• This is a political forum that is non-biased/non-partisan and treats every person's position on topics equally. This debate forum is not aligned to any political party. In today's politics, many ideas are split between and even within all the political parties. Often we find ourselves agreeing on one platform but some topics break our mold. We are here to discuss them in a civil political debate. If this is your first visit to our political forums, be sure to check out the RULES. Registering for debate politics is necessary before posting. Register today to participate - it's free!

In need of parenting advice

KevinKohler

DP Veteran
Joined
Oct 4, 2011
Messages
27,204
Reaction score
13,299
Location
CT
Gender
Male
Political Leaning
Undisclosed
So...this is mostly a shout out to parents of kids ages 8-14. Mainly because it's a brave new world out there now. Things you did and taught as a parent 20 years ago simply don't apply to today.

I'm going issues I could use some advice on, mostly resolving around school, education...and my daughters personality.

First, school. Our school is apparently so broke, despite exorbitantly high taxation (I live in CT, the tax you to death state), that teachers have classroom sizes of over 30 kids, in grades 1-5. And they don't have enough text books, so...they make photo copies. But...they don't have time, so they need volunteers to make the photo copies for them. To me, that's a major holy **** moment. What. The. ****.

The kids. I never noticed it before, but as I become more involved with their activities...the kids my son and daughters ages (7 and 9) are atrocious. Teachers have done videos about how much effort it takes just to keep the class quiet and on task, or to get them lined up to go somewhere. 30 minutes, in some cases, to get kids lined up and quiet. Now, I thought, that's just teachers not knowing how to control a room of kids. But then, I put my son into cub scouts. Which is held at the school cafeteria at 7pm. I can't drop him off, so a I hang there with my daughter, because the wife is at work. I work with her on her homework. And witness the chaos. There is no order. The scout masters have no control, because there is none to be had. If I were in charge, I'd be yelling constantly. I'd have to use fear of some sort, because there is no discipline. One issue, there are autistic, or otherwise special needs kids mixed in, and there is simply no controlling them. And when they get crazy, the rest join in.

I can only imagine, this must be what it's like for the teachers.
 
Dang!

If your finances had you allowed to do what you feel is in the best interest for your kids, you would have done it already.

So sorry, I have no solution to offer, only sympathy.
 
So...this is mostly a shout out to parents of kids ages 8-14. Mainly because it's a brave new world out there now. Things you did and taught as a parent 20 years ago simply don't apply to today.

I'm going issues I could use some advice on, mostly resolving around school, education...and my daughters personality.

First, school. Our school is apparently so broke, despite exorbitantly high taxation (I live in CT, the tax you to death state), that teachers have classroom sizes of over 30 kids, in grades 1-5. And they don't have enough text books, so...they make photo copies. But...they don't have time, so they need volunteers to make the photo copies for them. To me, that's a major holy **** moment. What. The. ****.

The kids. I never noticed it before, but as I become more involved with their activities...the kids my son and daughters ages (7 and 9) are atrocious. Teachers have done videos about how much effort it takes just to keep the class quiet and on task, or to get them lined up to go somewhere. 30 minutes, in some cases, to get kids lined up and quiet. Now, I thought, that's just teachers not knowing how to control a room of kids. But then, I put my son into cub scouts. Which is held at the school cafeteria at 7pm. I can't drop him off, so a I hang there with my daughter, because the wife is at work. I work with her on her homework. And witness the chaos. There is no order. The scout masters have no control, because there is none to be had. If I were in charge, I'd be yelling constantly. I'd have to use fear of some sort, because there is no discipline. One issue, there are autistic, or otherwise special needs kids mixed in, and there is simply no controlling them. And when they get crazy, the rest join in.

I can only imagine, this must be what it's like for the teachers.

Can't give you any parenting advice obviously, but I've been in chaotic classes like that. I feel bad for a lot of my old teachers that had to suffer through our nonsense.
 
At school now, special needs kids are mixed into the classrooms, not in separate classes. Combine this with the apparent lack of discipline with the other kids, and I can very quickly see why it can take 30 minutes to line up and shush 30+ kids.

At scouts, my normally very well behaved son became as the other kids...not listening to adults, unless I got up and put fear in him, and running around like a maniac. To the point that I don't want to have him continue. He has fun, yes. But what is he learning? How will this affect his discipline, that I have worked so hard to instill in him?

Next, my daughter. The wife and I have battled over this for some time. She wants to have our daughter start taking ADHD meds, and I don't. There is next to no long term studies, not funded by the very pharma companies that make and sell this ****, on the long term development cost of using stimulants on a child's brain. I'm sorry, I can compromise on a lot of ****....but this isn't one. I've research dietary changes...we use no food dies, so far as I can control, she gets minimal sugar, I cook meals, don't use ready made crap. But gluten is apparently something I've gotta watch out for, too. Not sure how, with out simply cutting out carbs in general, which is an expensive proposition. She only gets electronics on weekends, and right now, not even that, as she failed a major math test.

Anyone have long term exp with these drugs?
 
Last edited:
Lots of ground covered here...I guess my biggest issue is, I'm a corporeal punishment kinda guy. For serious things, spankings, soap in mouth, etc. And it seems to me, I must be in a minority...cuz these other kids are animals. What am I to do, when my kids see that, and join in? WTF is wrong with the parents? What happened?
 
At school now, special needs kids are mixed into the classrooms, not in separate classes. Combine this with the apparent lack of discipline with the other kids, and I can very quickly see why it can take 30 minutes to line up and shush 30+ kids.

At scouts, my normally very well behaved son became as the other kids...not listening to adults, unless I got up and put fear in him, and running around like a maniac. To the point that I don't want to have him continue. He has fun, yes. But what is he learning? How will this affect his discipline, that I have worked so hard to instill in him?

Next, my daughter. The wife and I have battled over this for some time. She wants to have our daughter start taking ADHA meds, and I don't. There is next to no long term studies, not funded by the very pharma companies that make and sell this ****, on the long term development cost of using stimulants on a child's brain. I'm sorry, I can compromise on a lot of ****....but this isn't one. I've research dietary changes...we use no food dies, so far as I can control, she gets minimal sugar, I cook meals, don't use ready made crap. But gluten is apparently something I've gotta watch out for, too. Not sure how, with out simply cutting out carbs in general, which is an expensive proposition. She only gets electronics on weekends, and right now, not even that, as she failed a major math test.

Anyone have long term exp with these drugs?

I do. I take ADHD medication to help me focus. I used to be a very poor student, but the medication has helped me focus on my work. Without it, my mind is usually all over the place and I can't sit still and focus on one thing.
 
So...this is mostly a shout out to parents of kids ages 8-14. Mainly because it's a brave new world out there now. Things you did and taught as a parent 20 years ago simply don't apply to today.

I'm going issues I could use some advice on, mostly resolving around school, education...and my daughters personality.

First, school. Our school is apparently so broke, despite exorbitantly high taxation (I live in CT, the tax you to death state), that teachers have classroom sizes of over 30 kids, in grades 1-5. And they don't have enough text books, so...they make photo copies. But...they don't have time, so they need volunteers to make the photo copies for them. To me, that's a major holy **** moment. What. The. ****.

The kids. I never noticed it before, but as I become more involved with their activities...the kids my son and daughters ages (7 and 9) are atrocious. Teachers have done videos about how much effort it takes just to keep the class quiet and on task, or to get them lined up to go somewhere. 30 minutes, in some cases, to get kids lined up and quiet. Now, I thought, that's just teachers not knowing how to control a room of kids. But then, I put my son into cub scouts. Which is held at the school cafeteria at 7pm. I can't drop him off, so a I hang there with my daughter, because the wife is at work. I work with her on her homework. And witness the chaos. There is no order. The scout masters have no control, because there is none to be had. If I were in charge, I'd be yelling constantly. I'd have to use fear of some sort, because there is no discipline. One issue, there are autistic, or otherwise special needs kids mixed in, and there is simply no controlling them. And when they get crazy, the rest join in.

I can only imagine, this must be what it's like for the teachers.

I blame the parents for lack of discipline and then the teachers are hardly in a position to be able to do anything about that.

Those kids are probably used to getting home and playing fortnite/snapchat/whatever with little to no supervision because most of the parents are doing the same thing. My 10 year old daughter is begging for a social media and of course we are the worst parents ever because we don't allow that.
 
Lots of ground covered here...I guess my biggest issue is, I'm a corporeal punishment kinda guy. For serious things, spankings, soap in mouth, etc. And it seems to me, I must be in a minority...cuz these other kids are animals. What am I to do, when my kids see that, and join in? WTF is wrong with the parents? What happened?

I feel your pain; parenting is a lost art. You can raise your children a certain way, but at some point you have to release them “into the wild” where they are exposed to other parents children.........
 
Lots of ground covered here...I guess my biggest issue is, I'm a corporeal punishment kinda guy. For serious things, spankings, soap in mouth, etc. And it seems to me, I must be in a minority...cuz these other kids are animals. What am I to do, when my kids see that, and join in? WTF is wrong with the parents? What happened?

My husband is very much so like you and yes we are in the minority. According to everyone else we are the strictest parents around ...... yet everyone always says how well my daughter is compared to the other kids. Go figure. They seem to think parenting is just being a good friend for 18 years.
 
At school now, special needs kids are mixed into the classrooms, not in separate classes. Combine this with the apparent lack of discipline with the other kids, and I can very quickly see why it can take 30 minutes to line up and shush 30+ kids.

At scouts, my normally very well behaved son became as the other kids...not listening to adults, unless I got up and put fear in him, and running around like a maniac. To the point that I don't want to have him continue. He has fun, yes. But what is he learning? How will this affect his discipline, that I have worked so hard to instill in him?

Next, my daughter. The wife and I have battled over this for some time. She wants to have our daughter start taking ADHD meds, and I don't. There is next to no long term studies, not funded by the very pharma companies that make and sell this ****, on the long term development cost of using stimulants on a child's brain. I'm sorry, I can compromise on a lot of ****....but this isn't one. I've research dietary changes...we use no food dies, so far as I can control, she gets minimal sugar, I cook meals, don't use ready made crap. But gluten is apparently something I've gotta watch out for, too. Not sure how, with out simply cutting out carbs in general, which is an expensive proposition. She only gets electronics on weekends, and right now, not even that, as she failed a major math test.

Anyone have long term exp with these drugs?

Fish oil (Vayarin) seems to work out ok in my experience.

No side effects that I have observed.

The increase in focus was noticeable and seemed to help in passing state exams. Seems expensive is the downside.
 
I blame the parents for lack of discipline and then the teachers are hardly in a position to be able to do anything about that.

Those kids are probably used to getting home and playing fortnite/snapchat/whatever with little to no supervision because most of the parents are doing the same thing. My 10 year old daughter is begging for a social media and of course we are the worst parents ever because we don't allow that.

Well yeah. There are parents out there that do give their kids too much leeway. Like those ones on Dr. Phil where the kids basically control the house.
 
Well yeah. There are parents out there that do give their kids too much leeway. Like those ones on Dr. Phil where the kids basically control the house.

I love Dr. Phil.

I frequently use his phrases on my mom when she starts in on me...... "We don't reward bad behavior" is one of my go-to's. :lol:
 
Meds were recommended for my nephew, but my sis resisted. He grew up fine without them. There are some specialists around in our area that teach non-drug methods, to calm kids down (self meditation, etc.). To me, one child can be chaos, so my hats off to parents and teachers that are dealing with them nowadays. I remember telling my child that I would spank her with a hair brush I had in the car, if she touched anything in a store.

You can always volunteer more,for the school or the scout class. It's too bad the special ed kids don't have the parents at the scout class volunteering (rescuing the group from their kid) but they may be home enjoying a break from them.
 
Lots of ground covered here...I guess my biggest issue is, I'm a corporeal punishment kinda guy. For serious things, spankings, soap in mouth, etc. And it seems to me, I must be in a minority...cuz these other kids are animals. What am I to do, when my kids see that, and join in? WTF is wrong with the parents? What happened?

My husband is very much so like you and yes we are in the minority. According to everyone else we are the strictest parents around ...... yet everyone always says how well my daughter is compared to the other kids. Go figure. They seem to think parenting is just being a good friend for 18 years.

Keep moving forward. Your kids are more influenced by you than they may let you know - having others compliment you on how great your kid is may be the only evidence you get for a while.

The only real advice I have, is what worked for me and my kids: be there, be as much of a part of your kids life as you possibly can. Work at making time work around your kid and not the other way around. There will be times when you can’t be the there, but when you can, be there in full. My wife and I were the PTO officers, not just the volunteers. We were the scout leaders, not just one of the parents watching. We made our house the house the kids wanted to come to, not because we let the kids get away with being idiots, but because we participated and made sure they had fun in a controlled and safe environment. That gave us the ability to have more influence over the environment our kids were growing up within. We tag teamed when we couldn’t both be there, and we were hand in hand when we could be together.

There are some kids that have adults that gave birth to them but will never actually be parents. I had a number of those kids that began to spend a hell of a lot of time at my house or stay as close to my kids as they could at school or scouts or sports or other groups, and I think that’s because kids want the security that comes with a solid family structure. By helping your own family you can have major influence over others around you, which benefits your kids more than you will know until they get older.

All that said, remember that some kids are just bad. Although it can be painful at times, sometimes you just have to get your kid away from those bad kids, as well as adults that don’t provide the environment you want for your child.

You both seem to be doing all the right things. Keep the faith, as the saying goes. It’s worth it in the end. If you’re lucky, one day your kid may tell you what my youngest (now married and 26) told my wife a few months ago: “Thank you and Dad for being there, and being the parents that you are. I look at others I grew up with and realize how lucky I was to have you guys as parents.”

Your kids are lucky, they just don’t see it yet, but they will, even if they never admit it to either of you.
 
Last edited:
So...this is mostly a shout out to parents of kids ages 8-14. Mainly because it's a brave new world out there now. Things you did and taught as a parent 20 years ago simply don't apply to today.

I'm going issues I could use some advice on, mostly resolving around school, education...and my daughters personality.

First, school. Our school is apparently so broke, despite exorbitantly high taxation (I live in CT, the tax you to death state), that teachers have classroom sizes of over 30 kids, in grades 1-5. And they don't have enough text books, so...they make photo copies. But...they don't have time, so they need volunteers to make the photo copies for them. To me, that's a major holy **** moment. What. The. ****.

The kids. I never noticed it before, but as I become more involved with their activities...the kids my son and daughters ages (7 and 9) are atrocious. Teachers have done videos about how much effort it takes just to keep the class quiet and on task, or to get them lined up to go somewhere. 30 minutes, in some cases, to get kids lined up and quiet. Now, I thought, that's just teachers not knowing how to control a room of kids. But then, I put my son into cub scouts. Which is held at the school cafeteria at 7pm. I can't drop him off, so a I hang there with my daughter, because the wife is at work. I work with her on her homework. And witness the chaos. There is no order. The scout masters have no control, because there is none to be had. If I were in charge, I'd be yelling constantly. I'd have to use fear of some sort, because there is no discipline. One issue, there are autistic, or otherwise special needs kids mixed in, and there is simply no controlling them. And when they get crazy, the rest join in.

I can only imagine, this must be what it's like for the teachers.

As a parent of 5( young adults, teenagers, and toddlers) I hear you. I haven't seen the disruptive behavior you are seeing( I've had at least 1 kid in school since 2004 ). In Ohio, we have online public schools as an option for those that cannot handle a group setting, and they've been quite popular & effective, so its not like its throwing kids out on their rears.

I'm quite shocked at the photo copying of text books; that can't be legal. We've moved to digital here and provide a laptop to all kids every year.

For discipline, I've found that a point/reward system was more effective than regular ass-whoopings. They earn points for good behavior/actions, lose points for bag/wrong, redeem points for cool things.


According to everyone else we are the strictest parents around ...... yet everyone always says how well my daughter is compared to the other kids. Go figure. They seem to think parenting is just being a good friend for 18 years.

I find it amazing how many parents think its all about being a friend. My wife and I get the same response to our kids' good behavior.
 
I've got a daughter that age, and I think it's a crap-shoot Kevin, you're not alone. So many variables, between parenting and your kids and their environment and the teachers and the administration and the other kids...it's going to feel chaotic because it is.

You could consider moving to a neighborhood that you have vetted through first hand correspondence, that is great for raising kids and feeds to good schools. Sometimes it's just a longer drive and not more expensive, sometimes it's finding a new job...but that's not a guaranteed fix either, and it's certainly hugely disruptive. But many people plan their life around raising their kids, so it's an option some do choose to take. But most of us don't do that, I don't think.

In contrast, I moved to a neighborhood based on their being new home construction. Nice area, high value homes, good access, good school districts, but it's not white picket fence material either. I put my kid in private from pre-K through 6th, and up to 4th it was great, but after that, I felt the math program was terrible...all new/online-driven, it was nuts. I started working on math with her and realize she had holes all in her fundamentals, despite having all A's, and so I tutored her for hours a week in math. We finally moved her to public at 7th, good ratings but it's a huge school. And wouldn't you know it, math is far more challenging. But lucky us, she got a new math teacher, who makes up her own "textbook" with home-made worksheets that are confusing, uses a font for math where 5's look just like 6's, and seems to have them spend 90% of their time on obscure math terminology, insanely hard word problems, and long division with bad numbers that take forever to do....what was the lesson fundamental? No idea, it was lost behind all this other crap, and we're back to tutoring for hours a day. She failed her first two math tests. Sound familiar?

I don't know, I put in some effort and money and it didn't really change much, just shuffled things around. There were points in raising her when she was younger, and honestly same with our two dogs, when they were young...I'd hit a point where I thought "something's gotta give, this is crazy", and at some point the dam would break and it got better. They grow, they change, a new teacher...whatever the case.

So hang in there. Be there for your kids, spend quality time with them..that's their best "education" so to say. Maybe do what you can to help improve the school situation...talk to administration there, I don't know. Part of being involved at school if you can swing it, is for you too...to understand more and feel more in control, or to at least know it's being worked on.

Beyond that, I think you may just have to hold on for the ride. I have no idea about medication, I haven't had to face that..but my instinct would also be to avoid it unless it's a serious crisis (health/violence).
*edit. Regarding mixed school, that seems odd. But your kids may surprise you...it's an opportunity in some respects...scary, but it may turn out just fine.
 
Last edited:
I do. I take ADHD medication to help me focus. I used to be a very poor student, but the medication has helped me focus on my work. Without it, my mind is usually all over the place and I can't sit still and focus on one thing.

Do the possible long term effects concern you? Higher risk for substance abuse, inability to multitask and change focus, increased dopamine receptors, etc?
 
I blame the parents for lack of discipline and then the teachers are hardly in a position to be able to do anything about that.

Those kids are probably used to getting home and playing fortnite/snapchat/whatever with little to no supervision because most of the parents are doing the same thing. My 10 year old daughter is begging for a social media and of course we are the worst parents ever because we don't allow that.

Yeah, my 9 year old is asking for the same thing, except, she wants mine craft. And...no.
 
Fish oil (Vayarin) seems to work out ok in my experience.

No side effects that I have observed.

The increase in focus was noticeable and seemed to help in passing state exams. Seems expensive is the downside.
My daughter hates fish....when you say fish oil, you mean as a pill, a vitamin type deal? Do they generate any sort of after taste, or anything? I'm willing to try it....but I gotta be able to get her to choke it down, as it were, lol.
 
As a parent of 5( young adults, teenagers, and toddlers) I hear you. I haven't seen the disruptive behavior you are seeing( I've had at least 1 kid in school since 2004 ). In Ohio, we have online public schools as an option for those that cannot handle a group setting, and they've been quite popular & effective, so its not like its throwing kids out on their rears.

I'm quite shocked at the photo copying of text books; that can't be legal. We've moved to digital here and provide a laptop to all kids every year.

For discipline, I've found that a point/reward system was more effective than regular ass-whoopings. They earn points for good behavior/actions, lose points for bag/wrong, redeem points for cool things.




I find it amazing how many parents think its all about being a friend. My wife and I get the same response to our kids' good behavior.
I use a clip chart, you move up or down based on deeds and behavior, the punishments being, 30 minutes time out, no devices for the weekend, or no TV after homework. Spanking is for when they are B. A. D. Yelling at me or mom, hitting, or just flat out not doing homework, throwing stuff. These are few and far between.
 
I've got a daughter that age, and I think it's a crap-shoot Kevin, you're not alone. So many variables, between parenting and your kids and their environment and the teachers and the administration and the other kids...it's going to feel chaotic because it is.

You could consider moving to a neighborhood that you have vetted through first hand correspondence, that is great for raising kids and feeds to good schools. Sometimes it's just a longer drive and not more expensive, sometimes it's finding a new job...but that's not a guaranteed fix either, and it's certainly hugely disruptive. But many people plan their life around raising their kids, so it's an option some do choose to take. But most of us don't do that, I don't think.

In contrast, I moved to a neighborhood based on their being new home construction. Nice area, high value homes, good access, good school districts, but it's not white picket fence material either. I put my kid in private from pre-K through 6th, and up to 4th it was great, but after that, I felt the math program was terrible...all new/online-driven, it was nuts. I started working on math with her and realize she had holes all in her fundamentals, despite having all A's, and so I tutored her for hours a week in math. We finally moved her to public at 7th, good ratings but it's a huge school. And wouldn't you know it, math is far more challenging. But lucky us, she got a new math teacher, who makes up her own "textbook" with home-made worksheets that are confusing, uses a font for math where 5's look just like 6's, and seems to have them spend 90% of their time on obscure math terminology, insanely hard word problems, and long division with bad numbers that take forever to do....what was the lesson fundamental? No idea, it was lost behind all this other crap, and we're back to tutoring for hours a day. She failed her first two math tests. Sound familiar?

I don't know, I put in some effort and money and it didn't really change much, just shuffled things around. There were points in raising her when she was younger, and honestly same with our two dogs, when they were young...I'd hit a point where I thought "something's gotta give, this is crazy", and at some point the dam would break and it got better. They grow, they change, a new teacher...whatever the case.

So hang in there. Be there for your kids, spend quality time with them..that's their best "education" so to say. Maybe do what you can to help improve the school situation...talk to administration there, I don't know. Part of being involved at school if you can swing it, is for you too...to understand more and feel more in control, or to at least know it's being worked on.

Beyond that, I think you may just have to hold on for the ride. I have no idea about medication, I haven't had to face that..but my instinct would also be to avoid it unless it's a serious crisis (health/violence).
*edit. Regarding mixed school, that seems odd. But your kids may surprise you...it's an opportunity in some respects...scary, but it may turn out just fine.

I get the idea of mixing the kids in, I truly do. If my kid was autistic, or anything else, my desire as a parent would be for them to have a normal life, and to be treated just like anyone else. And the school is working to make that desire a reality. I truly can't faughlt them. But it certainly makes for a challenge for those teachers.

I have haunted hallways tonight, the schools Halloween thing. Amazingly, both me and the wife have today off together, so we are going to go help out, and I'm gonna be there, watching these teachers, thanking god I'm not them. Truly.
 
Tell child you told teacher to report any wrong behavior to you personally.
Tell child two demerits and they loose half their toys. For ever.
Tell child three demerits they’ll loose 75% of toys.
Tell teacher and give her your cell number.
Tell child at four demerits they will never have anymore toys. Ever.
 
At school now, special needs kids are mixed into the classrooms, not in separate classes. Combine this with the apparent lack of discipline with the other kids, and I can very quickly see why it can take 30 minutes to line up and shush 30+ kids.

At scouts, my normally very well behaved son became as the other kids...not listening to adults, unless I got up and put fear in him, and running around like a maniac. To the point that I don't want to have him continue. He has fun, yes. But what is he learning? How will this affect his discipline, that I have worked so hard to instill in him?

Next, my daughter. The wife and I have battled over this for some time. She wants to have our daughter start taking ADHD meds, and I don't. There is next to no long term studies, not funded by the very pharma companies that make and sell this ****, on the long term development cost of using stimulants on a child's brain. I'm sorry, I can compromise on a lot of ****....but this isn't one. I've research dietary changes...we use no food dies, so far as I can control, she gets minimal sugar, I cook meals, don't use ready made crap. But gluten is apparently something I've gotta watch out for, too. Not sure how, with out simply cutting out carbs in general, which is an expensive proposition. She only gets electronics on weekends, and right now, not even that, as she failed a major math test.

Anyone have long term exp with these drugs?

A friend of ours teaches special needs kids. She expects to be stabbed with a pencil or worse several times a year. Before kids get put in special needs, they are acting out like that in a regular class somewhere. I'm told that a real problem is the parents not managing their kid's prescribed meds, or the meds needing adjustment.

I'm really sorry your kids are subjected to this stuff. You're right in that given the tax base, one would think CT would do a lot better. This is freaking Florida, and they just don't care until the parents practically take up arms. I'm not kidding.
 
So...this is mostly a shout out to parents of kids ages 8-14. Mainly because it's a brave new world out there now. Things you did and taught as a parent 20 years ago simply don't apply to today.

I'm going issues I could use some advice on, mostly resolving around school, education...and my daughters personality.

First, school. Our school is apparently so broke, despite exorbitantly high taxation (I live in CT, the tax you to death state), that teachers have classroom sizes of over 30 kids, in grades 1-5. And they don't have enough text books, so...they make photo copies. But...they don't have time, so they need volunteers to make the photo copies for them. To me, that's a major holy **** moment. What. The. ****.

The kids. I never noticed it before, but as I become more involved with their activities...the kids my son and daughters ages (7 and 9) are atrocious. Teachers have done videos about how much effort it takes just to keep the class quiet and on task, or to get them lined up to go somewhere. 30 minutes, in some cases, to get kids lined up and quiet. Now, I thought, that's just teachers not knowing how to control a room of kids. But then, I put my son into cub scouts. Which is held at the school cafeteria at 7pm. I can't drop him off, so a I hang there with my daughter, because the wife is at work. I work with her on her homework. And witness the chaos. There is no order. The scout masters have no control, because there is none to be had. If I were in charge, I'd be yelling constantly. I'd have to use fear of some sort, because there is no discipline. One issue, there are autistic, or otherwise special needs kids mixed in, and there is simply no controlling them. And when they get crazy, the rest join in.

I can only imagine, this must be what it's like for the teachers.


I have two girls in their early 20's and two boys (10 and 14). You are correct about the differences in the ability of the schools to cope. Ours ask for donations for the classrooms at the beginning of the year then run a bazaar and a few events during the year to aid in supplies and other items. It wasn't that way with the girls who had less kids in class (sizes) and it seemed there was less stress on the system (supplies/funding). I agree, I don't know how the teachers do it (deal with the large size/disruptions these days).
 
Last edited:
As a parent of 5( young adults, teenagers, and toddlers) I hear you. I haven't seen the disruptive behavior you are seeing( I've had at least 1 kid in school since 2004 ). In Ohio, we have online public schools as an option for those that cannot handle a group setting, and they've been quite popular & effective, so its not like its throwing kids out on their rears.

I'm quite shocked at the photo copying of text books; that can't be legal. We've moved to digital here and provide a laptop to all kids every year.

For discipline, I've found that a point/reward system was more effective than regular ass-whoopings. They earn points for good behavior/actions, lose points for bag/wrong, redeem points for cool things.




I find it amazing how many parents think its all about being a friend. My wife and I get the same response to our kids' good behavior.

One thing I see that makes a difference is consequences. Too many parents threaten but don't follow through because it inconveniences them. Your point system sounds pretty fair though. You get rewarded when your good but not when you're bad.
 
Back
Top Bottom