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Choosing between Career and Kids

Carjosse said:
Well having kids is a much larger burden on life and financially than it used to be on top of the fact more women want to focus on their career and having children puts them at a disadvantage, especially with the high cost of childcare. You have to sacrifice a lot of have kids.

How many people do you know want to spend $900/month or even more on daycare?
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My youngest daughter spends almost double that for her 2 little ones in a average professional chain type daycare in our area.

That's more than her mortgage payment for her 1990s 2200 square foot 3 bedroom, 2 and half bath home.
 
molten_dragon said:
Yeah, having kids is hard. It's also the most rewarding thing I've ever done. But that's not really relevant to the point in the OP. The idea that you can have either a career or children is a false one. You can have both.
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Yes but to a lot of people the sacrifices are far too numerous.
 
Carjosse said:
There are massive trade offs to both finances and lifestyle.
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Only if your goals don't change.

You seem to be hung up on what the individual wants. Hence, me, me, me.

1. two people must want to have children.
2. When they do the family comes first.
3. It is no longer me, it becomes us.

Yes, kids are expensive. Already raised one.
Here is a thought for you. Living with someone or marrying someone has its trade offs. Guess maybe you would happier living alone.:mrgreen:
 
Carjosse said:
At the moment I do not think I ever want children. I see it as only a massive financial and quality of life burden. I think that is why a lot of millennials do not want children, kids are simply way too expensive. By the time we can afford to have children it will not not be physically possible or too old to want children. There is also just less social pressure and the flexibility of not having children is desirable for many, including myself. I also think I would make a terrible parent.

Instead of having to pay for a child's college I would rather spend that money on travelling or a better house/condo.
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At least you're honest. Far too many feel the same way, but because of pressure from spouse, family members or society in general, have children anyway. Doesn't make for a good parent.
 
mike2810 said:
Only if your goals don't change.

You seem to be hung up on what the individual wants. Hence, me, me, me.

1. two people must want to have children.
2. When they do the family comes first.
3. It is no longer me, it becomes us.

Yes, kids are expensive. Already raised one.
Here is a thought for you. Living with someone or marrying someone has its trade offs. Guess maybe you would happier living alone.:mrgreen:
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It is not selfish to not want kids. There are far less sacrifices involved in marriage. In fact it usually benefits the financial situation.
 
minnie616 said:
My youngest daughter spends almost double that for her 2 little ones in a average professional chain type daycare in our area.

That's more than her mortgage payment for her 1990s 2200 square foot 3 bedroom, 2 and half bath home.
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Just imagine the house she could buy for that extra money each month.
 
Carjosse said:
Just imagine the house she could buy for that extra money each month.
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The house is plenty big enough for her family , the cost of daycare is high for young families, I agree.
 
Carjosse said:
It is not selfish to not want kids. There are far less sacrifices involved in marriage. In fact it usually benefits the financial situation.
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Didn't say it was.
You stated you don't want kids. I respect that.

I don't look at marriage as a sacrifice of anything. It is a partnership bound by love between two people with common interest, goals, etc. We have not sacrifice anything. Our child has not caused any trade offs.
Bet there is an age difference between you and I. Saome values change from generation to generation. Not saying good or bad.
 
Carjosse said:
At the moment I do not think I ever want children. I see it as only a massive financial and quality of life burden. I think that is why a lot of millennials do not want children, kids are simply way too expensive. By the time we can afford to have children it will not not be physically possible or too old to want children. There is also just less social pressure and the flexibility of not having children is desirable for many, including myself. I also think I would make a terrible parent.

Instead of having to pay for a child's college I would rather spend that money on travelling or a better house/condo.
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Herein is the problem, there is no magical financial formula to affording children. if you have the attitude children are a burden you can make 5 million a year, and hit the powerball and claim you can't afford it.

While that's a personal choice and good on you, the reason people are not having children should not be "I can't afford them" that's a silly reason, and an unnecessary one. It's adequate just to say you don't want children. I think the vast majority of parents you talk to would not call it a quality of life burden.

As far as being a terrible parent, that's all subjective, a lady I went to high school with who got into a bad crowd turned her life around for the sole reason that she wouldn't have been able to keep her baby if she keep making bad decisions, and not only that people really are more mature in most cases then they believe themselves to be.
 
Carjosse said:
Just imagine the house she could buy for that extra money each month.
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a house is just a building, home is where the heart is.....
 
Carjosse said:
Not even that, just explain what you were doing.
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exactly, most people spend their younger years bouncing jobs and schools and experiences anyway, I seriously don't think spending one block of time traveling will hurt employment, it might if you keep quitting jobs and going travelling too often, but a two to three year block unemployed? at least in my industry no one would care as long as my CDL is clean
 
EMNofSeattle said:
Herein is the problem, there is no magical financial formula to affording children. if you have the attitude children are a burden you can make 5 million a year, and hit the powerball and claim you can't afford it.

While that's a personal choice and good on you, the reason people are not having children should not be "I can't afford them" that's a silly reason, and an unnecessary one. It's adequate just to say you don't want children. I think the vast majority of parents you talk to would not call it a quality of life burden.

As far as being a terrible parent, that's all subjective, a lady I went to high school with who got into a bad crowd turned her life around for the sole reason that she wouldn't have been able to keep her baby if she keep making bad decisions, and not only that people really are more mature in most cases then they believe themselves to be.
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THat is all fine for them, but I will stand by my decision. Children for me would be a financial and lifestyle burden. I was just staying that is why many in our generation choose not to as well.
 
The trick is to have kids in your late teens, when you're in your biological prime, then freeze them while they're still small to be thawed out once you're sick of your career and are having an existential crisis.
 
Carjosse said:
THat is all fine for them, but I will stand by my decision. Children for me would be a financial and lifestyle burden. I was just staying that is why many in our generation choose not to as well.
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I don't think though you should speak for "our generation" as if you're a spokeswoman though. plenty of millenials are having children and do not consider it a burden.
 
EMNofSeattle said:
I don't think though you should speak for "our generation" as if you're a spokeswoman though. plenty of millenials are having children and do not consider it a burden.
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But Millennials are waiting a lot longer and more are just not having any at all. And those are the reasons commonly cited in studies, I am not making anything up.
 
I wish more people would seriously consider whether they and their spouse are good parenting material. Just because you want to reproduce yourself doesn't mean you should. AND people who don't want kids for whatEVER reason should not have children and kudos to them for being self aware and selfless enough to follow the correct path for them regardless of societal pressure.

My parents should have had ten kids...I am not and never will be them. I choose no...it was right for me and that makes me a thinking, considerate human being who knows what works for my lifestyle choices.

we have to get away from "kids" are everything

they aren't for everyone
 
Carjosse said:
But Millennials are waiting a lot longer and more are just not having any at all. And those are the reasons commonly cited in studies, I am not making anything up.
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Still according to the latest stats ( in 2012 ) the average woman in the US has I.8 children , so while some choose not to have children many like my daughter who got married in her late 20s and had 2 children in her early 30s are still choosing to have children and careers also.
 
EMNofSeattle said:
It's not really that hard, especially if you gain marketable skills or apply for work in short supply
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yeah like that movie "into the wild" - "i have a degree"

but this isn't 1980, you need very marketable skills to get away with that and after years off the grid, good luck dragging yourself back into the 8-4 mindset
 
chromium said:
yeah like that movie "into the wild" - "i have a degree"

but this isn't 1980, you need very marketable skills to get away with that and after years off the grid, good luck dragging yourself back into the 8-4 mindset
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Plenty of people goof off their 20s and settle down later. It's no big deal
 
blackjack50 said:
You honestly feel that children are just in the way? You have no desire to pass on your name? Genetics?
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Well in my family, Both ADD and Dyslexia play skip-a-generation (my generation got the ADD) so not passing on my genetics may not ba a bad thing. As for my name...If I were a woman instead of a man I wouldn't be passing along my name anyway...so what's the point?

Maybe humans have a built in mechanism for overpopulation?
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Were that the case, we wouldn't see the horrific overpopulation that some areas now have.

But seriously. No desire? Just wondering.
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In my case, I'd rather adopt but you have to be so perfect as to make Mary Poppins look like a crack-whore in order to be able to adopt. So that ain't happening.
 
blackjack50 said:
You have no desire to pass on your name?
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Just have to say, and sorry if this sounds insulting, but having a "desire to pass on your name" is perhaps one of THE dumbest god-damned reasons for having a child I've ever heard of outside of hoping that having a child will "fix" your failing marriage.

Pass on your name???? We're not living in the 1500's anymore. A name means less than squat, unless you actually happen to be royalty or have parents that have built ginormous empires around them.

Plus, isn't that idea of "passing on the name" rather insulting to females in a somewhat subtle fashion?

More than once I actually had people ask me if my spouse and I were going to have a third child in an attempt to have a boy.
When I said absolutely not, they outright asked why I wouldn't want to try for a son so as to keep the family name going.
Actually said that to my face. :doh
 
Dragonfly said:
Just have to say, and sorry if this sounds insulting, but having a "desire to pass on your name" is perhaps one of THE dumbest god-damned reasons for having a child I've ever heard of outside of hoping that having a child will "fix" your failing marriage.

Pass on your name???? We're not living in the 1500's anymore. A name means less than squat, unless you actually happen to be royalty or have parents that have built ginormous empires around them.

Plus, isn't that idea of "passing on the name" rather insulting to females in a somewhat subtle fashion?

More than once I actually had people ask me if my spouse and I were going to have a third child in an attempt to have a boy.
When I said absolutely not, they outright asked why I wouldn't want to try for a son so as to keep the family name going.
Actually said that to my face. :doh
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I knew a couple that had 5 girls.. and she had a half dozen miscarriages with male fetuses. He convinced her to try again, and it was twin girls. They had another girl after that, she divorced him, and went on to have a boy from another man.
 
RAMOSS said:
I knew a couple that had 5 girls.. and she had a half dozen miscarriages with male fetuses. He convinced her to try again, and it was twin girls. They had another girl after that, she divorced him, and went on to have a boy from another man.
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My husband's cousin and his wife had 7 children , 6 boys and a girl.
He would love telling people he met that he had 1 and a half dozen children.

1 girl and a half dozen boys. :lol:
 
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