Homosexuality, Heterosexuality and the Choices in Between

Ok, this is more or less a thread designed for mature discussion and some thought. Also, there is no need to directly answer some of the questions, but rather maybe just keep them in your head as you formulate an opinion.

Let me begin by saying that this topic has bothered me for decades as I struggle with the rules of heterosexual monogamy, marriage, and just general male-female related bull****. How much of a choice is acting on sexual impulses?

I can say this. I find it easier to resist urges now than I did 20 year ago when my hormones raged and impulse control took a back seat. Back then, if I saw someone I was attracted to, I almost always pursued it. And, if by some miracle I successfully managed to engage that person, it was usually impossible to resist breaking all the rules assumed in my other relationships. So, yeah. I would cheat, divorce, throw away fortunes, whatever to score that piece of ass. Today? Hell, some Victoria Secret model could probably walk by me stark naked and I wouldn't even get out of my chair.

So, I'm left wondering...how much of our sexual behavior is "choice."

calamity said:

Ok, this is more or less a thread designed for mature discussion and some thought. Also, there is no need to directly answer some of the questions, but rather maybe just keep them in your head as you formulate an opinion.

Let me begin by saying that this topic has bothered me for decades as I struggle with the rules of heterosexual monogamy, marriage, and just general male-female related bull****. How much of a choice is acting on sexual impulses?

I can say this. I find it easier to resist urges now than I did 20 year ago when my hormones raged and impulse control took a back seat. Back then, if I saw someone I was attracted to, I almost always pursued it. And, if by some miracle I successfully managed to engage that person, it was usually impossible to resist breaking all the rules assumed in my other relationships. So, yeah. I would cheat, divorce, throw away fortunes, whatever to score that piece of ass. Today? Hell, some Victoria Secret model could probably walk by me stark naked and I wouldn't even get out of my chair.

So, I'm left wondering...how much of our sexual behavior is "choice."

Click to expand...

I think it's choice, but sometimes the right choice is harder to make than you might think. Voluntary or not, we all have to live with the choices we make.

calamity said:

Ok, this is more or less a thread designed for mature discussion and some thought. Also, there is no need to directly answer some of the questions, but rather maybe just keep them in your head as you formulate an opinion.

Let me begin by saying that this topic has bothered me for decades as I struggle with the rules of heterosexual monogamy, marriage, and just general male-female related bull****. How much of a choice is acting on sexual impulses?

I can say this. I find it easier to resist urges now than I did 20 year ago when my hormones raged and impulse control took a back seat. Back then, if I saw someone I was attracted to, I almost always pursued it. And, if by some miracle I successfully managed to engage that person, it was usually impossible to resist breaking all the rules assumed in my other relationships. So, yeah. I would cheat, divorce, throw away fortunes, whatever to score that piece of ass. Today? Hell, some Victoria Secret model could probably walk by me stark naked and I wouldn't even get out of my chair.

So, I'm left wondering...how much of our sexual behavior is "choice."

Click to expand...

To be clear, behavior is a choice, sexual orientation is not.

calamity said:

Ok, this is more or less a thread designed for mature discussion and some thought. Also, there is no need to directly answer some of the questions, but rather maybe just keep them in your head as you formulate an opinion.

Let me begin by saying that this topic has bothered me for decades as I struggle with the rules of heterosexual monogamy, marriage, and just general male-female related bull****. How much of a choice is acting on sexual impulses?

I can say this. I find it easier to resist urges now than I did 20 year ago when my hormones raged and impulse control took a back seat. Back then, if I saw someone I was attracted to, I almost always pursued it. And, if by some miracle I successfully managed to engage that person, it was usually impossible to resist breaking all the rules assumed in my other relationships. So, yeah. I would cheat, divorce, throw away fortunes, whatever to score that piece of ass. Today? Hell, some Victoria Secret model could probably walk by me stark naked and I wouldn't even get out of my chair.

So, I'm left wondering...how much of our sexual behavior is "choice."

Click to expand...

It is 100% a choice. And a choice you ought to take responsibility for.

It's true, people have varying degrees of sexual drive... it may be easier for some and not for others... but that is never an excuse, and it can never be an excuse. What separates humans from animals is impulse control, we can actively choose to go against our nature for a greater purpose, and we can choose not to.

calamity said:

Ok, this is more or less a thread designed for mature discussion and some thought. Also, there is no need to directly answer some of the questions, but rather maybe just keep them in your head as you formulate an opinion.

Let me begin by saying that this topic has bothered me for decades as I struggle with the rules of heterosexual monogamy, marriage, and just general male-female related bull****. How much of a choice is acting on sexual impulses?

I can say this. I find it easier to resist urges now than I did 20 year ago when my hormones raged and impulse control took a back seat. Back then, if I saw someone I was attracted to, I almost always pursued it. And, if by some miracle I successfully managed to engage that person, it was usually impossible to resist breaking all the rules assumed in my other relationships. So, yeah. I would cheat, divorce, throw away fortunes, whatever to score that piece of ass. Today? Hell, some Victoria Secret model could probably walk by me stark naked and I wouldn't even get out of my chair.

So, I'm left wondering...how much of our sexual behavior is "choice."

Click to expand...

Plenty of people have been able to resist urges all their life. Some more than others obviously as evidenced by your post. Myself, I didn't once have sex until I was 23. Dated one woman, broke up, then married my next girlfriend two years later. Been happily married ever since with no thought what so ever of actually cheating on her. Yes, there's been moments where I've seen some woman and thought to myself "DAMN! I'd tap that if I had a chance!" But beyond that, never even attempted to try to act on it because I love my wife too much to even give it a moments thought of cheating or breaking up with her much less divorce.

However, when it comes to choosing who you find attractive and who you don't...that is completely out of our hands and is based purely on DNA.

calamity said:

Ok, this is more or less a thread designed for mature discussion and some thought. Also, there is no need to directly answer some of the questions, but rather maybe just keep them in your head as you formulate an opinion.

Let me begin by saying that this topic has bothered me for decades as I struggle with the rules of heterosexual monogamy, marriage, and just general male-female related bull****. How much of a choice is acting on sexual impulses?

I can say this. I find it easier to resist urges now than I did 20 year ago when my hormones raged and impulse control took a back seat. Back then, if I saw someone I was attracted to, I almost always pursued it. And, if by some miracle I successfully managed to engage that person, it was usually impossible to resist breaking all the rules assumed in my other relationships. So, yeah. I would cheat, divorce, throw away fortunes, whatever to score that piece of ass. Today? Hell, some Victoria Secret model could probably walk by me stark naked and I wouldn't even get out of my chair.

So, I'm left wondering...how much of our sexual behavior is "choice."

Click to expand...

All sexual behavior is choice. The motivations & attractions behind it may change, be fluid, be stronger in some than others. For example, it's not new info that libido changes with age.

Kal'Stang said:

However, when it comes to choosing who you find attractive and who you don't...that is completely out of our hands and is based purely on DNA.

Click to expand...

Where did you find that information?

Lursa said:

Where did you find that information?

Click to expand...

One of the many ways in which we are attracted to people is by pheromones. In fact its THE strongest motivator in finding someone attractive next to sight. Pheromones involve our sense of smell. What governs our sense of smell? DNA.

Same goes for what we see as being attractive to us. For instance I could look up at the sky, see the clouds and find them to be beautiful, where as someone else could see the same clouds as being ugly. All of that is determined by how we see things. And we see things based on our DNA. Such as colorblindness. Some people see some colors brighter while some see the same colors as darker etc etc. Again, all if it based on DNA.

Tis elementary my dear Lursa. *tips hat* *impish grin*

Kal'Stang said:

One of the many ways in which we are attracted to people is by pheromones. In fact its THE strongest motivator in finding someone attractive next to sight. Pheromones involve our sense of smell. What governs our sense of smell? DNA.

Same goes for what we see as being attractive to us. For instance I could look up at the sky, see the clouds and find them to be beautiful, where as someone else could see the same clouds as being ugly. All of that is determined by how we see things. And we see things based on our DNA. Such as colorblindness. Some people see some colors brighter while some see the same colors as darker etc etc. Again, all if it based on DNA.

Tis elementary my dear Lursa. *tips hat* *impish grin*

Click to expand...

Pheromones are an attractant but not the only one. I knew as a child which sex I was attracted to (Zorro, Robin, cowboys) all by age 6. They were all on TV.

Sexual behavior is a choice...DNA can be screwed up just like any other part of us can be...body or mind...

Lursa said:

Pheromones are an attractant but not the only one. I knew as a child which sex I was attracted to (Zorro, Robin, cowboys) all by age 6. They were all on TV.

Click to expand...

Which is why I said "many ways in which we are attracted to people". However, sense of smell is, like I said the strongest motivator next to sight. Our senses are designed to work independently of each other when necessary, which is why sometimes sight alone is enough to determine attractiveness. For instance what if you came across the Zorro of your early years and he turned out to have a similar smell to sewage? You'd more than likely go "EGADS!" and be instantly turned off. When we're able to use all of our senses at the same time....that's when we can find our true mate.

BTW: You being a 6 year old and knowing who you were attracted to just further shows that DNA is involved. Kids are not near as good at fooling themselves (or others) as adults can be.

Kal'Stang said:

Which is why I said "many ways in which we are attracted to people". However, sense of smell is, like I said the strongest motivator next to sight. Our senses are designed to work independently of each other when necessary, which is why sometimes sight alone is enough to determine attractiveness. For instance what if you came across the Zorro of your early years and he turned out to have a similar smell to sewage? You'd more than likely go "EGADS!" and be instantly turned off. When we're able to use all of our senses at the same time....that's when we can find our true mate.

BTW: You being a 6 year old and knowing who you were attracted to just further shows that DNA is involved. Kids are not near as good at fooling themselves (or others) as adults can be.

Click to expand...

Who says that is DNA? There's been no proof of that yet.

There may be a genetic pre-disposition to sexual attraction but it's likely that change occurs in the womb due to outside stresses, when certain proteins nor hormones are released by the mother, very possibly only during specific period during gestation.

Btw, Zorro was always riding a horse and that's what I would smell...a smell I deeply love.

calamity said:

Ok, this is more or less a thread designed for mature discussion and some thought. Also, there is no need to directly answer some of the questions, but rather maybe just keep them in your head as you formulate an opinion.

Let me begin by saying that this topic has bothered me for decades as I struggle with the rules of heterosexual monogamy, marriage, and just general male-female related bull****. How much of a choice is acting on sexual impulses?

I can say this. I find it easier to resist urges now than I did 20 year ago when my hormones raged and impulse control took a back seat. Back then, if I saw someone I was attracted to, I almost always pursued it. And, if by some miracle I successfully managed to engage that person, it was usually impossible to resist breaking all the rules assumed in my other relationships. So, yeah. I would cheat, divorce, throw away fortunes, whatever to score that piece of ass. Today? Hell, some Victoria Secret model could probably walk by me stark naked and I wouldn't even get out of my chair.

So, I'm left wondering...how much of our sexual behavior is "choice."

Click to expand...

Did you leave a huge part of the story out?
What does your personal choice of cheating, pursuing, not cheating, not pursing have anything to do with sexual orientation??

Lursa said:

Who says that is DNA? There's been no proof of that yet.

There may be a genetic pre-disposition to sexual attraction but it's likely that change occurs in the womb due to outside stresses, when certain proteins nor hormones are released by the mother, very possibly only during specific period during gestation.

Btw, Zorro was always riding a horse and that's what I would smell...a smell I deeply love.

Click to expand...

Environment always affects DNA. :shrug: That's why we look like we do today instead of like monkey's. So yeah, outside stresses while gestating in the womb could have an affect on what we find attractive. After all, that IS when our DNA between two partners are combining and situating themselves to be set to what they are set to be. In the end, though, DNA, once set, dictates what we do or don't find attractive.

It's a spectrum people.
Both genetics, and experience, influence who we are, and the choices we make.

It's tricky too because a person who has self-control, can direct their experience, and reject genetic predisposition, etc., so it's a "layered" spectrum on top of that(!). And what you experience, especially while young, may be just as out of your own control as your genetics were.

I never really understood the desire of LGBT to declare unscientifically that sexuality is 100% genetic. It's absurd and irrelevant IMO. I don't really care what you prefer, or what you do (which could be the opposite of what you prefer!), it's all should be irrelevant.

Mike Pompeo, our former CIA director and new Secretary of State, apparently thinks being gay is a "perversion"... so some people can't even discuss nature/nurture, because they are still hung up on "created by gawd" to even get there. We have a long way to go in our culture...

Everything in life is actually a choice. If I choose, I can sit in the middle of my living room floor and never move or eat again, till I die. Sexual attraction is most likely a result of several factors from genetics, experiences, circumstances and natural proclivity. Homosexuality is a small percentage of the overall population and not something people should judge others for since it's a no foul consensual act. I had a friend, who's basically heterosexual, that tried to experiment and didn't like it afterwards. He doesn't really classify himself as bisexual either, since it was a one time experience.

People that practice homosexuality exclusively are simply attracted to what they are and cannot help it. Nor, should they. Our bedroom activity is a small aspect of what we are and a private affair that's nobodies business. I ran a company where a young man insisted on coming out to the other employees. I told him that's fine but don't expect special treatment or make unsolicited gestures, fraternization is fine as long as it doesn't affect business. He then told me he was a trisexual, which I asked what's that? He said, 'I'll try anything.' And I said that's the kind of nonsense I don't want to hear.

I've had enough sex to know there is no such thing as 'normal.' Everyone has some style, tendencies, role playing, fetishes or positions they prefer. Surprisingly, I found that younger people are more conventional, with less biological needs for experimentation, probably because of increased sex drive, health and ease of physical performance. Other words, enjoy what was intended to be fun, because it's not a big deal in the end.

Kal'Stang said:

In the end, though, DNA, once set, dictates what we do or don't find attractive.

Click to expand...

That's jut not true Kal. I think everyone here has countless examples of how their likes and dislikes have changed over the years, on everything, and anything. I could dozens off the top of my head, I'm sure many can.

Just...I mean really...what do you think the concept of "developing a taste for" is Kal? It's experience and the way we think about something, shaping our likes and dislikes over time.

Your desires aren’t a choice but how you act on them is. Granted, hormones can certainly make resisting temptation much more difficult and I too have found that to be much easier with age. Back in high school and college my thoughts were completely monopolized with women. Just a peek at cleavage was distracting. My libido was like a hyper dog pulling at the leash. It was my choice whether nor not to let the leash go, but it certainly took some mental effort to keep it reigned in. Nowadays my libido is like a well trained dog that heals and sits quietly by feet until I yell, “go get ‘em boy!”

Skeptic Bob said:

Your desires aren’t a choice but how you act on them is.

Click to expand...

But it's also important to point out that we routinely make choices that affect our desires...creating them, eliminating them, and everything in between.
Developing a taste for something, breaking addictions...even sexuality. It's all related, we can no more separate them than we can separate our mind and body. Classical conditioning, a "proven" example, etc.

I don't know. I used to think everything in life came down to choice. However, as I have grown older, I'm not so sure.
The thoughts that pop into my head - I wouldn't say I choose them - they just sort of show up, like the in-laws. Maybe it's my choice if I dwell on them but then again maybe I'm wired to dwell. We don't hold insane, or schitzophrenic people responsible for their actions but how far are they removed from a 'normal' thought process?
I don't know - but I will predict that as society begins to understand the human brain more (neuroscience) I think we will see a shift away from our current model of 'choice.'

Impulse control is usually managed by making conscious choices, assuming that we are talking about day to day behavior. Clinically, some brain injuries, mainly frontal lobe impairment can lead to lack of impulse control, and I am assuming that is not what we are addressing here.
Loving someone and subsequently being concerned about that partner's emotional and physical well being over one's own pleasure is a choice.

Kal'Stang said:

Environment always affects DNA. :shrug: That's why we look like we do today instead of like monkey's. So yeah, outside stresses while gestating in the womb could have an affect on what we find attractive. After all, that IS when our DNA between two partners are combining and situating themselves to be set to what they are set to be. In the end, though, DNA, once set, dictates what we do or don't find attractive.

Click to expand...

If you mean that the environment affects people after they are born, yes...'nature vs nurture.'

If you mean that environment affects the DNA of the developing unborn...no, except for radiation.

AGENT J said:

Did you leave a huge part of the story out?
What does your personal choice of cheating, pursuing, not cheating, not pursing have anything to do with sexual orientation??

Click to expand...

How is the desire to bang anything that moves much different than orientation? It's not, if you really think about it.

Skeptic Bob said:

Your desires aren’t a choice but how you act on them is. Granted, hormones can certainly make resisting temptation much more difficult and I too have found that to be much easier with age. Back in high school and college my thoughts were completely monopolized with women. Just a peek at cleavage was distracting. My libido was like a hyper dog pulling at the leash. It was my choice whether nor not to let the leash go, but it certainly took some mental effort to keep it reigned in. Nowadays my libido is like a well trained dog that heals and sits quietly by feet until I yell, “go get ‘em boy!”

Click to expand...

Yep. The good thing about getting old is at least that part of life is now over. It really sucked. And, yeah, it literally consumed me at times.

calamity said:

How is the desire to bang anything that moves much different than orientation? It's not, if you really thing about it.

Click to expand...

actually based on science and to those who understand the topic its 100% completely different. But you confirmed my suspension, you simply dont understand this topic or arent explaining your question coherently at all, which is fine. Hopefully research and talking to people here can help you

orientation controls WHAT you want to bang, WHAT turns you on to Bang
Your choosing to act or not is what you seem to be asking and thats completely different

Sexual orientation is completely independent on one choosing to bang a lot or a little