Do you have good friends who have political beliefs that are opposite of yours? [W:61]

X Factor said:

I definitely do, in fact it’s true of most my friends but it isn’t always easy when you each have deeply held, yet opposing beliefs. Mostly we’ve come to an unspoken agreement to not talk politics. Anyway, I’m asking about friends and not family because, as they say, you choose your friends and I’m asking about competing beliefs, not just those that are different. Attaching poll.

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I do have a few librul friends however they do not take their ideology to the hateful level that many of the leftists here do. I do not discuss politics with them everytime I see them, however we do have civil arguments about politics at times.

Taxman said:

I do not associate with stupid people. I can't stand fake religious people. There fore I have only one friend.

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Your reflection in the mirror doesn't count...

Yes of course but IRL i dont know many extremists . . . while I identify as independent and i have friends left and right the vast majority tend to be NORMAL. We disagree but not really that much and not with the dishonesty and hate of extremists. Our views are logical whether they match or not,. Its not some of the insanity you see in media or internet. The couple that are extreme, they actually prove time and time again they know some of the least about politics and government than anybody, they only know talking points.

X Factor said:

I definitely do,

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It depends heavily on your definition of good. Basically, when I learn that someone I know(and this includes my parents) voted for Donald Trump my respect for them immediately plummets. I maintain relationships with them because of I kind of need to for network purposes, but there's really no way that I can respect them from that point further.

Trump supporters are basically like the dead people that the kid from the sixth sense sees all the time. I see them out walking around. They don't even realize their stupid. But I know they're not going anywhere so I have to try and learn how to deal with them.

X Factor said:

Do you have good friends who have political beliefs that are opposite of yours?

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I assume you ask this question in order to gain perspective on how other people deal with the difficulties of handling incompatible views within a social group.

My answer is "Sure".
I think the world would be a better place under my despotic rule. My friends are terrified by the idea and would actively participate in any resistance movement that popped up.
When not taken ad absurdum, lesser degrees of this phenomena describes almost everyone I know. Only the circumstances change.

Friend #1 used to be a private sector right winger. Then he got a public sector job, and has been moving steadily left ever since.
Friend #2 came from an old-school social democrat family. Until he moved to a Muslim ghetto, after which he has been moving steadily right.
Friend #3 doesn't seem to have any political opinions except on issues that directly affect him. Then he sides with whatever happens to benefit him the most.
Friend #4 is self employed, makes lots of money, and is a Libertarian.
Same phenomena could be observed in family, acquaintances, and myself. I love my mom, but I find it unsettling how much she has started focusing on the political subject of pensioner rights after she became one, compared to the degree with which she cared about the subject before.

Some time before making the above observations, I resolved that in order to remain honest with oneself and attain personal growth, one must determine which principles one believes in and adhere to them rather than just coasting along. Regrettably, I have met very few people in this world who have actively made such a decision, as most people just seem to act according to their programming. I've found that most people are quite content to do the right thing as long as it doesn't cost them anything. When it does, they tend to start bending the rules, dependent on the strength of their convictions.
Having made this observation, it came as no particular surprise when I found myself drifting a bit to the left on a number of issues after bothering to actually research Conservatism (upper case C. i.e. Burke, Hume, etc.) instead of just self-identifying as such (lower case c). It isn't always a comfortable journey, but it feels worthwhile.

What *did* surprise me was how much it helped me remain comfortable with people who don't share my views, which is how any of this relates to my first stipulation (handling opposing views in various social groups).
That wasn't why I did it, but I consider the reduction in the number of instances where I want to punch someone in the face, because I find their views controversial, one of the top perks of the whole thing. These days I'm usually fine with just ending a conversation with someone who is looking for a fight instead of feeling the need to score "Interwebz p0intz" against them. It feels remarkably emancipating.

X Factor said:

I definitely do, in fact it’s true of most my friends but it isn’t always easy when you each have deeply held, yet opposing beliefs. Mostly we’ve come to an unspoken agreement to not talk politics. Anyway, I’m asking about friends and not family because, as they say, you choose your friends and I’m asking about competing beliefs, not just those that are different. Attaching poll.

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I am moderate to the right. My wife is moderate to the left. She's not an extremist and neither I am but we certainly butt heads from time to time. I try not to talk politics with others at all unless they have similar beliefs as mine. If they don't, I avoid talking about politics.

X Factor said:

I definitely do, in fact it’s true of most my friends but it isn’t always easy when you each have deeply held, yet opposing beliefs. Mostly we’ve come to an unspoken agreement to not talk politics. Anyway, I’m asking about friends and not family because, as they say, you choose your friends and I’m asking about competing beliefs, not just those that are different. Attaching poll.

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Well, I'm friends with you, ain't I? lolz

My brother's political ideology was the direct opposite of mine and we both tended to be explosive when it came to politics, so, when he visited, we'd talk about other things and wouldn't go near a political subject for the entire time. We'd debate other subjects (we both loved to debate) but never politics. This led to a few periods of non-communication between us.

X Factor said:

I definitely do, in fact it’s true of most my friends but it isn’t always easy when you each have deeply held, yet opposing beliefs. Mostly we’ve come to an unspoken agreement to not talk politics. Anyway, I’m asking about friends and not family because, as they say, you choose your friends and I’m asking about competing beliefs, not just those that are different. Attaching poll.

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Yes. Both on here, and in real life.

Facebook is where friendships are broken over politics. Don't do it.

I had a high school friend on Facebook several years ago. This was back when I stupidly posted some political stuff there. She was PISSED about my political ideas. She unfriended me and I haven't heard from her since.

I also lost a friend from college during the George Zimmerman trial. She's black and was firmly for the death penalty for George Zimmerman. We were talking back and forth about the trial and she admitted she wasn't even watching it. I watched every second of it and was trying to tell her that there was reasonable doubt. She got so mad at me, called me names and unfriended me. Sigh.

I haven't talked politics on FB since except to post this during the election:



Politics is a stupid reason to break a friendship. I don't talk politics with my friends anymore - especially the more progressive ones. One of my friends tried to talk to me about gun control once and I just kinda hemmed and hawed and changed the topic. It would've turned into an argument.

In terms of dating, significant others - there's no way in Hades that I would date someone with completely opposite views as me. There's no way to not talk about politics and it would just create tension and arguments. Not into that.

Tres1B said:

"Lean: Progressive"

Oh okay.

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Probably itsforthekids' lean is liberal to slightly liberal. Look at itfor's signature. Is a Trump fan.

Most liberals in the dem party have been ostracized and one even became president (Trump).
Maybe itsfor… is attempting to avoid grief or is a budding GOP?

Skeptic Bob said:

Absolutely. But we enjoy debating politics. It is fun. Of course we aren’t the kind of people who take such debates personally. It is like putting on boxing gloves and having a friendly spar or playing a game of chess. I don’t think I could be good friends with someone who couldn’t have a political discussion without getting their feelings hurt. Now, I have family members who I don’t discuss politics with because they DO take it personally. But you can’t pick your family.

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Military Culture helps a lot in this regard - you lead off by insulting them with a wildly hyperbolic, insane version of a strawman of their beliefs, so that they can respond in kind. Then, having established that both of you trust each other enough to abuse each other, you can actually have a decent conversation.

I do, a number of them from various ends of the spectrum. Generally, I've taken to not discussing politics with them. It used to be something that, amongst close friends and in the right setting, I found interesting. We could have discussions and reach disagreements without being overly heated or insulting towards each other, and at times could even give each of us pause. However, over the past couple of years it's gotten very different, growing from discussions to "I'm going to rant about what I want and then I'm going to rant at you if you don't agree 100% with it". Just determined it's not really worth it.

I have one very liberal friend who I meet with for happy hour usually once a month and we'll talk a decent bit of politics, as he actually still can talk about it with a level head and without ridiculousness and respect for what I'm actually saying as opposed to just applying things to me that I didn't actually say. He's the oddity though.

Yes, I do have friends and family who hold their beliefs as dearly as I do. With some, I have an agreement not to touch on those subjects. With others it's unspoken. Still with others, I don't react to them when they make comments I don't agree with or bring up my own opinions.

FallingUp said:

My husband is a super conservative (white) guy who was mad that Rosanne got fired, never heard of the guys getting arrested at Starbucks, and was mad at kneeling football players until we debated it. I'm a independent but left leaning (black) chick who hates guns- my husband owns two, understands the original purpose of Black Lives Matter (not the perverted-terror one), and often thinks "I shoulda just voted for Hillary" (I didnt vote for Trump either). We're pretty different politically but we love each other.

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Holy mackerel, I have two dear friends who live down in NC who are the same as you two.
He's a white ultra conservative retired Marine, owns guns, has pretty much the same outlook, and he's married to a somewhat liberal black lady and they have kids who are all over the map.
I do not know who she voted for however. I should probably ask her but I am closer with her husband, as we've known each other since second grade. He's been driving me nuts ever since we met.

In some respects, I would love to be friends with more tRump supporters. Diversification of one's social circle is a good thing.

However, it is very, very difficult for me to be friends with anyone who judges people's humanities based on their identities. I have no time for that ****.

SheWolf said:

I have a friend, I have posted about her before, and she can say some racist stuff sometimes. We don't agree on politics either. I tend to ignore it when it happens, and say nothing to her directly. She has even said some personal things about culture and religion that offended me, and I ignored that too, for the most part. She later kind of apologized to me. I feel sorry for her in some ways. It's kind of sad she has bigoted views, and I think she learned it from her family. I hope she can change, but she may not. I still consider her my friend, because she would help me if I ever needed it.

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Wouldn’t it be better to be honest about what you really think of her and if that kills the friendship, doesn’t sound like much of a loss to either of you.

MrWonka said:

It depends heavily on your definition of good. Basically, when I learn that someone I know(and this includes my parents) voted for Donald Trump my respect for them immediately plummets. I maintain relationships with them because of I kind of need to for network purposes, but there's really no way that I can respect them from that point further.

Trump supporters are basically like the dead people that the kid from the sixth sense sees all the time. I see them out walking around. They don't even realize their stupid. But I know they're not going anywhere so I have to try and learn how to deal with them.

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It’s “they’re” not “their”, oh ironic one.

OlNate said:

Well, I'm friends with you, ain't I? lolz

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Yes, I believe so and I do consider people here real friends. This setting presents its own challenge, doesn’t it? While it can be avoided in RL, can’t really help but to talk politics here.

Gina said:

Yes, I do have friends and family who hold their beliefs as dearly as I do. With some, I have an agreement not to touch on those subjects. With others it's unspoken. Still with others, I don't react to them when they make comments I don't agree with or bring up my own opinions.

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I know what you mean, Gina. I keep a lot of stuff to myself in RL. Thank goodness for DP when you just need a good rant.

X Factor said:

I definitely do, in fact it’s true of most my friends but it isn’t always easy when you each have deeply held, yet opposing beliefs. Mostly we’ve come to an unspoken agreement to not talk politics. Anyway, I’m asking about friends and not family because, as they say, you choose your friends and I’m asking about competing beliefs, not just those that are different. Attaching poll.

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I have differing political beliefs from my children and friends. We usually just don't talk politics.

MrWonka said:

It depends heavily on your definition of good. Basically, when I learn that someone I know(and this includes my parents) voted for Donald Trump my respect for them immediately plummets. I maintain relationships with them because of I kind of need to for network purposes, but there's really no way that I can respect them from that point further.

Trump supporters are basically like the dead people that the kid from the sixth sense sees all the time. I see them out walking around. They don't even realize their stupid. But I know they're not going anywhere so I have to try and learn how to deal with them.

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People like you, and there are lots of people like you, are the reason I have not been able to tolerate liberals for the past couple years.

That wasn't true for the decades before.

X Factor said:

Yes, I believe so and I do consider people here real friends. This setting presents its own challenge, doesn’t it? While it can be avoided in RL, can’t really help but to talk politics here.

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Ya, but we're all here voluntarily, we all know what we're signing up for. Disagreeing on it's own shouldn't be cause for ruined friendships, it's a debate forum, if the majority of what you're saying isn't contrary to what someone else is saying, you're doing it wrong. The majority of people on my friends list here are people who I have thoroughly enjoyed disagreeing with...haha... It isn't the disagreeing that makes me think someone is an asshole, it's how they do it...and even there, I cut folks a lot of slack, as I know I get punchy and start acting like a wise ass too... It's supposed to be fun, after all…

There will be some gaps that cannot be bridged...but for the most part people are basically the same. As I've said before, politics is just one thing.

X Factor said:

I definitely do, in fact it’s true of most my friends but it isn’t always easy when you each have deeply held, yet opposing beliefs. Mostly we’ve come to an unspoken agreement to not talk politics. Anyway, I’m asking about friends and not family because, as they say, you choose your friends and I’m asking about competing beliefs, not just those that are different. Attaching poll.

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Yes, I have many friends both online and in person who have very different political beliefs than me, especially on immigration. I think it's good because you can open your eyes more and realize you might be wrong on some positions. Even you X, I don't agree with you a lot politically but I can see you are a good person and that's what counts.

X Factor said:

It’s “they’re” not “their”, oh ironic one.

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Ah yes, attacking silly grammatical errors on an internet forum. There is no more obvious sign that I'm winning an argument then when people start to go for silly ad hominems like that.