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What is your reaction to the woman in this article?

SDET said:
OK, but you have to earn six figures, AFTER taxes.
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Why is how much they earn relevant? This has very little to do with how much time they are actually outside the home. And the pure fact is that most women and men aren't going to stay with you if you feel that making "X" amount of dollars exempts you from housework, helping with the kids, cleaning up after yourself, or really doing anything around the house. We won't even get into how ficked up that attitude would make your kids since not being involved with their lives would definitely be a consequence of such an attitude, not to mention it would be teaching them a lot of things that are generally deemed "wrong" when it comes to teamwork, cooperation, sympathy, love, compromise, and simply being part of a respectful relationship.


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CLAX1911 said:
I think he thinks he has it all figured out. That reminds me of some thirteen year Olds.

Women should know their place. You serve the man...lulz.

Me thinks he's single and staying that way.
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You would be dead wrong there. It's never been spoken yet, but I have this hunch that my wife's one big expectation is that I make sure her parents are never destitute as long as I'm able to prevent it. It will hopefully be a few years before that's necessary.
 
roguenuke said:
Why is how much they earn relevant? This has very little to do with how much time they are actually outside the home. And the pure fact is that most women and men aren't going to stay with you if you feel that making "X" amount of dollars exempts you from housework, helping with the kids, cleaning up after yourself, or really doing anything around the house. We won't even get into how ficked up that attitude would make your kids since not being involved with their lives would definitely be a consequence of such an attitude, not to mention it would be teaching them a lot of things that are generally deemed "wrong" when it comes to teamwork, cooperation, sympathy, love, compromise, and simply being part of a respectful relationship.


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My kids know the first question I ask if something is asked is "Have you tried to solve this yourself?" If the answer is "yes", then I step in.
 
SDET said:
My kids know the first question I ask if something is asked is "Have you tried to solve this yourself?" If the answer is "yes", then I step in.
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Which has absolutely zilch to do with my point about children. It is quite hard to do a good job at parenting if most of your approach is hands off, or you leave the majority of the "work" of parenting up to the other parent. Not only does it pass on a message to children that they are a job not worthy of your attention (except for occasions you choose) since they don't have the "money" to pay for your time, but it also shows a lack of respect for the other parent, for your spouse.
 
SDET said:
In the spirit of adding my own commentary, I will say this: This reminds me of an old friend who picked up on a similar mentality from his wife back when his kids were still in middle school. What did he do? He started using his retirement fund to spoil his kids. Then when his kids were in high school, he was between jobs and collected unemployment as long as the law allowed. He stopped trying to stay in information technology professional, instead buying non-running cars, fixing them and re-selling them. He made sure by the time his kids were of age that he was broke and with minimal earning power. He planned this for something like ten years. He spent everything and wrecked his career so his wife would get zilch. Then he divorced her and set his kids up to dislike his now ex-wife.

Certainly there has to be an easier path for a man not to be exploited by a crappy wife.
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I Didn't Love My Husband As Much Once We Had Kids | YourTango

Woman reveals becoming a mother-of-two has made her love her spouse 'less' | Daily Mail Online[/QUOTE]

The first article - Those things she did 'because we were in love' weren't love.

This:
Before kids, my husband filled my whole love bucket. I fawned over his happiness, his needs and his comfort. I went to football games with him and tailgated (I despise BOTH). I went to work parties with him. I cooked his favorite meals and cleaned up after him. I put myself last. Because that's what you do when you're in love (cue romantic harpy music).
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All this is like strange crush behavior that some people experience (not all) when they're googly-eyed gaga together. LOVE is what's there after that whole 'relationship honeymoon' time period is said and done.

Give her a clue - and if she's openly telling him she actually loves him less, she's being a cruel bitch and she needs therapy. Because that's a type of emotional and psychological ABUSE.

Where was my chance to exercise? Get MY body back? Where was my night of fun? Where was my opportunity to get back into writing?
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Well when you IMAGINE that love is doing everything the other person wants to do - and never imagining you can do what you want, or finding ways to make it HAPPEN, then you're automatically setting yourself up for misery. Because THAT is not love. That's just having a hardcore CRUSH.

And that leads me to wonder: how was their relationship BEFORE children?

All the things she complained about (in fact, all the things both women complained about) I did notice there was no 'we sat down and TALKED about these things - before and after having the baby - to keep us close and communication strong between us.' Seems like she kept her issues to herself, didn't communicate with him, and didn't try to be open with him on an emotional level. She just built up negative feelings and sat on them like a penguin keeping an egg.

-

I think what's being forgotten and overlooked in this 'the plight and hardships of women' article (as usual) is what MEN go through.

Marriage and Love is NOT a one-way street. Both people in a changing relationship (in this case: two becomes 3 or two becomes 4) deal with issues and struggles and, sadly, men get the shaft. When she's pregnant and having the baby every single one of his needs and concerns typically get overlooked. Everything is all about her and the baby - and he's cold-shouldered, on the side lines. And men, if they're being 'manly men', tend to not know how to deal with that or voice their issues. And then after the baby's born things are no longer the same and it takes time and effort to get and keep a marriage strong when things change.

I think this blog covers it well: Why Men Leave

and this one: Why Men Leave - A Hidden Epidemic
 
SDET said:
In the spirit of adding my own commentary, I will say this: This reminds me of an old friend who picked up on a similar mentality from his wife back when his kids were still in middle school. What did he do? He started using his retirement fund to spoil his kids. Then when his kids were in high school, he was between jobs and collected unemployment as long as the law allowed. He stopped trying to stay in information technology professional, instead buying non-running cars, fixing them and re-selling them. He made sure by the time his kids were of age that he was broke and with minimal earning power. He planned this for something like ten years. He spent everything and wrecked his career so his wife would get zilch. Then he divorced her and set his kids up to dislike his now ex-wife.

Certainly there has to be an easier path for a man not to be exploited by a crappy wife.

I Didn't Love My Husband As Much Once We Had Kids | YourTango

Woman reveals becoming a mother-of-two has made her love her spouse 'less' | Daily Mail Online
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This is a woman who is tired and stressed, partly because she's a parent, and so she is choosing to blame her husband. Which is unfortunate. That's not the way to be a good wife (or husband).

1. Loving your spouse first is the best way to love your kids - it makes them more secure, and ensures a more stable and healthy home for them to grow up in.

2. No, you don't have a finite amount of love to give - and in fact, if that's how your approaching it, your amount is probably shrinking steadily. Love feeds Love.

3. Scrolling through the other headlines, this site seems to be mostly a way for women to complain about, bash, or blame men.

4. Men aren't mind readers and they don't pick up on magic cues that your girlfriends whom you've known since forever would. You want to go to the gym and go out with your friends? Don't expect him to be your planner. Tell him what you need, because if you need something from him and don't tell him, it won't happen. If you silently resent that he's willing to plan and live while passively sitting by without doing the same for yourself (or asking if ya'll can do so together), or communicating the issue, then the problem isn't with him, it's with you. Nowhere in this letter did this woman describe how she'd asked him to take the baby so she can have a night out, or how she had done a google search for a gym that offered childcare. Instead it's just resentment and projection. You are a grown woman, not a child that your husband needs to make play dates and sign up for gym memberships for.

5. It's not impossible that she's suffering from some post-partum that started a downward cycle. That can be tough. Either way, I hope she and her husband get counseling, so they can get things back on track.
 
SDET said:
You would be dead wrong there. It's never been spoken yet, but I have this hunch that my wife's one big expectation is that I make sure her parents are never destitute as long as I'm able to prevent it. It will hopefully be a few years before that's necessary.
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No I'm not, you aren't supporting anybody. You certainly aren't supporting children. So what do you know?
 
CLAX1911 said:
No I'm not, you aren't supporting anybody. You certainly aren't supporting children. So what do you know?
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Your mind reader is broken.
 
roguenuke said:
Which has absolutely zilch to do with my point about children. It is quite hard to do a good job at parenting if most of your approach is hands off, or you leave the majority of the "work" of parenting up to the other parent. Not only does it pass on a message to children that they are a job not worthy of your attention (except for occasions you choose) since they don't have the "money" to pay for your time, but it also shows a lack of respect for the other parent, for your spouse.
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We do OK, my whole family knows I can't stand things that don't require thought. Both my kids know that I almost never turn them down for a chess game or sit down with them to finish a block of gaming code they started. If anyone wants my attention, it had better be in a way that requires thought.
 
Aunt Spiker said:
I Didn't Love My Husband As Much Once We Had Kids | YourTango

Woman reveals becoming a mother-of-two has made her love her spouse 'less' | Daily Mail Online

The first article - Those things she did 'because we were in love' weren't love.

This:


All this is like strange crush behavior that some people experience (not all) when they're googly-eyed gaga together. LOVE is what's there after that whole 'relationship honeymoon' time period is said and done.

Give her a clue - and if she's openly telling him she actually loves him less, she's being a cruel bitch and she needs therapy. Because that's a type of emotional and psychological ABUSE.



Well when you IMAGINE that love is doing everything the other person wants to do - and never imagining you can do what you want, or finding ways to make it HAPPEN, then you're automatically setting yourself up for misery. Because THAT is not love. That's just having a hardcore CRUSH.

And that leads me to wonder: how was their relationship BEFORE children?

All the things she complained about (in fact, all the things both women complained about) I did notice there was no 'we sat down and TALKED about these things - before and after having the baby - to keep us close and communication strong between us.' Seems like she kept her issues to herself, didn't communicate with him, and didn't try to be open with him on an emotional level. She just built up negative feelings and sat on them like a penguin keeping an egg.

-

I think what's being forgotten and overlooked in this 'the plight and hardships of women' article (as usual) is what MEN go through.

Marriage and Love is NOT a one-way street. Both people in a changing relationship (in this case: two becomes 3 or two becomes 4) deal with issues and struggles and, sadly, men get the shaft. When she's pregnant and having the baby every single one of his needs and concerns typically get overlooked. Everything is all about her and the baby - and he's cold-shouldered, on the side lines. And men, if they're being 'manly men', tend to not know how to deal with that or voice their issues. And then after the baby's born things are no longer the same and it takes time and effort to get and keep a marriage strong when things change.

I think this blog covers it well: Why Men Leave

and this one: Why Men Leave - A Hidden Epidemic
Click to expand...

Most men in the “developed” nations today never bonded (or very poorly bonded) with their mothers. Most people don’t even notice how disconnected modern people are from each other, compared to cultures where the bond is still intact. Yes, we talk of alienation and notice how much people in Mediterranean cultures touch each other, but we make no connection between these phenomena and how our bonds among people, with nature, and with the divine have been torn asunder. I propose that this unnoticed, silent epidemic of disconnection/alienation is the source of most societal ills. Fathers leaving their children and their families is only the tip of an iceberg.
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I find it very interesting that so-called "normal" people experience this. We on the Autistic Spectrum are biologically impaired from bonding. Of all things, commercials help our relationship. Hearing a radio spot from 1-800-Flowers or Sherry's Berries serves as a reminder not to forget the wife. Modern, Western women are generally incompatible with those of us "on the spectrum". They can't be bothered to "speak our language".
 
SDET said:
I find it very interesting that so-called "normal" people experience this. We on the Autistic Spectrum are biologically impaired from bonding. Of all things, commercials help our relationship. Hearing a radio spot from 1-800-Flowers or Sherry's Berries serves as a reminder not to forget the wife. Modern, Western women are generally incompatible with those of us "on the spectrum". They can't be bothered to "speak our language".
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Having two autistic children - I'd say that the spectrum itself doesn't mean one cannot bond, but makes it a bit more difficult to do so. Not all struggle that way. And Western or not doesn't necessarily matter, either. Numerous countries across the world hold similar relationship and individualism values.
 
The man in the OP and both women sound like douchebags. I feel bad for their kids. Having busted my *** to be the perfect mom at one point, I will say that having children (that do not have special needs) shouldn't completely drain you mentally and emotionally (why I dropped the perfect mom shtick). There needs to be something left whether for a spouse, lover, friend and for yourself. People fall out of love, it happens. But having children shouldn't replace your love for your partner, it should enhance it. No doubt, children are tiring and can be stressful, but the best way to combat that is with solid relationships with other adults be it your partner or otherwise. This is just my opinion of course.
 
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