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Being a Man

Personally, I like being a dude. I would not want it any other way.

Was growing up male easy? Meh, depends on how you look at it. The hormones raging through my body from about age-12 through my 40's certainly sucked. It caused problems at school, cost me about 10 jobs, and almost killed me more than once. But, peaking in both my career and overall desirability, not to mention finally having firm control over my temperament, during my 50's probably made it all worth the troubles.

Now, if I can hang onto what I have going on right now for another 20 years, I'll call it a win.
 
Goshin said:
I'm glad you posted that. Lots of truth there.

30 years ago I didn't even think about the thing with kids. Maybe 20 years ago I consciously started being very cautious about interacting with other people's children unless they were close friends, because of the exponential rise in parental paranoia about pedophiles, combined with the ultra-feminist assertion "all men are potential rapists".

Not me; I just like kids. But I didn't want to be seen that way, and after catching some disturbing looks just for chatting briefly with some cute little kid I grew wary of such interaction. Nobody wants to get "that look", let alone maybe some actual accusation.

Now, I'm a parent and I understand parental paranoia. The idea of your kid being kidnapped or abused is a horror. You tend to think better safe than sorry and for many "safe" means assuming any man that speaks to your kid or pats the kid on the head is secretly a pedo looking for an opportunity. Even though in reality, this is statistically not true.

It's sad; it leeches away some of the richness of life when, as a man, you don't dare speak to or play with a kid unless you know his parents well, and hesitate to go to the aid of a child in distress.
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This really hit home for me after I had kids of my own. Not that I have to be wary around other people's kids, that's just "normal" for me. But the fact that women don't, at all. I do most of the grocery shopping, and I usually take one of my kids with me. It amazes me how many women (complete strangers) feel perfectly comfortable touching my kids without asking permission. And if I ask them not to, I get a dirty look. If I did that I am 100% certain the cops would be called.

The worst part of being a man though is how little attention your problems get, regardless of how valid they are.
 
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calamity said:
Personally, I like being a dude. I would not want it any other way.

Was growing up male easy? Meh, depends on how you look at it. The hormones raging through my body from about age-12 through my 40's certainly sucked. It caused problems at school, cost me about 10 jobs, and almost killed me more than once. But, peaking in both my career and overall desirability, not to mention finally having firm control over my temperament, during my 50's probably made it all worth the troubles.

Now, if I can hang onto what I have going on right now for another 20 years, I'll call it a win.
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Coming out of the other side and having time left to make amends or live the life you need to is always a win my friend.
 
Last week I was walking Sinjin The Wonder Pup around the neighborhood and I start to have this conversation with this 14ish year old girl walking home alone from school, she was all interested in Sinjin you see, never seen a Landseer Newfoundland before you see...... we talked for a couple of minutes ........ I actually started think "Man, I sure hope I dont get accused of anything".

I hate where Victim Culture has taken us.
 
I guess it's just me but I didnt see anything new or surprising in that article.

Except then it makes me wonder how men can be so superficial when it comes to women's looks. And to be clear, I think alot of that is worrying more about what other guys think of the woman rather than they themselves being that way when it's a woman they like. Because again, it's a huge focus for men...publicly (media: news, TV, movie industries still run mainly by men) and among their friends. One of the top conversation topics.
 
Lursa said:
I guess it's just me but I didnt see anything new or surprising in that article.

Except then it makes me wonder how men can be so superficial when it comes to women's looks. And to be clear, I think alot of that is worrying more about what other guys think of the woman rather than they themselves being that way when it's a woman they like. Because again, it's a huge focus for men...publicly (media: news, TV, movie industries still run mainly by men) and among their friends. One of the top conversation topics.
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I don't think that is something unique to men. Women can be very superficial too. Can't imagine how many times I've heard a lady say they broke up with a guy because "he wasn't going anywhere" meaning he didn't earn much money.
 
Sounds like most of us (men & women) are just humans who want real love, regardless of the stereotypes and generalizations?
 
MaggieD said:
Your post reminded me of something that happened with my late husband. We owned a printing business and he was carrying out some heavy boxes on a handcart for a young mom picking up work she’d ordered for a club she belonged to. She brought her little Maybe 3 or 4 year old with her. Mom took the stairs. George took the elevator with the cart. Her little girl asked if she could ride in the elevator with George, and mom said, “Sure!”

The elevator stopped mid-floor for about 15 minutes. When it finally got to its destination, George later told me he was doing his best clowny imitations to make sure the little girl didn’t start crying. He was absolutely beside himself that she would start crying, and he would be accused of somehow abusing her. That was many years ago...
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OMG that would terrify the **** out of me... being in an elevator with a little kid. I won't be in the classroom with a lone female student with the doors open even... I would have gotten out of the elevator if the kid ran in, in all honesty.
 
grip said:
Sounds like most of us (men & women) are just humans who want real love, regardless of the stereotypes and generalizations?
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That is why I come to DP... to find my soul mate.
 
Lursa said:
I guess it's just me but I didnt see anything new or surprising in that article.

Except then it makes me wonder how men can be so superficial when it comes to women's looks. And to be clear, I think alot of that is worrying more about what other guys think of the woman rather than they themselves being that way when it's a woman they like. Because again, it's a huge focus for men...publicly (media: news, TV, movie industries still run mainly by men) and among their friends. One of the top conversation topics.
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I don't care what a woman looks like as long as I get high fives from the other guys who approve of her looks...
 
Bodhisattva said:
That is why I come to DP... to find my soul mate.
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I like you Bohdi but not that much. ;)

Besides, love is something you need to learn to receive, not give. And I think you're too afraid to let your guard down for that?
 
grip said:
Besides, love is something you need to learn to receive, not give. And I think you're too afraid to let your guard down for that?
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Woah... things just got deep! :lol:

Honestly I doubt I will ever get in another relationship. I seriously can not be bothered to waste another second of my life dealing with dating or bull****. I never really cared in the first place though, about dating or relationships, to be honest. If a girl asked me out? Cool. If not? I would just surf or do whatever. :shrug:
 
Bodhisattva said:
Woah... things just got deep! :lol:

Honestly I doubt I will ever get in another relationship. I seriously can not be bothered to waste another second of my life dealing with dating or bull****. I never really cared in the first place though, about dating or relationships, to be honest. If a girl asked me out? Cool. If not? I would just surf or do whatever. :shrug:
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Which means you love so deeply that even thinking about it hurts you. Who was she? The one that turned you so sour.
 
CLAX1911 said:
I don't think that is something unique to men. Women can be very superficial too. Can't imagine how many times I've heard a lady say they broke up with a guy because "he wasn't going anywhere" meaning he didn't earn much money.
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I can't get my head around people who actually think like that. If I love someone and want to be with them, it's because I love them, as a person, not what they do or don't have possession wise. I can't imagine ever living my life with someone being happy with second best. You're not wealthy until you have something that money can't actually buy.
 
grip said:
Which means you love so deeply that even thinking about it hurts you. Who was she? The one that turned you so sour.
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The one that turned me sour is my ex. She has problems. The reason I don't care much about relationships is I have always had an "I don't like people" gene. Like I said. If they ask me out cool. If not I go golfing... tennis... surf... hike... video games... i used to get asked out a lot before the marriage. Since the divorce just twice. Said no both times.
 
Bodhisattva said:
The one that turned me sour is my ex. She has problems. The reason I don't care much about relationships is I have always had an "I don't like people" gene. Like I said. If they ask me out cool. If not I go golfing... tennis... surf... hike... video games... i used to get asked out a lot before the marriage. Since the divorce just twice. Said no both times.
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Does "I don't like people" apply to your kids? I didn't think so, it just means you care you so much that you struggle with rejection. Welcome to the Club but that doesn't mean you did anything wrong, it just means that you hooked up with someone too immature to appreciate you. Get over it and learn to love again. You'll only benefit from it. Never too late to try. I sense you're a good guy and worth the trouble?
 
chuckiechan said:
Years ago, I was at a stop light in a left turn lane on a very busy six lane street (Greenback and Fair Oaks for you fact checkers). And a toddler goes trotting across the street in the crosswalk on a green light that just turned red - green for traffic. I was thinking, "I have to grab that kid before he gets killed, throw him in my car, take my left turn and park in the liquor store and call the police." (pre cell phone days). Then I'm thinking, "Christ. I'll probably get arrested.". Then... a woman in the fast lane to my right, threw her car into park scooped up the kid and I let her turn in front of me into the liquor store parking lot. Thank you for that, lady!".

That's something men have to think about now a days.
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Very true. You have to use extreme caution even talking to a kid on the street. A young boy came to my door selling coupon books. There are several sex offenders in my area and I thought it was stupid to let your child do this. He ws probably 7 years old. Some parents just don't give a ****.
 
grip said:
Does "I don't like people" apply to your kids? I didn't think so, it just means you care you so much that you struggle with rejection. Welcome to the Club but that doesn't mean you did anything wrong, it just means that you hooked up with someone too immature to appreciate you. Get over it and learn to love again. You'll only benefit from it. Never too late to try. I sense you're a good guy and worth the trouble?
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Kind words. Thank you.
 
Bodhisattva said:
Kind words. Thank you.
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Not just words but truth Bodhi. You deserve to be happy, take a chance and you might be surprised. Your love radar is certainly more fine tuned by now. You're a good guy, believe in that.
 
grip said:
Not just words but truth Bodhi. You deserve to be happy, take a chance and you might be surprised. Your love radar is certainly more fine tuned by now. You're a good guy, believe in that.
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Maybe I am happy doing my own thing. That was the point of my messages. Some are nympho's and some are hermits. I am not a hermit but dig the solitude.
 
Bodhisattva said:
Maybe I am happy doing my own thing. That was the point of my messages. Some are nympho's and some are hermits. I am not a hermit but dig the solitude.
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Don't be me Bodhi. I'm locked into my existence but you're a vibrant and healthy male specimen. If it's what you want then so be it but I see a tanned blonde surfer babe waiting for you to buy her a brew and kiss her.
 
CLAX1911 said:
I don't think that is something unique to men. Women can be very superficial too. Can't imagine how many times I've heard a lady say they broke up with a guy because "he wasn't going anywhere" meaning he didn't earn much money.
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"not going any where' is more than just a term for not enough money. It also indicts a lack of ambition and/skill set to be a responsible person. Some people don't want to play substitute mother for someone
 
Serenity said:
I can't get my head around people who actually think like that. If I love someone and want to be with them, it's because I love them, as a person, not what they do or don't have possession wise.
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Believe it or not I can understand it. First we arent really talking about love. We ate talking about dating potential. I do believe love can conquer most things and yippy have to accept flaws. However there are deal breakers.

Courtship must occur if a flaw can't be overlooked its time to break it off.

I can't imagine ever living my life with someone being happy with second best. You're not wealthy until you have something that money can't actually buy.
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I actually agree completely with this. However having a low passing job was never a deal breaker for me. A man who is in the closet Absolutly is. We all have these biases tat can help us not fall in love with the wrong people. Or that help us break off relationships with the wrong people.
 
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