New friend with cancer

Damn it.

She's coming for dinner today. Went to the doc last week and he is preparing her for the diagnosis from his physical exam. She's never been married. Just lost her job and is on Cobra. Lives alone. And fosters dogs and cats for a rehoming shelter. She owns a home, But don't know if there's a mortgage. Money is going to be an issue in addition to the battle the doc is preparing her for.

She's coming over for answers. And questions. I have plenty of experience on treatment, etc. to offer her, but I'm wondering what you all know about what financial assistance might be available for her.

She just told me last night in a text that she took in a homeless woman with a dog. WTF? She should be looking for a PAYING roommate. I can't imagine what she's thinking.

Any suggestions on what YOU would do if faced with this situation?

MaggieD said:

Damn it.

She's coming for dinner today. Went to the doc last week and he is preparing her for the diagnosis from his physical exam. She's never been married. Just lost her job and is on Cobra. Lives alone. And fosters dogs and cats for a rehoming shelter. She owns a home, But don't know if there's a mortgage. Money is going to be an issue in addition to the battle the doc is preparing her for.

She's coming over for answers. And questions. I have plenty of experience on treatment, etc. to offer her, but I'm wondering what you all know about what financial assistance might be available for her.

She just told me last night in a text that she took in a homeless woman with a dog. WTF? She should be looking for a PAYING roommate. I can't imagine what she's thinking.

Any suggestions on what YOU would do if faced with this situation?

Click to expand...

Sorry to hear that your pal has cancer

If I were in that situation, what I would do is gently tell her to get the homeless woman tf out of her house as she already has enough to deal with. Other than that, I'd just be caring and supportive and just there, if you will, for my friend.

MaggieD said:

Damn it.

She's coming for dinner today. Went to the doc last week and he is preparing her for the diagnosis from his physical exam. She's never been married. Just lost her job and is on Cobra. Lives alone. And fosters dogs and cats for a rehoming shelter. She owns a home, But don't know if there's a mortgage. Money is going to be an issue in addition to the battle the doc is preparing her for.

She's coming over for answers. And questions. I have plenty of experience on treatment, etc. to offer her, but I'm wondering what you all know about what financial assistance might be available for her.

She just told me last night in a text that she took in a homeless woman with a dog. WTF? She should be looking for a PAYING roommate. I can't imagine what she's thinking.

Any suggestions on what YOU would do if faced with this situation?

Click to expand...

If its breast cancer then she might be able to get help from the Susan G Komen foundation. They paid for all the treatments and medications for my mom. The only thing they didn't pay for is the vitamins and supplements. My mother didn't own her own home and she worked a minimum wage job. I don't know if there is some equivalent for some other types of cancer.

National Community Health Programs | Susan G. Komen®

MaggieD said:

Damn it.

She's coming for dinner today. Went to the doc last week and he is preparing her for the diagnosis from his physical exam. She's never been married. Just lost her job and is on Cobra. Lives alone. And fosters dogs and cats for a rehoming shelter. She owns a home, But don't know if there's a mortgage. Money is going to be an issue in addition to the battle the doc is preparing her for.

She's coming over for answers. And questions. I have plenty of experience on treatment, etc. to offer her, but I'm wondering what you all know about what financial assistance might be available for her.

She just told me last night in a text that she took in a homeless woman with a dog. WTF? She should be looking for a PAYING roommate. I can't imagine what she's thinking.

Any suggestions on what YOU would do if faced with this situation?

Click to expand...

I would guess that she sees no reason to let her failing health limit her personal acts of charity. Perhaps, to the contrary, she may even see her serious medical condition as reason to provide even more charity as she sees judgement day coming nearer. If nothing else, having a roommate, even though not paying rent, may be a good thing if they help keep her spirits up and perhaps even help her with the housework and animal care.

MaggieD said:

Damn it.

She's coming for dinner today. Went to the doc last week and he is preparing her for the diagnosis from his physical exam. She's never been married. Just lost her job and is on Cobra. Lives alone. And fosters dogs and cats for a rehoming shelter. She owns a home, But don't know if there's a mortgage. Money is going to be an issue in addition to the battle the doc is preparing her for.

She's coming over for answers. And questions. I have plenty of experience on treatment, etc. to offer her, but I'm wondering what you all know about what financial assistance might be available for her.

She just told me last night in a text that she took in a homeless woman with a dog. WTF? She should be looking for a PAYING roommate. I can't imagine what she's thinking.

Any suggestions on what YOU would do if faced with this situation?

Click to expand...

Only thing I can suggest is applying for disability and medicare. COBRA will eat up cash fast.

calamity said:

Only thing I can suggest is applying for disability and medicare. COBRA will eat up cash fast.

Click to expand...

Medicare is not likley to "kick in" for 24 months following SS disability acceptance. A PPACA subsidiy or expanded Medicaid may be a better immediate option to persue to help with medical care costs.

Ask Ms. Medicare: Disabled and Waiting for Medicare - Social Security ...

ttwtt78640 said:

Medicare is not likley to "kick in" for 24 months following SS disability acceptance. A PPACA subsidiy or expanded Medicaid may be a better immediate option to persue to help with medical care costs.

Ask Ms. Medicare: Disabled and Waiting for Medicare - Social Security ...

Click to expand...

24 months? Wow!

calamity said:

24 months? Wow!

Click to expand...

There is, so far, one exception to that mandatory 24 month waiting period - disability caused by renal (kidney) failure. My sister-in-law is in now that situation and was able to immediately (which in government speak, is actually a month later) qualify for Medicare.

EDIT: Actually there are two such exceptions the other being Lou Gehrig’s disease.

ttwtt78640 said:

Medicare is not likley to "kick in" for 24 months following SS disability acceptance. A PPACA subsidiy or expanded Medicaid may be a better immediate option to persue to help with medical care costs.

Ask Ms. Medicare: Disabled and Waiting for Medicare - Social Security ...

Click to expand...

That is one harsh policy. In Canada, people can apply for CPP disability, even for short term reasons. A friend had breast cancer, had a radical mastectomy for both, so applied for employment insurance, 13 weeks, not much, then CPP kicked in but took a few months to get the checks.
My wife and i were there for her during this time.
Thankfully she is now cancer clear.

MaggieD said:

Damn it.

She's coming for dinner today. Went to the doc last week and he is preparing her for the diagnosis from his physical exam. She's never been married. Just lost her job and is on Cobra. Lives alone. And fosters dogs and cats for a rehoming shelter. She owns a home, But don't know if there's a mortgage. Money is going to be an issue in addition to the battle the doc is preparing her for.

She's coming over for answers. And questions. I have plenty of experience on treatment, etc. to offer her, but I'm wondering what you all know about what financial assistance might be available for her.

She just told me last night in a text that she took in a homeless woman with a dog. WTF? She should be looking for a PAYING roommate. I can't imagine what she's thinking.

Any suggestions on what YOU would do if faced with this situation?

Click to expand...

As others said, being there for her. 1 option could be where you sell a portion of the value, and are able to stay in the home till you move. Not sure how it works in the US or even how good it is. So this may be a terrible suggestion

Great suggestions all. I wonder about SS Disability. If she DOES have cancer, she won't be able to get a job until radiation is over. That's generally every day for six weeks, depending. Then a rest and, most of the time, chemo starts. Debilitating it is. Ohhhh so tired. I think I may suggest she talk to one of those a,balance chasers that offers to help one through the maze...

The reverse mortgage may be an option...not sure about age requirements. If she doesn't already have a line of credit opened, I doubt she can get one without a job... but great idea.

She's told me she's pretty much a loner. She is a social worker having worked in the school system until just a few months ago. And spends all of her free time with the foundation as a volunteer. I'd suggested she needed to cultivate friendships... we just became friends a few months ago. She may have a very hard road ahead of her if she has to travel it without good support from friends and family...

I had never thought of the homeless woman as an asset. But that's absolutely right. Especially for pet care. And even shopping. I'm going to suggest she protect her personal papers and things. Bit of a cynic, I am.

You've all given me some really good suggestions. One plus one is three! Thank you very much.

MaggieD said:

Damn it.

She's coming for dinner today. Went to the doc last week and he is preparing her for the diagnosis from his physical exam. She's never been married. Just lost her job and is on Cobra. Lives alone. And fosters dogs and cats for a rehoming shelter. She owns a home, But don't know if there's a mortgage. Money is going to be an issue in addition to the battle the doc is preparing her for.

She's coming over for answers. And questions. I have plenty of experience on treatment, etc. to offer her, but I'm wondering what you all know about what financial assistance might be available for her.

She just told me last night in a text that she took in a homeless woman with a dog. WTF? She should be looking for a PAYING roommate. I can't imagine what she's thinking.

Any suggestions on what YOU would do if faced with this situation?

Click to expand...

Let her know that cancer is definitely expensive. That's just the truth of it. Also, she's probably going to be looking to you as an example but let her know that everyone reacts to treatments differently. You're responding incredibly well but she may not: in fact she may need something different altogether. She may get very sick no matter what she does.

MaggieD said:

Damn it.

She's coming for dinner today. Went to the doc last week and he is preparing her for the diagnosis from his physical exam. She's never been married. Just lost her job and is on Cobra. Lives alone. And fosters dogs and cats for a rehoming shelter. She owns a home, But don't know if there's a mortgage. Money is going to be an issue in addition to the battle the doc is preparing her for.

She's coming over for answers. And questions. I have plenty of experience on treatment, etc. to offer her, but I'm wondering what you all know about what financial assistance might be available for her.

She just told me last night in a text that she took in a homeless woman with a dog. WTF? She should be looking for a PAYING roommate. I can't imagine what she's thinking.

Any suggestions on what YOU would do if faced with this situation?

Click to expand...

Most states have a medical assistance program but you pretty much need to be indigent (though, as a rule, your personal residence doesn't count against you for assistance but it might be liened). Indigence can often be facilitated by transferring assets to a trust but you can't be your own trustee or beneficiary. There is also, generally, a look back period so sometimes it can be a year or two before someone qualifies. The key is to find a trustworthy person to be your trustee.

Mr. Invisible said:

Sorry to hear that your pal has cancer

If I were in that situation, what I would do is gently tell her to get the homeless woman tf out of her house as she already has enough to deal with. Other than that, I'd just be caring and supportive and just there, if you will, for my friend.

Click to expand...

jamesrage said:

If its breast cancer then she might be able to get help from the Susan G Komen foundation. They paid for all the treatments and medications for my mom. The only thing they didn't pay for is the vitamins and supplements. My mother didn't own her own home and she worked a minimum wage job. I don't know if there is some equivalent for some other types of cancer.

National Community Health Programs | Susan G. Komen®

Click to expand...

ttwtt78640 said:

I would guess that she sees no reason to let her failing health limit her personal acts of charity. Perhaps, to the contrary, she may even see her serious medical condition as reason to provide even more charity as she sees judgement day coming nearer. If nothing else, having a roommate, even though not paying rent, may be a good thing if they help keep her spirits up and perhaps even help her with the housework and animal care.

Click to expand...

calamity said:

Only thing I can suggest is applying for disability and medicare. COBRA will eat up cash fast.

Click to expand...

JANFU said:

That is one harsh policy. In Canada, people can apply for CPP disability, even for short term reasons. A friend had breast cancer, had a radical mastectomy for both, so applied for employment insurance, 13 weeks, not much, then CPP kicked in but took a few months to get the checks.
My wife and i were there for her during this time.
Thankfully she is now cancer clear.

Click to expand...

reinoe said:

Let her know that cancer is definitely expensive. That's just the truth of it. Also, she's probably going to be looking to you as an example but let her know that everyone reacts to treatments differently. You're responding incredibly well but she may not: in fact she may need something different altogether. She may get very sick no matter what she does.

Click to expand...

Lutherf said:

Most states have a medical assistance program but you pretty much need to be indigent (though, as a rule, your personal residence doesn't count against you for assistance but it might be liened). Indigence can often be facilitated by transferring assets to a trust but you can't be your own trustee or beneficiary. There is also, generally, a look back period so sometimes it can be a year or two before someone qualifies. The key is to find a trustworthy person to be your trustee.

Click to expand...

Since we don't often get "the rest of the story," thought I would share an update. I was very impressed with Rita's mindset. She didn't talk too much about her fears. She focused on the blessing she felt because this homeless woman had come into her life just now.

Susie had been living in a by-the-week motel with her 10-year-old dog. She couldn't leave the dog in the room alone, so it went everywhere with her. She's homeless after her brother died six months ago. Just three months ago, she was evicted from his home. Susie and her brother had been sharing the mortgage payment. After he passed, she couldn't afford it alone and was finally evicted.

She's on disability. The motel cost her $225 a week. Rita and she struck a deal that she would pay Rita $500 a month, possibly more if utilities took a big jump. Since Rita has always lived alone, she's drawn some boundaries about privacy that I'd draw myself. Susie will live in her lower level where she'll have her own powder room, a private bath on the second floor for showers, etc. Rita uses the bath on the first floor.theyll share a kitchen and Rita will buy her own food or share in that expense.

She's on disability. Gets what Rita described as a fairly generous check, but nowhere near enough to live on her own. This would seem a win-win for both of them if boundaries don't become a problem. Susie is thrilled to have a place to live she can afford. Rita is thrilled to have the income right now AND the safety valve to help with her pets should she end up in hospital or need some assistance if her diagnosis goes the way she thinks it will.

The only cautions I threw her way was, one, to remind her that, after Susie's been there a short time, she will have tenants' rights that would entail Rita evicting her by court order should she decide to avail herself of them. And, two, that she should lock up her personal financial information to safeguard it from this stranger.

Me? After my visit with Rita, I feel better for her future -- and I am more convinced than ever that the Lord works in mysterious ways.

Thank you all again for your advice.

MaggieD said:

Since we don't often get "the rest of the story," thought I would share an update. I was very impressed with Rita's mindset. She didn't talk too much about her fears. She focused on the blessing she felt because this homeless woman had come into her life just now.

Susie had been living in a by-the-week motel with her 10-year-old dog. She couldn't leave the dog in the room alone, so it went everywhere with her. She's homeless after her brother died six months ago. Just three months ago, she was evicted from his home. Susie and her brother had been sharing the mortgage payment. After he passed, she couldn't afford it alone and was finally evicted.

She's on disability. The motel cost her $225 a week. Rita and she struck a deal that she would pay Rita $500 a month, possibly more if utilities took a big jump. Since Rita has always lived alone, she's drawn some boundaries about privacy that I'd draw myself. Susie will live in her lower level where she'll have her own powder room, a private bath on the second floor for showers, etc. Rita uses the bath on the first floor.theyll share a kitchen and Rita will buy her own food or share in that expense.

She's on disability. Gets what Rita described as a fairly generous check, but nowhere near enough to live on her own. This would seem a win-win for both of them if boundaries don't become a problem. Susie is thrilled to have a place to live she can afford. Rita is thrilled to have the income right now AND the safety valve to help with her pets should she end up in hospital or need some assistance if her diagnosis goes the way she thinks it will.

The only cautions I threw her way was, one, to remind her that, after Susie's been there a short time, she will have tenants' rights that would entail Rita evicting her by court order should she decide to avail herself of them. And, two, that she should lock up her personal financial information to safeguard it from this stranger.

Me? After my visit with Rita, I feel better for her future -- and I am more convinced than ever that the Lord works in mysterious ways.

Thank you all again for your advice.

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I have no advice for you but I did want to say you are doing a good thing befriending this person and trying to help her deal with a ****ty situation that you unfortunately have too much experience with

Quag said:

I have no advice for you but I did want to say you are doing a good thing befriending this person and trying to help her deal with a ****ty situation that you unfortunately have too much experience with

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Very kind of you, Quag. TYVM!

Not sure if you mentioned what type of cancer your friend has, but my girlfriend had a double mastectomy several years ago, and swears by the The Pink Daisy Project. They are primarily for breast cancer, but they aren't about finding a cure. They are about helping people today, who need help, you know - today. People donate, for instance, a $50 gas card, and that gas card is in turn given to a woman fighting breast cancer who can't afford the gas to drive back and forth for treatment. Someone else might donate a $100 Walmart gift card. That card is then turned around and given to a woman who can't afford groceries. There seems to be no middle-men, no bull****. My friend swears by them. They helped her through a lot.

JANFU said:

As others said, being there for her. 1 option could be where you sell a portion of the value, and are able to stay in the home till you move. Not sure how it works in the US or even how good it is. So this may be a terrible suggestion

Click to expand...

We have what's called a Reverse Mortgage that would give her money, allow her to stay in her house as long as she wants without paying back any money she draws from the account, and the bank just takes over the house and sells it upon her leaving the house. But, there are age restrictions, and she may not be old enough to qualify.