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Does a married man call a woman twice a day just because?

MaggieD said:
I would say she is attractive.

.........

They also done a few things together. He asked me to go to one, knowing I really couldn't. They also meet at McDonald's after track on the weekends. He's gone about three hours to walk a couple miles. He says a group goes. I no longer trust him.

Oh, to the poster who asked if I found out bout the calls or he told me? He told me after I confronted him with my suspicions.
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I sincerely hope you can work this out. It's possible that this is all innocent. But, your suspicions are certainly justified. So, I suggest trusting your instincts on this and respond accordingly.
 
I just said hat eighteen years deserves the benefit of the doubt. Then, I asked to see his phone explaining that his life needed to be transparent from now on.

His call log had been cleared.

He's packing his things. **** him.

Edit... he doesn't know how to reboot his computer.

Which is mine, by the way.
 
MaggieD said:
Oh, to the poster who asked if I found out bout the calls or he told me? He told me after I confronted him with my suspicions.
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China and this situation both have giant red flags!
 
Yeah I don't know Maggie, try not to let anyone here influence your thinking too much, none of them know your SO so it's difficult for them to really gauge what may be the case.

But for myself, if I was doing that, well, I know my wife would cut me in half with a Katana.
 
Jetboogieman said:
Yeah I don't know Maggie, try not to let anyone here influence your thinking too much, none of them know your SO so it's difficult for them to really gauge what may be the case.

But for myself, if I was doing that, well, I know my wife would cut me in half with a Katana.
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In our house we have several sharpened katanas. We, as a group, simply happened to collect them and decided there's no point in having katana that can't cut things.
 
MaggieD said:
I just said hat eighteen years deserves the benefit of the doubt. Then, I asked to see his phone explaining that his life needed to be transparent from now on.

His call log had been cleared.

He's packing his things. **** him.

Edit... he doesn't know how to reboot his computer.

Which is mine, by the way.
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Gulp.

Sorry to hear this, Maggie. But, if his reaction is to clear his phone and bolt, your suspicions were probably dead on.
 
calamity said:
Gulp.

Sorry to hear this, Maggie. But, if his reaction is to clear his phone and bolt, your suspicions were probably dead on.
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He didn't bolt. Someone showed him how to clear his phone. That's enough for me.

I told him he had four hours to collect his **** and get out and then I was filing for a temp restraining order.
 
MaggieD said:
So that's what my SO of 17 years is telling me. He calls a gal he met at the walking track once or twice a day... they're just friends he says. Guys, what's your gut instinct?
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It's inappropriate imo, esp. since he didn't decide to tell you about these conversations until he got caught.
 
MaggieD said:
No, he's never let me know about them...never called or taken a call in front of me. I have not known about their friendship. I've never had anyone cheat on me before, so I'm just at a loss. Oh, he knows I'm unhappy. I'm just not sure how far to take this.

He's been to her home . . . He said, "I never meant for this to happen..." for WHAT to happen? Yesterday, he had no answer. Today his answer is, "For you to be upset." Today re going to her home a few times, he said she had a couple of garage sales.

Swear to God. I feel like I'm being gaslighted.
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I really feel for you. It sounds like he hasn't been open with you. Just remember that you have agency here. You're not a victim. You can make choices and set boundaries for the type of relationship you want. You get decide what the dealbreakers are for you.
 
Jetboogieman said:
Yeah I don't know Maggie, try not to let anyone here influence your thinking too much, none of them know your SO so it's difficult for them to really gauge what may be the case.

But for myself, if I was doing that, well, I know my wife would cut me in half with a Katana.
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About 10 years ago, I was texting with a friend from work who was going through some hard times with her S/O. THe stuff she was dealing with was pretty similar to the problems my gf and I had. So, I felt I could help. :doh

Luckily, I told my gf about the "relationship" right away. She was cool with it, but then one night, out of the blue, she said, "I want to see your texts with that girl." :shock:

I handed her my phone, and she read about 5 of them, saw that there was no there there, and gave me my phone back. In the end, I eventually quit texting with my friend, who had moved on and found new interests anyway.
 
Just saw your update. I'm sorry things have turned out that way. I wish you luck.
 
MaggieD said:
He didn't bolt. Someone showed him how to clear his phone. That's enough for me.

I told him he had four hours to collect his **** and get out and then I was filing for a temp restraining order.
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Maggie, I'm sorry you have to go through this. If he can't inspire your trust, then he doesn't deserve you.
Be well.
 
MaggieD said:
I just said hat eighteen years deserves the benefit of the doubt. Then, I asked to see his phone explaining that his life needed to be transparent from now on.

His call log had been cleared.

He's packing his things. **** him.

Edit... he doesn't know how to reboot his computer.

Which is mine, by the way.
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Aw Maggie. I'm so sorry this is happening. I know you're hurt and pissed off. But after a cooling down period, maybe you two can work things out. Couples can, and do recover from such things. :(
 
Yes, it certainly sounds like he was having an affair.

It's worth noting that he doesn't have to leave the house just because you want him to. As far as restraining orders go unless there is some serious **** we don't know about, that seems unnecessary.

If you have decided that this infidelity warrants divorce, there is a form of restraining order... I'm not even sure if it's called that... you may hopefully be referring to here... the one that prevents either of you from just wantonly emptying your bank accounts on bull****.
 
countryboy said:
Aw Maggie. I'm so sorry this is happening. I know you're hurt and pissed off. But after a cooling down period, maybe you two can work things out. Couples can, and do recover from such things. :(
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Yeah. 18 years suggests that there has been some history with plenty of experience in "working things out." But, some things can push the envelope. This sounds like one of those things.

This isn't one of those cases where one party asks, "Who ate the last piece of bacon?" And, the other responding with, "I think it was one of the dogs."
 
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calamity said:
Yeah. 18 years suggests that there has been some history with plenty of experience in "working things out." But, some things can push the envelope. This sounds like one of those things.
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That is true, but even that can be recovered from.
 
countryboy said:
That is true, but even that can be recovered from.
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Sure. We came though some rough sledding ourselves over the past 16 years. But, trust issues never really emerged. Thank god.
 
MaggieD said:
So that's what my SO of 17 years is telling me. He calls a gal he met at the walking track once or twice a day... they're just friends he says. Guys, what's your gut instinct?
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Only time I ever called someone twice a day every day was when I was courting my wife.
 
Winchester said:
Only time I ever called someone twice a day every day was when I was courting my wife.
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You must have the perfect tax practice. I've got some clients that require 3 calls a day and four on Saturday.
 
Lutherf said:
You must have the perfect tax practice. I've got some clients that require 3 calls a day and four on Saturday.
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It's not too bad. I work through their stuff and give em a list of what I still need and toss them on my worked through/info pending shelf.
 
MaggieD said:
I just said hat eighteen years deserves the benefit of the doubt. Then, I asked to see his phone explaining that his life needed to be transparent from now on.

His call log had been cleared.

He's packing his things. **** him.

Edit... he doesn't know how to reboot his computer.

Which is mine, by the way.
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Well that turned really sucky fast. Sorry to hear that Maggie.
 
To be blunt...is she as or better looking than you?

If she isn't, I would not worry. If she is, I would.

A straight guy getting along well with a woman he is physically attracted to while he is in a relationship with someone else? Trouble!!!

Unless your SO is one of those rare guys who looks means little to. In that case, then I would worry...period.

I would ask him what is it that he is getting from her that he is not getting from you. If he brushes it off - push. If he keeps brushing it off - push harder.


Final advice...NEVER TRUST ANYONE any more than you absolutely have to.

The only people that get fooled around on are the ones who trust.
 
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MaggieD said:
I just said hat eighteen years deserves the benefit of the doubt. Then, I asked to see his phone explaining that his life needed to be transparent from now on.

His call log had been cleared.

He's packing his things. **** him.

Edit... he doesn't know how to reboot his computer.

Which is mine, by the way.
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Sorry to hear that, Maggie. I had a similar situation happen to me. I had Verizon at the time and was able to go online and get the call history. Most of the activity was being done via text, however. Reading the texts is what finished the marriage. If he isn't willing to hand over his phone and show you everything on there, then he is hiding something significant from you. Yes, having someone cheat on you is devastating and heartbreaking but it isn't necessarily the end of the world. I found someone better and I am sure you will too. I am sure there have been times over the last 17 years that you had opportunities to cheat on him and didn't take them. The same was true for me. I stayed faithful. She did not. That is a flaw in your partners moral code, not yours.
 
Ugh. Sorry to hear this, Maggie. :(
 
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