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Going to a Catholic Church, what should I know

nota bene said:
So how did it go?
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She got sick with some sort of allergic reaction to something (we aren't sure what, but I suspect its the new cat litter I bought), so we postponed it for next weekend.

I will let you guys know though.

As an interesting side bar, the more I talk to her about it, the more I am beginning to suspect that much of her approach to religion is at least somewhat based on associative thought. For example, she does not like to eat breakfast before going to church due to the ideas of purity covering communion (it should be the only thing in the body), which is a very romantic idea. Its an interesting mindset and one I am not used to (I tend to think like an engineer and scientist, I like fact and what I can see and manipulate personally, ideas about things like ritualistic purity are, imho, nonsense, but she has a good head on her shoulders and can go toe to toe with me intellectually, so its worth considering on the sake of her intellectual prowess alone as it means her insight into this other mode of thinking may have some worth or else she would have dismissed it herself). I am curious about this style of thought though, I look forward to more conversations with her to gain insight into how this mode of thinking works.
 
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Your questions may be very valuable for her; you'd be surprised by the number of cradle-Catholics who've never thought much about why they do what they do.
 
nota bene said:
Your questions may be very valuable for her; you'd be surprised by the number of cradle-Catholics who've never thought much about why they do what they do.
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I probably will since I am naturally a very curious person :).

I am disappointed that we couldn't go, but looking at how much her face was swollen yesterday morning from all the sneezing, plus her sheer level of exhaustion, she wasn't in the shape to. We will probably spend our evenings as we do, talking about everything, including this topic.

I am hopeful we can go next weekend though. This woman has an amazing mind and I am curious to see how this looks through her eyes.
 
nota bene said:
Your questions may be very valuable for her; you'd be surprised by the number of cradle-Catholics who've never thought much about why they do what they do.
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I was converted to Catholicism years ago. It didn't take very long to realize I knew more about that religion than most Catholics. I actually soon rejected the church because I thought I had to accept too many fairy tales to honestly call myself a Catholic. Had I been "cradle introduced," like most are, I, sure I wouldn't have questioned much as I did.
 
If someone is ill, they definitely should not go out in public, to work, to the supermarket, to the mall, or to church. That only spreads the disease more. Hope she gets better soon.

When I was a kid growing up, there was built a new Baptist church up the street next to our elementary school in Wichita Falls Texas. Many of my friends from school started going there with their parents. One of my buddies invited me, so I went. The main thing I remember is when the preacher passed around the donation plate to the congregation, he watched it carefully as it went by everyone. When it came to me, I did not have any money to put into it, so I just passed it on.

He gave me a scornful look for that, and he wrote something down. Not sure if they taught him this marketing gimmick in divinity college or not. It is a lasting impression that I will never forget.

When I wanted to go again the following Sunday, I asked my mom for some money so I too could donate. She said heck no! We are NOT Baptist. She did not mind if I went, but there was no way she was letting me donate any of our hard earned family cash.

In Catholic church where I attend the congregation is huge -- larger than a modern gym -- so several volunteers will bring around baskets to collect donations. It has never seemed like a big deal in Catholic church. In fact if you don't hurry up they will miss you.

Sic semper logistics.

If your sweetie is inviting you to her Church then this is a good sign that she wants to hold onto you for keeps. That makes you a keeper in her eyes.

In Catholicism as in Judaism there is never any pressure for a spouse to join in order to partake of Church marriage. However you will be expected (in both) to raise your children in the Church.
 
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Riveroaks said:
If your sweetie is inviting you to her Church then this is a good sign that she wants to hold onto you for keeps. That makes you a keeper in her eyes.

In Catholicism as in Judaism there is never any pressure for a spouse to join in order to partake of Church marriage. However you will be expected (in both) to raise your children in the Church.
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She does. We seem to have a deep and very profound intellectual, physical, and emotional connection, plus a "spark" that is near bonfire in intensity on all of those mentioned levels. Its a very enjoyable experience which we both hope to continue and see what develops.
 
EdwinWillers said:
Meh - I'm no expert on catholicism; I'm speaking anecdotally, from experience. Although I have say that the part in RED above I find very, very disturbing; it also tends to bolster what I'd said above.
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Catholicism (and the various orthodox churches) have retained their Jewish roots in this area. Judaism has never taught the concept of "the priesthood of all believers". Rather, Judaism is based on continuos revelations via the autoratitive, but not scripture per se Talmud and Mishnah Judaism also stresses the need for a comptent teacher to transmit Judaism to believers.

As as side note, I think that Sunni Islam, like Evangelical Christianity also emphasizes the concept of "the priesthood of all believers". This is not to say that the two religions have alot in common, but the grass roots structure down to the level of the individual is very similar
 
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tacomancer said:
She does. We seem to have a deep and very profound intellectual, physical, and emotional connection, plus a "spark" that is near bonfire in intensity on all of those mentioned levels. Its a very enjoyable experience which we both hope to continue and see what develops.
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I have this rule which has kept me out of trouble very well.

1 - date a woman for a year at least before you get serious emotionally with her.

2 - stop dating a woman after a year if it does not work out by then.

After a year you should know if the two of you can work things out.

Don't rush into anything.
 
Riveroaks said:
I have this rule which has kept me out of trouble very well.

1 - date a woman for a year at least before you get serious emotionally with her.

2 - stop dating a woman after a year if it does not work out by then.

After a year you should know if the two of you can work things out.

Don't rush into anything.
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Trust me, I've been burned by moving too fast. That desire is pretty much gone.

There are things she does that concerns me, which, if this one is a keeper, will need to be worked out. Nothing major, biggest issue is that she can have a bit of a temper, which is something I am still seeking to understand in terms of her buttons and perspective. I think I have a preliminary understanding of why, but I need to keep an eye on it, however, if I am correct, its actually not a problem at all as she will be vocally expressive but never more than that. She is a really strong type A and I think that's where it comes from, those types let off steam from time to time.

Beyond that, she isn't tripping any of my red flags and is hitting everything on my "you must have these traits" list, good money management, intelligent, emotionally honest, generally honest, high integrity, high standards, good social skills, no drugs, high self control and self discipline, good mother to her children, has a really good job, etc. plus plenty of nice haves, killer body, well read and loves books, nerdy (she is a renfest and science nerd), serious smart ass, caring, loving, supportive of her friends, loves the same music I do, etc.

Also things are intense right now as they tend to be at the beginning of any relationship. I am waiting until that wears off to see how things shake out.

I will say that a very real and strong friendship seems to be forming, which gives me hope. If this turns out to be a very good friendship, which my gut tells me is going to happen no matter what else happens, then good :)

However, back to the topic at hand, catholicism 101
 
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EdwinWillers said:
Meh - I'm no expert on catholicism; I'm speaking anecdotally, from experience. Although I have say that the part in RED above I find very, very disturbing; it also tends to bolster what I'd said above.

I don't know what the "official" catholic line on anything is (seems to change from pope to pope and council to council anyway), merely what I've observed personally and/or seen and heard from friends, relatives, co-workers, and acquaintances who are Catholic. My wife on the other hand lived it for 18 years of her life. She's my best source, but I'll admit she's also an extremely biased one, given her experiences. Her parents basically disowned her for leaving the Catholic church when she became a Christian - something I find quite interesting as a [protestant] Christian myself.
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... when she became a PROTESTANT ... !!!

:)
 
MaggieD said:
I was converted to Catholicism years ago. It didn't take very long to realize I knew more about that religion than most Catholics. I actually soon rejected the church because I thought I had to accept too many fairy tales to honestly call myself a Catholic. Had I been "cradle introduced," like most are, I, sure I wouldn't have questioned much as I did.
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Adult converts typically have a better understanding about the Catholic faith than lay cradle-Catholics. It's because cradle-Catholics are taught everything about it as children and may not fully understand or appreciate the teachings. Sometimes you have to live a little before the message really resonates. The Church is aware that the lack of continuing religious education for adults is an issue and some parishes and dioceses are taking to steps to address it. I always used to joke that the last person you want to ask about Catholic doctrine is a lay Catholic. But truth be told, that is true of any Christian church (or probably religion)-most practitioners have very little direct knowledge or spend the time studying the Bible and theology themselves and simply rely on what they are told. Heck-most people are that way about most things (yes, even "free-thinkers" do very little thinking and simply regurgitate the ideas that fall in line with their own ideologies). I am not hating on lay people or anyone for that matter-just stating the way it is.
 
EdwinWillers said:
My wife was raised catholic. From what I gather, there isn't anything you need to know, per se - the priests do everything for them, even reading the bible for them - which, according to my wife, lay people are actually discouraged from studying on their own. The priest hears people's confessions, assigns them a few "hail Mary's" to say in penitence, and voila, they're absolved of whatever sins they committed since they last confessed to the priest.

I've been to a couple catholic weddings, several catholic funerals, and a few masses - they're all pretty much identical, and very ritualistic; sit and listen, kneel when told to kneel, stand when told to stand, sit, kneel, stand, sit, kneel, stand and repeat whatever the priest tells you - though there are a number of priest - laity responsive readings that regulars seem to have memorized, but no one expects visitors to know what to say so that's not an issue really, save for any embarrassment the might feel not being part of the ritual.

But, if you can put all that aside and focus on the real reason for being there - which is Jesus - the rest shouldn't be an issue.
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I am going to have to disagree with one point. Many (if not most) Catholics I know tend to know more about the bible, and are better educated about it that the average Christian.
 
tacomancer said:
The lady I've been dating for the last few months has invited me to go to her church this Sunday.

I've thought about and honestly, I do very much miss going, so I'm going to give it a shot and see if I like it. Perhaps it will be a fit for me. You never know in life unless you try new things.

However, I've been doing some research online about the differences of the tradition I am used to (southern baptist flavor) and Catholicism, just so I don't walk in completely blind or commit some accidental faux pas. The research isn't telling me much.

For those of you who might have experienced both types of denomination, what would you say to expect in terms of the need to know things? But perhaps without too many spoilers as I want to experience it for what it is without forming a prior opinion.

My GF can't really answer these questions as she has only been to Catholic Church and thus doesn't have the frame of reference I am looking for.
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Well, I did it kindergarten through senior year and a few years after that. Basically a guy in a dress turns his back, waves his hands over some wafers, says some mumbo jumbo and then it is flesh and blood, and then they want you to eat it.

Then its, stand up sit down, kneel, and recite some mumbo jumbo with everyone, sit down, stand up, kneel, cross yourself, feel guilty, stick your hand in some filthy bacteria filled water and cross your self again, go up, eat christ, go and kneel again, because, like the nuns told us "I don't care if its painful, think of the pain jesus had on the cross", feel guilty, and leave. Oh, and be guilted into dropping a wad into the basket so you can pay for the priest's broadband and cable bill and free car.

Oh, and it is all BS, but feel free to make business contacts afterwards.

Oh, and the incense is cool, but you usually don't get any of that unless there is a funeral. And a wedding is tedious, a hispanic wedding is tedious cubed. Bring a book, or a flask.
 
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tacomancer said:
The lady I've been dating for the last few months has invited me to go to her church this Sunday.
I've thought about and honestly, I do very much miss going, so I'm going to give it a shot and see if I like it. Perhaps it will be a fit for me. You never know in life unless you try new things.
However, I've been doing some research online about the differences of the tradition I am used to (southern baptist flavor) and Catholicism, just so I don't walk in completely blind or commit some accidental faux pas. The research isn't telling me much.
For those of you who might have experienced both types of denomination, what would you say to expect in terms of the need to know things? But perhaps without too many spoilers as I want to experience it for what it is without forming a prior opinion.
My GF can't really answer these questions as she has only been to Catholic Church and thus doesn't have the frame of reference I am looking for.
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It sounds a little like you are more interested in this woman than the Lord. Can that end well? Aren't you being deceitful and disrespecting her and your Lord?
 
Cable said:
It sounds a little like you are more interested in this woman than the Lord. Can that end well? Aren't you being deceitful and disrespecting her and your Lord?
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It's quite common to join a parish for sex.
 
Cable said:
It sounds a little like you are more interested in this woman than the Lord. Can that end well? Aren't you being deceitful and disrespecting her and your Lord?
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lol wut?

Please explain your reasoning.
 
tacomancer said:
The lady I've been dating for the last few months has invited me to go to her church this Sunday.

I've thought about and honestly, I do very much miss going, so I'm going to give it a shot and see if I like it. Perhaps it will be a fit for me. You never know in life unless you try new things.

However, I've been doing some research online about the differences of the tradition I am used to (southern baptist flavor) and Catholicism, just so I don't walk in completely blind or commit some accidental faux pas. The research isn't telling me much.

For those of you who might have experienced both types of denomination, what would you say to expect in terms of the need to know things? But perhaps without too many spoilers as I want to experience it for what it is without forming a prior opinion.

My GF can't really answer these questions as she has only been to Catholic Church and thus doesn't have the frame of reference I am looking for.
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The biggest thing is that the churches can vary wildly. There may be a rock band with drums, guitar, etc. There may be just a piano with singers. There may be an organ and schola. The priest can be humble or he can be boisterous and totally disrespectful for what the Mass actually is. You may receive see Communion received from an altar rail or you may see random people approach the altar to distribute Communion.

So honestly, there isn't much that I can tell you. What I will tell you is that for Catholics for centuries, the rule is be quiet, be aware of what is going on, and be reverent. Remember, the Mass is the representation of the sacrifice of Calvary. How would you act at the crucifixion of Jesus? That's how you should act at Mass.
 
EMNofSeattle said:
Being a confirmed member of the club, I can give you two pointers, 1) don't shout amens, that's not done, there are some ritual responses, I know them all by heart, but I don't want you to me mistakes, so I will tell you dot worry just stay silent, if you keep going you'll pick it up, 2) communion, of you're not confirmed you can still get in line, once you reach the priest you can cross your arms over your chest, which means you get a blessing.
Or you can sit at the pew, your choice

And the process last maybe an hour, it's not long
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The preferred option is to remain in your pew praying. The option of going up to receive a blessing is discouraged by Rome.
 
EdwinWillers said:
My wife was raised catholic. From what I gather, there isn't anything you need to know, per se - the priests do everything for them, even reading the bible for them - which, according to my wife, lay people are actually discouraged from studying on their own.
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Your wife couldn't be more incorrect.

The priest hears people's confessions, assigns them a few "hail Mary's" to say in penitence, and voila, they're absolved of whatever sins they committed since they last confessed to the priest.
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Only if you're truly contrite.
 
Fearandloathing said:
The last time I attended Catholic mass was when they still spoke Latin,
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This is still technically what most churches are supposed to do. And if you go to a TLM it will still be in Latin and be a very different experience than your typical parish.
 
tacomancer said:
She got sick with some sort of allergic reaction to something (we aren't sure what, but I suspect its the new cat litter I bought), so we postponed it for next weekend.

I will let you guys know though.

As an interesting side bar, the more I talk to her about it, the more I am beginning to suspect that much of her approach to religion is at least somewhat based on associative thought. For example, she does not like to eat breakfast before going to church due to the ideas of purity covering communion (it should be the only thing in the body), which is a very romantic idea. Its an interesting mindset and one I am not used to (I tend to think like an engineer and scientist, I like fact and what I can see and manipulate personally, ideas about things like ritualistic purity are, imho, nonsense, but she has a good head on her shoulders and can go toe to toe with me intellectually, so its worth considering on the sake of her intellectual prowess alone as it means her insight into this other mode of thinking may have some worth or else she would have dismissed it herself). I am curious about this style of thought though, I look forward to more conversations with her to gain insight into how this mode of thinking works.
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It's a small sacrifice before Mass. The requirement is only 1 hour of fasting, which is basically nothing.
 
EdwinWillers said:
Well you're certainly free to believe that.
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If the Church was against self-study then I have to wonder why the SOP is to give confirmation candidates Bibles.

Contrite... according to whom?
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You know yourself whether you are contrite. God will not be mocked.
 
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