The Dojo Creeper

So I’m at a loss on this one. We have this newer guy in our gym (a few months in) and he is...for lack of a better term...creepy. He is young. Like 20. He clearly has some issues. Uber religious household with 9 sisters and no dad from what I understand. He is very passive. All the time. But he is really ackward. He has no conversational skill. And he is really weird about women specifically. Almost to the point of obsessive. And I have no idea how to handle him. I feel bad for him. But it totally makes sense why women in the gym are uncomfortable with him. He is just creepy. My girlfriend cant stand him for the same reason.

To be quite honest...he reminds me of someone who was sexually abused as a kid. He presents with some of those weird traits. But I don’t trust him. So what do y’all think? How should I handle this? I’m really at a loss. It isn’t my class and it isn’t my gym. So I can’t ask him to leave.

I would say to mention your concerns to the sensei, but then just leave it alone unless he does something inappropriate to your girlfriend. And, if he does, she should probably be the one to report it.

The interesting thing about martial arts is that it can instill respectful behavior in folks that come to the classes for the wrong reasons. In time, he could change. Meanwhile, I'd steer clear.

blackjack50 said:

So I’m at a loss on this one. We have this newer guy in our gym (a few months in) and he is...for lack of a better term...creepy. He is young. Like 20. He clearly has some issues. Uber religious household with 9 sisters and no dad from what I understand. He is very passive. All the time. But he is really ackward. He has no conversational skill. And he is really weird about women specifically. Almost to the point of obsessive. And I have no idea how to handle him. I feel bad for him. But it totally makes sense why women in the gym are uncomfortable with him. He is just creepy. My girlfriend cant stand him for the same reason.

To be quite honest...he reminds me of someone who was sexually abused as a kid. He presents with some of those weird traits. But I don’t trust him. So what do y’all think? How should I handle this? I’m really at a loss. It isn’t my class and it isn’t my gym. So I can’t ask him to leave.

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Might just be aspergers, or whatever they're calling it these days. Sounds a bit like me at that age.

The malfunction in social reward circuitry not only makes it difficult to interact effectively with other people, it also makes one appear odd to others because we lack the instinctive responses.

I've been told by two women that they don't "read" me as a sexual being. That they neither consider me a prospective mate nor reject me as such. That they don't even consider it. They thought it odd enough to tell me, and neither was someone I was interested in. Just friends.

Just a thought.

blackjack50 said:

So I’m at a loss on this one. We have this newer guy in our gym (a few months in) and he is...for lack of a better term...creepy. He is young. Like 20. He clearly has some issues. Uber religious household with 9 sisters and no dad from what I understand. He is very passive. All the time. But he is really ackward. He has no conversational skill. And he is really weird about women specifically. Almost to the point of obsessive. And I have no idea how to handle him. I feel bad for him. But it totally makes sense why women in the gym are uncomfortable with him. He is just creepy. My girlfriend cant stand him for the same reason.

To be quite honest...he reminds me of someone who was sexually abused as a kid. He presents with some of those weird traits. But I don’t trust him. So what do y’all think? How should I handle this? I’m really at a loss. It isn’t my class and it isn’t my gym. So I can’t ask him to leave.

Click to expand...

Well it could be the effect of being the only male in a family circle of 10 women; NINE sisters and a mother...with no male figure to balance and emulate. With so many conflicting female "role models" it might tend to confuse any young male.

Conversely, it could be a symptom of Asperger Syndrome or even mild Autism as suggested by Whatif in Post #3.

HowardBThiname's suggestions in Post #2 seems best to me.

Captain Adverse said:

Well it could be the effect of being the only male in a family circle of 10 women, NINE sisters and a mother...with no male figure to balance and emulate. With so many conflicting female "role models" it might tend to confuse any young male.

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lol...this is your answer for everything lately... I hope you have a beard, sir, and a mighty one at that!

(Playin'...happy Friday)

Thanks guys. Yea. He is off for sure. Makes the women uncomfortable. I try not to be a dick to him. But I also don’t want to get too close.

OlNate said:

lol...this is your answer for everything lately... I hope you have a beard, sir, and a mighty one at that!

(Playin'...happy Friday)

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Nah...smooth shaven like The Ladies Man...

blackjack50 said:

So I’m at a loss on this one. We have this newer guy in our gym (a few months in) and he is...for lack of a better term...creepy. He is young. Like 20. He clearly has some issues. Uber religious household with 9 sisters and no dad from what I understand. He is very passive. All the time. But he is really ackward. He has no conversational skill. And he is really weird about women specifically. Almost to the point of obsessive. And I have no idea how to handle him. I feel bad for him. But it totally makes sense why women in the gym are uncomfortable with him. He is just creepy. My girlfriend cant stand him for the same reason.

To be quite honest...he reminds me of someone who was sexually abused as a kid. He presents with some of those weird traits. But I don’t trust him. So what do y’all think? How should I handle this? I’m really at a loss. It isn’t my class and it isn’t my gym. So I can’t ask him to leave.

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With 9 sisters, he probably couldn't get a word in edge-wise.

Captain Adverse said:

Nah...smooth shaven like The Ladies Man...

View attachment 67229441

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Atta boy, you're the first person of the day to get a belly laugh out of me.

True story: I can't grow a beard to save my life, or anyone else's, which is at odds with the expectations folks have at me when they see my 6'4", far from slender frame lumbering towards them. The whole Movember thing was a source of anxiety for me. I'd start at the end of September, and by the end of October the most mustache I could manage was just the right amount to ensure everyone who saw me assumed I moonlighted in a white van offering candy to children.

On the plus side, no man sweater, and manscaping is a breeze. Shaving twice a week is nice as well..

This TMI moment has been brought to you by the letter F for Friday... lolz


Re: the OP... If you are worried about the guy, try befriending him. Either you'll understand him and worry less, or you'll understand him and worry more, giving you something a little more concrete to base your next steps on. Either way, sounds like the guy could use a friend. I imagine that a lot of these nut jobs that go on to do unimaginable things could have been stopped simply by having a couple more people be nice to them...

The poor guy is probably at the martial arts place to learn some man stuff. From a house full of religious women, he likely has no clue. I'd be polite, but not befriend him, as your first instincts probably are correct, he's odd. Keep an eye on him. He may be there to learn some moves, as he could be a target for bullies.

I'm gonna kinda-sorta disagree with the others.

When the women are freaked out, but the men think someone's "just odd"... trust the women.

They have decades of practice honing in on potentially dangerous or unstable men. It's a basic survival skill.

I don't get freaked out by people with Aspergers/autism, or other possible reasons a guy might just be awkward. I perceive a very clear difference between that, and creepy. Most women do.

As you said, not your dojo, so you can't really take control of the situation. But you can encourage the women to discuss their concerns or his behavior with whoever's running the class.