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Are you truly able to be happy for others?

Lutherf

Lutherf

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I'm talking about really being happy for someone else when, for example, they get the job you wanted or beat you at a game you tried hard to win?

I'm talking about being happy for someone else when they win and you don't even get a participation trophy?

I'm talking about those times where you're sitting there thinking "it should have been me!" or "why was I left out?", can you really be happy for that other person? Sure, you can be a good sport and pat them on the back but can you be truly happy for them?

If you have an anecdote to share that would be greatly appreciated.
 
Lutherf said:
I'm talking about really being happy for someone else when, for example, they get the job you wanted or beat you at a game you tried hard to win?

I'm talking about being happy for someone else when they win and you don't even get a participation trophy?

I'm talking about those times where you're sitting there thinking "it should have been me!" or "why was I left out?", can you really be happy for that other person? Sure, you can be a good sport and pat them on the back but can you be truly happy for them?

If you have an anecdote to share that would be greatly appreciated.
Click to expand...
I think everyone has felt temporary pity for themselves, and been unable to feel happy for people they'd otherwise be ecstatic for. I'd say it's especially typical when you've given your all in something and gotten nothing, but someone you know hit the jackpot with very little effort.
 
Not usually!
 
Depends how often I win at a particular thing. If I win a lot, then good for them. If I suck, then they can eat a ****.

It's kind of a way to tell if someone's good at something.
 
Lutherf said:
I'm talking about really being happy for someone else when, for example, they get the job you wanted or beat you at a game you tried hard to win?

I'm talking about being happy for someone else when they win and you don't even get a participation trophy?

I'm talking about those times where you're sitting there thinking "it should have been me!" or "why was I left out?", can you really be happy for that other person? Sure, you can be a good sport and pat them on the back but can you be truly happy for them?

If you have an anecdote to share that would be greatly appreciated.
Click to expand...
I don't recall thinking those things anytime recently.

I probably did at one point or another, but I don't recall it.


Speaking generally, luck is a lie, there is only opportunity and one's ability to take advantage of it.
That said, the systems which we have built around ourselves do not provide equal opportunity to everyone.
 
In the business I was in, you better be able to be happy for others if you didn't get the gig.
If you can't learn that, you'll have a coronary.

There's ALWAYS some guy who will shoot and edit cheaper than you will, and the client doesn't always recognize that they're maybe going to do a lousy job until too late.
Once in a while you get a call back later, and you feel better about it because you won them back again.

Not to mention, sometimes they need you to fix the other guy's mistakes.
If it's not too horrible then just charging extra to do that is its own reward ;)
 
Checkerboard Strangler said:
In the business I was in, you better be able to be happy for others if you didn't get the gig.
If you can't learn that, you'll have a coronary.

There's ALWAYS some guy who will shoot and edit cheaper than you will, and the client doesn't always recognize that they're maybe going to do a lousy job until too late.
Once in a while you get a call back later, and you feel better about it because you won them back again.

Not to mention, sometimes they need you to fix the other guy's mistakes.
If it's not too horrible then just charging extra to do that is its own reward ;)
Click to expand...

I once had an amazingly bad experience in taking a client back but, on the whole, it works out.
 
I find it depends on the person. Like if they are some lazy sloth who sneers at the homeless and were to call and tell me they just won the powerball for $20,000,000 I'd be kind of pissed and jealous. If it's someone who's struggled, worked hard and helped others out, with a truly kind heart I'd say good for them.
 
Lutherf said:
I'm talking about really being happy for someone else when, for example, they get the job you wanted or beat you at a game you tried hard to win?

I'm talking about being happy for someone else when they win and you don't even get a participation trophy?

I'm talking about those times where you're sitting there thinking "it should have been me!" or "why was I left out?", can you really be happy for that other person? Sure, you can be a good sport and pat them on the back but can you be truly happy for them?

If you have an anecdote to share that would be greatly appreciated.
Click to expand...
The opposite of love is not hate; it's indifference.
-- Elie Wiesel​


Let's get one thing straight: I'm unlikely to be "happy for" anyone whom I don't or hardly know. By the same token, I don't develop animus toward folks whom I don't or hardly know.


Red:
Yes.
  • Qualification:
    I've never not been offered an employment position to which I applied, so I lack experiential evidence for how I'd feel in that specific situation. I often (about 65% of the competitive RFPs to which I responded) have had prospective clients award competitively bid contracts to my firm's competitors. In those instances, I wasn't happy for my competitor; I was occasionally dismayed that I didn't better align my proposal approach and themes to the client's ethos/psyche toward the project's scope and/or about risk aversion/taking.

    I say "occasionally dismayed" because one of the things that I became known for is delivering complex high-risk-high-reward projects on-time and on-budget. Knowing that was one of my "niches," I had a tendency to propose projects having a bolder vision and set of goals than, for a variety of reasons, some potential clients sought to pursue. I did that because I don't much care to do work I don't like doing; I'm good at delivering the projects I'm good at delivering, and other types of projects simply didn't interest me to do, which makes me pretty glib about doing them to begin with.

    The consequence of that that when I bid projects that didn't comport with what I wanted to do and a competitor won the thing, I was quite happy they, rather than I, got the project because the project the client wanted to undertake was one I would have hated doing.

    On projects where the potential clients' vision/project scope was as bold as the type of project I wanted to do, my closing rate was, once I'd developed professional renown, 62%.



Blue:
No.
  • Qualification:
    When my kids bested me at something -- be it a game such as chess or bridge or an aspect of personal development -- I was happy for them because it means they absorbed and mastered all I had to give and, in turn, have put it good use. I'm very happy for each of them when s/he gives me multiple demonstrative clues s/he's done so for I know then the nature of our relationship has commenced evolving from that of a parent and his child to that of peers who happen to be parent and children.

    For example, my oldest is much farther along in his career than I was at the same age. Is that really a competition? No; it's more comparison sans competition than it is competition that includes comparison.
 
I haven't bothered counting the number of times. What a strange thread.
 
Lutherf said:
I'm talking about really being happy for someone else when, for example, they get the job you wanted or beat you at a game you tried hard to win?

I'm talking about being happy for someone else when they win and you don't even get a participation trophy?

I'm talking about those times where you're sitting there thinking "it should have been me!" or "why was I left out?", can you really be happy for that other person? Sure, you can be a good sport and pat them on the back but can you be truly happy for them?

If you have an anecdote to share that would be greatly appreciated.
Click to expand...

I'm happy for people that do well if for no other reason they can explain to me how they did it. Being around successful people increases your chances for success.
 
Lutherf said:
I'm talking about really being happy for someone else when, for example, they get the job you wanted or beat you at a game you tried hard to win?

I'm talking about being happy for someone else when they win and you don't even get a participation trophy?

I'm talking about those times where you're sitting there thinking "it should have been me!" or "why was I left out?", can you really be happy for that other person? Sure, you can be a good sport and pat them on the back but can you be truly happy for them?

If you have an anecdote to share that would be greatly appreciated.
Click to expand...

Generally those feeling involve my children or family. Strangers not so much. My local logistics competitors strangely enough, its a mixed bag, annoyed I didnt grab the gig, but happy for a local I know getting the gig. I dont know if thats because we are constantly covering each others stuff and recommending each other when we dont have any capacity. My aerospace competitors, if they are the biggies like Lockheed, Boeing, or General Atomics then its not just no, but hell no. I hate their guts. I wont even take contracts to make parts for them. On the other hand smaller companies I work with and do business with, for, and against, then its like my logistics partners/competitors, kind of team thing.
 
Lutherf said:
I'm talking about really being happy for someone else when, for example, they get the job you wanted or beat you at a game you tried hard to win?

I'm talking about being happy for someone else when they win and you don't even get a participation trophy?

I'm talking about those times where you're sitting there thinking "it should have been me!" or "why was I left out?", can you really be happy for that other person? Sure, you can be a good sport and pat them on the back but can you be truly happy for them?

If you have an anecdote to share that would be greatly appreciated.
Click to expand...

Naah, not when it costs me something. But when I don't have a dog in the fight yeah. And sad for them too.

Anecdote: I hate kids. Can't stand them. Don't want any of my own. Believe my life is better without. But I know many others want them and genuinely feel for those who are trying. A dream is a dream, we all have those. So boy did I weep when my friends had a miscarriage, because I knew how much they wanted it. We've all experienced loss after all.
 
Narcissism is the new humanism.
 
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