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"Decent men have affairs all the time. I’m going to tell you why." - A woman's point of view

Re: "Decent men have affairs all the time. I’m going to tell you why." - A woman's point of view

Wan said:
I didn't read the linked article to the end (it was too long) but I just want to add my two cents: I think it can be difficult to stay faithful to one person till the end of one's life. I mean, ours is a very large world, it's full of people, and sometimes, you are simply going to be attracted to some of them. Just because one is married it does not mean he stops being attracted to an attractive member of the opposite sex. In fact, I am starting to see why some folks are into polyamory. At first I was very put off by this concept but now I can at least understand why some people would want that.

Of course, I am not trying to find an excuse for people to cheat on their spouses. Of course it's stupid to risk losing a meaningful, beautiful marriage just for some fun in the bedroom. But if the wife constantly turns down sex, and the husband sees a woman he finds hot, and this woman also understands, loves and wants him...yeah. The temptation is going to be there.
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Keep in mind that poly is about the relationship, not sex. While most such relationships will have sex as part of them not all do. I have a husband and two wives, and my husband and I are not sexually attracted to each other. Open relationships or swinging is about sex. Mind you, you can find people doing both. It's just important to keep in mind the difference between them. Oh and to be ethical about it as well. If you are going behind back and keeping secrets then that is neither poly nor open relationships. That's cheating.

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Re: "Decent men have affairs all the time. I’m going to tell you why." - A woman's point of view

Kal'Stang said:
So stating facts is attacking my wife? Here's a hint for you MrWonka. My wife openly admits that she tried to use sex to get me to do stuff and then proceeds to say "he wasn't having that". You know why she admits that? Because others have told her to withhold sex from me to get me to do things. Right in front of me even.
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Withholding sex is spousal abuse worthy of divorce. Whomever gave her that advice in front of you was insulting you to your face. What did you do about it? Those others who gave that advice deserve to be permanently put out of your life.
 
Re: "Decent men have affairs all the time. I’m going to tell you why." - A woman's point of view

Bucky said:
Decent men and women have affairs all the time. It happens and usually both parties are to blame.
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Do decent men pay porn stars to not say what they did with them?
 
Re: "Decent men have affairs all the time. I’m going to tell you why." - A woman's point of view

SDET said:
Withholding sex is spousal abuse worthy of divorce. Whomever gave her that advice in front of you was insulting you to your face. What did you do about it? Those others who gave that advice deserve to be permanently put out of your life.
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No, its not. Not even close.
 
Re: "Decent men have affairs all the time. I’m going to tell you why." - A woman's point of view

American said:
You realize the adultery was most past down from religion. So how do non-religious people find a rationale for complaining or being offended by adultery?
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This isn't just about adultery. It's about a man paying a porn star to not say what she did with him. Is there any place in your society where a decent man woud do that?
 
Re: "Decent men have affairs all the time. I’m going to tell you why." - A woman's point of view

maquiscat said:
I have a husband and two wives,
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Huh? Are you a man or a woman? I know you are probably poly but I am just curious about your sex/gender.
 
Re: "Decent men have affairs all the time. I’m going to tell you why." - A woman's point of view

Wan said:
Huh? Are you a man or a woman? I know you are probably poly but I am just curious about your sex/gender.
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No probably, we are indeed poly. I am a man. We have two.hisbands and two wives in our poly unit currently. And I say currently not because we are looking for more, but because we are realistic enough to know another might come alone or that one might leave, intentionally or not.

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Re: "Decent men have affairs all the time. I’m going to tell you why." - A woman's point of view

SDET said:
Withholding sex is spousal abuse worthy of divorce. Whomever gave her that advice in front of you was insulting you to your face. What did you do about it? Those others who gave that advice deserve to be permanently put out of your life.
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Oh please explain. For what reason can a woman say "no" to sex in marriage?
 
Re: "Decent men have affairs all the time. I’m going to tell you why." - A woman's point of view

Grand Mal said:
This isn't just about adultery. It's about a man paying a porn star to not say what she did with him. Is there any place in your society where a decent man woud do that?
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https://www.theglobeandmail.com/opinion/pierre-trudeau-and-his-many-women/article791993/

The Democrats decided this wasn't an issue back in the 1990's. They even excused rape. Even in Canada adultery has been excused. So you don't have a leg to stand on.
 
Re: "Decent men have affairs all the time. I’m going to tell you why." - A woman's point of view

Wan said:
Huh? Are you a man or a woman? I know you are probably poly but I am just curious about your sex/gender.
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Under his name , you wil see join dat, last seen, then gender. He is male
 
Re: "Decent men have affairs all the time. I’m going to tell you why." - A woman's point of view

year2late said:
Oh please explain. For what reason can a woman say "no" to sex in marriage?
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A headache.
 
Re: "Decent men have affairs all the time. I’m going to tell you why." - A woman's point of view

Bucky said:
Decent men and women have affairs all the time. It happens and usually both parties are to blame.
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Only trump cultists drag their wives by the hair before raping them though
 
Re: "Decent men have affairs all the time. I’m going to tell you why." - A woman's point of view

year2late said:
Oh please explain. For what reason can a woman say "no" to sex in marriage?
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If she is physically ill.
 
Re: "Decent men have affairs all the time. I’m going to tell you why." - A woman's point of view

zyzygy said:
A headache.
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Nice try, but no dice.
 
Re: "Decent men have affairs all the time. I’m going to tell you why." - A woman's point of view

There are two public health reasons to be strongly against adultery:

Having sex outside marriage increases the chances that you will catch a venereal disease and pass it on to your spouse, particularly if the affair occurred while the partners were drunk or high and neglected to use a condom.

And, you increase the possibility of birth defects through unintentional inbreeding. Adultery may produce a child whose true parenthood is unknown to other members of the community. Thus, when that person grows up, they could unintentionally marry a brother, sister or other close relative, leading to birth defects and other health problems.
 
Re: "Decent men have affairs all the time. I’m going to tell you why." - A woman's point of view

RobertU said:
There are two public health reasons to be strongly against adultery:

Having sex outside marriage increases the chances that you will catch a venereal disease and pass it on to your spouse, particularly if the affair occurred while the partners were drunk or high and neglected to use a condom.
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how is this found different from unmarried individuals passing STDs to their unmarried partners?
you have made a distinction which is without purpose

And, you increase the possibility of birth defects through unintentional inbreeding. Adultery may produce a child whose true parenthood is unknown to other members of the community. Thus, when that person grows up, they could unintentionally marry a brother, sister or other close relative, leading to birth defects and other health problems.
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ditto. the possibility of this occurrence is like that of intercourse between two unmarried persons. there is no spike in STDs or inbreeding only because of intercourse outside of one's marriage
 
Re: "Decent men have affairs all the time. I’m going to tell you why." - A woman's point of view

justabubba said:
how is this found different from unmarried individuals passing STDs to their unmarried partners?
you have made a distinction which is without purpose


ditto. the possibility of this occurrence is like that of intercourse between two unmarried persons. there is no spike in STDs or inbreeding only because of intercourse outside of one's marriage
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But marriage is supposed to create a bond that is healthier than those of unmarried persons. Thus, ideally, married people would be less likely to incur health risks than unmarried, sexually active people.
 
Re: "Decent men have affairs all the time. I’m going to tell you why." - A woman's point of view

SDET said:
If she is physically ill.
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Nothing else? How about just having had a very long day and not being in the mood?
 
Re: "Decent men have affairs all the time. I’m going to tell you why." - A woman's point of view

RobertU said:
But marriage is supposed to create a bond that is healthier than those of unmarried persons. Thus, ideally, married people would be less likely to incur health risks than unmarried, sexually active people.
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what you are touting is an unrealistic desire
just because you would want such an outcome does not make it true
 
Re: "Decent men have affairs all the time. I’m going to tell you why." - A woman's point of view

year2late said:
Nothing else? How about just having had a very long day and not being in the mood?
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I prefer to jump on her at night while she is sound asleep. I'm not a big daytime guy anyway. Besides that, she almost never NOT in the mood.
 
Re: "Decent men have affairs all the time. I’m going to tell you why." - A woman's point of view

RobertU said:
There are two public health reasons to be strongly against adultery:

Having sex outside marriage increases the chances that you will catch a venereal disease and pass it on to your spouse, particularly if the affair occurred while the partners were drunk or high and neglected to use a condom....
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OK, that is an argument against sex generally - unless it's with ONE partner that you've had medically tested.


...and, you increase the possibility of birth defects through unintentional inbreeding....
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What ???

And that doesn't go for marriage too ?
 
Re: "Decent men have affairs all the time. I’m going to tell you why." - A woman's point of view

RobertU said:
But marriage is supposed to create a bond that is healthier than those of unmarried persons. Thus, ideally, married people would be less likely to incur health risks than unmarried, sexually active people.
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Supporting documentation please. Otherwise this is popular myth, encouraged by religious mostly, but with no basis in reality.

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Re: "Decent men have affairs all the time. I’m going to tell you why." - A woman's point of view

maquiscat said:
Supporting documentation please. Otherwise this is popular myth, encouraged by religious mostly, but with no basis in reality.

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Marriage as a deterrent to VD has some historical basis.

Humans only invented marriage when sexually transmitted diseases started spreading though ancient farming communities, say scientists
• Monogamy emerged in early farmers after 'sleeping around', which had been the norm among hunter gatherers, became too risky
• This was because of the spread of genital herpes and other diseases
• Without modern medicines, infertility from them would have been high
• Males were better off mating monogamously, punishing those who didn't

Source: Canada's University of Waterloo claims marriage was designed to avoid STIs | Daily Mail Online

Given the increased resistance of strains of VD to antibiotics, the value of marriage and monogamy will likely increase, not decrease as progressives seem to wish.
 
Re: "Decent men have affairs all the time. I’m going to tell you why." - A woman's point of view

OldFatGuy said:
I found this interesting:

https://www.mamamia.com.au/why-married-men-cheat/

There were times during our marriage when my wife and I were not in sync. With 4 children to raise, we were both working hard, other extended family needs, sleep was at a premium. We were fortunate, those times were relatively rare. And as Paul Newman put it "Why go out for hamburger when you have steak at home."
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Unless there are children under 18, the best way to handle the below situation is to end the marriage. A smart man would pre-pay all college expenses for his kids before filing. The risk of a judge considering that financial misconduct is near zero.

My husband’s sexual needs – I wasn’t meeting them. I didn’t want sex and he was going to have to get used to it. Have a pull. Jerk the chain. Do whatever, but don’t expect me to roll over and think of England. To put out when I didn’t really want to felt like a denial of me; an insincere gesture to us both. Besides which, I was bloody tired and resentful.
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