Do Women Cheat For Better Sex and Men For A Different Taste?

SmokeAndMirrors said:

Nope. Women actually cheat sooner in the relationship and more prolofically than men, and they mostly report doing so for reasons of excitment. Weirdly enough, women seem to crave novelty more than men do.

These easy gender stereotypes are just as wrong and overly simplistic no matter what we're using them for.

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Kinsey research showed this difference with your statement "Women who enter sexual relationships outside of primary relationships, do so earlier, pause, become more active in the later years of the relationship (post age 35), then more often than men." The Kinsey group attributed the pause to energy and time consumed by child rearing responsibilities, more so for those who also worked. They also found men who were capable, became more active after age 45. Kinsey surveys showed women were more prone to long term affairs, men more prone to single or short term encounter only experiences, including use of prostitutes. Kinsey surveys also showed about 60% of both genders indulged with liaisons external to long term relationships. Surprisingly, Kinsey surveys showed couples in long term relationships not defined by marriage, were slightly (about 5%) less likely to seek sexual activity outside the primary relationship.

Winston said:

Do Women Cheat For Better Sex and Men For A Different Taste?


Or, do both sexes cheat for the same reason? Adventure? Excitement?

I have the idea that women cheat because they aren't having good enough sex. Whereas men cheat just to have another drink from the loving cup.

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What... you have only had sexual intercourse with one woman in your life?

Or in your imagination do all women not only allow a man to put it in her butt, but they all love it equally the same?

All women's vaginas are equally as "tight"?

All women give blowjobs equally as good?

All women move the same in bed and act the same in bed?

I once so not enjoyed sex with a particular woman that I faked orgasm to get it over with. I had better times stroking myself.

On a completely different occasion I had a different woman that not only liked giving oral sex on her knees, but she liked to have her head pulled toward you while you thrust your hips into her face like you're trying to pound through a brick wall. All women aren't created equal. At least not in sexual sustainability in "crush" time.

FastPace said:

What... you have only had sexual intercourse with one woman in your life?

Or in your imagination do all women not only allow a man to put it in her butt, but they all love it equally the same?

All women's vaginas are equally as "tight"?

All women give blowjobs equally as good?

All women move the same in bed and act the same in bed?

I once so not enjoyed sex with a particular woman that I faked orgasm to get it over with. I had better times stroking myself.

On a completely different occasion I had a different woman that not only liked giving oral sex on her knees, but she liked to have her head pulled toward you while you thrust your hips into her face like you're trying to pound through a brick wall. All women aren't created equal. At least not in sexual sustainability in "crush" time.

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And it is like everything else.......some people want to be good at it, others dont care....I have met a lot of 40+ men who are out playing often with their wives permission because the wife suffers from some combination of not being good without wanting to be better and simply not liking sex...I figure that there are a lot of women doing the same thing.

There is a certain segment of the population who will object to me using the word "suffers" here, but that is OK.
















MERRY CHRISTMAS!

SmokeAndMirrors said:

Nope. Women actually cheat sooner in the relationship and more prolofically than men, and they mostly report doing so for reasons of excitment. Weirdly enough, women seem to crave novelty more than men do.

These easy gender stereotypes are just as wrong and overly simplistic no matter what we're using them for.

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I have a disdain for simple answers, given that the complexity of human psychology and the social sciences cannot be overstated.

I've been cheated on once, and it was a situation where the girl, just wanted to sample some more men. Nothing wrong with that, just be frank with me about it and we can part ways. She chose rather to lie about it.

I've never cheated myself. I've always separated myself from risky situations when I was in a relationship and even outside of the relationship I have went as far to turn girls down who I knew were involved with someone.

Really, now that I think about it, girls will cheat just from being spurred on by their libidos as men will too.

Does cheating hurt? And how bad is the wound? It hurt pretty bad when I got cheated on but, I was also ready to end the relationship. I can't fathom how it feels if you're still in love.

ThoughtEx. said:

Honestly, men seek out other women to validate themselves. They spend years feeling like their wife tells them their great because they have to. Then an another woman does it and its a rush. Im in a poly triad, and when i first started dating my girlfriend that was the part i enjoyed most.

I imagine women seek others for a similar reason, they miss that new romance feeling. Its why i think monogamy is over rated, one person cant give you everything you need all the time.

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So, as a poly person, is cheating even a thing? Or, do you have a closed relationship with multiple people? I'm not really into poly lovers. Not that I'm too jealous of a person. But, it is just too non-traditional even for an acid soaked raver kid like me.

calamity said:

True. But with the passage of time, men begin thinking with the head on their shoulders instead of the appendage below their waist.

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Definitely the truth.
Take every outrageous thing Philip Roth ever said about youthful sex drives, X ten and you have me as a young man.
I guess I stopped short of a knothole in a tree with some mud put in there, but still, you get the point.
As I began to learn HOW to get myself laid, my every spare entertainment moment became about how to get laid some more, and by a wider variety of women.
It wasn't morbid, believe me when I say I had a great time, but it was like being on fire....pronounced "FI-YAAAAAAHHHH!!!"

Then, as I entered my late twenties I started wanting something deeper.
I tried to reignite one or two of those old flames from college days in the hopes of getting back the deeper relationship, but the time had passed and it was not to be, except for one woman, who is now my second and forever wife, the girl I should have married in the first place.
The chemistry was still there, and we both discovered that we genuinely liked, and even LOVED, each other, and that we were compatible in enough ways that we could grow and grow.

Oh sure, I still enjoy looking at all the young tail out there, and she still gets a little breathless when certain hunky fantasy men are on one of her favorite shows, and I've even caught her checking out some young studly types now and again. It's all a good laugh. I ask her, "would you let him park his shoes under your bed?" and she teases me about being a dirty old man, but the reality is, nothing could replace my wifey.
It's probably good that we didn't hook up seriously back when I was a youngster...I wouldn't have deserved her.
I fret occasionally about all that lost time and all the lost youth we could have enjoyed together but these last twenty years have been the best of my life.
Thank God I started thinking with the big head instead of the little head!

Hawkeye10 said:

And it is like everything else.......some people want to be good at it, others dont care....I have met a lot of 40+ men who are out playing often with their wives permission...

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The sinner in me wants to say, "Good wife." :lol:

But I can not. Or at least for now will not.

Winston said:

I have a disdain for simple answers, given that the complexity of human psychology and the social sciences cannot be overstated.

I've been cheated on once, and it was a situation where the girl, just wanted to sample some more men. Nothing wrong with that, just be frank with me about it and we can part ways. She chose rather to lie about it.

I've never cheated myself. I've always separated myself from risky situations when I was in a relationship and even outside of the relationship I have went as far to turn girls down who I knew were involved with someone.

Really, now that I think about it, girls will cheat just from being spurred on by their libidos as men will too.

Does cheating hurt? And how bad is the wound? It hurt pretty bad when I got cheated on but, I was also ready to end the relationship. I can't fathom how it feels if you're still in love.

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I've never been cheated on, but I have plenty of friends who have been, and judging by their reaction, it hurts a whole damn lot. And I've comforted a few of my friends that were really down because of it. Thankfully I've never had to suffer through that myself. My gf is faithful, and so am I. And I hope I never do.

Winston said:

So, as a poly person, is cheating even a thing? Or, do you have a closed relationship with multiple people? I'm not really into poly lovers. Not that I'm too jealous of a person. But, it is just too non-traditional even for an acid soaked raver kid like me.

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I just can't see myself being so attached like that to more than one person at a time. I'm already pretty clingy to begin with.

FastPace said:

The sinner in me wants to say, "Good wife." :lol:

But I can not. Or at least for now will not.

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I have long thought that spouses who are not willing to do sex and not willing to try to be good are obligated to not object to the need getting met outside of the union, demanding celibacy from ones mate is a bridge too far, it is cruelty.












MERRY CHRISTMAS!

TheGoverness said:

I just can't see myself being so attached like that to more than one person at a time. I'm already pretty clingy to begin with.

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The poly thing says to me, I want to fly too close to the sun and get burned. But, I'm sure the reality is a lot different than the perception of someone who's never tried it. But, it also smacks of swingers who are a bit sleezy to me. It kind of says to me, "I'm not capable of making a commitment to one person" And to me, that's what being in a relationship is all about. It's saying to yourself, no matter if Kate Upton calls me up and wants to ****, I'm committed to this person because she is more special to me than anything else.

TheGoverness said:

I've never been cheated on, but I have plenty of friends who have been, and judging by their reaction, it hurts a whole damn lot. And I've comforted a few of my
friends that were really down because of it. Thankfully I've never had to suffer through that myself. My gf is faithful, and so am I. And I hope I never do.

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usually lying is involved so, in my experience it was an "I knew it." an "I can't believe you thought I was that dumb." and you feel a sense of betrayal and your manhood/womanhood is wounded. Then you think man, the sex better not have been as good as it is between us. It's one of the most damaging things to the ego..

Winston said:

I have a disdain for simple answers, given that the complexity of human psychology and the social sciences cannot be overstated.

I've been cheated on once, and it was a situation where the girl, just wanted to sample some more men. Nothing wrong with that, just be frank with me about it and we can part ways. She chose rather to lie about it.

I've never cheated myself. I've always separated myself from risky situations when I was in a relationship and even outside of the relationship I have went as far to turn girls down who I knew were involved with someone.

Really, now that I think about it, girls will cheat just from being spurred on by their libidos as men will too.

Does cheating hurt? And how bad is the wound? It hurt pretty bad when I got cheated on but, I was also ready to end the relationship. I can't fathom how it feels if you're still in love.

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I could come up with a plethora of possible reasons why women behave this way. Anything from the seduction of the taboo to somewhat poor communication traits for a variety of reasons. None adequate excuses, of course, but the point was simply that womens' behavior in infidelity simply doesn't conform to neat little stereotypes.

The answer to cheating in my opinion, for both sexes, is for us to foster cultural relationship dynamics that value communication above appearances, and personal accountability for meeting one's needs over the projection of responsibility for said needs onto others.

Winston said:

Or, do both sexes cheat for the same reason? Adventure? Excitement?

I have the idea that women cheat because they aren't having good enough sex. Whereas men cheat just to have another drink from the loving cup.

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There's no universal explanation for why an individual human being does a thing, by gender or otherwise.


People do things for their own reasons, and those reasons vary almost as much as people do.

Goshin said:

There's no universal explanation for why an individual human being does a thing, by gender or otherwise.

People do things for their own reasons, and those reasons vary almost as much as people do.

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Yes, this. Agreed.

Winston said:

The poly thing says to me, I want to fly too close to the sun and get burned. But, I'm sure the reality is a lot different than the perception of someone who's never tried it. But, it also smacks of swingers who are a bit sleezy to me. It kind of says to me, "I'm not capable of making a commitment to one person" And to me, that's what being in a relationship is all about. It's saying to yourself, no matter if Kate Upton calls me up and wants to ****, I'm committed to this person because she is more special to me than anything else.

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'Till death do us part, dammit! :2razz:

usually lying is involved so, in my experience it was an "I knew it." an "I can't believe you thought I was that dumb." and you feel a sense of betrayal and your manhood/womanhood is wounded. Then you think man, the sex better not have been as good as it is between us. It's one of the most damaging things to the ego..

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Well that sucks. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

Despite the 28 degree temperatures here today, I just returned from a long walk with my dog. My dog thinks I'm crazy for staying out so long in the cold, tho he wore a coat and matching booties. He did look ridiculous in a green and red plaid. My brand new Fitbit watch said I was masturbating for the past 45 minutes, the time length of our walk. I have no idea what this has to do with cheating spouses, but I thought I'd share the moment.

Better or just different sex may explain some cheating, but there are other reasons.

Social or financial ladder climbing often has a part in it; the cheater is trying to establish a "claim" over the new before breaking with the old. Seeking emotional gratification missing at home in some cases, with the sex being secondary.

Revenge of some sort is another common reason.


Then there are people who are just serial cheaters, and will cheat on anyone they are with, and don't really need a reason. I've known a few.

Middleground said:

Women cheat because he is not making her feel loved, worthy and special. Most men are naturally not that great in bed so it has very little to do with it, IMO. Men are wired to procreate and that is why many wander. At least minimally with their eyes.

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Superfly said:

That's exactly what I was going to say.

Women cheat for love and attention.

Men cheat for sex.

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I disagree. Men and women cheat for the same reason: that their needs are not being met by their partner. People generally have difficulty understanding and expressing their needs; it's not easy to tell your partner that they should get more exercise, or that they need to come home after a stressful day of work and shower you in emotional affection. To the extent that they push back, those needs become neglected.

Perhaps men tend to have more difficulty having their sexual needs met, while women tend to have more difficulty having their emotional needs met; but i've certainly known women who cheated for sexual needs, and men who cheated for emotional needs.

Winston said:

The poly thing says to me, I want to fly too close to the sun and get burned. But, I'm sure the reality is a lot different than the perception of someone who's never tried it. But, it also smacks of swingers who are a bit sleezy to me. It kind of says to me, "I'm not capable of making a commitment to one person" And to me, that's what being in a relationship is all about. It's saying to yourself, no matter if Kate Upton calls me up and wants to ****, I'm committed to this person because she is more special to me than anything else.
.

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I knew a woman that lived with both her boy friends .. and last I knew of her the three of them had been together and exclusive for 15 years. It's odd to me, but it worked for the three of them.

Winston said:

The poly thing says to me, I want to fly too close to the sun and get burned. But, I'm sure the reality is a lot different than the perception of someone who's never tried it. But, it also smacks of swingers who are a bit sleezy to me. It kind of says to me, "I'm not capable of making a commitment to one person" And to me, that's what being in a relationship is all about. It's saying to yourself, no matter if Kate Upton calls me up and wants to ****, I'm committed to this person because she is more special to me than anything else.

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As someone who does poly... no, that is nothing like how this actually works.

Polyamory is about relationships. Some poly people are asexual and never have sex with anyone at all. Others, like me, aren't very prolific daters, and usually dont even have multiple relationships going on anyway. Some poly people are fidelitous, meaning they are not open to any more relationships.

Why do it, if you're someone like that? Well, for me, because I fundamentally don't believe that I can control other people's feelings, that a partner should try to control mine, and also as someone who is rebuilding my family from scratch, I want flexibility in how that winds up working.

I just find it fundamentally weird that people believe "commitment" means "placing all of my need and expectation on one person forever and ever." That is honestly just strange to me, and also makes it dramatically harder to actually get your needs met. To me, commitment means actually being there for someone when it matters, not agreeing to never Netflix 'n' chill with anyone else until you die.

Winston said:

Or, do both sexes cheat for the same reason? Adventure? Excitement?

I have the idea that women cheat because they aren't having good enough sex. Whereas men cheat just to have another drink from the loving cup.

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Evolution is wise enough to have increased the survival of your genes by cheating no matter boy or girl.

To me, cheating is a two part act. The physical, and the emotional. Women tend to over think men, and sex. I've had several women friends tell me over the years that many women conflate sex for love, and that's why many of them stick with bad partners, who happen to be good lovers. Men do not suffer from this malady. However, what we DO suffer from, is an almost sociopathic drive for sex, and in particular, variety in partners.

This is a bad combination of things, lol.

SmokeAndMirrors said:

As someone who does poly... no, that is nothing like how this actually works.

Polyamory is about relationships. Some poly people are asexual and never have sex with anyone at all. Others, like me, aren't very prolific daters, and usually dont even have multiple relationships going on anyway. Some poly people are fidelitous, meaning they are not open to any more relationships.

Why do it, if you're someone like that? Well, for me, because I fundamentally don't believe that I can control other people's feelings, that a partner should try to control mine, and also as someone who is rebuilding my family from scratch, I want flexibility in how that winds up working.

I just find it fundamentally weird that people believe "commitment" means "placing all of my need and expectation on one person forever and ever." That is honestly just strange to me, and also makes it dramatically harder to actually get your needs met. To me, commitment means actually being there for someone when it matters, not agreeing to never Netflix 'n' chill with anyone else until you die.

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I don't see monogamous relationships as trying to control how your partner feels. I see it as having an expectation that your partner will not suddenly decide that someone else is more valuable or important to them, betraying your trust and deciding to abandon you. If someone decides that being able to have sex with new people is that important, it just goes to show that their partner is not satisfying enough of their sexual needs. Some people may decide that it's impossible for a single person to meet all of their sexual needs, i can't really address that since i have only my own experience to draw from. My emotional needs value the reliability of my partner over my freedom to sow wild oats.

Wanting to have sex with other people is normal. Without any restriction, there is no real commitment. Which is fine if you decide that being unconstrained yourself is more important than being able to rely on a partner.

I have long respected the exercise of restraint as a demonstration of discipline.

Winston said:

Or, do both sexes cheat for the same reason? Adventure? Excitement?

I have the idea that women cheat because they aren't having good enough sex. Whereas men cheat just to have another drink from the loving cup.

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If my husband ever cheats on me, I assume it's because he wants to be killed

OldFatGuy said:

Despite the 28 degree temperatures here today, I just returned from a long walk with my dog. My dog thinks I'm crazy for staying out so long in the cold, tho he wore a coat and matching booties. He did look ridiculous in a green and red plaid. My brand new Fitbit watch said I was masturbating for the past 45 minutes, the time length of our walk. I have no idea what this has to do with cheating spouses, but I thought I'd share the moment.

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Fitbits know when you're stroking it?
Holy KRAP, that's worse than an Amazon Echo listening in on a couple making whoopie!