Re: "Decent men have affairs all the time. I’m going to tell you why." - A woman's point of view
This is a confusing topic, with many confused and opinionated responses. For all of us, whether biological or cultural driven, our sexual mores are confusing. We confuse lust and love, tho they can go hand and hand, it isn't always the case, and probably rarely the case. Morals vs biological drives, prejudged vs programmed. No one is right, no one is wrong. Our sexual drives vary between us. We confuse sex with relationship and non-relationship power over others. We confuse signals and desires from out partners. We confuse what society says as opposed to what society does.
I recall a conversation with my grandfather during the late 60's, when he was well into his 80's and I barely entering my 20's. This was when the "free love" concept was first being touted among those of my generation. I was fascinated by this "new" sexual revolution. And so were my hormones. He said to me, "None of this is new. People have been screwing around since the dawn of mankind, sometimes talking about it more, some taking it for granted, sometimes obsessed with sex, sometimes not. But never think your own confusion is unique or anyone is truly moral. Everyone screws around during their youth, and if they are honest, throughout their lives no matter what they say."
I have no answers for anyone else, not even my own children when we discussed the various issues, and not now with my grandchildren when the topics surface. I've never been a saint or a monk. I view sex as a necessary activity for my own wholeness, as necessary as breathing for my health and pleasure, the latter also translating as mental health. I've been fortunate for sharing my life with two women consecutively with similar views to my own. No relationship is perfect, no sexual relationship is perfect.
I accepted long ago, whatever goes on between two consenting adults behind locked doors, is their own business and no one elses. And I rejected the artificial boundaries of age and so-called maturity. The real Romeo and Juliet were post pubescent teens, and represent a more accurate image of romance and sexual activity than our own societal extended adolescence, but on a cultural level, I find any and all pedophilia abhorrent. However, history is filled with May December romances and sexuality. There have been cultures where and when young boys learned from older women because that was the sexual prime biologically for both, and older men took young girls as new wives, because childbirth killed former wives and younger women or girls meant more babies. There have been cultures where a young woman had to prove her fertility before she could marry. There have been and are cultures where sexual activity is not viewed as moral and immoral, rather as normalized everyday activity for health or whatever reasons. The reasons are always justifiable in the context of the times and not for me to judge.
When Pompeii was first rediscovered and unearthed, one of the first reactions during that Victorian age, was to whitewash the walls, hiding the frescos of earthly delights, the seemingly pornographic imagery that was accepted by Romans as normal daily life, because Victorians found the depictions as offensive. Yet, for those of us who have examined the Victorian age and behaviors, we learned that the Victorians were obsessed with sex, but too embarrassed to be honest in public about their obsessions.
I've read the average sexual act in America lasts 2-3 minutes, yet literature tells us 20 minutes give or take. I must ask why we get so crazy over a few minutes or 20 minutes? I must ask why people can't distinguish between sexuality as opposed to sensuality, tho both may or may not be inclusive of the other? Don't think for a minute, I am not as confused as everyone else.
