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- Jan 11, 2016
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I am a 57 gay man who came out to his family in his early twenties . I have been in, then out , then back in,, then out again, at periods of my life, depending on the circumstance, the cultural setting etc. I pick when and to whom I come out. I can correct assumptions or leave them uncorrected. At one time I was insecure, scared, and mired in confusion and guilt, so I understand that form of closeted behavior. (I think 'self loathing may be a bit harsh to describe it). But I never pretended to be some straight guy, making or laughing at homo jokes. Too much class and decency for that crap.
I agree its hard for those who have never been out, to have a healthy frame of reference about the impact of the choice, because they have not lived on both sides of the closet door. They carry too much baggage they can't really unpack, but I won't impose a broad judgement on every other closeted individual because I don't know all the factors in their decision. IMHO Its okay to do with that closet door whatever you want. Those of us on the other side, have no business labeling them, or defining them by their decisions.
Your subset that includes you and the men in your support group, are self selected or they would not be searching for and involved in that support group. Any emotionally mature and content gays, secure with their decisions on either side, won't be found there.
Your entitled to your opinion, as am I.