We had to have those little talks with both our kids as well, son and daughter, starting at the tender ages of seven or eight, even despite the fact that their computer time BACK THEN was very strictly supervised AND very limited.
I think around ages ten or eleven they each got their own machines but even back then we were still exerting a fair bit of control via software on both our router and on their machines.
By thirteen and fourteen we relaxed a little bit but still made it clear that they were not living in a democracy and that we were indeed benevolent dictators and we would be snooping without their permission, and they had to live with that.
By fifteen or sixteen we decided that they had both proven that they'd learned the right ideas on how to deal with the internet and so we've been very comfortable ever since. They're both over eighteen now and one (the daughter) is about to move out on her own. Our son is disabled, so he may be with us a while longer.
When we first started talking to them, we didn't use any references to sex at all, we just asked if they understood what the kids on the milk cartons were all about, and surprisingly they did. So we helped them connect the dots and explained that the people that they interact with personally on the internet are STRANGERS, and that some of them might not be good people, hence the risk of sharing too much with strangers and winding up as one of those kids on a milk carton.
We didn't overwhelm or bombard them, but we kept revisiting the subject from time to time, and we asked them the questions, probing to see if they knew about stories of creepy types and rumors, and exploitation schemes. We let them inform us, and corrected misinformation and explained how schemes get carried out. We let them feel they were being proactive about it.
By the time they started reaching their tween prepubescent years, they were the ones who expressed mild apprehension about creepy pedo types and they were the ones asking questions, and again we patiently separated fact from fiction, and we tied stuff in with contemporary news stories, so that they could understand that real people sometimes got into real trouble, and real kids sometimes had scary stuff happen to them, but that sometimes real people helped real people when they were in trouble, and we explained the many ways they could help themselves.
We made sure that they felt that they were able to police themselves and use their natural common sense. It sure looks like it all turned out healthy.
Without a doubt my son spends too much time being a gamer but neither kid has ever gotten into trouble, or into drugs, gangs, sexual exploitation, or anything scary or creepy. They're smart good kids
