A Social Experiment for the Male Forum Members. Have you ever Reported Female Sexual Assault?

[Bodi]

The poll assumes that the respondent has been assaulted, biasing the answer toward the "no". If you have never been "assaulted" then only the "no" response can be made. You can't report something that didn't happen.

It also says misconduct...

 

[Tanngrisnir]

I'm not the one being emotional here.

I didn't reference any emotion. You seem conufsed about what I posted.

 

[Former GOP]

That's fine, no women need vote. But you could also use 'experienced' then, instead of 'been a victim of.'

But if it was considered lucky or fun...why would someone report it?

Well you could ask the same thing of many women who were allegedly sexually harassed. Maybe it did happen, but how many women who report it 20 or 30 years later actually giggled and tolerated it, or even liked it when it occurred?

I've known both men and women who were hit on by the opposite sex in a way that could easily be considered harassment or assault but they seemed to be amused and even flattered at the time. If they truly hated it and believed they were violated they would have pushed the person away and reported it when it happened, not laughed or giggled at the time and then claimed to be a victim decades later!

 

[Former GOP]

I was taken advantage of but I didn't report it. But, yeah, women can be predators, too.

You better believe they can be especially in a position of power.

You didn't report it when it happened and that's your choice, but I hope you're not going to keep it bottled up and play the victim game 20 or more years after it happened.

I maintain that sexual harassment is a legitimate issue but it needs to be reported and stopped immediately when it happens, not decades later.

 

[Evilroddy]

Nope. I do have now ancient but fond memories of the occasional enthusiastic woman whose attentions were ...., "determined" and drunkenly resolute. To some I resisted their amorous advances and disengaged (because I was with someone else) while to others I succumbed to their charms (as I was single at the time). But I do not harbour any ill will towards any of these assertive lassies, just fond recollections. That having been said, I too have hit on women who were not interested in me and have always had the presence of mind to stop when my advances are not received well. So, while I may be insensitive to the sense of being put upon by others, I am not aware of going too far intentionally with women I was attracted to. When I do so unintentionally and am told to stop, I do. Of course this is all ancient history from the 70's, 80's and 1990's so I may have been operating under more liberal dating and hooking-up rules of engagement then.

Cheers.
Evilroddy.

 

[Cardinal]

3. Passing out drunk at a party when I was 16 and waking up woozy to a half-naked girl (I didn't like) trying to do the dirty without my consent (albeit Mr. Happy seemed willing until I woke up).

Well if Mr. Happy was willing then you must have consented.

 

[radcen]

Shouldnt you start with:
"Have you ever been the victim of sexual misconduct/assault?"

That would have made the premise much more clear right up front.

 

[radcen]

Used to be a serious problem at times when I was a young studmuffin. From gals I wasn't into, it got quite annoying, but no I never reported it. Just wasn't done back in the day.

Technically I was "raped" once, by modern standards. Gal I had decided not to sleep with got me drunk and had her way with me while I was three sheets to the wind. Even drunk, I was actually trying to say "no" and trying to leave, because I remembered she was crazy, but she literally wasn't taking no for an answer and I was too drunk to resist for long.

That was most of 30 years ago though; if I'd reported it then I'd have been laughed out of court.

Female --> Male spousal abuse is seldom reported because it's often laughed at by both the responding officers and the courts (if it gets that far).

 

[Captain Adverse]

That would have made the premise much more clear right up front.

Ummm, did you read the OP or just looked at the poll question?

However, I don't believe the statistics tell the true tale, since men seldom report the kinds of sexual misconduct women readily do...

So I ask, have you, my male peers, been "sexually assaulted" or "abused" in such ways, and reported it?

Simple Yes or No, because either you did or did not. The poll is anonymous to protect the innocent.

The premise is perfectly clear...if you read the OP.

 

[radcen]

You are so uninformed about this, it's almost comical. Why don't you read a little about male rape and male sexual assault before you just assume that men don't "see such acts as sexual assault." :roll:

Men come forward less than women because of this type of mindset.

Slow down. He's actually correct. He didn't say "all", nor did he even imply that. Of course there are some who would be highly offended and/or threatened by it. There is no such thing as a "one size fits all" category for stuff like this, no matter haw badly we want there to be one. It's very common for men to feel "lucky" about it, too. Especially shy introverted men who have a hard time initiating anything with a woman. Many shy introverted men spending a lot of time wishing some woman would make the first move, romantically and/or physically.

 

[Goshin]

Female --> Male spousal abuse is seldom reported because it's often laughed at by both the responding officers and the courts (if it gets that far).

Yessir, BTDT. I was looked at askance in court; she 95 lbs me 6' 225. Could have snapped her like a twig, but I was raised not to hit a woman; also knew that defending myself would land me in jail. Good thing I had skills or I could have ended up dead, given the objects she tried to brain me with.

That's ok... when all was done I got custody of my son and kept my house... she got mandatory counseling for several months, not that it did her much good.

 

[radcen]

Ummm, did you read the OP or just looked at the poll question?



The premise is perfectly clear...if you read the OP.

I read the OP. I actually didn't read the poll questions at all, and still haven't, yet. From your subsequent responses to others you seem to think you were quite clear. You were not. It was disjointed and all over the place. I eventually got your intent, and I am going with that, but it took some effort and some reading of other people's posts to fill in the gaps.

I'm sorry if that offends you, but if multiple people are all saying the same thing independently, I would suggest you stepping back and trying to be a little more self aware.

 

[radcen]

Well if Mr. Happy was willing then you must have consented.

You can't rape the willing.

 

[radcen]

Yessir, BTDT. I was looked at askance in court; she 95 lbs me 6' 225. Could have snapped her like a twig, but I was raised not to hit a woman; also knew that defending myself would land me in jail. Good thing I had skills or I could have ended up dead, given the objects she tried to brain me with.

That's ok... when all was done I got custody of my son and kept my house... she got mandatory counseling for several months, not that it did her much good.

I love stories like that.

Changing direction: Size means nothing. I've known some small women who were downright mean and could be vicious when maddened. I wouldn't bet against them if they were fighting Mike Tyson.

Even in the animal kingdom. How big is a wolverine? Even bears know to stay away from them.

 

[<alt>doxygen]

Sure. More times than I can count. Report it? Never. I usually took it as a compliment or an invitation (maybe welcome; maybe not), and went from there.

Only one of those incidents was something I'd even remotely call assault. That freaked me out at the instant it happened, but within about 15 seconds it became a huge, hilarious joke. I still enjoy telling people about it on occasion.

 

[Removable Mind]

Used to be a serious problem at times when I was a young studmuffin. From gals I wasn't into, it got quite annoying, but no I never reported it. Just wasn't done back in the day.

Technically I was "raped" once, by modern standards. Gal I had decided not to sleep with got me drunk and had her way with me while I was three sheets to the wind. Even drunk, I was actually trying to say "no" and trying to leave, because I remembered she was crazy, but she literally wasn't taking no for an answer and I was too drunk to resist for long.

That was most of 30 years ago though; if I'd reported it then I'd have been laughed out of court.

Excuse me, but you claimed that SHE GOT YOU DRUNK? How is that possible?

Prior to getting drunk, did you ever tell her what you decided...about not sleeping with her?

What she did was exploitive and completely wrong, if not criminal. You being drunk was no excuse for her behavior. But, she didn't get you drunk. You have to take responsibility for that.

 

[Captain Adverse]

Excuse me, but you claimed that SHE GOT YOU DRUNK? How is that possible?

Prior to getting drunk, did you ever tell her what you decided...about not sleeping with her?

What she did was exploitive and completely wrong, if not criminal. You being drunk was no excuse for her behavior. But, she didn't get you drunk. You have to take responsibility for that.

Interesting viewpoint.

Of more interest...do you also argue that when a woman drinks and subsequently alleges, "He got me drunk and took advantage..." that she must accept responsibility for that part of the scenario?

I mean, how does this distinction in any way affect the subsequent misconduct?

Just curious.

 

[Goshin]

Excuse me, but you claimed that SHE GOT YOU DRUNK? How is that possible?

Prior to getting drunk, did you ever tell her what you decided...about not sleeping with her?

What she did was exploitive and completely wrong, if not criminal. You being drunk was no excuse for her behavior. But, she didn't get you drunk. You have to take responsibility for that.

I've told the whole story before here. It was a blind date, I was new in town so I rode with her to see this band I liked at a bar.

At first I was pleased. She was a tall well-built redhead, which I've always had a thing for. But we had a long time to talk on the way to the place, and in the process I discovered she was ka-razy. I made a mental note "do not boink crazy woman."

I'd also told her that I had quit drinking, which was true. Even so, when we got there, she bought me a bourbon-and-coke. I felt obliged to sip on it for some reason... I wasn't accustomed to girls buying me drinks.

It was crowded and loud and I was paying attention to the band mostly for the next couple hours. It took quite some time for it occur to me that that bourbon I was sipping on never did seem to go empty.

There was this little table behind my elbow attached to the chair, to sit your drinks on. I finally looked behind me and saw several glasses of bourbon with a little booze still in them. She'd been swapping my drinks out when I wasn't paying attention.

Yeah I know... I was young and I really liked the band, what can I say. I was also ****faced enough by that point not to care anymore. I asked her "why did you do that" and she said "I thought you needed it" and I was drunk enough that I shrugged it off and continued drinking.

Some cute little blond came up and tried to get me to dance with her at one point, while Red was off getting me another drink. I was explaining to her that I was flattered but I was with somebody when Red returned, got up in her face, and staked territorial claims in no uncertain terms. Blond chick was a lot smaller and backed down.

I thought it was hilarious at the time, but I was very drunk. I probably should have considered it a warning sign.

So anyway she took me home with her... I could barely walk a straight line and was a little blurry on where we were at the time. When she started coming on to me I remembered there was SOME reason I was not supposed to boink the crazy woman, but it was all kinda blurry.

I tried the "well I gotta go home now" and started out the door. She literally grabbed me and pulled me towards the bedroom, laughing like we were playing a game. I may have mentioned she was tall and quite sturdy, and I was very, very drunk. "No really, I need to go home, I'm really drunk" I says, but she wasn't taking no for an answer and I was too uncoordinated and mentally out of focus to put up more than a limited resistance.

By the time she got nekkid and climbed all over me I was kinda like "I think there was some reason I wasn't going to do this, but... whatever." I know, but I was about 21 or 22 and self-control in the face of such provocation was very limited. And I was very drunk.

So the next morning I got up early and snuck out and walked home. It was a couple miles and I felt like the living dead, but I wanted to get away from crazy woman.

She called every day for a month. She was really pissed I wouldn't go out with her again too. I was also a little scared, because I couldn't remember if condoms had been involved in the evening's festivities or not.

 

[jet57]

Shouldnt you start with:
"Have you ever been the victim of sexual misconduct/assault?"

Nope: sexual assault is what it is.

The women's part in all this will come around soon enough, and the reactions will be very interesting.

 

[jet57]

That's fine, no women need vote. But you could also use 'experienced' then, instead of 'been a victim of.'

But if it was considered lucky or fun...why would someone report it?

What if a man had said that to a woman of sexual assault?

 

[Captain Adverse]

I've told the whole story before here. It was a blind date, I was new in town so I rode with her to see this band I liked at a bar.

At first I was pleased. She was a tall well-built redhead, which I've always had a thing for. But we had a long time to talk on the way to the place, and in the process I discovered she was ka-razy. I made a mental note "do not boink crazy woman."

I'd also told her that I had quit drinking, which was true. Even so, when we got there, she bought me a bourbon-and-coke. I felt obliged to sip on it for some reason... I wasn't accustomed to girls buying me drinks.

It was crowded and loud and I was paying attention to the band mostly for the next couple hours. It took quite some time for it occur to me that that bourbon I was sipping on never did seem to go empty.

There was this little table behind my elbow attached to the chair, to sit your drinks on. I finally looked behind me and saw several glasses of bourbon with a little booze still in them. She'd been swapping my drinks out when I wasn't paying attention.

Yeah I know... I was young and I really liked the band, what can I say. I was also ****faced enough by that point not to care anymore. I asked her "why did you do that" and she said "I thought you needed it" and I was drunk enough that I shrugged it off and continued drinking.

Some cute little blond came up and tried to get me to dance with her at one point, while Red was off getting me another drink. I was explaining to her that I was flattered but I was with somebody when Red returned, got up in her face, and staked territorial claims in no uncertain terms. Blond chick was a lot smaller and backed down.

I thought it was hilarious at the time, but I was very drunk. I probably should have considered it a warning sign.

So anyway she took me home with her... I could barely walk a straight line and was a little blurry on where we were at the time. When she started coming on to me I remembered there was SOME reason I was not supposed to boink the crazy woman, but it was all kinda blurry.

I tried the "well I gotta go home now" and started out the door. She literally grabbed me and pulled me towards the bedroom, laughing like we were playing a game. I may have mentioned she was tall and quite sturdy, and I was very, very drunk. "No really, I need to go home, I'm really drunk" I says, but she wasn't taking no for an answer and I was too uncoordinated and mentally out of focus to put up more than a limited resistance.

By the time she got nekkid and climbed all over me I was kinda like "I think there was some reason I wasn't going to do this, but... whatever." I know, but I was about 21 or 22 and self-control in the face of such provocation was very limited. And I was very drunk.

So the next morning I got up early and snuck out and walked home. It was a couple miles and I felt like the living dead, but I wanted to get away from crazy woman.

She called every day for a month. She was really pissed I wouldn't go out with her again too. I was also a little scared, because I couldn't remember if condoms had been involved in the evening's festivities or not.

IMO you didn't have to explain, although I appreciate the willing honesty.

It does not matter your state of inebriation; that does not transfer responsibility for being taken advantage of from the person who took advantage of you back onto you.

 

[jet57]

Did I claim that's not assault? It's assault and battery. Take the scumbag accusations elsewhere. I'm done with your underhanded bait thread. You have no interest in learning.

You are afraid of the subject so you bash the OP poster.

Nice... it's why we have problems in our society.

 

[jet57]

I was standing security in front of the barracks as Reagan's motorcade was leaving base. A girl I knew (wasn't dating or anything) took that opportunity to grab my junk and jump into my arms. Don't even get me started on my time waiting tables. There have been a few payroll reps that would come by the office and try to encourage my patronage by giving me a little show. I have no idea how one of them managed to lean over my desk on her elbows for so long. It must have hurt after the first half hour. Drunk chicks at bars? Check. Intimate touching in public? Check. Inappropriate innuendo in professional settings? Check. The list could go on for quite a while.

Women are insidious about how they sexually harass men. I wonder sometimes how it would be if men went to work or just dressed everyday with no underwear...

 

[jet57]

The poll assumes that the respondent has been assaulted, biasing the answer toward the "no". If you have never been "assaulted" then only the "no" response can be made. You can't report something that didn't happen.

The poll is supposed to reflect on female sexual assault. What if "Me Too" was open to men as well?

 

[jet57]

Used to be a serious problem at times when I was a young studmuffin. From gals I wasn't into, it got quite annoying, but no I never reported it. Just wasn't done back in the day.

Technically I was "raped" once, by modern standards. Gal I had decided not to sleep with got me drunk and had her way with me while I was three sheets to the wind. Even drunk, I was actually trying to say "no" and trying to leave, because I remembered she was crazy, but she literally wasn't taking no for an answer and I was too drunk to resist for long.

That was most of 30 years ago though; if I'd reported it then I'd have been laughed out of court.

Yeah; guys are supposed to dig that kind of stuff...