

I was lucky to have Monica as my best friend, and heard the same from her. We played an important role in each other's fundamental formative years in learning about relationships with the opposite sex, and came out of it as more proficient human beings.

So, I highly recommend a good platonic relationship, LOL.

GreatNews2night said:

I probably should know better, and not get into this, but I read this long post of yours and couldn't help thinking, have you ever stopped to wonder why exactly all these people you've befriended and interacted with are so unhealthy?

Because my own experience is very different. Sure, I know a few unhealthy people, but the vast majority of my friends and coworkers, former girlfriends/lovers, and my wife, not to forget my son and my daughter, are most definitely NOT that unhealthy. Just regular, loving, hardworking, kind people.

Do you have a special magnet or propensity to befriend/socialize with f... 'd up people???

Because I'd call what you've just said, a biased sample.

Sure, sex and relationships are complicated in human beings, but that doesn't mean that the majority of us are necessarily mentally unhealthy. It's just human nature, but for the most part, we make it work, until it doesn't, and then we move on.

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I don't think the people I know are unhealthy. I kinda think that's a copout. Everyone has hangups, gay, straight, doesn't matter. Having hangups doesn't mean that someone is mentally unhealthy.

I have talked to Lurch on the backend about all this and we cleared a few things up (THOUGH HIS INBOX IS FULL. LURCH! CLEAR YOUR **** OUT!)

If you notice, I said they may be, but I didn't completely agree with him on the mentally unstable thing. I also still think gay dudes have less hangups than straight people on average. My mind hasn't changed on that. And I embrace being called a bigot on that point.

lurchadams said:

Is it possible to have a plutonic relationship with a woman if you're a man and you both are hetero?

My life experience tells me, "no". If you like each other, eventually you're going to fool around. That's just the way it is.

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Yes, its possible to have a relationship with plutonium. It will be very short lived though if you dont wear protection. Lots of protection.

CannonballB said:

I also still think gay dudes have less hangups than straight people on average. My mind hasn't changed on that. And I embrace being called a bigot on that point.

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I doubt that this would pass scientific scrutiny with the proper methodology. Again, a sample of the people you know, is not a scientific sample that reflects the population at large.

I'd think that straight people and gay people have equivalent levels of hangups, or maybe, due to the discrimination they suffer (which is utterly unfair), maybe the gay ones are a bit more troubled, in population-wide terms (although there are many who are very well rounded).

lurchadams said:

What if you were in bed with an attractive woman, you both are currently unattached, she snuggles up to you and her hands start "wandering". Would you reject her overtures?

This is what I'm talking about, Gov.

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Didn't respond to this at all, so I'm responding to this now.

It really depends on the context. In the event I was unattached, and I had a girl friend that I found attractive, and she made a move on me, I wouldn't necessarily allow it. I do have self-control, y'know. Plus, I'm more of a romantic-type person, in that I'd like to fall in love with specified person, before I have sex with them. Is it possible? Sure, I wouldn't put it past myself. Especially if I was drunk. But it's also just as possible for me to never try anything, or to set boundaries before it gets sexual.

But I guess if you recognize that you probably couldn't do that with a woman, then it's probably best to just avoid being in that situation entirely, or be upfront about it and set boundaries between the two of you.

TheGoverness said:

Didn't respond to this at all, so I'm responding to this now.

It really depends on the context. In the event I was unattached, and I had a girl friend that I found attractive, and she made a move on me, I wouldn't necessarily allow it. I do have self-control, y'know. Plus, I'm more of a romantic-type person, in that I'd like to fall in love with specified person, before I have sex with them. Is it possible? Sure, I wouldn't put it past myself. Especially if I was drunk. But it's also just as possible for me to never try anything, or to set boundaries before it gets sexual.

But I guess if you recognize that you probably couldn't do that with a woman, then it's probably best to just avoid being in that situation entirely, or be upfront about it and set boundaries between the two of you.

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You know, Gov. I have self-control, too. At the time Audrey really seemed to appreciate what was happening. It wasn't until the next morning that she started freaking out.

Problems I seem to have with people (not just women) is when they lack the ability to express their feelings.

We're adults, Gov. I'm guessing that if you woke up next to someone you'd just been intimate with, and you had some concerns about your future friendship with this person who you've known for over 2 years that you would articulate your thoughts and eventually work towards a positive outcome.

When a person refuses to talk to me at all about what they're feeling, then what the **** am I supposed to do?

lurchadams said:

You know, Gov. I have self-control, too. At the time Audrey really seemed to appreciate what was happening. It wasn't until the next morning that she started freaking out.

Problems I seem to have with people (not just women) is when they lack the ability to express their feelings.

We're adults, Gov. I'm guessing that if you woke up next to someone you'd just been intimate with, and you had some concerns about your future friendship with this person who you've known for over 2 years that you would articulate your thoughts and eventually work towards a positive outcome.

When a person refuses to talk to me at all about what they're feeling, then what the **** am I supposed to do?

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Well, people sometimes regret what they did the night before. It may be dissapointing, but it happens. Especially when alcohol is involved. In some cases, when friends end up having sex, they can go back to strictly being friends. Hell, it doesn't even have to be sex, it can just be a kiss, like with my situation my first semester, when that guy kissed me (and we're best buddies now!). But then you have those situations where people realize that they can't be friends anymore, and then they just have to break it off. :shrug:

TheGoverness said:

Well, people sometimes regret what they did the night before. It may be dissapointing, but it happens. Especially when alcohol is involved. In some cases, when friends end up having sex, they can go back to strictly being friends. Hell, it doesn't even have to be sex, it can just be a kiss, like with my situation my first semester, when that guy kissed me (and we're best buddies now!). But then you have those situations where people realize that they can't be friends anymore, and then they just have to break it off. :shrug:

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And perhaps you missed a previous post of mine on this subject but I would be just fine if me and Audrey went back to just being friends. I can survive just fine without having sex with her. I only did so NYE because she attacked me and I guess I'm just a "go with the flow" type of guy.

She was my friend. She knows everything about me and she's willing to toss that all in the garbage - I can only guess because her pride was hurt when I "friend zoned" her New Years Day.

Anyway. I don't wish to talk about this any longer.

Thanks, Gov.

lurchadams said:

And perhaps you missed a previous post of mine on this subject but I would be just fine if me and Audrey went back to just being friends. I can live just find without having sex with her. She was my friend. She knows everything about me and she was willing to toss that all in the garbage - I can only guess because her pride was hurt when I "friend zoned" her New Years Day.

Anyway. I don't wish to talk about this any longer.

Thanks, Gov.

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Peace out, girlscout! eace

PirateMk1 said:

Yes, its possible to have a relationship with plutonium. It will be very short lived though if you dont wear protection. Lots of protection.

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I don't know. Wasn't Pluto gay?

GreatNews2night said:

I doubt that this would pass scientific scrutiny with the proper methodology. Again, a sample of the people you know, is not a scientific sample that reflects the population at large.

I'd think that straight people and gay people have equivalent levels of hangups, or maybe, due to the discrimination they suffer (which is utterly unfair), maybe the gay ones are a bit more troubled, in population-wide terms (although there are many who are very well rounded).

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You are correct, and note I never said that my method was scientific. My evidence is anecdotal at best.

But here's what I can tell you - compared to my straight female (not as much male) friends, my gay friends (and I) have way more sex. It's possible that they aren't telling me their entire sex lives, sure, but when they do tell me and I get to hear all about the sex positions that they did. If they were leaving out whole men they were sleeping with, I'd be surprised.

Again, this is completely my anecdotal evidence, I don't claim to be any sort of expert, which I've said all along. I can only go by my own experiences UNTIL there is research into who has more hangups, straight people or gay men? But I don't think that research will ever happen LOL

lurchadams said:

Is it possible to have a plutonic relationship with a woman if you're a man and you both are hetero?

My life experience tells me, "no". If you like each other, eventually you're going to fool around. That's just the way it is.

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I still find myself falling into the habit of foolishing relying on anecdotes and personal experience in a debate, even though I know damn well how faulty human perception is.

On the subject of sexuality in general, much of what I thought I knew was shattered by the three years or so that I spent as a regular on an LGBT subforum. I don't know how much of the 'romantic spectrum' is scientifically sound, but I've spoken to scores of people with experiences wildly different than my own. There are people out there with either no preference, or little or no preference in sex. There are people out there who don't feel the same jealousy or emotions much of us would feel if in a situation where we were sharing partners. There are people out there with a clear and definete preference, which is overridden by whatever person they become emotionally attached to.

I don't understand it, but I don't have to. Too often we make assumptions based on how we think and feel, or what we're used to seeing, and fail to recognize that other people can and often are wired completely differently. This is why some men think that all a lesbian needs is the 'right' dick. This is why some gay folks think that everyone is closeted, and this is why many have asserted that bisexuals are just confused, and that trans people 'want' to be the opposite sex. Too often we get it in our heads that what is normal for us, must be normal for everyone else.

"That's just the way it is' is not in my vocabulary. I'm not a fan of approaching social issues, morality, or anything remotely related with this mentality. I think that we should continue to examine and challenge that which we think we understand, and fight against the bias created by experience and perception, just as we would any emotional or partisan bias.

DH Kirkwood said:

I still find myself falling into the habit of foolishing relying on anecdotes and personal experience in a debate, even though I know damn well how faulty human perception is.

On the subject of sexuality in general, much of what I thought I knew was shattered by the three years or so that I spent as a regular on an LGBT subforum. I don't know how much of the 'romantic spectrum' is scientifically sound, but I've spoken to scores of people with experiences wildly different than my own. There are people out there with either no preference, or little or no preference in sex. There are people out there who don't feel the same jealousy or emotions much of us would feel if in a situation where we were sharing partners. There are people out there with a clear and definete preference, which is overridden by whatever person they become emotionally attached to.

I don't understand it, but I don't have to. Too often we make assumptions based on how we think and feel, or what we're used to seeing, and fail to recognize that other people can and often are wired completely differently. This is why some men think that all a lesbian needs is the 'right' dick. This is why some gay folks think that everyone is closeted, and this is why many have asserted that bisexuals are just confused, and that trans people 'want' to be the opposite sex. Too often we get it in our heads that what is normal for us, must be normal for everyone else.

"That's just the way it is' is not in my vocabulary. I'm not a fan of approaching social issues, morality, or anything remotely related with this mentality. I think that we should continue to examine and challenge that which we think we understand, and fight against the bias created by experience and perception, just as we would any emotional or partisan bias.

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Holy ****, Man! I need to put you together with one of the women I'm seeing. She speaks the same way you do. She's happiest when she has a "stable", I'm going to call it, of 3 to 4 men she's seeing at the same time. She doesn't care if they're married or not, just as long as they spend time with her and satisfy her. If they don't, she kicks them to the curb.

This, I feel is where I'm heading. Monogamy, I've proven does not work for me, either.

My "normal" is currently in "flux".

lurchadams said:

Holy ****, Man! I need to put you together with one of the women I'm seeing. She speaks the same way you do. She's happiest when she has a "stable", I'm going to call it, of 3 to 4 men she's seeing at the same time. She doesn't care if they're married or not, just as long as they spend time with her and satisfy her. If they don't, she kicks them to the curb.

This, I feel is where I'm heading. Monogamy, I've proven does not work for me, either.

My "normal" is currently in "flux".

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If you do, just make sure you know the difference between open and poly so you don't misrepresent yourself to potential partners.

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lurchadams said:

Holy ****, Man! I need to put you together with one of the women I'm seeing. She speaks the same way you do. She's happiest when she has a "stable", I'm going to call it, of 3 to 4 men she's seeing at the same time. She doesn't care if they're married or not, just as long as they spend time with her and satisfy her. If they don't, she kicks them to the curb.

This, I feel is where I'm heading. Monogamy, I've proven does not work for me, either.

My "normal" is currently in "flux".

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Get out of my head. I like your lady friend. She knows what's up.

maquiscat said:

If you do, just make sure you know the difference between open and poly so you don't misrepresent yourself to potential partners.

Sent from my Z982 using Tapatalk

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Dude, my girlfriend tells me the same thing. No new partners in the community w/o the others' ok.

CannonballB said:

Get out of my head. I like your lady friend. She knows what's up.

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She's so amazing. She's a morning person like me. She lives downtown with a hellacious view of Seattle and Puget sound from her place. I'm picking her up tomorrow morning at 8 and we're going to hang out in an area called Alki, drink coffee, and watch the water.

Good to see you, by the way!

Here's an aerial shot of Alki Point, Seattle:

lurchadams said:

Holy ****, Man! I need to put you together with one of the women I'm seeing. She speaks the same way you do. She's happiest when she has a "stable", I'm going to call it, of 3 to 4 men she's seeing at the same time. She doesn't care if they're married or not, just as long as they spend time with her and satisfy her. If they don't, she kicks them to the curb.

This, I feel is where I'm heading. Monogamy, I've proven does not work for me, either.

My "normal" is currently in "flux".

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Ha, I'm a pretty boring guy, myself. I'm monogamous, and too immature for anyone older than I am.

DH Kirkwood said:

Ha, I'm a pretty boring guy, myself. I'm monogamous, and too immature for anyone older than I am.

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Hey, man. Do what works for you! No judgement here!

lurchadams said:

Dude, my girlfriend tells me the same thing. No new partners in the community w/o the others' ok.

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That's not what I meant, dude. Of course, whether you are poly, open or both, your partners should be aware of any new partners. To what extent is between all of you, but for health and safety sake, they should be aware.

But it is also important that a prospective partner know where they stand. Are you looking for a mostly physical relationship (open) or one more emotionally based (poly)? Of course it could start as one and develop as the other, but you intent should be clear to the new prospective.

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DH Kirkwood said:

Ha, I'm a pretty boring guy, myself. I'm monogamous, and too immature for anyone older than I am.

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Don't be too sure. I know plenty of women older than me (approaching the half century mark) who are as immature or more so than me.

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