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My online dating woes

EMNofSeattle

EMNofSeattle

No Russian ever called me deplorable
DP Veteran
Joined
Jan 20, 2014
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Gender
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Political Leaning
Very Conservative
Ok here’s the situation,

I’ve been on a dating service for a few months, I’ve actually been on a date as a result of it but that’s not relevant to this question

Posit the scenario:

Let’s say I’ve messaged a lot of women and just playing the numbers been chatting with two of them.

One of them lives in Canada (but actually not far away, only a 2.5 hour journey to visit) the other lives on the other side of the state 7 hours away.

The one in Canada I am meeting on Saturday, the one in Spokane gave me her number and we’ve been trading text messages, here’s what I am asking, I am more interested in the Canadian woman, if I’m being honest, but obviously a date can go either way and I don’t want to ignore the one in Eastern WA, but something feels wrong about this even though I am not committed to either obviously.

So having set up a date already but not being in a relationship, is it wrong to keep sharing messages with another person whom you also have no established commitment to, but also no immediate plans to ask out?

A friend of mine who is far more of a “player” says to keep as many women talking as possible and it doesn’t matter since I have no ties at the moment, but I have never really held his same philosophies here
 
EMNofSeattle said:
Ok here’s the situation,

I’ve been on a dating service for a few months, I’ve actually been on a date as a result of it but that’s not relevant to this question

Posit the scenario:

Let’s say I’ve messaged a lot of women and just playing the numbers been chatting with two of them.

One of them lives in Canada (but actually not far away, only a 2.5 hour journey to visit) the other lives on the other side of the state 7 hours away.

The one in Canada I am meeting on Saturday, the one in Spokane gave me her number and we’ve been trading text messages, here’s what I am asking, I am more interested in the Canadian woman, if I’m being honest, but obviously a date can go either way and I don’t want to ignore the one in Eastern WA, but something feels wrong about this even though I am not committed to either obviously.

So having set up a date already but not being in a relationship, is it wrong to keep sharing messages with another person whom you also have no established commitment to, but also no immediate plans to ask out?

A friend of mine who is far more of a “player” says to keep as many women talking as possible and it doesn’t matter since I have no ties at the moment, but I have never really held his same philosophies here
Click to expand...

Best advice: go with the American woman. Stop talking to the Canadian woman...it will end badly.
 
EMNofSeattle said:
Ok here’s the situation,

I’ve been on a dating service for a few months, I’ve actually been on a date as a result of it but that’s not relevant to this question

Posit the scenario:

Let’s say I’ve messaged a lot of women and just playing the numbers been chatting with two of them.

One of them lives in Canada (but actually not far away, only a 2.5 hour journey to visit) the other lives on the other side of the state 7 hours away.

The one in Canada I am meeting on Saturday, the one in Spokane gave me her number and we’ve been trading text messages, here’s what I am asking, I am more interested in the Canadian woman, if I’m being honest, but obviously a date can go either way and I don’t want to ignore the one in Eastern WA, but something feels wrong about this even though I am not committed to either obviously.

So having set up a date already but not being in a relationship, is it wrong to keep sharing messages with another person whom you also have no established commitment to, but also no immediate plans to ask out?

A friend of mine who is far more of a “player” says to keep as many women talking as possible and it doesn’t matter since I have no ties at the moment, but I have never really held his same philosophies here
Click to expand...

This sounds like such a modern problem!

Look, if you’re on the field then play the game. When you’re done playing the game, stop playing.
 
EMNofSeattle said:
Ok here’s the situation,

I’ve been on a dating service for a few months, I’ve actually been on a date as a result of it but that’s not relevant to this question

Posit the scenario:

Let’s say I’ve messaged a lot of women and just playing the numbers been chatting with two of them.

One of them lives in Canada (but actually not far away, only a 2.5 hour journey to visit) the other lives on the other side of the state 7 hours away.

The one in Canada I am meeting on Saturday, the one in Spokane gave me her number and we’ve been trading text messages, here’s what I am asking, I am more interested in the Canadian woman, if I’m being honest, but obviously a date can go either way and I don’t want to ignore the one in Eastern WA, but something feels wrong about this even though I am not committed to either obviously.

So having set up a date already but not being in a relationship, is it wrong to keep sharing messages with another person whom you also have no established commitment to, but also no immediate plans to ask out?

A friend of mine who is far more of a “player” says to keep as many women talking as possible and it doesn’t matter since I have no ties at the moment, but I have never really held his same philosophies here
Click to expand...

Not wrong at all, you're still in the feeling each other out stage
 
EMNofSeattle said:
Ok here’s the situation,

I’ve been on a dating service for a few months, I’ve actually been on a date as a result of it but that’s not relevant to this question

Posit the scenario:

Let’s say I’ve messaged a lot of women and just playing the numbers been chatting with two of them.

One of them lives in Canada (but actually not far away, only a 2.5 hour journey to visit) the other lives on the other side of the state 7 hours away.

The one in Canada I am meeting on Saturday, the one in Spokane gave me her number and we’ve been trading text messages, here’s what I am asking, I am more interested in the Canadian woman, if I’m being honest, but obviously a date can go either way and I don’t want to ignore the one in Eastern WA, but something feels wrong about this even though I am not committed to either obviously.

So having set up a date already but not being in a relationship, is it wrong to keep sharing messages with another person whom you also have no established commitment to, but also no immediate plans to ask out?

A friend of mine who is far more of a “player” says to keep as many women talking as possible and it doesn’t matter since I have no ties at the moment, but I have never really held his same philosophies here
Click to expand...

I've got a better idea: Start thinking of women as human beings instead of targets in a "game." Once you clear that simple hurdle, then we can get into more nuance.
 
Only way it turns wrong is if one of you lies when asked directly if you're talking to other people
 
OlNate said:
Best advice: go with the American woman. Stop talking to the Canadian woman...it will end badly.
Click to expand...

You know the last lady from this website was a Canadian, I met her in Vancouver last month, and it didn’t work out. But I don’t consider a failed first date to be “ending badly”

I did get attention from CBSA though
 
It matters not where they live...the most important thing is to choose someone who believes as you do...if not there will be turmoil if it turns serious...
 
EMNofSeattle said:
Ok here’s the situation,

I’ve been on a dating service for a few months, I’ve actually been on a date as a result of it but that’s not relevant to this question

Posit the scenario:

Let’s say I’ve messaged a lot of women and just playing the numbers been chatting with two of them.

One of them lives in Canada (but actually not far away, only a 2.5 hour journey to visit) the other lives on the other side of the state 7 hours away.

The one in Canada I am meeting on Saturday, the one in Spokane gave me her number and we’ve been trading text messages, here’s what I am asking, I am more interested in the Canadian woman, if I’m being honest, but obviously a date can go either way and I don’t want to ignore the one in Eastern WA, but something feels wrong about this even though I am not committed to either obviously.

So having set up a date already but not being in a relationship, is it wrong to keep sharing messages with another person whom you also have no established commitment to, but also no immediate plans to ask out?

A friend of mine who is far more of a “player” says to keep as many women talking as possible and it doesn’t matter since I have no ties at the moment, but I have never really held his same philosophies here
Click to expand...

No, it's not wrong at all - you haven't even met either one in person and don't owe either anything. Once you meet one of them in person and if you do have a connection and want to keep seeing/talking with them then I might say to limit yourself to them.

The thing is either one of them could even possibly be one of the dumbass trolls who post here so until you are positive in person they are who they say they are, keep it open so you don't alienate the one who may be who they say they are.

Edit: Now that I reread, you already met one, right?

****, when someone shows up with a bottle patron and says it's five o'clock somewhere, - remember it's still only noon where you are. :doh

I am signing off now before I really make a fool.
 
americanwoman said:
No, it's not wrong at all - you haven't even met either one in person and don't owe either anything. Once you meet one of them in person and if you do have a connection and want to keep seeing/talking with them then I might say to limit yourself to them.

The thing is either one of them could even possibly be one of the dumbass trolls who post here so until you are positive in person they are who they say they are, keep it open so you don't alienate the one who may be who they say they are.

Edit: Now that I reread, you already met one, right?

****, when someone shows up with a bottle patron and says it's five o'clock somewhere, - remember it's still only noon where you are. :doh

I am signing off now before I really make a fool.
Click to expand...

No, ive met neither yet.
 
EMNofSeattle said:
Ok here’s the situation,

I’ve been on a dating service for a few months, I’ve actually been on a date as a result of it but that’s not relevant to this question

Posit the scenario:

Let’s say I’ve messaged a lot of women and just playing the numbers been chatting with two of them.

One of them lives in Canada (but actually not far away, only a 2.5 hour journey to visit) the other lives on the other side of the state 7 hours away.

The one in Canada I am meeting on Saturday, the one in Spokane gave me her number and we’ve been trading text messages, here’s what I am asking, I am more interested in the Canadian woman, if I’m being honest, but obviously a date can go either way and I don’t want to ignore the one in Eastern WA, but something feels wrong about this even though I am not committed to either obviously.

So having set up a date already but not being in a relationship, is it wrong to keep sharing messages with another person whom you also have no established commitment to, but also no immediate plans to ask out?

A friend of mine who is far more of a “player” says to keep as many women talking as possible and it doesn’t matter since I have no ties at the moment, but I have never really held his same philosophies here
Click to expand...

I am in the same boat is you, EMNofSeattle. Back when I was dating and before I got married, I could never bring myself to communicate with and date multiple women at a time, even though that appeared to be the common received wisdom of the time. It just never felt right for me. I always focused my energy on developing one relationship at a time and seeing what bore fruit until I eventually found the woman of my dreams. But that was me.

If you feel emotionally comfortable with communicating with and/or dating multiple women prior to a full commitment, okay. But then, you stated do not feel comfortable doing so. I presume that both as a devout Catholic and by your personal disposition you are intent on finding someone with whom you can develop a relationship that will hopefully last for the rest of your life. I do not see the need to treat individual women as applications and functions with whom you need to multitask. Developing a deep romantic relationship even with someone who you gel with right off the bat takes time, effort and a lot of emotional energy. My advice is never do something that leaves you feeling uncomfortable or keeps you awake at night.
 
Why can't you attract local women? A less than stellar reputation?
 
Rogue Valley said:
Why can't you attract local women? A less than stellar reputation?
Click to expand...

Please do not be abusive, Rogue Valley. Just because you disagree with someone politically does not mean someone does not deserve to find love to or to be loved in return.
 
EMNofSeattle said:
Ok here’s the situation,

I’ve been on a dating service for a few months, I’ve actually been on a date as a result of it but that’s not relevant to this question

Posit the scenario:

Let’s say I’ve messaged a lot of women and just playing the numbers been chatting with two of them.

One of them lives in Canada (but actually not far away, only a 2.5 hour journey to visit) the other lives on the other side of the state 7 hours away.

The one in Canada I am meeting on Saturday, the one in Spokane gave me her number and we’ve been trading text messages, here’s what I am asking, I am more interested in the Canadian woman, if I’m being honest, but obviously a date can go either way and I don’t want to ignore the one in Eastern WA, but something feels wrong about this even though I am not committed to either obviously.

So having set up a date already but not being in a relationship, is it wrong to keep sharing messages with another person whom you also have no established commitment to, but also no immediate plans to ask out?

A friend of mine who is far more of a “player” says to keep as many women talking as possible and it doesn’t matter since I have no ties at the moment, but I have never really held his same philosophies here
Click to expand...


Be true to yourself.
 
Felis Leo said:
Please do not be abusive, Rogue Valley. Just because you disagree with someone politically does not mean someone does not deserve to find love to or to be loved in return.
Click to expand...

My local reputation is just fine.

I have in fact dated women in my local area this year, but here’s the kicker, I refuse to date someone who’s not a Catholic as I am. And so I asked out a lady at my parish and went on a date with her, we just didn’t connect, I asked out a different lady and was rejected, whatever. And I’m still close friends with both.
 
Felis Leo said:
Please do not be abusive, Rogue Valley. Just because you disagree with someone politically does not mean someone does not deserve to find love to or to be loved in return.
Click to expand...

Butt out Felis Leo. It was an honest question.
 
EMNofSeattle said:
My local reputation is just fine.

I have in fact dated women in my local area this year, but here’s the kicker, I refuse to date someone who’s not a Catholic as I am. And so I asked out a lady at my parish and went on a date with her, we just didn’t connect, I asked out a different lady and was rejected, whatever. And I’m still close friends with both.
Click to expand...

So, your religion is a huge qualifier. I suppose that does narrow down the playing field.
 
It's like any other approach I suppose. Hit and miss. But I'm sure there are lovely Catholic ladies looking for a relationship.

At any rate, best of luck with the online dating EMNofSeattle.
 
EMNofSeattle said:
My local reputation is just fine.

I have in fact dated women in my local area this year, but here’s the kicker, I refuse to date someone who’s not a Catholic as I am. And so I asked out a lady at my parish and went on a date with her, we just didn’t connect, I asked out a different lady and was rejected, whatever. And I’m still close friends with both.
Click to expand...

Christian Mingle
 
Rogue Valley said:
Butt out Felis Leo. It was an honest question.
Click to expand...

It seemed like it was bullying, but if this is how you and EMNofSeattle banter outside of debate, forgive my intrusion.
 
Rogue Valley said:
So, your religion is a huge qualifier. I suppose that does narrow down the playing field.
Click to expand...

It has to be. I cant pair myself to someone who doesn’t take God and faith seriously, and I feel any Protestant Christian who takes faith seriously will never understand why I have a home alter with Marian icons and say rosaries every day and go to confession once a week. I’d rather just find a lady who already buys in to it.
 
Have you considered that you're in the same boat as a guy in Jackson, Mississippi looking for a good job? Metro Seattle is a "woman's dating market". Have you considered trying someplace else?

EMNofSeattle said:
Ok here’s the situation,

I’ve been on a dating service for a few months, I’ve actually been on a date as a result of it but that’s not relevant to this question

Posit the scenario:

Let’s say I’ve messaged a lot of women and just playing the numbers been chatting with two of them.

One of them lives in Canada (but actually not far away, only a 2.5 hour journey to visit) the other lives on the other side of the state 7 hours away.

The one in Canada I am meeting on Saturday, the one in Spokane gave me her number and we’ve been trading text messages, here’s what I am asking, I am more interested in the Canadian woman, if I’m being honest, but obviously a date can go either way and I don’t want to ignore the one in Eastern WA, but something feels wrong about this even though I am not committed to either obviously.

So having set up a date already but not being in a relationship, is it wrong to keep sharing messages with another person whom you also have no established commitment to, but also no immediate plans to ask out?

A friend of mine who is far more of a “player” says to keep as many women talking as possible and it doesn’t matter since I have no ties at the moment, but I have never really held his same philosophies here
Click to expand...
 
SDET said:
Have you considered that you're in the same boat as a guy in Jackson, Mississippi looking for a good job? Metro Seattle is a "woman's dating market". Have you considered trying someplace else?
Click to expand...

I guess for all intents and purposes I am somewhere else given the past date in metro Vancouver, one coming up in metro Vancouver (oddly enough Canadian women respond to me far more then Americans) and this apparently interested lady on the east side of the state.

I am willing to move, but not yet. Besides I would have to reestablish friends and communities if I moved too far away.

I could move to Canada or Spokane and keep my same old social circle though.
 
SDET said:
Have you considered that you're in the same boat as a guy in Jackson, Mississippi looking for a good job? Metro Seattle is a "woman's dating market". Have you considered trying someplace else?
Click to expand...

But just as an addendum to my response, what would you consider “a man’s dating market” especially for someone like me, a middle income blue collar trade worker who wants a religious conservative spouse?

Where should I be looking at relocating to?
 
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