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A wife attempts to publicly shame her successful husband into minimum wage tasks

Winchester said:
Towels need cleaning? :shock:

We worked it out in our house. I don't like the way she cooks so I do all the cooking/grocery shopping. She doesn't like the way I clean bathrooms or do laundry so she does those. :lol:
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yeah my husband doesn't shop or cook. I love him, but he's not a shopper. If I let him shop, he'd come home with those big ass 10 pound bags of leg quarters, 14 bottles of soy sauce and a 30 lb bag of rice. Seriously. That is what we would eat for 2 weeks.
 
nota bene said:
Exactly. I usually don't have a problem doing stuff because I like the way I do things and also because I want them done in my lifetime. But when I've left the house with an empty sink and come home to a sinkful--and seriously, you can't rinse out your coffee cup or use a spoon holder when there are TWO right there by the coffeepot?!--it pisses me off. And don't even get me started on laundry.
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OMG. I have a big closet in my bathroom off my bedroom. Our clothes are there, shoes, etc. I have two laundry baskets there - one for towels and one for clothes. Ask me how angry I get when I walk into the closet and see a wet towel on the floor, two feet from the basket. :2mad:
 
Superfly said:
Do you really have to work to be this sexist, or does it come naturally?

Or did you have a really bad experience with an ex-wife who took your ass to the cleaners?

That's the vibe I am getting.
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Mindset stuck in the 1950's.
 
nota bene said:
Exactly. I usually don't have a problem doing stuff because I like the way I do things and also because I want them done in my lifetime. But when I've left the house with an empty sink and come home to a sinkful--and seriously, you can't rinse out your coffee cup or use a spoon holder when there are TWO right there by the coffeepot?!--it pisses me off. And don't even get me started on laundry.
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I hear ya! I used to do all the laundry and had to keep reminding my husband not to leave his socks in a ball because I didn't want to stick my hand in them to straighten them out. My children's socks, too. Finally, I thought screw that and just tossed the socks in the washer in a ball, and that's how they got them back. It only took a couple of times to train them.

But, over the years, we morphed into a comfortable place. I'm still the one who cooks, but my husband puts away leftovers and does the dishes. We both run our own businesses and support the other, but there are some tasks he's better at, since he's a contractor and physically stronger, and we both help the other when possible. Kids are older but one is still at home, and we have five dogs, so there's still a lot of walking/bathing/brushing responsibilities to divvy up there. If he asks me to do something, I will if it's possible and if I ask him, he will as well. If anything, it's hard for me to keep up with doing as many things for him as he does for me. I like landscaping and birds and he'll typically build a half-dozen birdhouses for me over the winter to add to the ones we already have in early spring. Once, I said, "I think a courtyard would be nice," and the next thing I knew he was asking me to choose from various architectural plans he'd drawn. So, it works out well. It's a partnership and I think it works because we both try to make the other person happy.
 
Superfly said:
And? Why is it the woman's job to make sure everything is perfect for Ward Cleaver when he comes home from the office? Most women work outside the home, take care of the kids, cook, clean and do laundry. Why is it expected of her to do all this (and work) while the man comes home, props up his feet and turns on the game?

Why is it OK to distract her from her career? She has just as much right to build her career as he does, and should equally expect help from him when he gets home. Most women like myself would appreciate any help. My husband is old-school. His mother never worked outside the home, so he expects me to do everything, while he does nothing. Every now and then he surprises me, and does the dishes, or washes a load of clothes, but for the most part, he does nothing unless I get frustrated and ask him to, and by that point, it usually turns into an argument.

Marriage is a partnership - in all ways. You partner to raise the kids, you partner financially on the bills, and the you should partner to help each other with everything else as well.
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did you discuss any of this BEFORE marriage?

were parameters set for both sides?

what are the income levels? are they close? or does one side greatly outnumber the other?

there are so many variables in every marriage/partnership and the ones that work, are the ones where open dialogue has and continues to happen along the way

my first wife didnt work....raised the kids and was a stay at home mom

my second is a professional that earns nearly as much as i do on an annual basis

so we share the basics of easy chores, and we PAY for a maid for the heavy cleaning....and have a gardener do the outside work

never been an issue....we didnt let it become one

communication is the key....before and during the marriage
 
Superfly said:
Do you really have to work to be this sexist, or does it come naturally?

Or did you have a really bad experience with an ex-wife who took your ass to the cleaners?

That's the vibe I am getting.
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It actually comes from 30 years of observing people in corporate America. How women treat other women is most notable. Have you ever heard the term "catty" to describe a man? I have also heard about the men who come home to an empty house and a letter. I'm lucky to have been "wise" to American women by watching and listening to half-siblings from a young age. It takes a special kind of selfish for an adult woman to tell an eight year old kid, "It's all your fault mom had kidney problems; I told her she should have aborted you" All because I got a trampoline for my birthday instead of she getting help with rent money. Me get taken to the cleaners? Yeah, right. I learned enough watching my half-sisters operate to never let that happen to me.
 
HowardBThiname said:
I hear ya! I used to do all the laundry and had to keep reminding my husband not to leave his socks in a ball because I didn't want to stick my hand in them to straighten them out. My children's socks, too. Finally, I thought screw that and just tossed the socks in the washer in a ball, and that's how they got them back. It only took a couple of times to train them.

But, over the years, we morphed into a comfortable place. I'm still the one who cooks, but my husband puts away leftovers and does the dishes. We both run our own businesses and support the other, but there are some tasks he's better at, since he's a contractor and physically stronger, and we both help the other when possible. Kids are older but one is still at home, and we have five dogs, so there's still a lot of walking/bathing/brushing responsibilities to divvy up there. If he asks me to do something, I will if it's possible and if I ask him, he will as well. If anything, it's hard for me to keep up with doing as many things for him as he does for me. I like landscaping and birds and he'll typically build a half-dozen birdhouses for me over the winter to add to the ones we already have in early spring. Once, I said, "I think a courtyard would be nice," and the next thing I knew he was asking me to choose from various architectural plans he'd drawn. So, it works out well. It's a partnership and I think it works because we both try to make the other person happy.
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There is always a balance between trying to keep each other happy and just letting things go that really don't matter. Pet peevish things like putting one's laundry in the laundry basket. :2razz:
 
SDET said:
My one problem with mom's viral letter begging her husband for more help - Chicago Tribune

What if those fathers choose not to? If Mizz Erlach wants help, I suggest that she visit Care dot com and find someone. Distracting a breadwinner from building a career is just plain stupid. Remember that women generally don't marry down. How many female attorneys or physicians do you see married to plumbers, auto mechanics or roofers? It borders on abuse to "wage nag" a husband to do put in whatever effort is needed to advance in his career, then publicly shame him for not doing domestic tasks.

When women start being willing to "marry down", then maybe discussing "gender equality" at home can be a reasonable discussion.




How much do you want do bet that her husband will divorce her right after the kids turn 18?
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That'd be like her winning the lottery, maybe.
 
Winchester said:
There is always a balance between trying to keep each other happy and just letting things go that really don't matter. Pet peevish things like putting one's laundry in the laundry basket. :2razz:
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LOL -- probably so. But, I don't do anyone else's laundry anymore so I don't need to worry about that one any longer.
 
SDET said:
It actually comes from 30 years of observing people in corporate America. How women treat other women is most notable. Have you ever heard the term "catty" to describe a man? I have also heard about the men who come home to an empty house and a letter. I'm lucky to have been "wise" to American women by watching and listening to half-siblings from a young age. It takes a special kind of selfish for an adult woman to tell an eight year old kid, "It's all your fault mom had kidney problems; I told her she should have aborted you" All because I got a trampoline for my birthday instead of she getting help with rent money. Me get taken to the cleaners? Yeah, right. I learned enough watching my half-sisters operate to never let that happen to me.
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This. Explains. So. Much.
 
gdgyva said:
did you discuss any of this BEFORE marriage?

were parameters set for both sides?
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Things change, as I have mentioned before. And parameters? :lol: Do you feel that way about everything involved in a marriage? Or just housework and laundry?

Did you and your wife set parameters about sex? Do you have a set time on when you have sex, or how often? What about orgasms? Are they included in the spread sheet? If you agree to 4 times a week, and your wife only climaxes twice, do those two times count?

Yes, it sounds ridiculous, I know, but so does setting parameters for things like housework. You are both adults, you are both responsible for the house.

what are the income levels? are they close? or does one side greatly outnumber the other?
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What does income level have to do with whether or not the husband comes home and does a load of towels while the wife is cooking dinner, helping with homework, bathing the kids, packing lunches and cleaning the kitchen?


there are so many variables in every marriage/partnership and the ones that work, are the ones where open dialogue has and continues to happen along the way
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Yes. This is exactly right. Successful marriages roll with the punches. Most women who are upset with their husbands let it fester. That is never healthy.

my first wife didnt work....raised the kids and was a stay at home mom

my second is a professional that earns nearly as much as i do on an annual basis

so we share the basics of easy chores, and we PAY for a maid for the heavy cleaning....and have a gardener do the outside work

never been an issue....we didnt let it become one

communication is the key....before and during the marriage
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Yes, but this thread isn't about people like you, who help. It's about people who do not help.
 
Superfly said:
Things change, as I have mentioned before. And parameters? :lol: Do you feel that way about everything involved in a marriage? Or just housework and laundry?

Did you and your wife set parameters about sex? Do you have a set time on when you have sex, or how often? What about orgasms? Are they included in the spread sheet? If you agree to 4 times a week, and your wife only climaxes twice, do those two times count?

Yes, it sounds ridiculous, I know, but so does setting parameters for things like housework. You are both adults, you are both responsible for the house.



What does income level have to do with whether or not the husband comes home and does a load of towels while the wife is cooking dinner, helping with homework, bathing the kids, packing lunches and cleaning the kitchen?




Yes. This is exactly right. Successful marriages roll with the punches. Most women who are upset with their husbands let it fester. That is never healthy.



Yes, but this thread isn't about people like you, who help. It's about people who do not help.
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if you never lived together and discussed chores before marriage...it is a easy place for problems to start

4 key areas for marital issues

1. money
2. chores
3. kids
4. sex

and all can be made better with communication BEFORE you get married....my wife knew i wasnt going to be a HUGE help around the house, but was willing to foot the bill for the maid....i do my own laundry, and help with a few other odds and ends....it is enough for her

For another couple, maybe not good enough. It has to be discussed....and "most" guys arent going to volunteer for household chores. They will do when necessary, but we would much rather spend our time and resources doing other things.

There are exceptions to that rule....that why i said MOST. Household duties are a daily grind....

As far as parameters....yes, we set them for a lot of things BEFORE we got married....like NEVER going to bed MAD at each other, even if that means spending all night talking through an issue. You would be surprised at the number of things we agreed upon beforehand....and have kept to....maybe that makes us boring to some....so be it....it works for us
 
SDET said:
Your premise falls apart when women "marry up". A woman looks for a man who earns more than she does, which according to the market means that he is working harder and/or smarter. Then she wants every thing to be equal. There's a word for that: predatory. And yes wage nagging is a thing.

Obviously, hiring outside help is not an option for two reasons: 1) In many cases the wife's career doesn't bring in enough money to hire outside help. 2) She might have to drive a used car instead of a luxury car and that just won't do.
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I'm not validating your claim at all but who says that if a husband makes more $, he and the wife are not 'equal' in the marriage? Is paid work the only 'work/effort' in a marriage?
 
SDET said:
Let's not forget that the husband hasn't been heard from at all. It's possible that he knows how the court system works and realizes how important it is to stay obedient until his kids turn 18.
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:applaud:applaud:applaud

You make men sound like victims, and stupid ones at that. It's a shame men have no free will or responsibility for their own decisions.
 
Lursa said:
:applaud:applaud:applaud

You make men sound like victims, and stupid ones at that. It's a shame men have no free will or responsibility for their own decisions.
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It's called being blinded by vagina! Once a child is born, many men have no free will. Only a man who is aware of the risks and mitigates them at every turn gets to keep some free will.
 
Lursa said:
I'm not validating your claim at all but who says that if a husband makes more $, he and the wife are not 'equal' in the marriage? Is paid work the only 'work/effort' in a marriage?
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It boils down to how replaceable one's work is. An illiterate can wash dishes.
 
Lursa said:
You make men sound like victims, and stupid ones at that. It's a shame men have no free will or responsibility for their own decisions.
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SDET said:
It's called being blinded by vagina! Once a child is born, many men have no free will. Only a man who is aware of the risks and mitigates them at every turn gets to keep some free will.
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Well that seems to confirm my post.

And since men know this...it's not unreasonable that they be held accountable for their choices.
 
SDET said:
It boils down to how replaceable one's work is. An illiterate can wash dishes.
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So then all men/women are not created equal?
 
Lursa said:
So then all men/women are not created equal?
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Created yes; what they do with that creation, no. If a husband doesn't want to wash dishes, why should he be badgered into it?
 
Lursa said:
Well that seems to confirm my post.

And since men know this...it's not unreasonable that they be held accountable for their choices.
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Held accountable doesn't mean abject slavery. If a man puts in the effort and has the instincts to pull down 100K, 150K, 200K, he certainly shouldn't be badgered into menial labor.
 
SDET said:
Held accountable doesn't mean abject slavery. If a man puts in the effort and has the instincts to pull down 100K, 150K, 200K, he certainly shouldn't be badgered into menial labor.
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If he went into a marriage believing that holding up his end of ALL that a marriage entails...sure that's his fault. And why is it expected that the woman, who is also probably working, probably also doing most of the child-rearing, should be doing the 'menial labor?'

If he believed that a marriage entailed only providing some or all the income (does the wife work too?) then I'd hope both parties agreed on that beforehand.

But it's dishonest to believe that people marry based on that alone.
 
SDET said:
Created yes; what they do with that creation, no. If a husband doesn't want to wash dishes, why should he be badgered into it?
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And if she doesnt? Why should she?
 
Lursa said:
And if she doesnt? Why should she?
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Then I guess that the dishes sit there and mold until someone washes them or hires someone to wash them. It's the unstoppable force vs immovable object kind of thing.
 
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