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I don't like people who "vent" and they don't like me either

SDET

SDET

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I remember a few years ago this Russian guy that was talking about how his wife always called him "loser" and just constantly rode him and belittled him. Other team members were listening and I replied "Would you like me to help you fill out the divorce forms? I found the website site right here" Other team members commented how rude, belittling and unempathetic I was. I honestly didn't care about his emotions; I did care that he had a problem. Presumably others thought I was indirectly saying shut up. The Russian guy didn't understand this tension. He later offered to buy me dinner in exchange for helping him fill out the forms. He and I are friends to this day.

Another incident with the same guy is when we were in a meeting and a manager asked me what I thought of a certain block of code he happened to have written. I responded "it looks like a child wrote it".

Other team members were annoyed at my rudeness. The Russian guy told me, "I like you because I know exactly where I stand, it's hard to find people like that".

You see, if someone comes to me with I problem, I generally reply with what form they should fill out.
 
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SDET said:
I honestly didn't care about his emotions; I did care that he had a problem. Presumably others thought I was indirectly saying shut up. The Russian guy didn't understand this tension. He later offered to buy me dinner in exchange for helping him fill out the forms. He and I are friends to this day.

Another incident with the same guy is when we were in a meeting and a manager asked me what I thought of a certain block of code he happened to have written. I responded "it looks like a child wrote it".

Other team members were annoyed at my rudeness. The Russian guy told me, "I like you because I know exactly where I stand, it's hard to find people like that".
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You do not have to be rude or uncaring in order to tell the truth. Furthermore, being rude and uncaring does not make you more intelligent or even more honest. Being rude and uncaring only makes you rude and uncaring.

Tact, is the art of making a point without making an enemy. That is all that political correctness is. It's about being respectful to the person you disagree with while.

A society cannot survive when kindness is viewed as naivety or manipulation. A civilization cannot endure when cruelty is viewed as honesty and wisdom.
 
SDET said:
I remember a few years ago this Russian guy that was talking about how his wife always called him "loser" and just constantly rode him and belittled him. Other team members were listening and I replied "Would you like me to help you fill out the divorce forms? I found the website site right here" Other team members commented how rude, belittling and unempathetic I was. I honestly didn't care about his emotions; I did care that he had a problem. Presumably others thought I was indirectly saying shut up. The Russian guy didn't understand this tension. He later offered to buy me dinner in exchange for helping him fill out the forms. He and I are friends to this day.

Another incident with the same guy is when we were in a meeting and a manager asked me what I thought of a certain block of code he happened to have written. I responded "it looks like a child wrote it".

Other team members were annoyed at my rudeness. The Russian guy told me, "I like you because I know exactly where I stand, it's hard to find people like that".

You see, if someone comes to me with I problem, I generally reply with what form they should fill out.
Click to expand...

YOU are whining about people venting? :D
 
You are injecting emotion where there is none. This is only an exercise of analyzing the dynamics and making the best decision.

Phys251 said:
YOU are whining about people venting? :D
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Why not just fix stuff when it's broken? What you describe seems like an incredible amount of effort with the effect of making simple things become complicated.

MrWonka said:
You do not have to be rude or uncaring in order to tell the truth. Furthermore, being rude and uncaring does not make you more intelligent or even more honest. Being rude and uncaring only makes you rude and uncaring.

Tact, is the art of making a point without making an enemy. That is all that political correctness is. It's about being respectful to the person you disagree with while.

A society cannot survive when kindness is viewed as naivety or manipulation. A civilization cannot endure when cruelty is viewed as honesty and wisdom.
Click to expand...
 
SDET said:
You are injecting emotion where there is none. This is only an exercise of analyzing the dynamics and making the best decision.
Click to expand...

Not my problem that you can't see your blatant hypocrisy. :shrug:
 
Phys251 said:
Not my problem that you can't see your blatant hypocrisy. :shrug:
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I, for one, can't stand people who vent about venting.

I mean, really. Who are these people? Don't they have anything better to do with their time?!? They need to get a freakin' life.

:mrgreen:

On a slightly more serious note, I have noticed that there are a ton of people who whine about "people who are whiners," with no realization that they are whining about something.

Similarly, there are some people who go hyperbolic over accusations that... someone is getting hyperbolic over a trivial issue. Good times, good times....
 
It boils down to whom you decide to give how much time to. When you solve problems, you pick up skills. I guess you could say it's a win-win. Doing so also attracts people who like to solve problems and repels time wasters. It helps you have the right people in your life. I would much rather help someone with their Federal Income Tax filing or immigration forms than listening someone sob in their suds how they miss so-and-so. That's why I can't stand funerals.

Visbek said:
I, for one, can't stand people who vent about venting.

I mean, really. Who are these people? Don't they have anything better to do with their time?!? They need to get a freakin' life.

:mrgreen:

On a slightly more serious note, I have noticed that there are a ton of people who whine about "people who are whiners," with no realization that they are whining about something.

Similarly, there are some people who go hyperbolic over accusations that... someone is getting hyperbolic over a trivial issue. Good times, good times....
Click to expand...
 
MrWonka said:
You do not have to be rude or uncaring in order to tell the truth. Furthermore, being rude and uncaring does not make you more intelligent or even more honest. Being rude and uncaring only makes you rude and uncaring.

----

A society cannot survive when kindness is viewed as naivety or manipulation. A civilization cannot endure when cruelty is viewed as honesty and wisdom.
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I 'd like to second that absolutely! :peace
 
SDET said:
I remember a few years ago this Russian guy that was talking about how his wife always called him "loser" and just constantly rode him and belittled him. Other team members were listening and I replied "Would you like me to help you fill out the divorce forms? I found the website site right here" Other team members commented how rude, belittling and unempathetic I was. I honestly didn't care about his emotions; I did care that he had a problem. Presumably others thought I was indirectly saying shut up. The Russian guy didn't understand this tension. He later offered to buy me dinner in exchange for helping him fill out the forms. He and I are friends to this day.
Another incident with the same guy is when we were in a meeting and a manager asked me what I thought of a certain block of code he happened to have written. I responded "it looks like a child wrote it".
Other team members were annoyed at my rudeness. The Russian guy told me, "I like you because I know exactly where I stand, it's hard to find people like that".
You see, if someone comes to me with I problem, I generally reply with what form they should fill out.
Click to expand...

Since you vent a lot it makes sense that you don't like people who vent and that they don't like you either — the two of you being one and the same person.
 
Simon W. Moon said:
Since you vent a lot it makes sense that you don't like people who vent and that they don't like you either — the two of you being one and the same person.
Click to expand...

Don't confuse not understanding something with venting. Sometimes there's an angle or strategy that I have overlooked that could avoid some indignity.
 
I think I know what you're saying (but correct me if I'm wrong): You don't like it when people whine about their problems, and they're not doing anything to solve them. Is this correct? This isn't a gotcha question, but at the same time I'm curious is all.
 
Herkamer63 said:
I think I know what you're saying (but correct me if I'm wrong): You don't like it when people whine about their problems, and they're not doing anything to solve them. Is this correct? This isn't a gotcha question, but at the same time I'm curious is all.
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EXACTLY!! If you're going to take someone's valuable time to get solutions to your problems, get off your ass and actually implement some of the advice you're given.
 
SDET said:
EXACTLY!! If you're going to take someone's valuable time to get solutions to your problems, get off your ass and actually implement some of the advice you're given.
Click to expand...

Okay, THIS I understand. I do hate it when people do THAT and don't take the initiative to do anything about it. Many of them use it as a means to get sympathy and (try) to get what they want. You might laugh at me, but hear me because it'll be satisfying to read:

8 years ago, I weighed 330 lbs. I complained because, in my mind, all the women went for jerks and and not guys like me, where I would treat them right. They liked me, but I was in the friend-zone A LOT. My friends would hear me complain about this and I thought they understood, but today, I t believe I drove them crazy. When I discovered my weight and my weak confidence because of it were the sources of my problem, I took initiative and started working out and dieting. It was an up and down process for awhile, but I wasn't at 330 lbs anymore. Now, when I realized I STILL wasn't scoring any dates in the past year, I knew I had to take my weight loss to the next level. For over 7 months this year, I've been doing the keto diet and loss 80 lbs. Today, I'm just below 210 lbs and finally got my first date in over 10 years. Not only that, before I went on my date, I've had women check me out (one of them, unexpectedly, grabbed my butt and complemented me on it), there's another ANOTHER woman, potentially, that I'm probably going to ask out, and one other woman that seems to be interested in me. In addition, even though now I'm in the process of tightening up some loose skin, I'm healthier, look younger, look much more attractive stronger, and more active. I even inspired others who have known me for a long time to do the same thing. Some complained that they couldn't do what I did, but when they took the initiative to ask me, at least one of them is down over 20 lbs.

Looking back on it now, yeah, venting and NOT doing anything about it doesn't do ANYONE any good. I will admit, I've had this odd sensation that's been irritating the hell out of me (result of work, losing weight, moving, and back on the market for women) and it's foreign to me, but it's a good sensation. I've already got solutions and I'm implementing them. There's nothing wrong with asking for help if you're stuck on something, which I did get some help on where I'm at, but if you at least take some initiative to do it then act on the advice and the help you receive, it makes a BIG difference. I'm glad I did what I having been doing. I haven't felt THIS good nor THIS confident in years.

We may approach things a little bit differently with people who "vent", but I know exactly where you're coming from and people tend forget the old saying "beggars can't be choosers", and those people that don't act on their problems to get them solved are the beggars. I know because I was one of them. Today, I'm not. I just wanted you to know that.
 
Herkamer63 said:
Okay, THIS I understand. I do hate it when people do THAT and don't take the initiative to do anything about it. Many of them use it as a means to get sympathy and (try) to get what they want. You might laugh at me, but hear me because it'll be satisfying to read:

8 years ago, I weighed 330 lbs. I complained because, in my mind, all the women went for jerks and and not guys like me, where I would treat them right. They liked me, but I was in the friend-zone A LOT. My friends would hear me complain about this and I thought they understood, but today, I t believe I drove them crazy. When I discovered my weight and my weak confidence because of it were the sources of my problem, I took initiative and started working out and dieting. It was an up and down process for awhile, but I wasn't at 330 lbs anymore. Now, when I realized I STILL wasn't scoring any dates in the past year, I knew I had to take my weight loss to the next level. For over 7 months this year, I've been doing the keto diet and loss 80 lbs. Today, I'm just below 210 lbs and finally got my first date in over 10 years. Not only that, before I went on my date, I've had women check me out (one of them, unexpectedly, grabbed my butt and complemented me on it), there's another ANOTHER woman, potentially, that I'm probably going to ask out, and one other woman that seems to be interested in me. In addition, even though now I'm in the process of tightening up some loose skin, I'm healthier, look younger, look much more attractive stronger, and more active. I even inspired others who have known me for a long time to do the same thing. Some complained that they couldn't do what I did, but when they took the initiative to ask me, at least one of them is down over 20 lbs.

Looking back on it now, yeah, venting and NOT doing anything about it doesn't do ANYONE any good. I will admit, I've had this odd sensation that's been irritating the hell out of me (result of work, losing weight, moving, and back on the market for women) and it's foreign to me, but it's a good sensation. I've already got solutions and I'm implementing them. There's nothing wrong with asking for help if you're stuck on something, which I did get some help on where I'm at, but if you at least take some initiative to do it then act on the advice and the help you receive, it makes a BIG difference. I'm glad I did what I having been doing. I haven't felt THIS good nor THIS confident in years.

We may approach things a little bit differently with people who "vent", but I know exactly where you're coming from and people tend forget the old saying "beggars can't be choosers", and those people that don't act on their problems to get them solved are the beggars. I know because I was one of them. Today, I'm not. I just wanted you to know that.
Click to expand...

I really enjoy hearing success stories such as yours.
 
SDET said:
I really enjoy hearing success stories such as yours.
Click to expand...

Thanks! I just hope others will understand your position, and be inspired by examples, like mine, so they can be shaken out of their apathy.
 
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