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Thread: Women gain happiness from seeing their partner upset

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    Women gain happiness from seeing their partner upset

    This type of study is one that goes against my gut instinct. My instinct was to reject its findings simply because I find it hard to believe that women enjoy male pain. Well, after about 10 seconds more of reading I found that the premise was a little more palatable. Science is tasty like that.

    Surprisingly, the researchers found, women were more likely to report higher relationship satisfaction when they could read their partners’ anger or frustration than when they could identify their happiness. No, it’s not that women revel in their significant others’ distress; rather, it’s that they prefer negative emotion to withdrawal or silence. “For women, seeing their husband or boyfriend upset is a reflection of their partner’s emotional engagement. When women see their male partners sharing their negative emotions, they see it as a sign of connection, openness and communication. Women don’t like it when men distance themselves during conflict,” says the study’s lead author, Dr. Shiri Cohen of Harvard Medical School.
    So my thoughts are as follows, if women really can't bear to be disconnected for even the smallest amount of time, that could lead to some problems in relationships. Women feel there is an incentive to expose men, and men do not want to be exposed, and thus men feel violated by prying women. This is especially true when men are held to a higher standard than women, or expected to perform.

    For example, if a woman wants her partner to earn more money, the issue may double if her partner is not open to discussing money. Money is a sensitive issue for a lot of men and women.

    On the other hand, women who are not granted access face a different problem. They must either coerce an insincere relationship, or cultivate a stagnant relationship. In the long term, that might mean she risks over-committing to a non-functional relationship in order to compensate.

    It is ironic that women expect men to perform to a certain degree over a longer period of time than, say intercourse. Thus, a man should not force a woman to sexually perform, and the two partners may go their separate ways. But in some situations it is acceptable (according to women) for a woman to cause a man emotional distress if it is in the best interest of the relationship. In the short term, there is less at stake, but we still treat bodily autonomy (i.e. personal space) as more important than social autonomy (i.e. social space). His partner having a headache might be an immediately accepted reason to cease sexual relations, yet her partner having a headache might cast doubt on the nature of the relationship.

    What Women Really Want in a Relationship | TIME.com

    http://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/rel...m-26-2-236.pdf
    Quote Originally Posted by apdst View Post
    Then, you can't complain about this.
    That's the thing about living in a free country, you don't get to pick and choose the rights you want protected. Either they're all protected, or none of them are.

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    Re: Women gain happiness from seeing their partner upset

    women in the study were happier when their man knew they were upset
    What Women Really Want in a Relationship | TIME.com

    And happier still when they know that they caused their men to be upset I am sure....
    “If one does not understand a person, one tends to regard him as a fool”<<<<<<<<JUNG

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    Re: Women gain happiness from seeing their partner upset

    There are times when a man just knows the answer without a study being necessary.

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    Re: Women gain happiness from seeing their partner upset

    Quote Originally Posted by Henrin View Post
    There are times when a man just knows the answer without a study being necessary.
    Quote Originally Posted by apdst View Post
    Then, you can't complain about this.
    That's the thing about living in a free country, you don't get to pick and choose the rights you want protected. Either they're all protected, or none of them are.

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    Re: Women gain happiness from seeing their partner upset

    So your title should've been "Women are happier when their significant other shares how he's feeling and why".


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    Re: Women gain happiness from seeing their partner upset

    Quote Originally Posted by Celebrity View Post
    This type of study is one that goes against my gut instinct. My instinct was to reject its findings simply because I find it hard to believe that women enjoy male pain. Well, after about 10 seconds more of reading I found that the premise was a little more palatable. Science is tasty like that.



    So my thoughts are as follows, if women really can't bear to be disconnected for even the smallest amount of time, that could lead to some problems in relationships. Women feel there is an incentive to expose men, and men do not want to be exposed, and thus men feel violated by prying women. This is especially true when men are held to a higher standard than women, or expected to perform.

    For example, if a woman wants her partner to earn more money, the issue may double if her partner is not open to discussing money. Money is a sensitive issue for a lot of men and women.

    On the other hand, women who are not granted access face a different problem. They must either coerce an insincere relationship, or cultivate a stagnant relationship. In the long term, that might mean she risks over-committing to a non-functional relationship in order to compensate.

    It is ironic that women expect men to perform to a certain degree over a longer period of time than, say intercourse. Thus, a man should not force a woman to sexually perform, and the two partners may go their separate ways. But in some situations it is acceptable (according to women) for a woman to cause a man emotional distress if it is in the best interest of the relationship. In the short term, there is less at stake, but we still treat bodily autonomy (i.e. personal space) as more important than social autonomy (i.e. social space). His partner having a headache might be an immediately accepted reason to cease sexual relations, yet her partner having a headache might cast doubt on the nature of the relationship.

    What Women Really Want in a Relationship | TIME.com

    http://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/rel...m-26-2-236.pdf
    There is an old adage that suites this. Men marry women hoping they will never change while a woman will only marry a man she thinks she can change.

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    Re: Women gain happiness from seeing their partner upset

    Quote Originally Posted by Josie View Post
    So your title should've been "Women are happier when their significant other shares how he's feeling and why".
    Or maybe "We now understand why women provoke men into hitting them".
    “If one does not understand a person, one tends to regard him as a fool”<<<<<<<<JUNG

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    Re: Women gain happiness from seeing their partner upset

    Quote Originally Posted by Hawkeye10 View Post
    Or maybe "We now understand why women provoke men into hitting them".
    *eyeroll*


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    Re: Women gain happiness from seeing their partner upset

    Quote Originally Posted by Hawkeye10 View Post
    Or maybe "We now understand why women provoke men into hitting them".
    That is not a point that this article makes. Is there something you are bringing to the table that makes you misinterpret it?
    Knee-jerk anti-government sentiment is not a viable political philosophy.

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    Re: Women gain happiness from seeing their partner upset

    Quote Originally Posted by Hawkeye10 View Post
    Or maybe "We now understand why women provoke men into hitting them".
    Are you telling on yourself?
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