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Thread: Would you STOP being friends with someone if they revealed

  1. #91
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    Re: Would you STOP being friends with someone if they revealed

    I wouldnt be mad, it's totally their call.

    OTOH, I'd probably be like, 'well that explains alot.'

    And depending on the level of friendship, maybe a little sad they didnt know me well enough to trust me but I realize that for each individual, it has to be when they are ready.
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    Re: Would you STOP being friends with someone if they revealed

    Quote Originally Posted by Dragonfly View Post
    Slightly different take on the "would you be friends with a transgender" thread.

    Suppose one of your friends, somebody you'd been pretty good friends with for at least 5 years or more, "came out" to you.

    Maybe they came out as gay, and you had no idea they were gay.
    Maybe they came out as transgender, and you had had no idea because their transition happened before you knew them at all.

    Whatever it is, it's something that takes you completely by surprise.
    Up until they told you, you were just assuming something else was the case.

    Again, this is a person you've know for years, and been good friends with for quite some time.

    Also, this is purely a gender/sexual identity/sexual attraction question.
    This is not having a friend tell you they've raped multiple women/children/animals kinda thing.


    Five minutes before they say: " ___________." , you've been good friends with them for years.

    "You may not know this about me, but I'm gay." Would you end the friendship?
    "You may not know this about me, but 15 years ago I transitioned from ______ to __________. My birth name was ______." Would you end the friendship?
    No, i would not end a friendship over him/her coming out. I will still be there as a friend for them.
    something as petty as that should never end a friendship

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    Re: Would you STOP being friends with someone if they revealed

    When I was in college I had a good friend come out as homosexual. I don't recall anyone out of our group of friends that treated him any differently. I will say many of us weren't shocked about it, the most common reaction was typically "tell us something we didn't already know". This was in Mississippi around 2002, I doubt you will find many below the age of 35 that even give it a second thought.

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    Re: Would you STOP being friends with someone if they revealed

    Quote Originally Posted by Dragonfly View Post
    Slightly different take on the "would you be friends with a transgender" thread.

    Suppose one of your friends, somebody you'd been pretty good friends with for at least 5 years or more, "came out" to you.

    Maybe they came out as gay, and you had no idea they were gay.
    Maybe they came out as transgender, and you had had no idea because their transition happened before you knew them at all.

    Whatever it is, it's something that takes you completely by surprise.
    Up until they told you, you were just assuming something else was the case.

    Again, this is a person you've know for years, and been good friends with for quite some time.

    Also, this is purely a gender/sexual identity/sexual attraction question.
    This is not having a friend tell you they've raped multiple women/children/animals kinda thing.


    Five minutes before they say: " ___________." , you've been good friends with them for years.

    "You may not know this about me, but I'm gay." Would you end the friendship?
    "You may not know this about me, but 15 years ago I transitioned from ______ to __________. My birth name was ______." Would you end the friendship?
    No, with one possible exception. If the person was simply gay, or had simply gotten plastic surgery+name-change to present as a different gender.... well, alright. It may change the degree to which I want you being an influence on my children, but you are still the person who was my friend.

    But if they were claiming the title of Christian and insisted on living in unrepetant/refusal-to-recognize sin (which is not the same as simply being gay or feeling like you are a different gender), then I would be obligated to sacrifice my active friendship with them in order to honor my faith.


    So, given sort-of-natural-tendencies, in the vast majority of cases, no, but I felt obligated to point out the exception.
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    Re: Would you STOP being friends with someone if they revealed

    Quote Originally Posted by cpwill View Post

    But if they were claiming the title of Christian and insisted on living in unrepetant/refusal-to-recognize sin
    What?

    For example?
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    Re: Would you STOP being friends with someone if they revealed

    Quote Originally Posted by cpwill View Post
    No, with one possible exception. If the person was simply gay, or had simply gotten plastic surgery+name-change to present as a different gender.... well, alright. It may change the degree to which I want you being an influence on my children, but you are still the person who was my friend.

    But if they were claiming the title of Christian and insisted on living in unrepetant/refusal-to-recognize sin (which is not the same as simply being gay or feeling like you are a different gender), then I would be obligated to sacrifice my active friendship with them in order to honor my faith.



    So, given sort-of-natural-tendencies, in the vast majority of cases, no, but I felt obligated to point out the exception.
    Yes this needs more explanation as to what you mean please?
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    Re: Would you STOP being friends with someone if they revealed

    Quote Originally Posted by Dragonfly View Post
    Slightly different take on the "would you be friends with a transgender" thread.

    Suppose one of your friends, somebody you'd been pretty good friends with for at least 5 years or more, "came out" to you.

    Maybe they came out as gay, and you had no idea they were gay.
    Maybe they came out as transgender, and you had had no idea because their transition happened before you knew them at all.

    Whatever it is, it's something that takes you completely by surprise.
    Up until they told you, you were just assuming something else was the case.

    Again, this is a person you've know for years, and been good friends with for quite some time.

    Also, this is purely a gender/sexual identity/sexual attraction question.
    This is not having a friend tell you they've raped multiple women/children/animals kinda thing.


    Five minutes before they say: " ___________." , you've been good friends with them for years.

    "You may not know this about me, but I'm gay." Would you end the friendship?
    "You may not know this about me, but 15 years ago I transitioned from ______ to __________. My birth name was ______." Would you end the friendship?
    If he she were really my friend he would know I feel sympathy for such people I think.
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    Re: Would you STOP being friends with someone if they revealed

    Quote Originally Posted by Dragonfly View Post
    ~..................... Would you end the friendship?
    No!

    On the rare occasions that I've extended it, it's been permanent.

    It would take some real betrayal (also signifying my lack of judgment) to change that and the things outlined do not reach that grade.
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    Re: Would you STOP being friends with someone if they revealed

    Quote Originally Posted by Dragonfly View Post
    What?

    For example?
    Well, to make it intensely personal, my little-sister-by-choice (we were basically raised together as children, though we weren't related), who is also a lifelong friend of mine decided (and yes, it was an observable decision) she was a lesbian in college, and has since gotten married to another woman.

    I love her deeply. But she will not be part of my children growing up, because she also claims to be a Christian (if she claimed the title of Secularism, this would not be an issue). I can lend my credibility as a Christian and a parent to the notion that we can and should have relationships with those whose lifestyles we don't agree with (we, too, are sinners); I cannot lend that witness to an abuse of the faith. I would be saying with my actions that this was acceptable for Christians, and that I must not do.

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    Re: Would you STOP being friends with someone if they revealed

    Quote Originally Posted by cpwill View Post
    Well, to make it intensely personal, my little-sister-by-choice (we were basically raised together as children, though we weren't related), who is also a lifelong friend of mine decided (and yes, it was an observable decision) she was a lesbian in college, and has since gotten married to another woman.

    I love her deeply. But she will not be part of my children growing up, because she also claims to be a Christian (if she claimed the title of Secularism, this would not be an issue). I can lend my credibility as a Christian and a parent to the notion that we can and should have relationships with those whose lifestyles we don't agree with (we, too, are sinners); I cannot lend that witness to an abuse of the faith. I would be saying with my actions that this was acceptable for Christians, and that I must not do.
    Thanks for the explanation.

    I'm sorry to say that I think you're making a ginormous mistake.
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