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Would you STOP being friends with someone if they revealed

americanwoman said:
It is difficult to imagine how someone has to define their sexuality to people around them. I guess sometimes I might take it for granted the fact that I don't have to do that.
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You privledged straight people! :mrgreen:
 
MaggieD said:
Wouldn’t make a hill of beans difference to me unless the gay person expressed a sexual interest in me. I would then distance myself. It wouldn’t be because they were gay. It would be because I would not be interested in reciprocating the feelings.
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Would you do that is a straight friend expressed a sexual interest in you?
 
maquiscat said:
Would you do that is a straight friend expressed a sexual interest in you?
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I think I would deflect their interest kindly letting them know it was reciprocated. Then, assuming they always acted appropriately, I would never mention it again and it would not effect my friendship with that person. Why would I treat them somewhat differently? Because they aren’t five years into a friendship with me just now telling me they’re gay and attracted to me.
 
MaggieD said:
I think I would deflect their interest kindly letting them know it was reciprocated. Then, assuming they always acted appropriately, I would never mention it again and it would not effect my friendship with that person. Why would I treat them somewhat differently? Because they aren’t five years into a friendship with me just now telling me they’re gay and attracted to me.
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So gender makes the difference? A five year straight friend who has hidden their sexual interest in you and a five year gay friend who has hidden their sexual interest in you and just to round out the possibilities, a five year gay friend who hid both orientation and sexual interest in you, all reveal to you about the same time. You are saying that the two women would be distanced but the guy only if he started acting inappropriately? The women don't even get that chance to act appropriately?
 
maquiscat said:
So gender makes the difference? A five year straight friend who has hidden their sexual interest in you and a five year gay friend who has hidden their sexual interest in you and just to round out the possibilities, a five year gay friend who hid both orientation and sexual interest in you, all reveal to you about the same time. You are saying that the two women would be distanced but the guy only if he started acting inappropriately? The women don't even get that chance to act appropriately?
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I thought I made it clear I would distance myself from her. Not drop her like a hot potatoe. Maybe I didn’t make that clear. I make no apologies. I don’t want drama in my life right now, if I can help it.
 
maquiscat said:
So gender makes the difference? A five year straight friend who has hidden their sexual interest in you and a five year gay friend who has hidden their sexual interest in you and just to round out the possibilities, a five year gay friend who hid both orientation and sexual interest in you, all reveal to you about the same time. You are saying that the two women would be distanced but the guy only if he started acting inappropriately? The women don't even get that chance to act appropriately?
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You know... if a gay friend came out and said he was attracted to me for 5 years...it would definitely put me in an awkward spot. I would just have to tell them... dude, but i'm not... and you got to count on that fact.
But if a straight woman friend of 5 years came out and said they liked me all this time....it similarly would be awkward, but there is also a hint of flattery. I can feel flattered by a girl liking me rather than a dude liking me, if that makes any sense. And that flattery makes it easier to, i don't know, take control of the situation for the betterment of the other person? Because I guess it's easier to help people who flattered you lol. If it was a guy friend who was gay and attracted to me, I would really have to be convinced he was over it... I don't want to feel weird sexual tension coming from another dude; otherwise it would probably cause me to withdraw a little bit(And I'm not talking about just simple attraction, I'm talking about, they like me and hope/wish they could be with me). While sexual tension coming from a girl is easier to handle.

I feel like 9/10 times they would draw themselves away anyway.... that's pretty big news, to admit you like someone for so long and it isn't reciprocated.
 
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MaggieD said:
I thought I made it clear I would distance myself from her. Not drop her like a hot potatoe. Maybe I didn’t make that clear. I make no apologies. I don’t want drama in my life right now, if I can help it.
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First off which her, as I gave two in my example. But over all I am trying to understand why the women would be considered drama and the man not for the same actions.
 
maquiscat said:
First off which her, as I gave two in my example. But over all I am trying to understand why the women would be considered drama and the man not for the same actions.
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Sigh. I was speaking of a woman I’d known for five years who would simultaneously tell me she was gay and had a physical attraction to me. I wouldn’t want the drama. A man doing the same thing wouldn’t bring the same drama. Simple as that.
 
celticwar17 said:
You know... if a gay friend came out and said he was attracted to me for 5 years...it would definitely put me in an awkward spot. I would just have to tell them... dude, but i'm not... and you got to count on that fact.
But if a straight woman friend of 5 years came out and said they liked me all this time....it similarly would be awkward, but there is also a hint of flattery. I can feel flattered by a girl liking me rather than a dude liking me, if that makes any sense. And that flattery makes it easier to, i don't know, take control of the situation for the betterment of the other person? Because I guess it's easier to help people who flattered you lol. If it was a guy friend who was gay and attracted to me, I would really have to be convinced he was over it... I don't want to feel weird sexual tension coming from another dude; otherwise it would probably cause me to withdraw a little bit(And I'm not talking about just simple attraction, I'm talking about, they like me and hope/wish they could be with me). While sexual tension coming from a girl is easier to handle.

I feel like 9/10 times they would draw themselves away anyway.... that's pretty big news, to admit you like someone for so long and it isn't reciprocated.
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Maybe that is what makes the difference. To me, I'd be flattered even if it was a gay guy who expressed interest in me. Mind you I'd probably be more excited if it was like George Takei or John Barrowman than say Bob from down the street. Now being flattered doesn't mean I will reciprocate the feelings. I just take the view of I'm just that damn good looking that I attract them from alll directions! ;)
 
MaggieD said:
Sigh. I was speaking of a woman I’d known for five years who would simultaneously tell me she was gay and had a physical attraction to me. I wouldn’t want the drama. A man doing the same thing wouldn’t bring the same drama. Simple as that.
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I know I keep rewording a bit, but it's mostly because I feel I am missing something, and I just want to understand. And make sure we are saying the same thing. So you are saying that a straight guy admitting that after five years of friendship, has been physically attracted to you the whole time would not raise as much drama as a woman who admitted her attraction and orientation after five years? And would you think there would be more, less or the same drama if the woman was known the gay, but never admitted the attraction till after the five years?
 
MaggieD said:
Sigh. I was speaking of a woman I’d known for five years who would simultaneously tell me she was gay and had a physical attraction to me. I wouldn’t want the drama. A man doing the same thing wouldn’t bring the same drama. Simple as that.
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I think he is asking 'why would a woman saying that to you woudl bring drama, and a man wouldn't?
 
RAMOSS said:
I think he is asking 'why would a woman saying that to you woudl bring drama, and a man wouldn't?
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And I was also asking if knowing she was gay made a difference over learning both at the same time. Now that I am thinking about it, would there be a change in drama, if she thought the guy was gay and he revealed he was bi and attracted to her?
 
maquiscat said:
I know I keep rewording a bit, but it's mostly because I feel I am missing something, and I just want to understand. And make sure we are saying the same thing. So you are saying that a straight guy admitting that after five years of friendship, has been physically attracted to you the whole time would not raise as much drama as a woman who admitted her attraction and orientation after five years? And would you think there would be more, less or the same drama if the woman was known the gay, but never admitted the attraction till after the five years?
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Why did you add “the whole time” into the mix? I said no such thing. This horse is dead.
 
maquiscat said:
And I was also asking if knowing she was gay made a difference over learning both at the same time. Now that I am thinking about it, would there be a change in drama, if she thought the guy was gay and he revealed he was bi and attracted to her?
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yeah it wasn't adding up to me either and i was waiting to read something to explain it but that wasnt posted.

seems as thing stand for some reason the gay person would be treated differently. more drama is excepted from the gay person for some reason but the logic of why she thins that has not been presented,
 
maquiscat said:
Maybe that is what makes the difference. To me, I'd be flattered even if it was a gay guy who expressed interest in me. Mind you I'd probably be more excited if it was like George Takei or John Barrowman than say Bob from down the street. Now being flattered doesn't mean I will reciprocate the feelings. I just take the view of I'm just that damn good looking that I attract them from alll directions! ;)
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As someone who has had gay guys hit on them a good bit... it made me wonder if I'm putting off some kind of gay vibe lol....To me, the feeling I get is not flattery, it's more like unfortunate awkward unwanted attention xD. Usually it's pretty manageable, I'm really nice about it, because I feel like it takes a lot of bravery. Gay guys have it rough.
 
Dragonfly said:
Slightly different take on the "would you be friends with a transgender" thread.

Suppose one of your friends, somebody you'd been pretty good friends with for at least 5 years or more, "came out" to you.

Maybe they came out as gay, and you had no idea they were gay.
Maybe they came out as transgender, and you had had no idea because their transition happened before you knew them at all.

Whatever it is, it's something that takes you completely by surprise.
Up until they told you, you were just assuming something else was the case.

Again, this is a person you've know for years, and been good friends with for quite some time.

Also, this is purely a gender/sexual identity/sexual attraction question.
This is not having a friend tell you they've raped multiple women/children/animals kinda thing.


Five minutes before they say: " ___________." , you've been good friends with them for years.

"You may not know this about me, but I'm gay." Would you end the friendship?
"You may not know this about me, but 15 years ago I transitioned from ______ to __________. My birth name was ______." Would you end the friendship?
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To me, that would be irrelevant.
 
I would...no matter how many years of friendship.
 
i wouldn't end a friendship for any of the scenarios outlined in the OP.
 
Dragonfly said:
Slightly different take on the "would you be friends with a transgender" thread.

Suppose one of your friends, somebody you'd been pretty good friends with for at least 5 years or more, "came out" to you.

Maybe they came out as gay, and you had no idea they were gay.
Maybe they came out as transgender, and you had had no idea because their transition happened before you knew them at all.

Whatever it is, it's something that takes you completely by surprise.
Up until they told you, you were just assuming something else was the case.

Again, this is a person you've know for years, and been good friends with for quite some time.

Also, this is purely a gender/sexual identity/sexual attraction question.
This is not having a friend tell you they've raped multiple women/children/animals kinda thing.


Five minutes before they say: " ___________." , you've been good friends with them for years.

"You may not know this about me, but I'm gay." Would you end the friendship?
"You may not know this about me, but 15 years ago I transitioned from ______ to __________. My birth name was ______." Would you end the friendship?
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The best friend I ever had in the Navy told me he was gay 2-3 months after becoming pals. This was back in "77". I think I was more mad because he didn't tell me earlier, even though I was anti gay at the time due to the environment I grew up in. I blew him off afterwards for 2-3 weeks, but in the end......he was my pal! My wife also loved him like a brother and we kept the spare room for him in Navy housing.

Let's face it, today's transgender people are now going through what gays did back in the 70's-80's.

Some times it takes a while for a person to realize that they can trust you enough.
 
JasperL said:
It's odd you'd hold it against someone for taking advantage of "subsidies" that are open and legal, and that presumably you claim (or would claim) without a second thought - a "good for me but not for thee" thing. And it's not like collecting welfare and working 'outside' the system. It would be like taking the charitable contribution deduction, in complete accordance with with law and regulations and court cases.

Essentially your position is you have no problem with someone being gay, so long as they voluntarily pay a special 'gay tax' every year. :roll:

I shouldn't complain too much - we as society are making progress. The kids are way ahead of old people like me and in a generation we'll all wonder what the hell we were fighting about.
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Nope. I think that that is the reason for not allowing marriage any subsidies or privileges any more nor be a public mandate.

And no. It is not a "special 'gay tax'", but your saying it is means that you either have not thought about the topic seriously or you are trying your hand at polemics, which you do not do very well.

And you are not very good at understanding "progress", which you seem to define on a purely hedonistic/emotional personal basis instead of understanding the implications of laws. I have seen this rather skin deep thinking in a number of your opinions on societal matters.
 
RetiredUSN said:
The best friend I ever had in the Navy told me he was gay 2-3 months after becoming pals. This was back in "77". I think I was more mad because he didn't tell me earlier, even though I was anti gay at the time due to the environment I grew up in. I blew him off afterwards for 2-3 weeks, but in the end......he was my pal! My wife also loved him like a brother and we kept the spare room for him in Navy housing.

Let's face it, today's transgender people are now going through what gays did back in the 70's-80's.

Some times it takes a while for a person to realize that they can trust you enough.
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tenor.gif



Excellent. :applaud
 
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