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Consensual Rape...

Felis Leo said:
I just edited my post, but I will repeat it partially here:

All kidding aside, is this something you genuinely want to do? And you are willing to satisfy these desires? Because this isn't something relatively minor, like engaging in oral sex when you are not much into that, but you are willing to engage in it to satisfy her. This kind of sadomasochistic roleplaying is serious, and if done improperly, can lead to severe physical harm and perhaps criminal charges even if you accidentally take it too far. With that in mind, if this is something you are interested in, I am sure there are any number of kink sites that you could simply Google to find out the best method of safely engaging in your sexual partners consensual desires. I doubt too many people here have a specific instruction manual for you. I certainly do not.
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Well I checked around on a few kink sites, and their advice all boiled down to practice and use a safe word. I don't want an instruction manual, or detailed how tos. It's more of a how do I get in the mindset and think up crap to say.
 
ThoughtEx. said:
It's just sex, roleplay, got to be able to separate sex and emotion. Otherwise jealousy will ruin everything. My wife was poly before she ever met me, our relationship began and stayed open, we got married after years of knowing each other. Our potential partners are the only ones that can decide if what we offer is unfair. So far that has never been a complaint.

There's nothing wrong with a fantasy and consenting adults playing it out, any therapist will tell you that. So get off the high horse.
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Your world, man.
 
ThoughtEx. said:
So I find myself in a situation that I have found myself in before and not handled well.

I have recently met a very nice and sweet girl, she's interesting, funny, and intelligent. She's also into polyamoury, and likes my wife. She's just great.

But she wants to be raped and degraded. That's what does it for her. And, I don't know if it's just a type I pick up on, or what, but my last girlfriend had the same fetish. With my last girlfriend, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Like I wanted to, but it felt awkward, is how I would best describe it. The words felt funny in my mouth, I kept asking her if it was ok, etc.

My wife also enjoys the rape fantasy to a degree. And it got me wondering how common is this. So I looked it up, and was surprised to find that it was not uncommon.

So my question is, to the people with experience in this area, how do you get comfortable with the role, make it believable. And any women want to weigh in on what a girl means by "It's hard to get me to my limit" and "I like it when you call me names and talk down to me". And believe me I've asked her what she means, and she apparently can't tell me how to do my job. It's frustrating.

So can some nice person tell me how to do my job.
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I will probably have more for you later, when I get home, but while I am stuck in traffic not moving due to an accident ahead, I'll see what help I can provide.

One make sure that this isn't within your hard limits. From all you've said so far it doesn't sound like it, but that is always the best starting point.

The next thing is to make sure that the three of you have talked this out fully. Make sure everyone is on the same page and everyone understands what "is" is. You might also want to ask them to describe a typical fantasy scene as if they were telling a story. That might help you understand what they are looking for. I understand how hard it can be to put these things into words, so writting them down might also be a thing to try.

You might just have to work up to this as well. Start with little, more agressivness move such as hair pulling, or even more choking (up under the jaw where it meets the neck. A near sensation with no real air blockage.)

Traffic moving.more later

Sent from my Z982 using Tapatalk
 
ThoughtEx. said:
So can some nice person tell me how to do my job.
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So a few more thoughts.

Where is your wife in all this? Is the girlfriend someone she is interested in as her girlfriend as well? If not sexually attracted to the girlfriend, is the wife willing to participate in sexual activities with her? If so on either aspect, that might help as well. Since it seems to be something your wife wants as well,maybe she can show you what she wants done, on the girlfriend, and vice versa, and that will help you learn.

You might also consider locating the local BDSM group, if you haven't already. Having others to talk to who have gone through this, and yes many others have gone through this, whether with just one or with multiple women, will probably aid you in being comfortable with it.

Also look up Touch of Flavor. They help with all kinds of out of the box relationships, whether it is kink or poly or whatever. They have a pod cast that is really good.

And you can easily check in with your "victim" even in the middle of a scene without breaking the mood. It just takes a little imagination. One person I know of wrote in his book about how he did it (I want to think it was Jay Wiseman, but not sure). He was doing an interrogation scene and the woman's screams and protests of "No you can't do this to me" were beginning to sound a little too real. So at one point he says, "Of course I can..." and got real close to her face, and continued, "...unless, of course, you use your safe word." She paused for a moment, and then went right back to her protestations. He had reminded her that she had an out, and by not taking it she showed him that all was going well for her.
 
VanceMack said:
Poly-amorous relationships imply that all parties are engaged in mutual open and loving relationships (there is a legit question to the concept of 'polyamory' where there is a marriage involved. A marriage creates an unfair relationship in polyamory. What you are describing is more an open marriage than a poly-amorous relationship). There is nothing in degrading behaviors (your words)...even consensual...that are loving. Probably would be a good idea to recommend therapy before carrying forward in the open relationship.
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The unfair relationship come if the couple expect that the third is going to conform to them only. Which is usually not what happened when they met and grew together. he gave a little and she gave a little. As long as they enter into the new relationship with the idea that they all have a say towards it, and it's not just the couple wanting the third to change then it tends to be more fair.

As far as the degrading behaviors and words go, they are about as loving as a flogger is. Thing is, some people love it. So the loving part is doing what your partner desires as long as it is not within your own hard limits. When my wives do so with me, when I am on the sub side, I find it wonderful that they are willing to do so for me. And vice versa when either of them are subbing. We have discussed what is and isn't acceptable and thus it is loving to us for the other to do these things.
 
Hawkeye10 said:
Or she might tomorrow or 10 years from now decide that she wants to ruin your life, the feminist/state cooperative will be found chomping at the bit to help her.

The importance of picking your mates well can not be over sold.
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This is where having another in on the negotiations, and there had better be negotiations on a scene like this, is good, because it provides not only a witness, but also someone to spot potential miscommunications.
 
maquiscat said:
This is where having another in on the negotiations, and there had better be negotiations on a scene like this, is good, because it provides not only a witness, but also someone to spot potential miscommunications.
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Increasingly this does not matter under the feminist/state program of regulating sex/erotic by removing after the fact the right to consent.

You can prove what she agreed to, and it matters not one damn bit.
 
celticwar17 said:
Rape fantasy is actually the most common fantasy for women...

I also felt uncomfortable... I had a couple of women who were into that. One wanted some hard core choking... I kind of did it... but it was extremely weird for me...

My significant other currently isn't into that stuff.... thankfully lol...
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Yikes...I wonder why that is.
 
ThoughtEx. said:
So I find myself in a situation that I have found myself in before and not handled well.

I have recently met a very nice and sweet girl, she's interesting, funny, and intelligent. She's also into polyamoury, and likes my wife. She's just great.

But she wants to be raped and degraded. That's what does it for her. And, I don't know if it's just a type I pick up on, or what, but my last girlfriend had the same fetish. With my last girlfriend, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Like I wanted to, but it felt awkward, is how I would best describe it. The words felt funny in my mouth, I kept asking her if it was ok, etc.

My wife also enjoys the rape fantasy to a degree. And it got me wondering how common is this. So I looked it up, and was surprised to find that it was not uncommon.

So my question is, to the people with experience in this area, how do you get comfortable with the role, make it believable. And any women want to weigh in on what a girl means by "It's hard to get me to my limit" and "I like it when you call me names and talk down to me". And believe me I've asked her what she means, and she apparently can't tell me how to do my job. It's frustrating.

So can some nice person tell me how to do my job.
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You have a wife and a girlfriend?

I have read that it's a common fantasy. Whatever blows your hair back :) If you are not comfortable in that role, do not force yourself. (no pun intended)
 
holbritter said:
You have a wife and a girlfriend?

I have read that it's a common fantasy. Whatever blows your hair back :) If you are not comfortable in that role, do not force yourself. (no pun intended)
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Poly is rapidly becoming a not so uncommon thing today. I have 2 wives and a husband. I personally know a triad with a wife and two husbands. Go watch Professor Marston and the Wonder Women. Most poly people I know say that it's a realistic protrayal of poly without getting into unrealistic positiveness.

Sent from my Z982 using Tapatalk
 
ThoughtEx. said:
So I find myself in a situation that I have found myself in before and not handled well.

I have recently met a very nice and sweet girl, she's interesting, funny, and intelligent. She's also into polyamoury, and likes my wife. She's just great.

But she wants to be raped and degraded. That's what does it for her. And, I don't know if it's just a type I pick up on, or what, but my last girlfriend had the same fetish. With my last girlfriend, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Like I wanted to, but it felt awkward, is how I would best describe it. The words felt funny in my mouth, I kept asking her if it was ok, etc.

My wife also enjoys the rape fantasy to a degree. And it got me wondering how common is this. So I looked it up, and was surprised to find that it was not uncommon.

So my question is, to the people with experience in this area, how do you get comfortable with the role, make it believable. And any women want to weigh in on what a girl means by "It's hard to get me to my limit" and "I like it when you call me names and talk down to me". And believe me I've asked her what she means, and she apparently can't tell me how to do my job. It's frustrating.

So can some nice person tell me how to do my job.
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Just a thought...it may be their thing, but if it's not your thing, it's not necessarily your job. Sounds like you're uncomfortable with this... If you're not, then perhaps the best people to ask would be them, as what we think may not be aligned with what they think.

Or, just really give it to them. In my experience most women are able to tell you when enough is enough, and even if they are not, if you're at all in tune with them it should be pretty easy to tell when they stop enjoying things.
 
So you are married and have a wife who is into rape fantasies, and you also know a girl who not only is into it, she likes your wife?
Is it ok to say I am sorry?
 
WCH said:
Satan agrees wholly. He's loving every minute of your debauchery.
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Thing is, Satan , as Christians view it, does not exist. So, he has nothing to worry about from that front.
 
Lovebug said:
So you are married and have a wife who is into rape fantasies, and you also know a girl who not only is into it, she likes your wife?
Is it ok to say I am sorry?
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Is he just a pawn in someone else's sick fantasy?
 
WCH said:
Oh really...

https://www.history.com/topics/history-of-the-devil

He doesn't feel uneasy about perpetrating these acts because he's afraid of doing it wrong.
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Oh.. yes indeed it is the belief of Christians about the devil. there is a difference between a religious belief, and it actually being true. That is the history of the Christian belief.. that does not mean the Christian belief is true.
 
ThoughtEx. said:
So I find myself in a situation that I have found myself in before and not handled well.

I have recently met a very nice and sweet girl, she's interesting, funny, and intelligent. She's also into polyamoury, and likes my wife. She's just great.

But she wants to be raped and degraded. That's what does it for her. And, I don't know if it's just a type I pick up on, or what, but my last girlfriend had the same fetish. With my last girlfriend, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Like I wanted to, but it felt awkward, is how I would best describe it. The words felt funny in my mouth, I kept asking her if it was ok, etc.

My wife also enjoys the rape fantasy to a degree. And it got me wondering how common is this. So I looked it up, and was surprised to find that it was not uncommon.

So my question is, to the people with experience in this area, how do you get comfortable with the role, make it believable. And any women want to weigh in on what a girl means by "It's hard to get me to my limit" and "I like it when you call me names and talk down to me". And believe me I've asked her what she means, and she apparently can't tell me how to do my job. It's frustrating.

So can some nice person tell me how to do my job.
Click to expand...

Find something she wont do and tell her that is your fantasy. When she wont do it tell her that you wont either.
 
I can get into basic rough sex. Some shirt ripping, light hair pulling, playful wrestling...that kind of thing. But I dated a girl once who was too into it for my comfort. She wanted me to choke her...hard. I physically couldn’t bring myself to do it. And she wanted me to forcefully take her while she tried to get away. If she had been smiling or laughing throughout I think I could have done it. But she was yelling no and trying to get away as hard as she could to the point I am sure I would hurt her by restraining her. It was too realistic. It was so realistic I kept reminding her what the safe word was but she wouldn’t say it.

I couldn’t do it. It made feel like crap and it was a complete turn off for me.

So I guess I can get into but only if the woman isn’t too good at acting.
 
RAMOSS said:
Oh.. yes indeed it is the belief of Christians about the devil. there is a difference between a religious belief, and it actually being true. That is the history of the Christian belief.. that does not mean the Christian belief is true.
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Oh it's true but, just for conversation sake. let's call it* the dark force of the universe causing mayhem, chaos, disease, pestilence and of course, destruction of traditional tenets such as 1 woman,1 man marriage.
 
Skeptic Bob said:
I can get into basic rough sex. Some shirt ripping, light hair pulling, playful wrestling...that kind of thing. But I dated a girl once who was too into it for my comfort. She wanted me to choke her...hard. I physically couldn’t bring myself to do it. And she wanted me to forcefully take her while she tried to get away. If she had been smiling or laughing throughout I think I could have done it. But she was yelling no and trying to get away as hard as she could to the point I am sure I would hurt her by restraining her. It was too realistic. It was so realistic I kept reminding her what the safe word was but she wouldn’t say it.

I couldn’t do it. It made feel like crap and it was a complete turn off for me.

So I guess I can get into but only if the woman isn’t too good at acting.
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There are some, especially the young and inexperienced who never learn the lines that can or can't be crossed. Making this a *popular fantasy* only exacerbates the confusion.
 
WCH said:
Oh it's true but, just for conversation sake. let's call it* the dark force of the universe causing mayhem, chaos, disease, pestilence and of course, destruction of traditional tenets such as 1 woman,1 man marriage.
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Well, that way insures that you are talking about a pure fantasy.
 
WCH said:
So you believe in nothing but, happenstance?
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Not at all. You are making certain assumptions that are invalid. Your thinking is highly binary in nature.
 
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