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Why aren't women happy???

No mystery... When people assume more power, they have more questionable actions to regret and reevaluate, not a happy state. It's much easier when someone else gives the orders and you do what he says.

Go along and get along.

ricksfolly
 
Bodhisattva said:
More men are stepping up and doing household duties and more child rearing than ever, so I would disagree with the maid and income comment. Plus, many women keep a portion of their income for themselves and only put in some to half, for isntance, into the families bills.

Regarding the stress of modern living, it is all the fault of the people that play that game. Move somewhere less expensive. Get one job. Have one car. Don't buy so much stuff. Save instead of going on vacations. There are a lot of things that people do that make their own lives more stressful when they could simply do less. Life is what you make it...
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At least I am trying to come up with reasons to explain the statistic, instead of just saying that it's a woman's nature to be dissatisfied, or that the kinds of things women are doing these days go against their inner nature. With comments like that you'd swear the feminist movement never happened. Maybe women are still relatively unhappy because a lot of men are still holding a marginalizing mentality toward them.
 
Harry Guerrilla said:
That's not what I said at all.

Some people put pressure on a woman (see woman's lib or SAHM movements) to do things, that she may not want to do.
It is up to each woman, individually to decide that.
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My mom who is 64 was telling me about that, how the feminists, of which she was one in the 60's and early 70's, put so much pressure on women that it became really rude and intense. Feminists insulted woment that wanted to stay at home, or have secretary careers, etc. My mom got so sick of it that she that she quit and changed her mindset a lot regarding women's roles.
 
WI Crippler said:
I've actually thought about this in regards to my own wife. She has a career whereby she would not have to depend on me for anything if something were to happen to us, two beautiful healthy boys, a husband that does quite a bit of work both inside and outside the house and yet she still finds something to complain about every single day.
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This is exactly why I say happiness is a chioce. One thing I will say about my divorce...it made me realize that my happiness was completely and utterly dependent on my choices and my attitude. I could no longer blame my ex-husband for my unhappiness. I could no longer say, "well, when A happens, then I'll be happy." I realized that happily ever after wasn't some distant point in the future, it was TODAY, NOW, and I could either start living it, or I could be some bitter cow who would die with a face full of frown lines.

I suspect that even if your wife stayed at home, she'd find something to bitch about. Just my take on it (I know a lot of women who are her equivalent, and who always have a list of bitches).

If I can be happy working full time, doing all the yard work, doing all the household work, doing all the work with our kids, etc., your wife can be happy in her circumstances.
 
Orion said:
At least I am trying to come up with reasons to explain the statistic, instead of just saying that it's a woman's nature to be dissatisfied, or that the kinds of things women are doing these days go against their inner nature. With comments like that you'd swear the feminist movement never happened. Maybe women are still relatively unhappy because a lot of men are still holding a marginalizing mentality toward them.
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I didn't mean to be rude or anything... I was just countering your argument. I agree wtih your methodology and in no way am asserting that it's a woman's nature to be dissatisfied.
 
Catz Part Deux said:
Of course, as a single mom, there aren't a lot of people who can make me feel bad about having to work, although there are a few SAHMs who have tried. My kids are okay with me working, they've never known anything else. I can't personally imagine making choices that would make me completely financially dependent on someone else. That would be scary to me.
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Funny you should say all of the above, as sometimes WOHMs try to make me feel inferior for being "completely financially dependent on someone else." I think it all comes down to the old saying that no one can really make you feel anything. If someone has a problem with you for how you live your life, it's their problem. I skimmed the article, and what I got out of that is what we already know. You gotta do what's right for you and your responsibilities. If someone doesn't respect what you do, so what?

I don't know who all these women are who are so unhappy with their lives per that article. I would think as a women, I'd know a few. :shrug:
 
Bodhisattva said:
My mom who is 64 was telling me about that, how the feminists, of which she was one in the 60's and early 70's, put so much pressure on women that it became really rude and intense. Feminists insulted woment that wanted to stay at home, or have secretary careers, etc. My mom got so sick of it that she that she quit and changed her mindset a lot regarding women's roles.
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Do what makes you happy is all I'm saying.
Some women want to be SAHM's other don't, I don't give a crap as long as you're happy.

My wife has all the choice in the world, she can continue to be a SAHM or she can work to do anything she wants.
It doesn't bother me as long as she is happy and our relationship is good.
 
I think society is harder on men though.

I believe for the most part a stay at home wife or mother is socially accepted and respected whereas a stay at home husband or dad is considered a loser.
 
StandUpChuck said:
Funny you should say all of the above, as sometimes WOHMs try to make me feel inferior for being "completely financially dependent on someone else." I think it all comes down to the old saying that no one can really make you feel anything. If someone has a problem with you for how you live your life, it's their problem. I skimmed the article, and what I got out of that is what we already know. You gotta do what's right for you and your responsibilities. If someone doesn't respect what you do, so what?

I don't know who all these women are who are so unhappy with their lives per that article. I would think as a women, I'd know a few. :shrug:
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I would love to have someone to rely on financially. My boyfriend is working on grad school right now, and when he finishes, we've talked about moving out west. It's scary to me to think about being dependent on him, though. My life has taught me that it's dangerous, but he's a responsible person, and I think I actually COULD rely on him. It's just hard to think about, because of everything with my ex.

My daughter's boyfriend's mom is a SAH mom. She is constantly making bitchy little comments about the fact that I work, and travel for work. I just chalk it up to her being a bitch and leave it at that.
 
Bodhisattva said:
I didn't mean to be rude or anything... I was just countering your argument. I agree wtih your methodology and in no way am asserting that it's a woman's nature to be dissatisfied.
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Maybe I appeared to absolute in my first post. My real answer would be that the matter is complicated than any one answer can stand up to. It's why I tend to not take statistical models about happiness all that seriously. It loosely describes a trend but hardly a concrete explanation. If men are getting happier but women are getting unhappier then that alone indicates inequality in action, even if we don't yet know the precise reasons.
 
Harry Guerrilla said:
Do what makes you happy is all I'm saying.
Some women want to be SAHM's other don't, I don't give a crap as long as you're happy.

My wife has all the choice in the world, she can continue to be a SAHM or she can work to do anything she wants.
It doesn't bother me as long as she is happy and our relationship is good.
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Your original comment seemed to imply that women are less suited to be working, or at least, that's how I read it. Apologies if I wrongly interpreted you.
 
Bodhisattva said:
My mom who is 64 was telling me about that, how the feminists, of which she was one in the 60's and early 70's, put so much pressure on women that it became really rude and intense. Feminists insulted woment that wanted to stay at home, or have secretary careers, etc. My mom got so sick of it that she that she quit and changed her mindset a lot regarding women's roles.
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I do believe that.

I used to own my own company and was used to a certain respect. When I became a SAHM, I was stunned at how some people started talking down to me. I fired a realtor because she would only address my husband unless we were talking about kitchens. I have always been the one to decide on real estate. Not only to I understand the market, I am the one who runs the house matters.

(I'm gonna toss a wink in here at Catz, because I know both she and I feel passionate about this subject. While we're both living opposite sides of the working mom fence, I'm sure she & I both feel the same way about choice. So before anything gets too heated, I want to be clear that while women may make different choices, that doesn't mean we don't respect each other).
 
Catz Part Deux said:
Then they need to see their doctor and deal with their depression.
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I'm not talking about clinical depression. I'm talking about lack of money or other things that cause unhappiness.
 
Catz Part Deux said:
I would love to have someone to rely on financially. My boyfriend is working on grad school right now, and when he finishes, we've talked about moving out west. It's scary to me to think about being dependent on him, though. My life has taught me that it's dangerous, but he's a responsible person, and I think I actually COULD rely on him. It's just hard to think about, because of everything with my ex.

My daughter's boyfriend's mom is a SAH mom. She is constantly making bitchy little comments about the fact that I work, and travel for work. I just chalk it up to her being a bitch and leave it at that.
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Well then that seals it. You're going to marry this guy because she sounds like the quintessential mother in law. :)
 
StandUpChuck said:
I do believe that.

I used to own my own company and was used to a certain respect. When I became a SAHM, I was stunned at how some people started talking down to me. I fired a realtor because she would only address my husband unless we were talking about kitchens. I have always been the one to decide on real estate. Not only to I understand the market, I am the one who runs the house matters.

(I'm gonna toss a wink in here at Catz, because I know both she and I feel passionate about this subject. While we're both living opposite sides of the working mom fence, I'm sure she & I both feel the same way about choice. So before anything gets too heated, I want to be clear that while women may make different choices, that doesn't mean we don't respect each other).
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Oh, I totally agree with you on this one. It pisses me off when people imply that there is one right decision for women. We each have to decide individually what the best decision is for us. Maybe that explains the ambivalence, because choosing means taking responsibility for your own decisions.
 
StandUpChuck said:
Well then that seals it. You're going to marry this guy because she sounds like the quintessential mother in law. :)
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Well, my daughter is a little young (16) to get married anytime soon. God, this women is a heinous bitch...and that's coming from me, so you can imagine how bad it is.
 
samsmart said:
I would like to say on the topic, however, they real feminists don't really want to force women to be career gals.
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Crucial point. But in many cases the economy does force them to.
 
My wife has a career, a P.H.D., two very handsome sons and a husband who always puts the lid down.

She seems pretty happy to me.
 
Why aren't women happy???
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Because there is only one of me to go around. Sorry ladies.
 
Bodhisattva said:
Regarding the stress of modern living, it is all the fault of the people that play that game. Move somewhere less expensive. Get one job. Have one car. Don't buy so much stuff. Save instead of going on vacations. There are a lot of things that people do that make their own lives more stressful when they could simply do less. Life is what you make it...
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Seriously the truth, if you're pulling 35k+ a year, you can live well in most of the states.
 
Johnny said:
I'm not talking about clinical depression. I'm talking about lack of money or other things that cause unhappiness.
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Those things don't cause unhappiness. Frankly, some of the unhappiest people I know are wealthy.
 
Catz Part Deux said:
Those things don't cause unhappiness. Frankly, some of the unhappiest people I know are wealthy.
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There is a correlation between wealth and happiness.
Wealthy folks tend to be happier from what I've read.

I think it has less to do with the actual money and more to do with self actualization.
 
Harry Guerrilla said:
There is a correlation between wealth and happiness.
Wealthy folks tend to be happier from what I've read.

I think it has less to do with the actual money and more to do with self actualization.
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Yeah... they have more money and time to invest in personal growth. That is the main appeal to having more money for me, not really the material side of things... and it would be nice to have expendible cash for helping people.
 
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