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Would divorce rates be lower if people didn't accumulate assets during marriage?

SDET

SDET

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Two guys I work with are going through divorces where they are surely getting the short end of the stick. I have always been of the mindset that you can't completely trust anyone. I have been married for nearly two decades. One thing I have made it a point to do is NOT create a "divorce jackpot" in the event she ever left. Also, live in a state that doesn't award much if any alimony. This means rent your house instead of buy, keep your vehicles at least 70% financed. Spend money on experiences instead of "stuff". If you want your kids to have money for college, put the money in a CUSTODIAL 529 savings account where only the beneficiary can access the account at the age of 18. Furthermore, make cultivating a relationship with your children a priority. Don't put any more into a retirement account beyond what it takes the get the employer match. Even then, keep loans out against it.

One of the guys I work with will have an ex-wife with plenty of financial security as she enjoys her new boyfriend thanks to "community property".
 
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I think that if anything, joint assets incentivise couples to stay together.

One a side note, if you can't trust your husband or wife, then you either don't have a good marriage, or you are not cut out for marriage. Also, your retirement advice is terrible. If you don't invest heavily in your 401k, meaning 10% of your salary or more, you probably will not have sufficient savings for retirement.
 
SDET said:
Two guys I work with are going through divorces where they are surely getting the short end of the stick. I have always been of the mindset that you can't completely trust anyone. I have been married for nearly two decades. One thing I have made it a point to do is NOT create a "divorce jackpot" in the event she ever left. Also, live in a state that doesn't award much if any alimony. This means rent your house instead of buy, keep your vehicles at least 70% financed. Spend money on experiences instead of "stuff". If you want your kids to have money for college, put the money in a CUSTODIAL 529 savings account where only the beneficiary can access the account at the age of 18. Furthermore, make cultivating a relationship with your children a priority. Don't put any more into a retirement account beyond what it takes the get the employer match. Even then, keep loans out against it.

One of the guys I work with will have an ex-wife with plenty of financial security as she enjoys her new boyfriend thanks to "community property".
Click to expand...

That "stay near broke" plan may not prove to be the best way to keep a partner/spouse. Obviously, that plan cuts both ways since if your partner/spouse leaves you (for someone less near broke?) then you have half the assets, all of the bills (and chores) and yet only your own income. It does not take twice the income for two to share living expenses. The key is to keep each other happy and the relationship intact.
 
SDET said:
Two guys I work with are going through divorces where they are surely getting the short end of the stick. I have always been of the mindset that you can't completely trust anyone. I have been married for nearly two decades. One thing I have made it a point to do is NOT create a "divorce jackpot" in the event she ever left. Also, live in a state that doesn't award much if any alimony. This means rent your house instead of buy, keep your vehicles at least 70% financed. Spend money on experiences instead of "stuff". If you want your kids to have money for college, put the money in a CUSTODIAL 529 savings account where only the beneficiary can access the account at the age of 18. Furthermore, make cultivating a relationship with your children a priority. Don't put any more into a retirement account beyond what it takes the get the employer match. Even then, keep loans out against it.

One of the guys I work with will have an ex-wife with plenty of financial security as she enjoys her new boyfriend thanks to "community property".
Click to expand...

Or a better plan is to keep the marriage a happy one. So that the person does not end up broke going into retirement
 
SDET said:
Two guys I work with are going through divorces where they are surely getting the short end of the stick. I have always been of the mindset that you can't completely trust anyone. I have been married for nearly two decades. One thing I have made it a point to do is NOT create a "divorce jackpot" in the event she ever left. Also, live in a state that doesn't award much if any alimony. This means rent your house instead of buy, keep your vehicles at least 70% financed. Spend money on experiences instead of "stuff". If you want your kids to have money for college, put the money in a CUSTODIAL 529 savings account where only the beneficiary can access the account at the age of 18. Furthermore, make cultivating a relationship with your children a priority. Don't put any more into a retirement account beyond what it takes the get the employer match. Even then, keep loans out against it.

One of the guys I work with will have an ex-wife with plenty of financial security as she enjoys her new boyfriend thanks to "community property".
Click to expand...

On the other hand she has nothing to loose if she dumps you. Your strategy cuts both ways.
 
SDET said:
Two guys I work with are going through divorces where they are surely getting the short end of the stick. I have always been of the mindset that you can't completely trust anyone. I have been married for nearly two decades. One thing I have made it a point to do is NOT create a "divorce jackpot" in the event she ever left. Also, live in a state that doesn't award much if any alimony. This means rent your house instead of buy, keep your vehicles at least 70% financed. Spend money on experiences instead of "stuff". If you want your kids to have money for college, put the money in a CUSTODIAL 529 savings account where only the beneficiary can access the account at the age of 18. Furthermore, make cultivating a relationship with your children a priority. Don't put any more into a retirement account beyond what it takes the get the employer match. Even then, keep loans out against it.

One of the guys I work with will have an ex-wife with plenty of financial security as she enjoys her new boyfriend thanks to "community property".
Click to expand...

****, man. Does your wife know you have been married to her for 20 years, and don't trust her?

Sounds like you don't much faith in her, or the institution of marriage, just because your buddies are getting a divorce.

My husband and I have been together for 22 years. If our relationship ended, I would be devastated, not because of money, but because I love him, and invested 22 years of my life into a solid relationship with someone, only to see it end.

My husband and I have a normal marriage, a normal relationship and normal "things" at this point of our lives. We have a nice home that we built in 2012, a couple of nice cars, etc. I'd go back to a dinky little broken down mobile home like we had when we first got married, with a 20 year old Camry with the muffler tied on with panty hose, as long as it mean that we could stay together. He feels the same way.

You are too ****ing worried about money, and not worried enough about your marriage. I feel sorry for your wife, if after 20 years, this is how you truly feel.
 
Marry the right person.

/thread.
 
1. As if a partner doesn't deserve half.
2. As if a woman has no say in finances.
3. Male victim BS.

Thinly veiled sexism.
 
ecofarm said:
1. As if a partner doesn't deserve half.
2. As if a woman has no say in finances.
3. Male victim BS.

Thinly veiled sexism.
Click to expand...

Take a good look at typical outcomes and your "sexism" charge doesn't hold water. In a situation where the husband makes 100K and the wife makes 50K, all assets get split down the middle. In most states, alimony, sometimes for life enters the picture. I see example after example where men lose 70 and even 80 percent of what they have. Pity the poor dude that still has minor children. What percent of disputed custody cases do you suppose goes to the woman? What percent of divorces do you supposes are initiated by women? What you call sexism, others call effective risk management.
 
SDET said:
Take a good look at typical outcomes and your "sexism" charge doesn't hold water. In a situation where the husband makes 100K and the wife makes 50K, everything gets split down the middle. In most states, alimony, sometimes for life enters the picture. I see example after example where men lose 70 and even 80 percent of what they have. Pity the poor dude that still has minor children. What percent of disputed custody cases do you suppose goes to the woman? What percent of divorces do you supposes are initiated my women? What you call sexism, others call effective risk management.
Click to expand...

Your OP is low class sexist garbage. I explained why in 3 easy points.

I don't care if you see it. I post for the audience.
 
One could read the OP in a more nefarious light: "stay in debt without assets so the woman has no real escape".
 
If the husband just says to his wife "Honey I'm sorry ,it was all my fault and you were right"Let me take you shopping to make up for it.You will be together forever.
 
gulfman said:
If the husband just says to his wife "Honey I'm sorry ,it was all my fault and you were right"Let me take you shopping to make up for it.You will be together forever.
Click to expand...

That's one way to avoid accumulating assets.
 
SDET said:
Two guys I work with are going through divorces where they are surely getting the short end of the stick. I have always been of the mindset that you can't completely trust anyone. I have been married for nearly two decades. One thing I have made it a point to do is NOT create a "divorce jackpot" in the event she ever left. Also, live in a state that doesn't award much if any alimony. This means rent your house instead of buy, keep your vehicles at least 70% financed. Spend money on experiences instead of "stuff". If you want your kids to have money for college, put the money in a CUSTODIAL 529 savings account where only the beneficiary can access the account at the age of 18. Furthermore, make cultivating a relationship with your children a priority. Don't put any more into a retirement account beyond what it takes the get the employer match. Even then, keep loans out against it.

One of the guys I work with will have an ex-wife with plenty of financial security as she enjoys her new boyfriend thanks to "community property".
Click to expand...

Financial security can be a huge stabilizing factor in a marriage/relationship... unless of course one party is a dick. One should not shoot to be so poor as to entrap a significant other in a relationship but instead to have enough assets that neither party will unduly face financial hardship in the case of a split.
 
SDET said:
Two guys I work with are going through divorces where they are surely getting the short end of the stick. I have always been of the mindset that you can't completely trust anyone. I have been married for nearly two decades. One thing I have made it a point to do is NOT create a "divorce jackpot" in the event she ever left. Also, live in a state that doesn't award much if any alimony. This means rent your house instead of buy, keep your vehicles at least 70% financed. Spend money on experiences instead of "stuff". If you want your kids to have money for college, put the money in a CUSTODIAL 529 savings account where only the beneficiary can access the account at the age of 18. Furthermore, make cultivating a relationship with your children a priority. Don't put any more into a retirement account beyond what it takes the get the employer match. Even then, keep loans out against it.

One of the guys I work with will have an ex-wife with plenty of financial security as she enjoys her new boyfriend thanks to "community property".
Click to expand...

So they are splitting 50/50 in your state, or for the guys you work with?

I think WA is a community property state and I have several friends, and myself, that would think twice about marrying or marrying again because we wouldnt risk losing our horse property in a divorce. Women have to think about it too.

But if it's 50/50, what are their complaints? Yeah, it stinks to lose your stuff, but you (or maybe them) sound like the wives are doing something wrong. Or are you objecting to that state status (community property) for divorces?
 
Lursa said:
So they are splitting 50/50 in your state, or for the guys you work with?

I think WA is a community property state and I have several friends, and myself, that would think twice about marrying or marrying again because we wouldnt risk losing our horse property in a divorce. Women have to think about it too.

But if it's 50/50, what are their complaints? Yeah, it stinks to lose your stuff, but you (or maybe them) sound like the wives are doing something wrong. Or are you objecting to that state status (community property) for divorces?
Click to expand...

Would a pre-nup help in the property stuff?
 
RAMOSS said:
Would a pre-nup help in the property stuff?
Click to expand...

Dont know. "On TV" they're always challenging them.

But IRL I have no idea how they work or hold up.
 
SDET said:
Two guys I work with are going through divorces where they are surely getting the short end of the stick. I have always been of the mindset that you can't completely trust anyone. I have been married for nearly two decades. One thing I have made it a point to do is NOT create a "divorce jackpot" in the event she ever left. Also, live in a state that doesn't award much if any alimony. This means rent your house instead of buy, keep your vehicles at least 70% financed. Spend money on experiences instead of "stuff". If you want your kids to have money for college, put the money in a CUSTODIAL 529 savings account where only the beneficiary can access the account at the age of 18. Furthermore, make cultivating a relationship with your children a priority. Don't put any more into a retirement account beyond what it takes the get the employer match. Even then, keep loans out against it.

One of the guys I work with will have an ex-wife with plenty of financial security as she enjoys her new boyfriend thanks to "community property".
Click to expand...

meh, I would rather lose it all and start again than have to live with my guard up all the time scheming and worrying that my partner was going to financially screw me

I personally couldn't be content with that type of partnership I would rather be single

plus regardless of who makes more money, two people have decided to walk their journey together, sure it's a crap shoot but so is knowing if we are going to wake up tomorrow

I've been screwed over in life but I still wouldn't change my level of trust OR what we had together when things were good

no regrets...zero
 
Lursa said:
So they are splitting 50/50 in your state, or for the guys you work with?

I think WA is a community property state and I have several friends, and myself, that would think twice about marrying or marrying again because we wouldnt risk losing our horse property in a divorce. Women have to think about it too.

But if it's 50/50, what are their complaints? Yeah, it stinks to lose your stuff, but you (or maybe them) sound like the wives are doing something wrong. Or are you objecting to that state status (community property) for divorces?
Click to expand...

As someone who works with risk for a living, I wondered what could they have done different. I know one of them could have avoided divorce by agreeing to be a cuckold. I had an old friend that took it to the other extreme. When his kids were about 12, maybe 13 he decided that he hated his wife. The first thing he did was to start liquidating his retirement and spending much of the money on his kids. He stopped studying which was required to maintain his profession. The inevitable layoff came. He started reforming junk cars and living off his retirement. He planned this out over seven or eight years. He succeeded in becoming broke and wrecking his career. He finally divorced his wife and succeeded in making sure that she got nothing. He has essentially no income and no assets. That's what I call holding a grudge and cutting off one's nose to spite their face.
 
Superfly said:
****, man. Does your wife know you have been married to her for 20 years, and don't trust her?

Sounds like you don't much faith in her, or the institution of marriage, just because your buddies are getting a divorce.

My husband and I have been together for 22 years. If our relationship ended, I would be devastated, not because of money, but because I love him, and invested 22 years of my life into a solid relationship with someone, only to see it end.

My husband and I have a normal marriage, a normal relationship and normal "things" at this point of our lives. We have a nice home that we built in 2012, a couple of nice cars, etc. I'd go back to a dinky little broken down mobile home like we had when we first got married, with a 20 year old Camry with the muffler tied on with panty hose, as long as it mean that we could stay together. He feels the same way.

You are too ****ing worried about money, and not worried enough about your marriage. I feel sorry for your wife, if after 20 years, this is how you truly feel.
Click to expand...

Sounds like you have a good relationship with your partner. That's what anyone should strive for.
 
SouthernDemocrat said:
I think that if anything, joint assets incentivise couples to stay together.
Click to expand...
joint assets make things easier. And if you have joint assets it means you trust your partner which is important if you don't have that you probably shouldn't be married. I married my partner when it became legal. We have had joint assets since we became a committed couple.

One a side note, if you can't trust your husband or wife, then you either don't have a good marriage, or you are not cut out for marriage. Also, your retirement advice is terrible. If you don't invest heavily in your 401k, meaning 10% of your salary or more, you probably will not have sufficient savings for retirement.
Click to expand...
So many people don't take the time to really get to know themselves and their potential spouses before they get married
 
_Sal said:
meh, I would rather lose it all and start again than have to live with my guard up all the time scheming and worrying that my partner was going to financially screw me

I personally couldn't be content with that type of partnership I would rather be single

plus regardless of who makes more money, two people have decided to walk their journey together, sure it's a crap shoot but so is knowing if we are going to wake up tomorrow

I've been screwed over in life but I still wouldn't change my level of trust OR what we had together when things were good

no regrets...zero
Click to expand...

Good points. When you meet the person you want to marry, is supposed to be the two of you against the world not one against the other.

Well said.
 
Okay, everyone, welcome back from lunch and to Part 2 of "Men's Rights Home Economics". Now, if you've been following our organization's plan, you are up to your neck in debt with no assets. The trailer is in your name. You've angled for custody with college plans in your name. At this point, you can say to her, "where you gonna go, bitch!? You got no money, you'll get no money, the trailer and the grill are mine, and my lawyer says I'll get custody, so shut the **** up!"

That's fine work and you're well on your way to Proper Manly Living, but Part 2 is very important: meth. Nothing is cheaper and ****s a bitch up all day long like meth. Make sure, after she's hooked, that only she buys it.

And that concludes our seminar. Feel free to pick up our pamphlet on your way out, "How to Not leave a Mark".
 
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